The point is not really discrimination, the point is that these dress codes enforce harmful gender stereotypes. IE they enforce that girls and boys should behave in certain way that conforms to certain gender stereo types. I am sure that the school also enforces a dress code that forces boys to look and behave in a way that is considered 'boy behavior'.

However, parents have the freedom to raise their children as they see fit. If they want them raised with certain gender stereotypes in mind then that is their right.

It sounds like you are promoting a system like the one in China during the Mao years, where everyone, male or female, regardless of position wore the same shapeless grey uniform and cap.

According to Mao, this was to show that all were equal.

You also forget that "stereotypes" come from the "public face" of any group. i.e. how the the most visible members of a group dress and act in public. This applies to all groups in society, be they men, women, motorcycle riders, vegetarians, hippies or whatever. Certainly, not every member of that group will match the stereotype, but a significant majority will, and if a person changes their group they will modify their dress and actions to suit. e.g. If a "biker" decides to become a hippy they will dispose of their leathers and boots and start wearing sandals and flower power shirts.

This is why I feel extremely sorry for the girl in question. She is being used as a stooge by her guardians to make a political point. When the girl was enrolled at the school her guardians would have been informed of the dress code, yet they chose to send her to school in non compliant clothing knowing it would cause trouble. Were they acting in the girl's best interests ? I don't think so.

T.A.

There is no evidence that the girl was not complying with the dress code. In fact, the school has said quite specifically that their complaint was not about her clothing or her hair.

A few facts to keep in mind:

The dress code permits girls to wear pants and makes no mention of hair length. (The dress code can be found in the parents' handbook .)

Sunnie had been attending the school since she was 3 years old. She is now 8 years old.

The school has suggested that some students/parents/staff have questioned Sunnie's use of the girls' bathroom. According to Sunnie and her parents one student reported Sunnie to a teacher for using the girls' bathroom and two boys tried to drag her into the boys' bathroom.

Sunnie has a wide variety of interests that include jewelry and hunting knives.

Sunnie asserts she is a girl and appears to have no confusion or conflict within herself on that matter.

She gets excellent grades and obeys the school rules except for that incident with the boys trying to drag her into the boys' bathroom when both she and the boys got in trouble for yelling in the hallway.

Her parents wished her to receive a specifically Christian education.

The school sent her parents a letter stating that the school could refuse enrollment to any student who lives in, condones, or supports sexual immorality, practices a homosexual lifestyle or alternative gender identity; and that Sunnie was at risk of being refused enrollment for the next school year.

The school has taken the position that although Sunnie is a good, well-behaved student who obeys the rules she is still not good enough. They have left it vague as to what specific steps she has to take to return to their good graces but I can see only one path. She must voluntarily give up the privileges (as given to girls by the school) of wearing pants and short hair, forgo any interests others might think reserved for males, and curb any personality traits deemed too "boyish". Although the school has girls' athletic teams Sunnie would be advised to avoid them. She should also avoid doing too well in science or math class, certainly not better than most of the boys. She must immediately and continuously monitor her appearance, behavior and thoughts to conform to the expectations of others and those others will let her know if, in their judgement, she is still insufficiently feminine and thus engaged in immorality.

Her parents are outraged that Sunnie may be considered immoral for simply being Sunnie. They believe the school is behaving in an unchristian manner.


Snags

Additional details are found in this AP article.

It sounds like you are promoting a system like the one in China during the Mao years, where everyone, male or female, regardless of position wore the same shapeless grey uniform and cap.

How on earth did you make such a massive leap of logic? I wasn't promoting any system, I was simply saying that the school wanted the girl to behave according certain gender stereotypes that are associated with 'girls'.

You also forget that "stereotypes" come from the "public face" of any group. i.e. how the the most visible members of a group dress and act in public. This applies to all groups in society, be they men, women, motorcycle riders, vegetarians, hippies or whatever. Certainly, not every member of that group will match the stereotype, but a significant majority will, and if a person changes their group they will modify their dress and actions to suit. e.g. If a "biker" decides to become a hippy they will dispose of their leathers and boots and start wearing sandals and flower power shirts.

