DAN'S POETRY CORNER

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Profile Fuzzy Hollynoodles
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Message 537904 - Posted: 28 Mar 2007, 16:32:52 UTC - in response to Message 537867.  
Last modified: 28 Mar 2007, 16:33:12 UTC

I'm Better Than That

Hi back, Fuzzy Hollynoodles,

You wrote
I'm not Jonathan Ian (Mathers) who wrote this lyric.

Well, good heavens, I should have checked your profile rather than assuming that the attribution line was a signature block. At any rate, the comments still apply to the song. I'm glad that I didn't say something really stupid, such as, "Gee, Jonathan, you really should release an album."

Best,


LOL, he actually has. Four of them and several E.P.'s as you can see.

And I have a strange feeling that he actually reads here. Some time ago I started a squirrel thread, and not long after he had added a Squirrel News on the Web on his Foamy site. So maybe he had seen the thread and found it a good idea? One never knows who read these boards. ;-)


"I'm trying to maintain a shred of dignity in this world." - Me

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Message 538071 - Posted: 28 Mar 2007, 23:49:28 UTC - in response to Message 537904.  
Last modified: 28 Mar 2007, 23:50:15 UTC

We're Better Than That


Well Holly,

You said
And I have a strange feeling that he [Jonathan Ian] actually reads here.

If he does, at least I said nice things about his lyrics. Mama always said if you cain't say something nice, don't say nothing.

Sweet nothings,

LuneKeltkar
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Message 538511 - Posted: 30 Mar 2007, 2:06:49 UTC

The Party's Over

the bar is empty
an empty beer stands alone
on a vacant table
left by someone who's gone
the night is over
the morning has come
my eyes are weary
it's time to move on

i'm stone cold sober
as i look at the scene
like a thousand barrooms
that i've seen in my dreams
the party noises
have faded and gone
the party's over
it's time to move on

(2007 db michel)





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Message 538560 - Posted: 30 Mar 2007, 4:38:16 UTC - in response to Message 538511.  

The Party's Over

the bar is empty
an empty beer stands alone
on a vacant table
left by someone who's gone
the night is over
the morning has come
my eyes are weary
it's time to move on

i'm stone cold sober
as i look at the scene
like a thousand barrooms
that i've seen in my dreams
the party noises
have faded and gone
the party's over
it's time to move on

(2007 db michel)




GREAT work Dan, I felt the words!
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Message 538611 - Posted: 30 Mar 2007, 8:05:06 UTC - in response to Message 538511.  

Hey Daniel,

In
The Party's Over

you wrote
an empty beer stands alone
on a vacant table
left by someone who's gone

I can not imagine words put together better than you did here. The slant rime and the open vowels give such a visceral sense of emptiness. Sounds hokey, I know, but these lines made me hurt for all the people left to go home alone at closing time. How exactly did you come to write so well? Such as these lines:
i'm stone cold sober
as i look at the scene
like a thousand barrooms
that i've seen in my dreams

Good heavens, the wallop that words can bring.
LuneKeltkar
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Message 538632 - Posted: 30 Mar 2007, 10:33:37 UTC - in response to Message 538611.  

Hey Daniel,

In
The Party's Over

you wrote
an empty beer stands alone
on a vacant table
left by someone who's gone

I can not imagine words put together better than you did here. The slant rime and the open vowels give such a visceral sense of emptiness. Sounds hokey, I know, but these lines made me hurt for all the people left to go home alone at closing time. How exactly did you come to write so well? Such as these lines:
i'm stone cold sober
as i look at the scene
like a thousand barrooms
that i've seen in my dreams

Good heavens, the wallop that words can bring.

Thank you so very much for your comments!...The lines came from the melancholy feeling i had when i wrote them.

PROUD TO BE TFFE!
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Message 538700 - Posted: 30 Mar 2007, 15:54:37 UTC - in response to Message 538632.  
Last modified: 30 Mar 2007, 15:56:47 UTC

Daniel,

You said
Thank you so very much for your comments!...The lines came from the melancholy feeling i had when i wrote them.

You probably know this famous quote already, but Wordsworth said that poetry comes from "the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings from emotions recollected in tranquility." For the most part, people remember the "spontaneous overflow" part of this quote, but they forget about the "tranquility" part.

