Dear Friends,

It's midnight. I'm going to sleep to get up on time and get ready to see Dad off tomorrow.

Thanks one more time to all of you.

Good night and God Bless!!!


Beets

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Thank you for the update Beets. I will be observing a moment of silence tomorrow at 09:00 our time, which is 11:00 your time.
Once again God bless you and keep you safe tomorrow and always.

Bob

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What you do today you will have to live with tonight

I will observe a moment of silence, and think of your Dad and you at about 3.30 pm today. I think this will be about 11.30 am your time. I will again stop and think of you about noon today.

John

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It's good to be back amongst friends and colleagues

Good morning John and Bob...and all of you, my dear friends.

Well, I'm up and around, so I won't be late for Dad's funeral. I'm feeling sad this morning, knowing I'll be saying the 'Bon Voyage' goodbye. There's a strong sense of finality, of loss. But I'm glad that I'll be there to rest a hand on his coffin just before he goes in.

I feel your company with me and I think I'll be feeling your thoughts and prayers when it happens.

Thank you, my friends!

God Bless!!!


Beets

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Dear Friends,


Oh my goodness! I didn't mean to be posting so late! I fell asleep and didn't wake up until a few minutes ago. I'm sorry about the delay!


Today's Update:


After another really heavy night's sleep, I woke up at 8:00 a.m. this morning. I have an old but really good pocket tape recorder, the kind I used to use for dictation and the tape in it had a recording of Dad's favorite piece of music these last ten years or so, a recording of my Mom singing the aria "Casta Diva" from the opera Norma by Bellini. He used to play it over and over, ever since she died. So I made sure I had that.

I lay in bed for about 20 minutes thinking about the day. I changed my mind a bit about what I was going to wear. I'd originally planned to go dressed completely casual, but I remembered this morning that Dad had a bit of the 'Old World' formality about him. I remembered that as a child, I always had to put a tie and my navy blazer on for dinner; Dad liked us to dress up for dinner. I hadn't done that for many years, since my Mom died, in fact. Dinner wasn't the occasion it used to be. But when I took Dad to any eventful meeting, Dad and I wore more formal dress, a suit and tie in his case, a blazer and tie in mine. I have a balck blazer that my Dad liked me to wear on those occasions. An "eventful occasion"? You'll laugh at what that was. I'd have my blazer on when I took dad to appointments with bankers, stockbrokers, lawyers, and even for his regular family doctor appointments. Waiting in the car for him sometimes, I would have passed for a chauffer except for the absence of a proper cap. I decided that Dad would be better pleased, all in all, if I wore that blazer with one of my dozen interchangeable blue button-down Oxford broadcloth shirts, a pair of Chinos, and one of his favorite ties, a simple, quiet but lovely one, in dark teal with raised diagonal wavy green stripes, the whole reminding you of waves on the sea. So I showered and shaved and got dressed in that. I had exactly enough time to get ready, no more and no less.

I lit a votive candle for Dad, got his Siddur (prayer book), sat on the edge of his bed and recited the Yizkor for him. That turns out to be the wrong Prayer for the Dead (it's the one for New Years, Yom Kippur, the High Holidays..but that's another story.)


A Comedy of Errors occurred just before I got showered, although it wasn't all that funny. I got a phone call from the family. It was Mottie again, or so I thought. He said, "Your cousin Shloimi is on the phone, he wants to speak to you." Now that upset me. "NO!", I said vehemently, "We already discussed this Mottie": I'm at peace, I'm going to my father's funeral, I do NOT want to fight, I do NOT want to argue! I'm happy to talk to him after the funeral, but Not Now!" "But..But..This IS Shloimi. And I didn't call to fight and I didn't call to argue. I called to wish you well today, and that I'd like to fly over and spend a day with you, even though I have a bad heart and some lung trouble. I'm well enough to do it and I'd like to come and see you, maybe Mottie can come too."

