I'm in my house, relaxing, and my mother just called me from her hospital bed asking me when I was coming back to see her. I was just there a few hours ago, and I do love my mother, but I can't do 24/7 in the hospital. She sleeps most of the time, and when she wakes up she wants me there, and I understand that(I would be the same way in that situation), but it's too draining for me to be in her hospital room all the time. Her slightly demented state is affecting how she perceives things. I wish I could get in her brain and add some hard drive space, along with more RAM. If any of you are old enough, and grew up in the U.S., you might remember the old show, Lost in Space, and there is an episode where Will Robinson and Dr. Smith go inside the robot to fix him. I feel like that now, with my mother. I want to fix the situation. I can't do that sort of magic, so I'm trying to figure out what to do next.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I'm in my house, relaxing, and my mother just called me from her hospital bed asking me when I was coming back to see her. I was just there a few hours ago, and I do love my mother, but I can't do 24/7 in the hospital. She sleeps most of the time, and when she wakes up she wants me there, and I understand that(I would be the same way in that situation), but it's too draining for me to be in her hospital room all the time. Her slightly demented state is affecting how she perceives things. I wish I could get in her brain and add some hard drive space, along with more RAM. If any of you are old enough, and grew up in the U.S., you might remember the old show, Lost in Space, and there is an episode where Will Robinson and Dr. Smith go inside the robot to fix him. I feel like that now, with my mother. I want to fix the situation. I can't do that sort of magic, so I'm trying to figure out what to do next.

:( It's a type of hell you're in at the moment, Gordon. I wish there was a solution out there that would provide you with the space YOU MUST HAVE and soothe all her anxieties whilst you're away from her side. My mum is physically able and trails behind me every one of her waking moments. There are times when I could scream with the frustration of having her on my heels and breathing over my shoulder. She forgets everything I do for her, then, as a result, "remembers everything I haven't"

Every medical professional who has dealt with her has said my sister and I should put her in a home. I know if we did, her mental grip will be lost forever and rapidly. As long as there is recognition in her eyes of who we are, and I can make her smile and laugh, we simply can't do it, and I don't think I ever could. But I can at least share the caring of her with my sister. You don't have that release valve. You need to find some support. Someone who could perhaps visit her in hospital? Or perhaps, in the meantime, a recording of your voice reading a poem or something that she can play in between visits? DON'T feel guilty!! You're a wonderful son doing your very very best for her!! Irrespective of what you owe yourself, you owe it to her to keep well rested and fresh.

Try taking a step at a time for awhile and ignore all horizons for the moment wherever you can :)

Every medical professional who has dealt with her has said my sister and I should put her in a home. I know if we did, her mental grip will be lost forever and rapidly. As long as there is recognition in her eyes of who we are, and I can make her smile and laugh, we simply can't do it, and I don't think I ever could. But I can at least share the caring of her with my sister. You don't have that release valve. You need to find some support. Someone who could perhaps visit her in hospital? Or perhaps, in the meantime, a recording of your voice reading a poem or something that she can play in between visits? DON'T feel guilty!! You're a wonderful son doing your very very best for her!! Irrespective of what you owe yourself, you owe it to her to keep well rested and fresh.

Try taking a step at a time for awhile and ignore all horizons for the moment wherever you can :)

I've had a couple nurses, and one or two other people who don't know me or the situation very well say the same thing... that my mother will probably need to be in an "assisted living" facility for the rest of her life. I just can't do that. I agree totally with what you said about your mother losing her mental grip completely if she was moved into a strange setting. I always feared a day like this might come when I have to make the decisions, and here it is. You can try to prepare mentally, but you're never "ready". My mother knows I am going to quit my job to take care of her in her home, and while she obviously doesn't want to put me in that position, she also knows I am doing what I want to do. It is not a hardship to me. It is about taking care of my best friend.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

My mother knows I am going to quit my job to take care of her in her home, and while she obviously doesn't want to put me in that position, she also knows I am doing what I want to do. It is not a hardship to me. It is about taking care of my best friend.