I don't think you understand the meaning of 'gender stereotype'. That is not like being part of a biker group or whatever, it means that each gender is supposed to behave in a certain way. Boys need to be rough, girls need to be delicate, boys get to play with Legos and toy soldiers, girls play with barbies and my little ponies, boys wear jeans, girls wear skirts. Those are gender stereotypes. They are social constructs and they are harmful because they diminish individual freedom. On top of that, some people actively promote these kind of stereotypes because they believe that is how people are supposed to act. Men work, women take care of the household and are to serve the men, that kind of thing. These stereotypes are therefor not the result of the 'public face' as much as they are behaviors that are actively taught to people.

Now people become slowly more aware of gender stereotypes and the effects they have on people and a lot of people want to get rid of them, as honestly, why shouldn't girls get to play with Lego and why shouldn't boys get to play with My Little Ponies. If that interests them, why should they be punished by their environment for liking certain kind of toys. But still plenty of people think different and they want to raise their children according to these stereotypes and clearly this school had a similar philosophy. Which is their business, its their right as private school and it is the right of the parents to send their children to such a school.

I don't think you understand the meaning of 'gender stereotype'. That is not like being part of a biker group or whatever, it means that each gender is supposed to behave in a certain way. Boys need to be rough, girls need to be delicate, boys get to play with Legos and toy soldiers, girls play with barbies and my little ponies, boys wear jeans, girls wear skirts. Those are gender stereotypes. They are social constructs and they are harmful because they diminish individual freedom. On top of that, some people actively promote these kind of stereotypes because they believe that is how people are supposed to act. Men work, women take care of the household and are to serve the men, that kind of thing. These stereotypes are therefor not the result of the 'public face' as much as they are behaviors that are actively taught to people.

Now people become slowly more aware of gender stereotypes and the effects they have on people and a lot of people want to get rid of them, as honestly, why shouldn't girls get to play with Lego and why shouldn't boys get to play with My Little Ponies. If that interests them, why should they be punished by their environment for liking certain kind of toys. But still plenty of people think different and they want to raise their children according to these stereotypes and clearly this school had a similar philosophy. Which is their business, its their right as private school and it is the right of the parents to send their children to such a school.

Just what decade are you living in,the 1930's ?

My sister, who is approaching 60, wore jeans, climbed trees and did doughnuts in the family "paddock basher". She would race her brothers along dirt tracks on a standard push bike, no BMX back then

My daughter, who now in her mid 40's, played with Lego, rode mini bikes, wore jeans and beat up her brothers. When she got old enough to drive a car, she was booked for speeding.

Yes, she also played with Barbies, had doll's tea parties and pestered her mother to be allowed to wear make up. But these were HER choices. There was no-one standing behind her saying "as a girl you should (or shouldn't) do "this". Her friends were tarred with the same brush.

Her brothers could have played with "My Little Ponies" if they had wanted to, but they never showed any interest.

I can honestly say,that apart from younger brothers, I have never heard anyone say "You can't do that, you're a girl." Gender stereotypes have been dying since the end of the 1940's. I know because I've seen it happening. These days a female has choices. They can put on jeans and a T shirt or they can dress up in a slinky "little black dress" if that is their choice.

And that statement is the whole crux of the matter If That Is Their Choice !

T.A.

I don't think you understand the meaning of 'gender stereotype'. That is not like being part of a biker group or whatever, it means that each gender is supposed to behave in a certain way. Boys need to be rough, girls need to be delicate, boys get to play with Legos and toy soldiers, girls play with barbies and my little ponies, boys wear jeans, girls wear skirts. Those are gender stereotypes. They are social constructs and they are harmful because they diminish individual freedom. On top of that, some people actively promote these kind of stereotypes because they believe that is how people are supposed to act. Men work, women take care of the household and are to serve the men, that kind of thing. These stereotypes are therefor not the result of the 'public face' as much as they are behaviors that are actively taught to people.

