The many challenges to marriage

By Linda Chavez; a nationally syndicated columnist, is the author of “An Unlikely Conservative: The Transformation of an Ex-Liberal.”

June 15, 2007

This week marks a milestone in my life: I'll be celebrating my 40th wedding anniversary (two days after I turn 60). I've been thinking a lot about marriage lately as I've been researching marriage, divorce and out-of-wedlock birth rates in my ongoing debate about Hispanic assimilation.

Marriage is in trouble, among all groups of Americans. The divorce rate is down slightly – about one-third of all first marriages will end in divorce after 10 years of marriage – but it's no time to pop the champagne bottles. Marriage rates are down even more sharply. Fewer Americans are marrying today than anytime in the past, and cohabitation is on a sharp increase.

If you look at the factors that predict who will marry and who will divorce, my marriage didn't stand a chance. My husband and I were both 19 when we married – still teenagers, whose divorce rates are sky-high (nearly half of all teenage brides divorce within 10 years). He was Jewish. I was Catholic. His father was a doctor, mine a house painter.

His family was comfortably upper middle class; mine struggled to make it through the week on paychecks that weren't always there, especially in winter months when work for a painter was spotty. We were both in college, but the birth of our first son 18 months later could have doomed our education plans, especially mine. We both went on to complete college and attend graduate school.

So why did we beat the odds? By refusing to give up on the relationship, even when things were tough. Every marriage goes through patchy periods. But if you have kids – we have three sons, now grown – you owe it to them to do everything in your power to work it out. (Of course, physical abuse, drug addiction or severe alcohol abuse can't be tolerated, but most marriages that end in divorce don't do so because of these factors.)

My husband's personal commitment has led to professional passion, as well. He has spent the last several years promoting healthy marriage – first in the Bush administration as a deputy assistant secretary in the Administration for Children and Families, and now working to get federal and state money to strengthen existing marriages and help low-income couples learn skills to form better relationships and promote healthy marriages.

Marriage is one of the most effective anti-poverty programs there is. The poverty rate for black children overall has been stuck at about 40 percent for decades, but only 13 percent of black children being raised by both parents live in poverty, and this rate has been going down over the years, even though it is still higher than the national average.

But promoting marriage is an uphill battle. We have become, in so many ways, a disposable society. Don't like washing dishes or (heaven forbid) diapers? Replace them with paper, which can be thrown away. Last year's car isn't as shiny or cutting edge as the new ones? Trade it in for this year's model, even if it puts you greater in debt.

The wife is getting a little thick around the middle, or the hubby is losing his hair? There's always someone younger, better looking or more successful out there. In the past, there was social stigma attached to divorce. Now, the pressure on married couples is not to settle for anything less than perfect spouses and uninterrupted bliss.

Marriage isn't like that. It's hard work. Few of us can count on looking as good as we did in our wedding pictures. People change, for better or worse. Traditional marriage vows recognized this. Spouses pledged to honor each other in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, until death. The Catholic Church still uses this pledge.

But the trend today is to write hip, even funny, vows, which aren't really vows at all, like these suggested on a popular wedding Web site: “I promise to always make your favorite banana milkshake,” or “I vow to split the difference on the thermostat,” as Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston did when they married. And look how long that union lasted.

Marriage is a serious – dare I say, sacred – endeavor. It is also the foundation of our society. If children are to thrive, we must do more to encourage and celebrate marriage. I'll be doing my share this week.

---

me@rescam.org

Catholic schools: an asset to the whole community

By Stevan Laaperi; director of the Office for Schools of the Catholic Diocese of San Diego.

June 15, 2007

At the first public hearing for the Chapter 11 reorganization of the Roman Catholic Diocese of San Diego, federal bankruptcy Judge Louise DeCarl Adler said, “This is a case of enormous importance to our community.”

In the intervening weeks, public haggling over the assets of the diocese has been fierce, but much of the haggling has missed the point that the judge so correctly made. What happens to the assets of the local diocese is not just an issue for Catholics; it is an issue that will affect our entire region.

There are many ways to evaluate the value that the community receives from the efforts of the local Catholic Church – spiritual benefits, benefits to families, to the poor, to the sick and to the dispossessed. However, for the sake of a clear argument, we don't need to go any deeper than dollars and cents to begin to get an idea about what kind of community value the local church provides.

