THE Joke Thread . . . CLOSED

Message boards : Cafe SETI : THE Joke Thread . . . CLOSED
Message board moderation

To post messages, you must log in.

Previous · 1 . . . 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 . . . 32 · Next

AuthorMessage
Profile Matthew Love
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Sep 99
Posts: 7763
Credit: 879,151
RAC: 0
United States
Message 863266 - Posted: 7 Feb 2009, 21:32:28 UTC

I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
Woody Allen

LETS BEGIN IN 2010
ID: 863266 · Report as offensive
Profile klc53*
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 14 Nov 07
Posts: 3052
Credit: 7,320,707
RAC: 0
Message 863268 - Posted: 7 Feb 2009, 21:35:39 UTC

Q: What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

A: Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.
ID: 863268 · Report as offensive
Profile Matthew Love
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Sep 99
Posts: 7763
Credit: 879,151
RAC: 0
United States
Message 863269 - Posted: 7 Feb 2009, 21:41:15 UTC

Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night. One was assaulted.

LETS BEGIN IN 2010
ID: 863269 · Report as offensive
Profile klc53*
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 14 Nov 07
Posts: 3052
Credit: 7,320,707
RAC: 0
Message 863270 - Posted: 7 Feb 2009, 21:43:36 UTC

Q: How many IT guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, that's a Facilities problem.

ID: 863270 · Report as offensive
Profile Matthew Love
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Sep 99
Posts: 7763
Credit: 879,151
RAC: 0
United States
Message 863273 - Posted: 7 Feb 2009, 21:54:08 UTC

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

LETS BEGIN IN 2010
ID: 863273 · Report as offensive
Profile Matthew Love
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Sep 99
Posts: 7763
Credit: 879,151
RAC: 0
United States
Message 863274 - Posted: 7 Feb 2009, 21:54:59 UTC

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

LETS BEGIN IN 2010
ID: 863274 · Report as offensive
Profile Matthew Love
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Sep 99
Posts: 7763
Credit: 879,151
RAC: 0
United States
Message 863275 - Posted: 7 Feb 2009, 21:58:25 UTC

A default Sans Serif font walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve your type here!

LETS BEGIN IN 2010
ID: 863275 · Report as offensive
John McLeod VII
Volunteer developer
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 15 Jul 99
Posts: 24806
Credit: 790,712
RAC: 0
United States
Message 863343 - Posted: 8 Feb 2009, 0:30:34 UTC - in response to Message 863270.  

Q: How many IT guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None, that's a Facilities problem.


I heard that originally as:

How many Software Engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None: Thats a hardware problem.


BOINC WIKI
ID: 863343 · Report as offensive
Profile Dr. C.E.T.I.
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 29 Feb 00
Posts: 16019
Credit: 794,685
RAC: 0
United States
Message 863352 - Posted: 8 Feb 2009, 0:42:25 UTC

ID: 863352 · Report as offensive
Profile Dr. C.E.T.I.
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 29 Feb 00
Posts: 16019
Credit: 794,685
RAC: 0
United States
Message 863546 - Posted: 8 Feb 2009, 18:20:13 UTC

ID: 863546 · Report as offensive
Profile Matthew Love
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Sep 99
Posts: 7763
Credit: 879,151
RAC: 0
United States
Message 863565 - Posted: 8 Feb 2009, 19:37:09 UTC

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

LETS BEGIN IN 2010
ID: 863565 · Report as offensive
Profile Matthew Love
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Sep 99
Posts: 7763
Credit: 879,151
RAC: 0
United States
Message 863568 - Posted: 8 Feb 2009, 19:40:51 UTC

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, "For you, no charge!"

LETS BEGIN IN 2010
ID: 863568 · Report as offensive
Profile klc53*
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 14 Nov 07
Posts: 3052
Credit: 7,320,707
RAC: 0
Message 863571 - Posted: 8 Feb 2009, 19:46:28 UTC

Be Careful Out There:


IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.."

We haven't used Sears repair since.


ID: 863571 · Report as offensive
Profile Matthew Love
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Sep 99
Posts: 7763
Credit: 879,151
RAC: 0
United States
Message 863574 - Posted: 8 Feb 2009, 19:50:15 UTC

Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground.

LETS BEGIN IN 2010
ID: 863574 · Report as offensive
Profile Matthew Love
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Sep 99
Posts: 7763
Credit: 879,151
RAC: 0
United States
Message 864096 - Posted: 10 Feb 2009, 16:10:23 UTC

ID: 864096 · Report as offensive
Profile zoom3+1=4
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 30 Nov 03
Posts: 65765
Credit: 55,293,173
RAC: 49
United States
Message 864105 - Posted: 10 Feb 2009, 16:31:06 UTC

Those that won't help bail out leaky boats are doomed to sink and freeze to death. :o
The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's
ID: 864105 · Report as offensive
Profile klc53*
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 14 Nov 07
Posts: 3052
Credit: 7,320,707
RAC: 0
Message 864117 - Posted: 10 Feb 2009, 16:40:46 UTC - in response to Message 864096.  

E*TRADE banking baby and friends


Thanks Matthew, I love that little guy!
ID: 864117 · Report as offensive
Profile Matthew Love
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Sep 99
Posts: 7763
Credit: 879,151
RAC: 0
United States
Message 864193 - Posted: 11 Feb 2009, 1:15:40 UTC - in response to Message 864117.  

E*TRADE banking baby and friends


Thanks Matthew, I love that little guy!



The commericals are too funny.

LETS BEGIN IN 2010
ID: 864193 · Report as offensive
Profile klc53*
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 14 Nov 07
Posts: 3052
Credit: 7,320,707
RAC: 0
Message 864196 - Posted: 11 Feb 2009, 1:27:22 UTC - in response to Message 864193.  

E*TRADE banking baby and friends


Thanks Matthew, I love that little guy!



The commericals are too funny.


Yes, they have me with tears in my eyes...and I think it's the little fellow that makes it work so well.
ID: 864196 · Report as offensive
Profile klc53*
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 14 Nov 07
Posts: 3052
Credit: 7,320,707
RAC: 0
Message 864476 - Posted: 12 Feb 2009, 0:51:13 UTC

Our son's the coolest. We named him Owen 'cause that's what we figured we'll be doing for the rest of our lives.
ID: 864476 · Report as offensive
Previous · 1 . . . 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 . . . 32 · Next

Message boards : Cafe SETI : THE Joke Thread . . . CLOSED


 
©2024 University of California
 
SETI@home and Astropulse are funded by grants from the National Science Foundation, NASA, and donations from SETI@home volunteers. AstroPulse is funded in part by the NSF through grant AST-0307956.