Now people become slowly more aware of gender stereotypes and the effects they have on people and a lot of people want to get rid of them, as honestly, why shouldn't girls get to play with Lego and why shouldn't boys get to play with My Little Ponies. If that interests them, why should they be punished by their environment for liking certain kind of toys. But still plenty of people think different and they want to raise their children according to these stereotypes and clearly this school had a similar philosophy. Which is their business, its their right as private school and it is the right of the parents to send their children to such a school.

Just what decade are you living in,the 1930's ?

My sister, who is approaching 60, wore jeans, climbed trees and did doughnuts in the family "paddock basher". She would race her brothers along dirt tracks on a standard push bike, no BMX back then

My daughter, who now in her mid 40's, played with Lego, rode mini bikes, wore jeans and beat up her brothers. When she got old enough to drive a car, she was booked for speeding.

Yes, she also played with Barbies, had doll's tea parties and pestered her mother to be allowed to wear make up. But these were HER choices. There was no-one standing behind her saying "as a girl you should (or shouldn't) do "this". Her friends were tarred with the same brush.

Her brothers could have played with "My Little Ponies" if they had wanted to, but they never showed any interest.

I can honestly say,that apart from younger brothers, I have never heard anyone say "You can't do that, you're a girl." Gender stereotypes have been dying since the end of the 1940's. I know because I've seen it happening. These days a female has choices. They can put on jeans and a T shirt or they can dress up in a slinky "little black dress" if that is their choice.

And that statement is the whole crux of the matter If That Is Their Choice !

T.A.

Unfortunately your siblings are not the norm. I can assure you that gender stereotypes are alive and kicking, and my have even got worse since you were a child.

---

Reality Internet Personality

Girls can be anything when they grow up – until they start playing with Barbie

Just because kids have iPads doesn't mean toys have lost their impact. It's time to deconstruct the plastic blond bombshell – especially the swimsuit edition

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Reality Internet Personality

And that statement is the whole crux of the matter If That Is Their Choice !

Your anecdotal evidence is not representative of any norm as Es already pointed out.

But more importantly, you are mistaken in your assumption that children's agency when they appear to make choices. They aren't raised in a social vacuum, and peer groups are hugely important in deciding a child's tastes and opinions. You can buy a girl Lego but if all her friends prefer to play with barbies or My Little Ponies she gets unconsciously forced to accept that. So, her environment pushes her into a certain direction and into a certain role. And those that rebel against their environment risk being rejected by their peer groups.

The same goes for boys. What do you think would have happened if your boys played with My Little Ponies and their friends at school would find that out? My guess is that they would risk being bullied over it, because their environment perceives boys playing with My Little Ponies as unacceptable behavior. So sure, they technically have a choice every time you bring them to the toy store and tell them they can pick a toy. But that choice has already been made for them by their peer groups and their environment.

I don't think you understand the meaning of 'gender stereotype'. That is not like being part of a biker group or whatever, it means that each gender is supposed to behave in a certain way. Boys need to be rough, girls need to be delicate, boys get to play with Legos and toy soldiers, girls play with barbies and my little ponies, boys wear jeans, girls wear skirts. Those are gender stereotypes. They are social constructs and they are harmful because they diminish individual freedom. On top of that, some people actively promote these kind of stereotypes because they believe that is how people are supposed to act. Men work, women take care of the household and are to serve the men, that kind of thing. These stereotypes are therefor not the result of the 'public face' as much as they are behaviors that are actively taught to people.

Now people become slowly more aware of gender stereotypes and the effects they have on people and a lot of people want to get rid of them, as honestly, why shouldn't girls get to play with Lego and why shouldn't boys get to play with My Little Ponies. If that interests them, why should they be punished by their environment for liking certain kind of toys. But still plenty of people think different and they want to raise their children according to these stereotypes and clearly this school had a similar philosophy. Which is their business, its their right as private school and it is the right of the parents to send their children to such a school.

Just what decade are you living in,the 1930's ?

...

I can honestly say,that apart from younger brothers, I have never heard anyone say "You can't do that, you're a girl." Gender stereotypes have been dying since the end of the 1940's. I know because I've seen it happening. These days a female has choices. They can put on jeans and a T shirt or they can dress up in a slinky "little black dress" if that is their choice.