Simply put, the Diocese of San Diego saves taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars each year – multiple billions of dollars each decade – because it offers services that local communities, counties and the state would have to pay for if the diocese were to disappear.

As director of the Office for Schools for the diocese, I have the privilege of seeing how just one of the ministries of the local church – the ministry of Catholic education – adds to the community every day.

The fuel that runs Catholic schools is an ethic of personal sacrifice for the good of others. Catholic school educators are professionals who attain all of the credentialing that their public and private school counterparts attain, yet they make the sacrifice to work in Catholic schools for less pay than most of their counterparts.

Catholic school parents pay all the taxes that everyone else pays, and they have every right to the free schooling offered in public schools, yet they forgo this free education and sacrifice to pay tuitions for Catholic schools. And every person who donates to a parish or who contributes directly to the diocese helps to subsidize the education of every single child in Catholic schools.

It is this ethic of sacrifice – an ethic shared by teachers, parents and parishioners – that makes Catholic education possible.

Here, you might well say, “Fine, let the Catholics sacrifice if that is what they want. They receive something for their sacrifice.” And indeed we do. But the benefits of this ethic of sacrifice are felt far beyond Catholic parishes and schools.

Consider the following statistics.

In the last school year, San Diego public schools spent an average of $10,325 per student. Approximately half of this amount was funded by the state, while the remainder was generated by the county and the local school districts.

In the four Catholic high schools in San Diego County there are 3,745 students who are U.S. residents.

Based on the $10,325 figure, this means that these four Catholic high schools are saving taxpayers nearly $39 million this year alone.

Catholic grade schools in San Diego County have 12,433 U.S. resident students who, at $10,325 each, are saving taxpayers more than $128 million this year.

In sum, Catholic schools in San Diego County are saving taxpayers more than $170 million in this academic year alone. All of this savings to taxpayers is made possible by the sacrifices of Catholic educators, parents and parishioners.

Without even considering any of the other ministries of the local church, and without factoring in the additional schools that the local church funds in Imperial County, Catholic schools will save taxpayers nearly $2 billion over the next decade.

But this monetary contribution is just one part of the story. For example: By giving priority to moral and character development, Catholic schools foster responsible citizenship. Catholic schools also make great efforts to provide scholarships for needy, inner-city children. In addition, at least 97 percent of students graduating from Catholic high schools in the diocese go on to college.

Catholic schools are multicultural environments in which children learn to respect – indeed to love – one another. In these school environments, students from ethnic minorities receive particular benefits.

A recent study from the University of Chicago highlights this fact. The study, conducted by economist Derek Neal, compared the high school graduation rates of minority students from Catholic high schools with the rates achieved by minority students from the same socioeconomic backgrounds who attended public high schools. The students from the Catholic high schools, despite facing the same family and economic difficulties as their counterparts, graduated at a rate of 91 percent. This compares quite favorably with the 62 percent rate their counterparts achieved. What is more, the minority graduates from Catholic school went on to finish college at a rate more than double that of their counterparts.

In other words, Catholic schools provide measurable benefits to the students and families who attend them, especially when these students and families face economic obstacles. Attending Catholic schools helps young people from difficult circumstances improve their prospects for success in the rest of their lives. These young people then go on to contribute meaningfully to the rest of society.

But you don't have to wait for graduation statistics to find a world of value in Catholic schools. All you have to do is look at your tax bill.

Given these facts, it should be apparent why it is so critically important for Catholic schools in the Diocese of San Diego to remain viable and affordable for everyone, and why just and equitable settlements with plaintiffs should not undermine this objective. Catholic schools run on tight budgets and within sometimes razor-thin financial margins.

While I commend church officials who say they are willing to pay large settlements to plaintiffs who have been harmed by church ministers, I also worry that the imposition of massive settlements would drive Catholic education out of the price range of many low-and middle-income parents. The simple economic reality is that these children would end up in public schools, where the costs of their education would return to the taxpayer.