Talk about putting your foot in your mouth! LOL

"Oh!" I said. I told him quickly that I'm sorry, I thought he was Mottie and I heard that he (Shloimie) was outraged at the cremation plans. He corrected me, saying "I wasn't outraged, I was deeply pained". I told him that with his health being that way a visit was out of the question, but that we'll talk later today, I have to get going to be ready. I don't know why Shloimie used such a roundabout formalized way of introducing himself. His cumbersome English made it sound to me that it was Moti that was speaking and that Shloimi was on a conference call with him. DOH!

I had just gotten dressed when the phone rang again. It was Gary, and he'll be picking me up in 20 minutes.

The phone rang again. It was the delivery man from the oil company, here to do a fill and to pick up two cheques from Dad (the last 4 drivers failed to do that). "Great!" I said, "I hope you can come right away." He'd be there in 5 minutes, but first he needed the cheque numbers and the amounts to bring me computer receipts. Thank goodness, I knew exactly where they were. So that got done.

Gary arrived, a bit late actually, but I decided not to fret. Dad would not be cremated without me, I decided. I got my tape recorder, coat and hat, and away we went.

We drove through the cemetary (I've just learned today that I've been spelling it wrong throughout, it's "cemetery"; too late to change now). This is a very large, very old, and immaculately kept cemetary; I'd never been there before. Started in the late 1700s it was replete with lovely stone carved monuments in a great variety of stone, decor, carved toppings, and so on. It was very scenic.

We finally arrived at the crematorium, which was at the back of an old two storey Victorian building with a sign that called it a "Columbarium". I asked what that meant, and Gary tried to give me an explanation, but I lost concentration on him for a moment and actually only caught something about a "collection of refined ashes". But nevermind, we had arrived. I was eager to be with Dad again.

There were two burly workmen on tractor plows close by and they came over as we got out of the car. Nice guys as it turned out, very cleanly dressed, no mud on their boots, so I take it they were the machine operators of the gardening staff there. We had arrived at the rear of the Columbarium and they unlocked it, we all went in. That was the crematorium. It was like being in someone's longer large garage. Paved concrete floor, most of it taken up by the burning chamber with a long rack of metal rollers in front of it (the conveyer), what looked like a very large dark green metal fusebox with lots of large colored buttons in it instead of fuses. Dad was there in his coffin with his name, date and time nicely scripted in black lettering at the left corner of the end away from the burner. He was supported on two simple wooden "A" stands and was about chest high to me. I asked which way his head was and they told me.

I went over to Dad and immediately felt his presence. I laid my hand on his casket near his houlder and his heart and gave him a kiss on where I thought his forhead was. "We're going to be alright", I told him, "Soon you'll be with Mom. God Bless you and keep you. Bye Dad, be well."

The workmen put him on the roller stand and then pressed some buttons. These opened the door to the furnace. There's a long chamber in front and a 3 foot square hole in the far back behind which you could see a bright yellow flame filled back chamber. I asked and Don (I think he said his name was) told me that those were the preheating flames. Once Dad was fully in the front chamber, the "afterburners" would come on where he was and those would cremate him. They would be on for about 6 hours. They would check and make sure he was completely ash, if not they'd do some more until he was complete. Then he'd remain there for the ash to cool for another 3 hours, a total of 9 hours altogether.

Another button was pressed and the rolling conveyer started. The other man (I forget his name) was at the side with the control box and after pressing a green button, Dad started rolling very slowly towards the front chamber. I had my hands on the back end of the casket, where his head was, as he was eased towards the chamber. As he slipped out forward from under them, I reached into my coat pocket, got out the tape recorder, and played the recording of Mom singing "Casta Diva" for him. It's a sad but lovely aria. Norma is a Vestal Virgin of ancient Rome, the High Priestess of them there. She is forbidden, of course, to have a lover, but tragicly falls in love, thereby breaking her oath, for which she will die. "Casta Diva" is the song of her lament for her sin, that is nonetheless filled with her tenderness for her love. Here is what it sounds like:

Angela GHEORGHIU - Casta Diva - Norma

So with Mom singing "Casta Diva" to him, Dad went on his journey beyond. It was a quiet but moving moment, with just the four of us present, together with Dad. It felt like being together with neighbours in the rural countryside. All I can tell you is that it was very nice.

They left the doors to the furnace open until the aria finished and then gently closed them. The afterburners were lit.