And that statement is the whole crux of the matter If That Is Their Choice !

T.A.

I grew up in the 60's in the rural Deep South (U.S.A.) and I heard a number of times that I couldn't and many more times that I shouldn't, do something, say something, wear something because I was a girl. I was small and soft-spoken but no one could beat me on my bike or climb higher in the trees and I spent most of my summer days out in the woods with my dog. (I also decorated a dollhouse and dressed up the dogs in doll clothes). My mother could not have cared less, my grandmothers fretted about me and the neighbors most definitely disapproved. They were too scared of my mother to say anything to her but they made sure I knew there was something not quite right about me.

I was first asked how many children I wanted when I was 6 years old and I stopped hearing that question only recently (the grey hair may have something to do with that). I left that small rural community almost 30 years ago but it has made little difference where I've lived; strangers, coworkers and acquaintances have all felt free assume the primary purpose of my existence is to have children and all decisions ultimately must accommodate this reality. And they are free to question and comment on this matter as if it is their business as much as mine. No one ever asked my brother or male cousins about marriage and children. Even living in a large, cosmopolitan city and working with younger people it still shocks people when I jump up on the table to change the light bulb rather than waiting for some guy to do it for me. And the comment is not to wait for some younger person to do it; even the younger women in jeans and sneakers are expected to let a man, even a much older, less agile, or less competent man do certain tasks.

All of that may sound trivial to you but it is merely a taste of the omnipresent expectation that females must cheerfully submit to the judgement of others, particularly about their femininity, at all times. No stranger, on the street or in an office, has ever told my brother to smile or commented on his appearance but I've yet to meet a woman who hasn't experienced this and been told they are overreacting if they complain or are a bitch for not being pleased by the attention.

I started practicing the art of disappointing the expectations of others at a young age but even so adolescence and young adulthood were pretty brutal. We may have all had choices but the pressure to make the choice that proved our femininity to others was intense.

Which brings us back to Sunnie Kahle and Timberlake Christian School. The school has said Sunnie has not violated the rules. Girls may wear pants, cut their hair short and play sports. But the school has determined that Sunnie, in some undefined way, does not meet their standards for femininity and so should be pressured to choose not to wear pants or short hair, play sports or behave in any way others might think too "boyish". She is being asked to actively monitor her appearance, behavior, attitudes and interests to conform to a subjective standard that others will define for her when she fails to meet it. This is what almost every woman I've ever known has experienced to some degree and I've known many who have regretted decisions they made or grieved the angst they felt under this pressure.


Snags

I don't think you understand the meaning of 'gender stereotype'. That is not like being part of a biker group or whatever, it means that each gender is supposed to behave in a certain way. Boys need to be rough, girls need to be delicate, boys get to play with Legos and toy soldiers, girls play with barbies and my little ponies, boys wear jeans, girls wear skirts. Those are gender stereotypes. They are social constructs and they are harmful because they diminish individual freedom. On top of that, some people actively promote these kind of stereotypes because they believe that is how people are supposed to act. Men work, women take care of the household and are to serve the men, that kind of thing. These stereotypes are therefor not the result of the 'public face' as much as they are behaviors that are actively taught to people.

Now people become slowly more aware of gender stereotypes and the effects they have on people and a lot of people want to get rid of them, as honestly, why shouldn't girls get to play with Lego and why shouldn't boys get to play with My Little Ponies. If that interests them, why should they be punished by their environment for liking certain kind of toys. But still plenty of people think different and they want to raise their children according to these stereotypes and clearly this school had a similar philosophy. Which is their business, its their right as private school and it is the right of the parents to send their children to such a school.

Just what decade are you living in,the 1930's ?

...

I can honestly say,that apart from younger brothers, I have never heard anyone say "You can't do that, you're a girl." Gender stereotypes have been dying since the end of the 1940's. I know because I've seen it happening. These days a female has choices. They can put on jeans and a T shirt or they can dress up in a slinky "little black dress" if that is their choice.

And that statement is the whole crux of the matter If That Is Their Choice !