I have been studying your poetry over the past couple days, and I see that you have really brought tranquility under control, at least in your poetry. In this poem, for example, although you speak of an immediate situation, clearly you do so with a voice of tranquil reflection. It doesn't matter that the situation itself is painful; the reflective stance of the poem makes it bearable.

I know that these comments may sound like hogwash, and a lot of people think that poetry is too fragile to stand up to analysis, but I think that poetry is more robust than the prima donnas allow for. It's not enough that you write a good poem (and you've written a stable full); you also need readers who know how to read a good poem. Analysis is just another way of saying that your words are important enough for me to spend time with.

So let me get you a glass of good cabernet, then you dose in the corner armchair while I read a bit more.

Best,
LuneKeltkar
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Message 538728 - Posted: 30 Mar 2007, 17:42:42 UTC - in response to Message 538700.  
Last modified: 30 Mar 2007, 17:56:45 UTC

Daniel,

You said
Thank you so very much for your comments!...The lines came from the melancholy feeling i had when i wrote them.

You probably know this famous quote already, but Wordsworth said that poetry comes from "the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings from emotions recollected in tranquility." For the most part, people remember the "spontaneous overflow" part of this quote, but they forget about the "tranquility" part.

I have been studying your poetry over the past couple days, and I see that you have really brought tranquility under control, at least in your poetry. In this poem, for example, although you speak of an immediate situation, clearly you do so with a voice of tranquil reflection. It doesn't matter that the situation itself is painful; the reflective stance of the poem makes it bearable.

I know that these comments may sound like hogwash, and a lot of people think that poetry is too fragile to stand up to analysis, but I think that poetry is more robust than the prima donnas allow for. It's not enough that you write a good poem (and you've written a stable full); you also need readers who know how to read a good poem. Analysis is just another way of saying that your words are important enough for me to spend time with.

So let me get you a glass of good cabernet, then you dose in the corner armchair while I read a bit more.

Best,

I appreciate your analysis of my poems and songs...I rarely think of how they come to be...if there is any tranquility in my retelling of the wars waged within me...perhaps it is because you must be at peace with the wars in your soul...or they will consume you...

There are a number of excellent poems written by others in this thread...I hope you take the time to study them all...and thanks again for giving your attention to mine...they rarely get much notice...so i'm really pleased you that did.

btw...The Party's Over was written in memory of absent friends in a moment when i was dearly missing them.

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Message 538935 - Posted: 31 Mar 2007, 1:03:46 UTC - in response to Message 538825.  
Last modified: 31 Mar 2007, 1:05:49 UTC

By William Tomkins

And that same little mountain stream
Has always been to me
But one of Nature's many proofs
Of Immortality.


William,

I find many exceptional moments in your poem, but none so great as these last lines. No wonder the scouts demand it so much. Your poem reminds me of a famous one by Emily Dickinson. I hope that you don't mind a quote in relation to your own poem.

Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.

We slowly drove, he knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.

We passed the school, where children strove
At recess, in the ring;
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.

Or rather, be passed us;
The dews grew quivering and chill,
For only gossamer my gown,
My tippet only tulle.

We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,
The cornice but a mound.

Since then 'tis centuries, and yet each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses' heads
Were toward eternity.

--Emily Dickinson

The punctuation isn't the original as written by Dickinson, but I couldn't find a better online version. Editors have been forever trying to "regularize" Emily Dickinson. What a stinking shame. The words are correct, though, I think.

Best,
LuneKeltkar
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Message 538946 - Posted: 31 Mar 2007, 1:47:06 UTC

If you have a complaint about moderation,
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Provide details of the problem including details ...
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and why the moderation is invalid,
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And "I don't like this moderator because we said nasty things to each other in the past,"
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Do not spam the board with flames.
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Capitalize on this good fortune, one word can bring you round ... changes.
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Message 539002 - Posted: 31 Mar 2007, 5:28:07 UTC

"That's So Beautiful"

walkin' through a garden
runnin' in the park
chowin' on too much food
then dancing in the dark
how could it get better
when i've already seen the best
when i look at you
forget about the rest

(chorus)
that's so beautiful
(when i'm with you)
that's so wonderful
(don't need a thing)
when you call my name
like you do
like you do
(repeat)

makin' fun out of nothin'
just bein' where you are
stayin' out way too late
just cruisin' in my car
you make me feel so lucky
like the world unfolds for me
when i look at you
that's what i wanna see

(2005 db michel)

PROUD TO BE TFFE!
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Message 539008 - Posted: 31 Mar 2007, 5:44:42 UTC - in response to Message 538946.  

