They told me the more I walked in the hospital the better off I would be. I took that advice to heart and was hardly ever in my room during the day. I walked everywhere. At first it was very hard, but every day the more I walked the better I felt. Yes its a drag lugging an IV pole with you and your butt hanging out those studid gowns. (I did have my wife bring me my bath robe.)

I've passed by people in the hospital hallways in similar situations, and now I know from what you're saying, why. I used to wonder why they were wandering around.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

They told me the more I walked in the hospital the better off I would be. I took that advice to heart and was hardly ever in my room during the day. I walked everywhere. At first it was very hard, but every day the more I walked the better I felt. Yes its a drag lugging an IV pole with you and your butt hanging out those studid gowns. (I did have my wife bring me my bath robe.)

I've passed by people in the hospital hallways in similar situations, and now I know from what you're saying, why. I used to wonder why they were wandering around.

Adding to what I just said, as I was walking to my car this morning, in the hospital courtyard there was a man in a wheelchair with lots of stuff attached to it, and he was sitting there alone, looking very confident. He said good morning to me, and I said yes, it is. We both smiled.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

They told me the more I walked in the hospital the better off I would be. I took that advice to heart and was hardly ever in my room during the day. I walked everywhere. At first it was very hard, but every day the more I walked the better I felt. Yes its a drag lugging an IV pole with you and your butt hanging out those studid gowns. (I did have my wife bring me my bath robe.)

I've passed by people in the hospital hallways in similar situations, and now I know from what you're saying, why. I used to wonder why they were wandering around.

Adding to what I just said, as I was walking to my car this morning, in the hospital courtyard there was a man in a wheelchair with lots of stuff attached to it, and he was sitting there alone, looking very confident. He said good morning to me, and I said yes, it is. We both smiled.

:) That's nice! I imagine his self confidence would be higher than the average hospital patient though... in a wheelchair your rear end is safely parked... not protruding out a gown :)

Help! Dilemma. Been doing a bit of research on the internet into my friend's cancer and the numbers are really stacked against her :( (I did it to stop her from doing so because the internet can be a scary place for cancer sufferers.)

She was offered a trial which would involve pre-surgical chemo (combined with one of three new drugs) for six weeks prior to surgery, followed by further chemo afterwards.

She turned it down. :( Everyone has been telling her she should just go straight for the surgery (22nd May), which I can understand, but the recurrence rate for the stage she is at (down the straight to surgery and post operative chemo route) is 75 % within two years and 94% within five, with the cancer returning much more aggressively when it does. Survival rate at five years is below 40% :(

The trial is still open so has not reported it's findings yet, but it has reached stage three (one away from being licensed) and they've discovered one of the drugs is only effective in cases where there is no genetic mutation on a particular gene, so that test has now been incorporated into the process at the start of the trial. It suggested to me that the drug trial must be looking promising.

I've since found a preliminary report (at the end of stage two - in 2012) which was published in the lancet, and it has further convinced me she's made the wrong decision. :( Survival rates after five years are around 48% for those in the control group (receiving preop chemo without any additional trial drug) and about 55% for those with the gene mutation, and around 60% for those without the mutation and therefore suitable for the other drug.

I haven't said anything to her yet, but will be spending the day with her tomorrow. And today she told me that she thinks she's made the wrong decision because of the reaction of the nurse when she made it. There is still time for her to change her mind, but with her diagnosis having come so late, every day counts and she thinks she's wasted too much time already and should just follow everyone's advice and go for the surgery.

I will be a lone voice if I speak up. :/ My other half has gone so far as to say that I should say nothing, because I will upset everyone and it will be seen as my fault if the cancer progresses further between now and her starting the trial.

My sister who is a nurse says I must speak up, and that people will come to accept that that is what a good friend does.

What would you do? :(

Help! Dilemma. Been doing a bit of research on the internet into my friend's cancer and the numbers are really stacked against her :( (I did it to stop her from doing so because the internet can be a scary place for cancer sufferers.)

She was offered a trial which would involve pre-surgical chemo (combined with one of three new drugs) for six weeks prior to surgery, followed by further chemo afterwards.

She turned it down. :( Everyone has been telling her she should just go straight for the surgery (22nd May), which I can understand, but the recurrence rate for the stage she is at (down the straight to surgery and post operative chemo route) is 75 % within two years and 94% within five, with the cancer returning much more aggressively when it does. Survival rate at five years is below 40% :(

The trial is still open so has not reported it's findings yet, but it has reached stage three (one away from being licensed) and they've discovered one of the drugs is only effective in cases where there is no genetic mutation on a particular gene, so that test has now been incorporated into the process at the start of the trial. It suggested to me that the drug trial must be looking promising.