T.A.

I grew up in the 60's in the rural Deep South (U.S.A.) and I heard a number of times that I couldn't and many more times that I shouldn't, do something, say something, wear something because I was a girl. I was small and soft-spoken but no one could beat me on my bike or climb higher in the trees and I spent most of my summer days out in the woods with my dog. (I also decorated a dollhouse and dressed up the dogs in doll clothes). My mother could not have cared less, my grandmothers fretted about me and the neighbors most definitely disapproved. They were too scared of my mother to say anything to her but they made sure I knew there was something not quite right about me.

I was first asked how many children I wanted when I was 6 years old and I stopped hearing that question only recently (the grey hair may have something to do with that). I left that small rural community almost 30 years ago but it has made little difference where I've lived; strangers, coworkers and acquaintances have all felt free assume the primary purpose of my existence is to have children and all decisions ultimately must accommodate this reality. And they are free to question and comment on this matter as if it is their business as much as mine. No one ever asked my brother or male cousins about marriage and children. Even living in a large, cosmopolitan city and working with younger people it still shocks people when I jump up on the table to change the light bulb rather than waiting for some guy to do it for me. And the comment is not to wait for some younger person to do it; even the younger women in jeans and sneakers are expected to let a man, even a much older, less agile, or less competent man do certain tasks.

All of that may sound trivial to you but it is merely a taste of the omnipresent expectation that females must cheerfully submit to the judgement of others, particularly about their femininity, at all times. No stranger, on the street or in an office, has ever told my brother to smile or commented on his appearance but I've yet to meet a woman who hasn't experienced this and been told they are overreacting if they complain or are a bitch for not being pleased by the attention.

I started practicing the art of disappointing the expectations of others at a young age but even so adolescence and young adulthood were pretty brutal. We may have all had choices but the pressure to make the choice that proved our femininity to others was intense.

Which brings us back to Sunnie Kahle and Timberlake Christian School. The school has said Sunnie has not violated the rules. Girls may wear pants, cut their hair short and play sports. But the school has determined that Sunnie, in some undefined way, does not meet their standards for femininity and so should be pressured to choose not to wear pants or short hair, play sports or behave in any way others might think too "boyish". She is being asked to actively monitor her appearance, behavior, attitudes and interests to conform to a subjective standard that others will define for her when she fails to meet it. This is what almost every woman I've ever known has experienced to some degree and I've known many who have regretted decisions they made or grieved the angst they felt under this pressure.


Snags

Great post. Thank you!

---

Reality Internet Personality

Great post. Thank you!

Agreed! Michele (my other half) has experienced similar things in her life. Interestingly enough, she's had other women discourage her from doing things that "only a man should do", or to take advantage of chauvinism by letting men do specific tasks so that women don't have to. This, of course, didn't sit well with Michele, whom hates being told she can't do something because she's a girl.

Then there was the argument with a male at a former workplace who insisted men were superior because they are the only ones authorized to drive tanks in the military.

I don't think you understand the meaning of 'gender stereotype'. That is not like being part of a biker group or whatever, it means that each gender is supposed to behave in a certain way. Boys need to be rough, girls need to be delicate, boys get to play with Legos and toy soldiers, girls play with barbies and my little ponies, boys wear jeans, girls wear skirts. Those are gender stereotypes. They are social constructs and they are harmful because they diminish individual freedom. On top of that, some people actively promote these kind of stereotypes because they believe that is how people are supposed to act. Men work, women take care of the household and are to serve the men, that kind of thing. These stereotypes are therefor not the result of the 'public face' as much as they are behaviors that are actively taught to people.

Now people become slowly more aware of gender stereotypes and the effects they have on people and a lot of people want to get rid of them, as honestly, why shouldn't girls get to play with Lego and why shouldn't boys get to play with My Little Ponies. If that interests them, why should they be punished by their environment for liking certain kind of toys. But still plenty of people think different and they want to raise their children according to these stereotypes and clearly this school had a similar philosophy. Which is their business, its their right as private school and it is the right of the parents to send their children to such a school.

Just what decade are you living in,the 1930's ?