If you have a complaint about moderation,
we will be happy to take them into consideration,
but only if you email setimods at ssl.berkeley.edu,
providing a method of contact off the message boards where we can privately berate
you.

Provide details of the problem including details ...
of the post that was moderated.
All of this should be included in your e-mails,
even if the discussion is outdated!

and why the moderation is invalid,
for we realize you believe the worth of your the worth of your post is invalued.

And "I don't like this moderator because we said nasty things to each other in the past,"
even though old grudges tend to last and last and last,
is not a valid problem ...
despite your argument's volume.

Do not spam the board with flames.
These are but childish games!
That is not acceptable behavior.
Oh! And, please, do not spell your or you're "ur."


Nice poetry....
I went through a stint,
Where my poetry got bint,
Got told by the hoards,
That my opinion'd gone through the boards.
So I just back-ed off,
Let my posting get soft,
And that's just where I am now towards.

And if you just wonder why
Who it is, thee and thy,
I'll just say it is me and my kitties, Oh, My!!!
"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

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Message 539987 - Posted: 2 Apr 2007, 13:51:30 UTC - in response to Message 539002.  


> kEEp iT up Sir . . . *love's* abound & around . . .

"That's So Beautiful"

walkin' through a garden
runnin' in the park
chowin' on too much food
then dancing in the dark
how could it get better
when i've already seen the best
when i look at you
forget about the rest

(chorus)
that's so beautiful
(when i'm with you)
that's so wonderful
(don't need a thing)
when you call my name
like you do
like you do
(repeat)

makin' fun out of nothin'
just bein' where you are
stayin' out way too late
just cruisin' in my car
you make me feel so lucky
like the world unfolds for me
when i look at you
that's what i wanna see

(2005 db michel)

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Message 541829 - Posted: 6 Apr 2007, 13:24:19 UTC

Posts must be 'kid friendly':
such a poster performs enisle.
Posts may not contain content that is obscene,
that tends to cause a scene.
Posts may not contain content that is hate-related,
for we all know that hate is so out-dated.
Posts may not contain content that is sexually explicit or suggestive,
for we all know lots of people did it and that explains why so many people live.
No commercial advertisements,
like, hey, I rent apartments!
No links to web sites involving sexual content,
people can just go the back room of a video store an adult movie rent!
No links to web sites involving gambling,
and, hey, let's add in there blogs, since it's usually people rambling!
No links to web sites involving intolerance of others,
instead check out jazz pianist Bill Carrothers!
No messages intended to annoy or antagonize other people,
even those, on a Sunday, go into a building with a steeple.
No messages intended to hijack a thread,
we all know either it devolves into endless fighting or the thread ends up dead.
No messages that are deliberately hostile or insulting.
Only post messages after with Hillary Clinton's advisers consulting.
No abusive comments involving race,
because there's always someone else who can save better face.
No abusive comments involving religion,
nor calling anyone an Injun.
No abusive comments involving religion, nationality, gender, class or sexuality,
nor anything that refers to some sort of brutality.

Pretty good stuff, huh? :)
It can't be spam when the forum constructors have it at the left of every post box. ;)
Capitalize on this good fortune, one word can bring you round ... changes.
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Message 541875 - Posted: 6 Apr 2007, 15:56:28 UTC - in response to Message 539008.  
Last modified: 6 Apr 2007, 16:01:40 UTC


Nice poetry....
I went through a stint,
Where my poetry got bint,
Got told by the hoards,
That my opinion'd gone through the boards.
So I just back-ed off,
Let my posting get soft,
And that's just where I am now towards.

And if you just wonder why
Who it is, thee and thy,
I'll just say it is me and my kitties, Oh, My!!!


I love your kitty poetry!