I've since found a preliminary report (at the end of stage two - in 2012) which was published in the lancet, and it has further convinced me she's made the wrong decision. :( Survival rates after five years are around 48% for those in the control group (receiving preop chemo without any additional trial drug) and about 55% for those with the gene mutation, and around 60% for those without the mutation and therefore suitable for the other drug.

I haven't said anything to her yet, but will be spending the day with her tomorrow. And today she told me that she thinks she's made the wrong decision because of the reaction of the nurse when she made it. There is still time for her to change her mind, but with her diagnosis having come so late, every day counts and she thinks she's wasted too much time already and should just follow everyone's advice and go for the surgery.

I will be a lone voice if I speak up. :/ My other half has gone so far as to say that I should say nothing, because I will upset everyone and it will be seen as my fault if the cancer progresses further between now and her starting the trial.

My sister who is a nurse says I must speak up, and that people will come to accept that that is what a good friend does.

What would you do? :(

Annie, I think you should tell her what you have found out. Then point her to that website study and let her make her own descion. In her own guts she feels something is not right with her choice.

Lets face it chemo sucks. But! If it were me Id do it. A clinical trial, Id go through it. And even if it didnt cure me, Somewhere down the road it might save some one else. But thats just how I think. I want to spend every last second I can with my loved ones.
When my time is up, Its up, But I wont ever give up.

I dont believe in not being honest with one who is facing a life ending crisis.
Ive seen that done once in my life. It has stuck with me for 51+ years. And Im 61 now.

Annie, I wish your friend well. And you, I wish peace of mind.

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[/quote]

Old James

What would you do? :(

Annie, I think you should tell her what you have found out.

+ 1 Thank you James! With those few words you've doubled my support. I needed it.

Then point her to that website study and let her make her own descion. In her own guts she feels something is not right with her choice.

Lets face it chemo sucks. But! If it were me Id do it. A clinical trial, Id go through it. And even if it didnt cure me, Somewhere down the road it might save some one else. But thats just how I think. I want to spend every last second I can with my loved ones.
When my time is up, Its up, But I wont ever give up.

I dont believe in not being honest with one who is facing a life ending crisis.
Ive seen that done once in my life. It has stuck with me for 51+ years. And Im 61 now.

I've done it for less than 36 hours :( and it's been awful. I really feel for you.

Annie, I wish your friend well. And you, I wish peace of mind.

:)

My father suffered a colon rupture in December 1990 due to NON-cancerous polyps, He had 5 surgeries in 6 years, and I am certain the loss of so much of his colon contributed to the other health issues which led to the fall/broken hip/repair/heart complications that led to his death in 2007.

My mother was diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer in June 2005. There were at least two tumors. Because she was almost 77, had COPD and an enlarged heart, and because of what Dad went through with his Ostomy, she opted NOT to have surgery. Her doctor gave her all the radiation and chemo he thought she could handle, and it reduced the tunors size to about half what they were when diagnosed. He estimated she had between 2 and 3 years from the last round of radiation, and Mom was happy with that. She died 5 months and 1 day after Dad, and except for a couple episodes of dementia during those last 5 months, she was alert, lucid, and pretty much functional until the last week.

Annie, tell you friend what you have found out, and let her decide. It could change her mind, and give her a much better prognosis. If you don't tell her, you may spend the rest of your life wondering if it would have made a difference, if she night have lived longer, and/or better, if she'd participated in the trial.

Tell her. Then it's her choice, and it will be easier for you both to live with the results.

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

My father suffered a colon rupture in December 1990 due to NON-cancerous polyps, He had 5 surgeries in 6 years, and I am certain the loss of so much of his colon contributed to the other health issues which led to the fall/broken hip/repair/heart complications that led to his death in 2007.

My mother was diagnosed with colo-rectal cancer in June 2005. There were at least two tumors. Because she was almost 77, had COPD and an enlarged heart, and because of what Dad went through with his Ostomy, she opted NOT to have surgery. Her doctor gave her all the radiation and chemo he thought she could handle, and it reduced the tunors size to about half what they were when diagnosed. He estimated she had between 2 and 3 years from the last round of radiation, and Mom was happy with that. She died 5 months and 1 day after Dad, and except for a couple episodes of dementia during those last 5 months, she was alert, lucid, and pretty much functional until the last week.

Annie, tell you friend what you have found out, and let her decide. It could change her mind, and give her a much better prognosis. If you don't tell her, you may spend the rest of your life wondering if it would have made a difference, if she night have lived longer, and/or better, if she'd participated in the trial.

Tell her. Then it's her choice, and it will be easier for you both to live with the results.