We shook hands all 'round, and Don was nice enough to tell me that nearly nobody comes to the actual cremation, that the music was heavenly and that this was the nicest cremation that he had ever seen in his 22 years there. That made me feel even better.

Gary drove me once more through the cemetary and back home. I thanked Gary, telling him he had been very kind to me and to a good man. He said quietly, "I know that." He then took out the contract for the cremation, I signed in several places (being a lawyer, I read it) it all being in order. We shook hands and parted, wishing each other well.

I spent the whole afternoon talking to my three cousins, Schloimi, Blimi and Mottie. It was very nice.


And that, my dear friends, is how we sent Dad off.


GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!


Beets

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. . . woke up quite early myself Today - and was pleased to see that You had left another note - Thank You Beets - the Lady J & i are glad things are workin' out thus far and that your day went well . . .

< Be well and know that We are All Friends of Yours @ SETI / Berkeley Sir

> Here's Hoping & Praying All shall be as You would like it to be . . . God Speed on All Your Affairs too . . .

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BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .

The same from us, Beets.

I am glad to see all went well, and the family were able to talk in the end.

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It's good to be back amongst friends and colleagues

That was quite a day!...And it seems like you survived it well...honoring your father with a fitting send off...What more can be said by me...but this...My thoughts are with you.

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PROUD TO BE TFFE!

Very honorable Beets, and thank you for sharing. God bless you buddy!

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Good morning Richard, John, Dan and Jeremy...and to you all, my dear friends!


Well so far this morning, I got up, lit a votive candle for Dad, sat on his bed and recited Kaddish (the correct Prayer for the Dead), had some breakfast (yeah..chicken salad sandwich, again), and fed Tippie the kitty. I also tried the CLR on the kitchen sink.

I had two phone calls so far this morning. I got a call from the local "Community Living" charity, asking if I'd like to leave them some clothes for pickup on Saturday for the poor. This call comes at a good time (even though I'll be a little rushed) because I know I have to begin the sad task of getting rid of some of Dad's clothes that can do us no further good. I told the lady "Yes, of course!". She had a very patrician voice and I could tell from her tone that she was really quite pleased. I guess that it's been slim pickings for her so far, this morning.

I also called the funeral home, asking to speak to the manager. I wanted to let him know that I appreciated the fine service that they had done for me and Dad, how good Gary and another undertaker Dave were to me, and to offer my services to help them grow their business. I told him I'd be praising them at both of the clubs I belonged to, that he should let me know if there's anything else I could do to help, a longer "Thank You" letter or some such. He thanked me very much and said he would think about it.

There's just so much cleaning up I have to do in the house, it's kind of daunting. But I figure that the best way is just to start in on things, take them one at a time, removing or cleaning whatever bothers me the most at the moment. A little plus a little plus a little will add up..I hope.

I'll also have to get down to sorting out the latest bills and calling some of the utilities to see how much is owing right now. I'll also have to go to the banks, and I'll do that I'll do that one today and one on Thursday. It's wearying to get into all that right now, but I have to make a start at it.

There's also the Will and Dad's income tax to look into. So there will be lots to keep me busy for the next couple of months. I'm going to fit a couple of hours in to think about things overall, to reflect a bit and/or to take a nap.

Have yourselves a good morning/afternoon as the case may be!


GOD BLESS!!!


Beets

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The wife and I were extremely happy to find everything went so smoothly for you with the cremation procedure. I am sure your Dad was very proud of the way you handled things. Although we didn't understand the words, the music was very beautiful, obviously your Dad had a good ear for great music.
Was very glad to hear that your family seems to finally come to terms with the cremation, and that there seems to be peace in the family. The best of all things to you Sir. Thank you for sharing what must have been a difficult time for you. If we can assist in any way, do not hesitate to PM.

Sincerely Tom & Josie H.

. . . woke up quite early myself Today - and was pleased to see that You had left another note - Thank You Beets - the Lady J & i are glad things are workin' out thus far and that your day went well . . .

< Be well and know that We are All Friends of Yours @ SETI / Berkeley Sir

> Here's Hoping & Praying All shall be as You would like it to be . . . God Speed on All Your Affairs too . . .