:) you're lovely you are!

I found having a spouse die was the hardest thing Ive had to do in my life.

My mother was deeply in pain after losing her husband(my father). I'm not going to add to that pain by dying, myself. I am certain it would be the end for my mother if she didn't have me.

I was telling the story of that singer Nena (from 99 luftballons) to my daughter yesterday. Her child fell out of the window and died. She killed herself because of that. My daughter asked me if I'd do the same for her. I told her I lost Oonah already and I would do no such thing as long as I have someone to live for and that's Lisa en Yoko (my two daughters)

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

I found having a spouse die was the hardest thing Ive had to do in my life.

My mother was deeply in pain after losing her husband(my father). I'm not going to add to that pain by dying, myself. I am certain it would be the end for my mother if she didn't have me.

I was telling the story of that singer Nena (from 99 luftballons) to my daughter yesterday. Her child fell out of the window and died. She killed herself because of that. My daughter asked me if I'd do the same for her. I told her I lost Oonah already and I would do no such thing as long as I have someone to live for and that's Lisa en Yoko (my two daughters)

We'd want you to stick around Julie, it's hard to find good people like you.

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The T1 Trust, PRR T1 Class 4-4-4-4 #5550, 1 of America's First HST's

I found having a spouse die was the hardest thing Ive had to do in my life.

My mother was deeply in pain after losing her husband(my father). I'm not going to add to that pain by dying, myself. I am certain it would be the end for my mother if she didn't have me.

I was telling the story of that singer Nena (from 99 luftballons) to my daughter yesterday. Her child fell out of the window and died. She killed herself because of that. My daughter asked me if I'd do the same for her. I told her I lost Oonah already and I would do no such thing as long as I have someone to live for and that's Lisa en Yoko (my two daughters)

We'd want you to stick around Julie, it's hard to find good people like you.

Thanx so much Vic x I wouldn't want to lose you guys either

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

I was telling the story of that singer Nena (from 99 luftballons) to my daughter yesterday. Her child fell out of the window and died. She killed herself because of that. My daughter asked me if I'd do the same for her. I told her I lost Oonah already and I would do no such thing as long as I have someone to live for and that's Lisa en Yoko (my two daughters)

I didn't know that about Nena, and it's something I can't fathom going through. Every parent I've talked to says pretty much the same thing in that losing a child is the worst possible thing that could happen. My mother encourages me constantly, even in the situation she's in. She doesn't want me to be upset or worry about her. I had my teeth cleaned at the dentist this morning, and told my mother no cavities, and she smiled and said, "you always did have good teeth", and also told me she thought I was very handsome. ~A mother's love can't be beat.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I was telling the story of that singer Nena (from 99 luftballons) to my daughter yesterday. Her child fell out of the window and died. She killed herself because of that. My daughter asked me if I'd do the same for her. I told her I lost Oonah already and I would do no such thing as long as I have someone to live for and that's Lisa en Yoko (my two daughters)

I didn't know that about Nena, and it's something I can't fathom going through.

Unless there's a different Nena from the band Nena, I don't believe the story is true. She seems very much alive and kicking to me.

Ozzfan, your link suggests she is still pottering about this planet, so I'll do a smiley for that :) but there are a lot of people who - following personal tragedies, such as losing children, or other loved ones - aren't. The actress Romy Schneider was reported as having taken an overdose following the death of her son - who had been impaled on railings (although since then her cause of death has also been put down to a heart attack) and a few years ago I know of a mother near to where I live who killed herself after her two year old daughter fell out of a faulty tower block window. :(

I have a lot of people I care deeply about - several of them dependent on me too - and as long as a single one of them is around I wouldn't consider suicide. I would find a way of keeping going I think. If I were to lose them all however, I couldn't say what I would do... If I still had pets dependent on me, I would probably drag myself through till their ends at least. :) My mother did attempt suicide many years ago on one of the anniversaries of my brother's death. My sister and I were six years old at the time. She frequently talks now of doing something similar - but I always manage to make her smile again. :)

The bond that you have with your Mom Gordon is so heartwarming :) A mother's love definitely can't be beat! A dad's is nice too of course :)

I was telling the story of that singer Nena (from 99 luftballons) to my daughter yesterday. Her child fell out of the window and died. She killed herself because of that. My daughter asked me if I'd do the same for her. I told her I lost Oonah already and I would do no such thing as long as I have someone to live for and that's Lisa en Yoko (my two daughters)

I didn't know that about Nena, and it's something I can't fathom going through.