...

I can honestly say,that apart from younger brothers, I have never heard anyone say "You can't do that, you're a girl." Gender stereotypes have been dying since the end of the 1940's. I know because I've seen it happening. These days a female has choices. They can put on jeans and a T shirt or they can dress up in a slinky "little black dress" if that is their choice.

And that statement is the whole crux of the matter If That Is Their Choice !

T.A.

I grew up in the 60's in the rural Deep South (U.S.A.) and I heard a number of times that I couldn't and many more times that I shouldn't, do something, say something, wear something because I was a girl. I was small and soft-spoken but no one could beat me on my bike or climb higher in the trees and I spent most of my summer days out in the woods with my dog. (I also decorated a dollhouse and dressed up the dogs in doll clothes). My mother could not have cared less, my grandmothers fretted about me and the neighbors most definitely disapproved. They were too scared of my mother to say anything to her but they made sure I knew there was something not quite right about me.

I was first asked how many children I wanted when I was 6 years old and I stopped hearing that question only recently (the grey hair may have something to do with that). I left that small rural community almost 30 years ago but it has made little difference where I've lived; strangers, coworkers and acquaintances have all felt free assume the primary purpose of my existence is to have children and all decisions ultimately must accommodate this reality. And they are free to question and comment on this matter as if it is their business as much as mine. No one ever asked my brother or male cousins about marriage and children. Even living in a large, cosmopolitan city and working with younger people it still shocks people when I jump up on the table to change the light bulb rather than waiting for some guy to do it for me. And the comment is not to wait for some younger person to do it; even the younger women in jeans and sneakers are expected to let a man, even a much older, less agile, or less competent man do certain tasks.

All of that may sound trivial to you but it is merely a taste of the omnipresent expectation that females must cheerfully submit to the judgement of others, particularly about their femininity, at all times. No stranger, on the street or in an office, has ever told my brother to smile or commented on his appearance but I've yet to meet a woman who hasn't experienced this and been told they are overreacting if they complain or are a bitch for not being pleased by the attention.

I started practicing the art of disappointing the expectations of others at a young age but even so adolescence and young adulthood were pretty brutal. We may have all had choices but the pressure to make the choice that proved our femininity to others was intense.

Which brings us back to Sunnie Kahle and Timberlake Christian School. The school has said Sunnie has not violated the rules. Girls may wear pants, cut their hair short and play sports. But the school has determined that Sunnie, in some undefined way, does not meet their standards for femininity and so should be pressured to choose not to wear pants or short hair, play sports or behave in any way others might think too "boyish". She is being asked to actively monitor her appearance, behavior, attitudes and interests to conform to a subjective standard that others will define for her when she fails to meet it. This is what almost every woman I've ever known has experienced to some degree and I've known many who have regretted decisions they made or grieved the angst they felt under this pressure.


Snags

Great post. Thank you!

Hi Snagletooth
Excellent post

Thank you so much
Byron

Over here our Royal Commission into Institutional Child Sex Abuse is receiving around 40 requests each week from abuse survivors for private hearing sessions.

http://www.news.com.au/national/breaking-news/big-demand-by-abused-for-private-hearings/story-e6frfku9-1226870196283

A frightening number, but I certainly hope that those found to be guilty are charged and sentenced to the full extent of the law (no matter what their age is now) plus those who have have passed on from this life are fully discredited and any honors that they received removed.

Cheers.

I don't think you understand the meaning of 'gender stereotype'. That is not like being part of a biker group or whatever, it means that each gender is supposed to behave in a certain way. Boys need to be rough, girls need to be delicate, boys get to play with Legos and toy soldiers, girls play with barbies and my little ponies, boys wear jeans, girls wear skirts. Those are gender stereotypes. They are social constructs and they are harmful because they diminish individual freedom. On top of that, some people actively promote these kind of stereotypes because they believe that is how people are supposed to act. Men work, women take care of the household and are to serve the men, that kind of thing. These stereotypes are therefor not the result of the 'public face' as much as they are behaviors that are actively taught to people.