Thanks Richard!!! It was! :]]

The Bests to you and Lady J!

I'll do another couple of post and get a short nap, I got tired again. We'll talk later.

GOD BLESS!!!


Beets

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The same from us, Beets.

I am glad to see all went well, and the family were able to talk in the end.

Thanks John!!! The relations with my religious family has been turning out much better than I expected. Not that I want anything off them, but it's just plain nice, it feels good! :]]

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That was quite a day!...And it seems like you survived it well...honoring your father with a fitting send off...What more can be said by me...but this...My thoughts are with you.

Thanks Dan!!! I just realized that I've forgotten to say this: I've thought of many of you too, and of the kind words and advice and encouragement you've given me...and I still do.


GOD BLESS!!!

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Very honorable Beets, and thank you for sharing. God bless you buddy!

Thanks Jeremy. It's been good sharing. Honorable? I'm not sure how that applies to me, but thanks for saying so.


GOD BLESS you too, my good friend!!!


Beets

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That was a beautiful farewell you had with your father, Beets. No Viking King could have gotten a more beautiful cremation.

I am sure your father's spirit is very happy about how this took place. And good you still are in good standing with your family. That would have pleased him as well.

Now, take care of yourself, get some rest. Take your time to get ready for the next hurdle, all the legal stuff and dealing with his remains.

God bless you, my friend. :-)

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"I'm trying to maintain a shred of dignity in this world." - Me

The wife and I were extremely happy to find everything went so smoothly for you with the cremation procedure. I am sure your Dad was very proud of the way you handled things. Although we didn't understand the words, the music was very beautiful, obviously your Dad had a good ear for great music.
Was very glad to hear that your family seems to finally come to terms with the cremation, and that there seems to be peace in the family. The best of all things to you Sir. Thank you for sharing what must have been a difficult time for you. If we can assist in any way, do not hesitate to PM.

Sincerely Tom & Josie H.

Thank you so much, Tom! and to Josie too!

It's been good to share. :]]

And, as Dan has always said (and done on the forums) Peace is worth really striving for, really trying hard for. I'm honored to have followed in his footsteps here on the forums. (I certainly know that I've come a long way on these forums. LOL)

The same goes for family. I've had an unexpected bonus here from yesterdays long phone calls. It turns out that Goldie (Schloimi's wife) and I have some real natural rapport, we find it just so easy to talk to each other. So I've made another friend. That's a plus a plus, right there!

I sensed you and Josie with me yesterday, along with a few others. Thank you both, and

GOD BLESS!!!


Beets

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That was a beautiful farewell you had with your father, Beets. No Viking King could have gotten a more beautiful cremation.

I am sure your father's spirit is very happy about how this took place. And good you still are in good standing with your family. That would have pleased him as well.

Now, take care of yourself, get some rest. Take your time to get ready for the next hurdle, all the legal stuff and dealing with his remains.

God bless you, my friend. :-)

Awww...Thank You, Fuzzy!!! That's very good of you to say!

I'll do my best to take care of myself, and I'll follow your good advice and take a nap, right now.

We'll talk later.

GOD BLESS!!!

Beets

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Beets, I have just caught up with your thread and wanted to say "well done" for getting through it all as well as you have. What you have just gone through is one of the hardest things you will have to go through and you are a shining example to us all. I felt both sadness & happiness reading your post about your farewell to your Dad. I know how you must have felt writing it.

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Very honorable Beets, and thank you for sharing. God bless you buddy!

Thanks Jeremy. It's been good sharing. Honorable? I'm not sure how that applies to me, but thanks for saying so.


GOD BLESS you too, my good friend!!!


Beets

Your welcome Beets. I sure hope I'm as strong as you are when it comes time for me to have to go through this ordeal with my mom. She is doing a whole lot better, but I don't know how much longer she is going to keep on going. She's tough, but only time will tell. All those years of smoking really affected her, so it will only be a matter of time.

And when I said very honorable, I meant it that you honored your fathers wishes, which makes you very honorable, and very respected. I'm glad the family you have spoken with has accepted it as well. Stay strong. And thank you again for sharing Beets. :-)

Jeremy

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