Unless there's a different Nena from the band Nena, I don't believe the story is true. She seems very much alive and kicking to me.

I know, got a few pm's and I looked it up, I guess my mom meant another singer. I'll ask her next time I see her, whenever that may be, she just returned from Mexico now.

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

I was telling the story of that singer Nena (from 99 luftballons) to my daughter yesterday. Her child fell out of the window and died. She killed herself because of that. My daughter asked me if I'd do the same for her. I told her I lost Oonah already and I would do no such thing as long as I have someone to live for and that's Lisa en Yoko (my two daughters)

I didn't know that about Nena, and it's something I can't fathom going through.

Unless there's a different Nena from the band Nena, I don't believe the story is true. She seems very much alive and kicking to me.

I know, got a few pm's and I looked it up, I guess my mom meant another singer. I'll ask her next time I see her, whenever that may be, she just returned from Mexico now.

Thr country singer Mindy Mcready died at the weekend I think. :(

I havent been ignoring this thread. Its just that the only care giveing Ive done is when my wife broke her hip and 3 years later fell and broke her pelvis and shatterd her left shoulder so bad they had to install a replacement joint. And she is left handed. To this day her mobility with her left arm is lacking a lot.

I know how tiring it can be to help someone you love very much. In fact its mind numbing. I still had to go to work and then take care of my wife.
I will say right off that Im not the guy that made the wife do all the household chores while I sat on my ass and watched TV drinking a beer. I do the laundry, Go food shopping. Help vaccum, I do my fair share of dishwashing, Both manuaul and dishwasher. But when I had to do everything and waite on her, Its overwhelming.

So Gordan my advice is dont try to be superman. You will get burnt out.
try and find some help so you can get some slack time also.
Just my 2 cents from an old guy.

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Old James

You will get burnt out.
try and find some help so you can get some slack time also.
Just my 2 cents from an old guy.

I hear what you're saying. I just have a hard time trusting other people. Right now, she is in-patient rehab, and will probably be doing that for 4 - 6 weeks. As soon as she's in good enough shape for me to bring her back home, I may use the Medicare in-home health option a little bit, but I don't like the idea of strangers in her house. Did you ever see the movie, Multiplicity? Michael Keaton makes copies of himself, but it doesn't work out very well... ;~}

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

You will get burnt out.
try and find some help so you can get some slack time also.
Just my 2 cents from an old guy.

I hear what you're saying. I just have a hard time trusting other people. Right now, she is in-patient rehab, and will probably be doing that for 4 - 6 weeks. As soon as she's in good enough shape for me to bring her back home, I may use the Medicare in-home health option a little bit, but I don't like the idea of strangers in her house. Did you ever see the movie, Multiplicity? Michael Keaton makes copies of himself, but it doesn't work out very well... ;~}

I can understand your point, But, I was lucky we had a next door nieghbor who help us both out. Plus I had duaghters who also played a big hand in keeping me sane.
Yes,There are some bad folks out there. But more good ones!
I fear if you do it alone,You will get frustated to your whits end. And thats not good either.
Keep an open mind and open options, And seek guidance with those who work in the care giving system. It never hurts to ask.

I say im old but im just 61.

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[/quote]

Old James

You will get burnt out.
try and find some help so you can get some slack time also.
Just my 2 cents from an old guy.