---

me@rescam.org

World religions

June 15, 2007

These are the 10 largest religions in the world, by the estimated number of followers:

1. Christianity 2.1 billion

2. Islam 1.3 billion

3. Hinduism 851 million

4. Buddhism 375 million

5. Sikhism 25 million

6. Judaism 15 million

7. Baha'ism 7.5 million

8. Confucianism 6.4 million

9. Jainism 4.5 million

10. Shintoism 2.8 million

SOURCE: ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA

---

me@rescam.org

I'm surprised that there are still 7.5 million followers of the Bahai faith surviving.

Didn't they nearly get wiped out in a mass purge a while back?

---

I'm surprised that there are still 7.5 million followers of the Bahai faith surviving.

Didn't they nearly get wiped out in a mass purge a while back?

There is a vibrant Baha'i community in the US.

I'm surprised that there are still 7.5 million followers of the Bahai faith surviving.

Didn't they nearly get wiped out in a mass purge a while back?

There is a vibrant Baha'i community in the US.

It's one of the few peaceful religions around. :)

---

I'm surprised that there are still 7.5 million followers of the Bahai faith surviving.

Didn't they nearly get wiped out in a mass purge a while back?

Baha‘is have had a very hard time in Iran since the rise of that theocracy, but elsewhere many survive.

I'm surprised that there are still 7.5 million followers of the Bahai faith surviving.

Didn't they nearly get wiped out in a mass purge a while back?

Baha‘is have had a very hard time in Iran since the rise of that theocracy, but elsewhere many survive.

The Zorosterists, Jews, Christians, and homosexuals don't really have it any better

under the kind stewardship of Shite Islam as practiced in Iran either...the

Dark Side of the Force is very strong with the Mullahs over there.

Imprisonment is usually the second option...the hangmans noose is the first.

Their most favored form of hanging is using a construction crane in a public square...slow strangulation.

...sorry, there are hundreds of pictures I could show, but that would not be "kid friendly."

---

Account frozen...

Oooo... A fight between unbelievers over false gods...

This aught to be interesting... ;)

You mean ought.
Actually, it's boring.
Lester just likes stretching threads with meaningless nonsense attempts to provoke people. YAAAAWWWWNNNN.

Dont worry, his mummy will shortly be reminding him its bedtime.....

Meaningless ? Provoke ? Facts are meaningless ? Just asking. My god might not be better than yours, but he is RICHER !

---

World religions

Let's not forget about the Atheists and Agnostics:

Nonreligious 1.2 billion (20% of the world population)

It would seem to me that they rank in at number 3... ;)

---

It may not be 1984 but George Orwell sure did see the future . . .

Which category do you fall into, Jeffrey?

---

me@rescam.org

Which category do you fall into, Jeffrey?

WW + PZ... ;)

---

It may not be 1984 but George Orwell sure did see the future . . .

Oooo... A fight between unbelievers over false gods...

This aught to be interesting... ;)

You mean ought.
Actually, it's boring.
Lester just likes stretching threads with meaningless nonsense attempts to provoke people. YAAAAWWWWNNNN.

Dont worry, his mummy will shortly be reminding him its bedtime.....

Meaningless ? Provoke ? Facts are meaningless ? Just asking. My god might not be better than yours, but he is RICHER !

Jesus saves, Moses invests, and Mohammad is on the dole.

---

Account frozen...

Oooo... A fight between unbelievers over false gods...

This aught to be interesting... ;)

You mean ought.
Actually, it's boring.
Lester just likes stretching threads with meaningless nonsense attempts to provoke people. YAAAAWWWWNNNN.

Dont worry, his mummy will shortly be reminding him its bedtime.....

Meaningless ? Provoke ? Facts are meaningless ? Just asking. My god might not be better than yours, but he is RICHER !

Lester's still boring me. YAAAWWWNNN.
I think his(?) tight pink thongs are cutting off blood circulation to his(?) brain. :)
So, let me get this straight: you believe that I have a G/god(dess) in which I believe?

---

Capitalize on this good fortune, one word can bring you round ... changes.

...have faith and believe!

---

Account frozen...

Look, he posted over here, too, lol.

---

Capitalize on this good fortune, one word can bring you round ... changes.

Which category do you fall into, Jeffrey?

WW + PZ... ;)

Which category do you fall into, Jeffrey?

WW + PZ... ;)

Wild women plus Persian Zoroastrianism?

---

Capitalize on this good fortune, one word can bring you round ... changes.

...you cannot resist the Dark Side...join me!

---

Account frozen...