Thnak you Donald. :) I'm about to head over to see her. I'll post later and let you know how we got on. Best wishes to everyone in the meantime :)

Annie, you're a good friend.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I have just read the recent posts; and, I know that you are already on your way to see your friend. However; I wanted to put in my 2 Cents... I wholeheartedly agree with what's been said here. You must tell her what you've found. Let her see the Website(s) you've investigated. Tell her what she needs to know. Then, let her make the informed decision about what she wants to do.

Good luck Annie. We will be here when you get back.


God bless.

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TimeLord04
Have TARDIS, will travel...
Come along K-9!
Join Calm Chaos

Back many years ago my parent's had a farm supply store, we had chemicals that would floor anyone and even lead arsenic and Cyndie.
we had it all, my mother contracted cancer to liver due to the chemical's.

when it showed up to 60 % of her liver was gone and gave her 5 months, she died almost 5 months to the day.

now here is the kicker, her sister dies on the same day 2 years later and so dose the daughter=in-law 5 years. we call it black May 27 th.

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Cheers everybody
Life is short so don't sip
Beer speaks, people mumble

Hello :) - loooong day - but time very well spent. :) Thank you so much everyone!

Funny - for someone who had a lot to say, I spent much more time listening to her than talking, and gave her no advice whatsoever :) just let her work her way through everything that's been reeling around in her head... answered her questions with honesty and jotted down the ones I had no answer for, so that she could ask her cancer nurse them, if she wanted to. No one's done that for her yet. Just pelted her with well-meaning advice (and some truly mind-bending stuff about foregoing all the treatment options available to her and curing herself with herbal remedies instead - which she's forked out over £300 on already! Don't get me wrong, I'm not averse to alternative medicine - but I don't like seeing a hard sell being made to a frightened and vulnerable person, I really don't).

Outcome of all this? She rang her cancer nurse. :) She now knows that within fours days she could start treatment (not the three weeks everyone had been saying it would take) and that she can change her mind at any time and go straight to surgery within 2-3 days were she to do so.

You're so right... it had to be about informed decisions for her, no matter what hornet's nest I stir up for myself. She can make those now, and can justify them to others if she needs to. :) I did take on one very important battle for her before I left though. Her partner. I told him everything I'd told her, and how frightened and alone she was feeling by not being able to talk to him. Silly man hadn't realised :) He thought he'd been helping her stay focused.

Whatever she decides to do, I will be behind her 100% (and I think now so will he). :) Of course she's still frightened, but I can't remember the last time I saw her as calm and confident as she was when we said bye bye tonight. That felt good, and your support played a big part in that. So well done everyone!

So - what have I learned? That a lone voice seeking help on the SETI boards, is never alone :)

Annie, I have learned that sometimes just listening is the hardest part to do.
As for her partner. He was being stoic for her. Not realising that she wanted to talk about it. A guy figures that if I stay strong for her she wont be scared. Well it dosent work. Loved ones need to face their fears head on. And talk about it.

And I will tell why I have an aversion to lying to loved ones. I was ten years old when My dads father died of pancreatic cancer. That was back in 1963 I had not turned 11 yet. So I had no say in the matter. But my Grandmother decided that my Grandfather didnt need to know he was dying. My father did not like that decision at all, But went along with it.

Once I became an adult, dad would every once in awhile say his dad should have known he was dying. I asked him one time if he thought his dad did know. He said toward the end he thought he did. I knew that had botherd my dad.

As I think I posted this way up above I will still repat it. When we found out my dad was in the final months of his life we had a family meeting. The question was brought up should we tell him. I spoke up and said yes, for the above reason I just told you.

My mom told him, she said there were a lot of tears. But There were no lies either. We didnt have to pretend that all was well.

There are some question better nor asked, And I didnt ask, But I do think dad appreciated the truth being told to him. And when my day comes I expect the same.

Annie, I can say you have stepped up and done GOOD. And your right, No one is alone here.

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[/quote]

Old James

Annie, I have learned that sometimes just listening is the hardest part to do.
As for her partner. He was being stoic for her. Not realising that she wanted to talk about it. A guy figures that if I stay strong for her she wont be scared. Well it dosent work. Loved ones need to face their fears head on. And talk about it.

And I will tell why I have an aversion to lying to loved ones. I was ten years old when My dads father died of pancreatic cancer. That was back in 1963 I had not turned 11 yet. So I had no say in the matter. But my Grandmother decided that my Grandfather didnt need to know he was dying. My father did not like that decision at all, But went along with it.

Once I became an adult, dad would every once in awhile say his dad should have known he was dying. I asked him one time if he thought his dad did know. He said toward the end he thought he did. I knew that had botherd my dad.