I hear what you're saying. I just have a hard time trusting other people. Right now, she is in-patient rehab, and will probably be doing that for 4 - 6 weeks. As soon as she's in good enough shape for me to bring her back home, I may use the Medicare in-home health option a little bit, but I don't like the idea of strangers in her house. Did you ever see the movie, Multiplicity? Michael Keaton makes copies of himself, but it doesn't work out very well... ;~}

I haven't seen it but probably should :) because... I've often thought how a bit of judicious cloning of myself could make life a lot easier - but then have pondered whether there might just more overburdened me's dragging themselves about on a daily basis looking for a rock to crawl under - poor things :) not sure I could do that to them :)

The right stranger can make a very good friend - but it is a process of trial and error so I can understand your wariness - particularly when your mum is vulnerable in more ways than one. But even 2 hours a week of pure "you time" might make a huge difference to your mental and physical health in the months ahead.

Your mum I'm sure is very different to mine - but the nature of dementia/alzheimers erodes the self-confidence of the sufferer. Anything you can do to restore that will help you and her. When my mum is with me, I let her do the washing up for example - even when there isn't any. It keeps her happy. But when she stays at my sister's for a bit she drives my sister nuts with it and now isn't allowed anywhere near her kitchen sink :) It takes me awhile to get my mum's confidence back. Still on that theme... A friend of mine, whose father suffers with dementia, buys him a small very cheap teflon coated frying pan every few weeks. It keeps him busy for hours - scrubbing away the coating till it's "clean". By the end he's flushed with success and she's had a really good break knowing he's safe and sound tied to the kitchen sink so to speak :)

Naughty? Nice! :)

...I had duaghters who also played a big hand in keeping me sane.
Yes,There are some bad folks out there. But more good ones!
I fear if you do it alone,You will get frustated to your whits end. And thats not good either.
Keep an open mind and open options, And seek guidance with those who work in the care giving system. It never hurts to ask.

I say im old but im just 61.

I'm learning every day. The stress and what not has addled my brain a little bit, and I'm showing demented signs myself. ~I'm kidding(some). As I've mentioned, I'm an only child and there's no other relatives, and I think it would be nice in some ways to have extra family help, but on the other hand I don't have any arguments about things(other than with myself!).

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I haven't seen it but probably should :) because... I've often thought how a bit of judicious cloning of myself could make life a lot easier - but then have pondered whether there might just more overburdened me's dragging themselves about on a daily basis looking for a rock to crawl under - poor things :) not sure I could do that to them :)

...But even 2 hours a week of pure "you time" might make a huge difference to your mental and physical health in the months ahead.

I will adopt my mother's old daily habit of walking laps around the Reservoir. That always made her feel better and cleared her mind. It's a very pretty setting up on a hill, about 3/4 of a mile around the city water supply, with an old stone pumping station at the top of the steps.

The problem encountered in Multiplicity was the copies degraded a little bit, because he was making copies from the copies, and just like zerox copies you make in the office that way, the sharpness goes down...

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I'm learning every day. The stress and what not has addled my brain a little bit, and I'm showing demented signs myself. ~I'm kidding(some). As I've mentioned, I'm an only child and there's no other relatives, and I think it would be nice in some ways to have extra family help, but on the other hand I don't have any arguments about things(other than with myself!).

:) Yes - I have days where, within minutes of my mum waking up, my brain has dribbled out my ears and I'd be hard-pressed to recall my own name. My ability to find things disappears and I can't even win the arguments I have with myself. :)

Stress is a known killer and can affect people for days/weeks/months. A decade ago a serious issue came home to roost & being ignorant of the system, had no where to turn as one was left to find things out for oneself.

On a Gloucestershire run one day, had a delivery to a lovely little village and on popping into the local shop found a fridge magnet which is still on the fridge today....

"Take time to look at the sky,
watch the birds and
smell the roses"

Several weeks later had a Rutland run. Driving between villages I came across the Rutland Nature Reserve. It is a fairly wide open space, no buildings, no noise, it is tranquil.

Since then whenever I get stressed for whatever reason & have time, I drive to that reserve as it's only 30 minutes or so away.

It works for me so one has to find what works for them and apply it.

No time? Make time It works. Why it works I don't know or care.

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