Can we have some more of it? Please? Pretty please?


"I'm trying to maintain a shred of dignity in this world." - Me

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Message 541877 - Posted: 6 Apr 2007, 16:00:06 UTC - in response to Message 541829.  

Posts must be 'kid friendly':
such a poster performs enisle.
Posts may not contain content that is obscene,
that tends to cause a scene.
Posts may not contain content that is hate-related,
for we all know that hate is so out-dated.
Posts may not contain content that is sexually explicit or suggestive,
for we all know lots of people did it and that explains why so many people live.
No commercial advertisements,
like, hey, I rent apartments!
No links to web sites involving sexual content,
people can just go the back room of a video store an adult movie rent!
No links to web sites involving gambling,
and, hey, let's add in there blogs, since it's usually people rambling!
No links to web sites involving intolerance of others,
instead check out jazz pianist Bill Carrothers!
No messages intended to annoy or antagonize other people,
even those, on a Sunday, go into a building with a steeple.
No messages intended to hijack a thread,
we all know either it devolves into endless fighting or the thread ends up dead.
No messages that are deliberately hostile or insulting.
Only post messages after with Hillary Clinton's advisers consulting.
No abusive comments involving race,
because there's always someone else who can save better face.
No abusive comments involving religion,
nor calling anyone an Injun.
No abusive comments involving religion, nationality, gender, class or sexuality,
nor anything that refers to some sort of brutality.

Pretty good stuff, huh? :)
It can't be spam when the forum constructors have it at the left of every post box. ;)



LOL, good one, Sarge. :-D


"I'm trying to maintain a shred of dignity in this world." - Me

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Message 541922 - Posted: 6 Apr 2007, 17:17:23 UTC
Last modified: 6 Apr 2007, 17:17:36 UTC

UNTITLED RANT

The world ain't turning your way
someone else is always in control
they got what they got
from who they know
you want to make a difference
lay it on the line
but you play the same song over
every time

there's nothing wrong with your world
except your whine
there's no one receiving you now
it's the same old sign
it's all them bad debbils fault
(you say) someone should give them a fine
there's nothing wrong with your world
except your whine

The world would tear you to pieces
troublemakers break all the rules
they go to extremes
to step on your toes
you want to call the office
put an end to their lies
so you play the same song over
every time

there's nothing wrong with your world
except your whine
there's no one receiving you now
it's the same old sign
it's all them bad debbils fault
(you say) someone should give them a fine
there's nothing wrong with your world
except your whine
(d. b. michel)

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Message 542046 - Posted: 7 Apr 2007, 1:33:18 UTC

Dan, you get a gold star from me for your timeless insights...set to poetry.
Account frozen...
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Message 547263 - Posted: 16 Apr 2007, 17:51:27 UTC
Last modified: 16 Apr 2007, 17:52:54 UTC

Secret Message

a secret message hides between the lines
hidden there to hurt an old friend's eyes
it's sly to hide the hurt inside a smile
there are some who understand your style






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Message 548539 - Posted: 18 Apr 2007, 15:44:52 UTC

GET A LIFE
Music and Lyrics by: Chris DeGarmo, Geoff Tate

I've been wondering what's eating at your head?
The cheap way you handle things, the slander that you spread.
Making misery is the way you spend your time.
I think it's safe to say when it comes to truth you're blind

Whatever happened is over now for you.
With you there's nothing, that you wouldn't do.
Nothing you wouldn't do.

Now it's time to get a life, you gotta get a life.
Now it's time to get a life, you gotta get a life, gotta get a life.
This is my life

The faces that you show have everyone concerned.
But if they turn their backs to you, trust in you,
They'll learn.

Whatever happened is over now for you.
With you there's nothing, that you wouldn't do.
Nothing you wouldn't do.

Now it's time to get a life, you gotta get a life.
Now it's time to get a life, you gotta get a life, gotta get a life.
This is my life

Whatever happened is over now for you.
With you there's nothing, that you wouldn't do.
Nothing you wouldn't do.

Now it's time to get a life, you gotta get a life.
Now it's time to get a life, you gotta get a life, gotta get a life.
This is my life
Capitalize on this good fortune, one word can bring you round ... changes.
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