As I think I posted this way up above I will still repat it. When we found out my dad was in the final months of his life we had a family meeting. The question was brought up should we tell him. I spoke up and said yes, for the above reason I just told you.

My mom told him, she said there were a lot of tears. But There were no lies either. We didnt have to pretend that all was well.

There are some question better nor asked, And I didnt ask, But I do think dad appreciated the truth being told to him. And when my day comes I expect the same.

Annie, I can say you have stepped up and done GOOD. And your right, No one is alone here.

I think that trying to be strong for someone else can contribute to us losing some clarity of perspective, if not all. We often do it at the bleakest of times when we're not at our best ourselves, and it tends to stop us thinking outside the narrow path we set.

I'm glad you had the courage to speak up James. It afforded your dad something he was unable to do for his own father. You can be proud of that. :)

James I hear you, My Brother(who is named James, though I called Him by His nickname of Jim) was dying of cancer/emphysema, He only had radiation treatment and pain medication(morphine drip), He lived the last year of His life in a hospital bed in His ex wifes front room where except for a Nurse that came in once a week His family took care of things, since His Tricare insurance would not pay for more than a month or so of a nursing facility(lifetime limit), chemo and surgery was ruled out even though He only had a 'spot' of cancer on His lungs, it took Him about a year to die and He was very scared of dying, in 2003 He fell 2 to 3 times, once He fell through the floor and He destroyed a piece of furniture(which I later repaired).

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The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's

After reading a lot here about the pain and suffering for everyone involved in a loved one's final time, I have to say my mother seems to be ok with death. We haven't ever discussed it, but there is just something about her that seems at peace with the transition. I get the sense that she is comfortable, and happy with the fact I am doing the best I can to take care of her, and she knows unequivocally that I love her. A few weeks ago I seriously thought she was going to die, but now I think she will recover enough that I can take her home, eventually, but that may be a couple more months.

I'm a fan of the tv show, Frasier, and there was an episode on this morning where Niles and Frasier go ice-fishing with their dad. No one had ever actually said, "I love you" to each other, but they do by the end of the show. One of the points of that episode was men have a hard time saying, "I love you", especially to each other and parents. Keep that in mind for any of you who are in that category, and tell the people you love how much you love them and give them a hug today.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

After reading a lot here about the pain and suffering for everyone involved in a loved one's final time, I have to say my mother seems to be ok with death. We haven't ever discussed it, but there is just something about her that seems at peace with the transition. I get the sense that she is comfortable, and happy with the fact I am doing the best I can to take care of her, and she knows unequivocally that I love her. A few weeks ago I seriously thought she was going to die, but now I think she will recover enough that I can take her home, eventually, but that may be a couple more months.

I'm a fan of the tv show, Frasier, and there was an episode on this morning where Niles and Frasier go ice-fishing with their dad. No one had ever actually said, "I love you" to each other, but they do by the end of the show. One of the points of that episode was men have a hard time saying, "I love you", especially to each other and parents. Keep that in mind for any of you who are in that category, and tell the people you love how much you love them and give them a hug today.

:) 100% AGREE!!

She has something good to look forward and a wonderful son who is there for her! You've suffered alongside her Gordon - and it's so good to see that you're finally getting towards the end of that dark tunnel. :)

After reading a lot here about the pain and suffering for everyone involved in a loved one's final time, I have to say my mother seems to be ok with death. We haven't ever discussed it, but there is just something about her that seems at peace with the transition. I get the sense that she is comfortable, and happy with the fact I am doing the best I can to take care of her, and she knows unequivocally that I love her. A few weeks ago I seriously thought she was going to die, but now I think she will recover enough that I can take her home, eventually, but that may be a couple more months.

I'm a fan of the tv show, Frasier, and there was an episode on this morning where Niles and Frasier go ice-fishing with their dad. No one had ever actually said, "I love you" to each other, but they do by the end of the show. One of the points of that episode was men have a hard time saying, "I love you", especially to each other and parents. Keep that in mind for any of you who are in that category, and tell the people you love how much you love them and give them a hug today.

:) 100% AGREE!!

She has something good to look forward and a wonderful son who is there for her! You've suffered alongside her Gordon - and it's so good to see that you're finally getting towards the end of that dark tunnel. :)

A dark tunnel with the light at the end, as dying is described. She will find her peace Gordon, don't worry about that.

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

A certain someone went to see her nurse today :)

Tomorrow I am accompanying her to the hospital to start her drug trial. :)

A certain someone went to see her nurse today :)

Tomorrow I am accompanying her to the hospital to start her drug trial. :)

I took My neighbor to the Hospital on Tuesday(surgery on Her left eye) and to the Doctor to have Her new cornea(lens) implant checked, driving to Barstow twice in one week, that's tiring.

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The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's