Now people become slowly more aware of gender stereotypes and the effects they have on people and a lot of people want to get rid of them, as honestly, why shouldn't girls get to play with Lego and why shouldn't boys get to play with My Little Ponies. If that interests them, why should they be punished by their environment for liking certain kind of toys. But still plenty of people think different and they want to raise their children according to these stereotypes and clearly this school had a similar philosophy. Which is their business, its their right as private school and it is the right of the parents to send their children to such a school.

Just what decade are you living in,the 1930's ?

...

I can honestly say,that apart from younger brothers, I have never heard anyone say "You can't do that, you're a girl." Gender stereotypes have been dying since the end of the 1940's. I know because I've seen it happening. These days a female has choices. They can put on jeans and a T shirt or they can dress up in a slinky "little black dress" if that is their choice.

And that statement is the whole crux of the matter If That Is Their Choice !

T.A.

I grew up in the 60's in the rural Deep South (U.S.A.) and I heard a number of times that I couldn't and many more times that I shouldn't, do something, say something, wear something because I was a girl. I was small and soft-spoken but no one could beat me on my bike or climb higher in the trees and I spent most of my summer days out in the woods with my dog. (I also decorated a dollhouse and dressed up the dogs in doll clothes). My mother could not have cared less, my grandmothers fretted about me and the neighbors most definitely disapproved. They were too scared of my mother to say anything to her but they made sure I knew there was something not quite right about me.

I was first asked how many children I wanted when I was 6 years old and I stopped hearing that question only recently (the grey hair may have something to do with that). I left that small rural community almost 30 years ago but it has made little difference where I've lived; strangers, coworkers and acquaintances have all felt free assume the primary purpose of my existence is to have children and all decisions ultimately must accommodate this reality. And they are free to question and comment on this matter as if it is their business as much as mine. No one ever asked my brother or male cousins about marriage and children. Even living in a large, cosmopolitan city and working with younger people it still shocks people when I jump up on the table to change the light bulb rather than waiting for some guy to do it for me. And the comment is not to wait for some younger person to do it; even the younger women in jeans and sneakers are expected to let a man, even a much older, less agile, or less competent man do certain tasks.

All of that may sound trivial to you but it is merely a taste of the omnipresent expectation that females must cheerfully submit to the judgement of others, particularly about their femininity, at all times. No stranger, on the street or in an office, has ever told my brother to smile or commented on his appearance but I've yet to meet a woman who hasn't experienced this and been told they are overreacting if they complain or are a bitch for not being pleased by the attention.

I started practicing the art of disappointing the expectations of others at a young age but even so adolescence and young adulthood were pretty brutal. We may have all had choices but the pressure to make the choice that proved our femininity to others was intense.

Which brings us back to Sunnie Kahle and Timberlake Christian School. The school has said Sunnie has not violated the rules. Girls may wear pants, cut their hair short and play sports. But the school has determined that Sunnie, in some undefined way, does not meet their standards for femininity and so should be pressured to choose not to wear pants or short hair, play sports or behave in any way others might think too "boyish". She is being asked to actively monitor her appearance, behavior, attitudes and interests to conform to a subjective standard that others will define for her when she fails to meet it. This is what almost every woman I've ever known has experienced to some degree and I've known many who have regretted decisions they made or grieved the angst they felt under this pressure.


Snags

Well said Snagletooth, thank you.

Oklahoma Republican Speaks Out Against Anti-Choice Bill: ‘It’s Prejudiced Against Women’

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Reality Internet Personality

Oklahoma Republican Speaks Out Against Anti-Choice Bill: ‘It’s Prejudiced Against Women’

I applaud him. Takes guts to stand up against your peers and tell them the emperor is naked.

Мишель, while I disagree with Es and yourself on many matters, with this one I'm right behind both of you. (and it's not just so I can check out Es' butt ;) )

The Emperor is indeed naked and I'm not sure if it's because they are taking this stand just because they see it as anti-Obama, or if they really are raving, fundamentalist lunatics...

T.A.

Мишель, while I disagree with Es and yourself on many matters, with this one I'm right behind both of you. (and it's not just so I can check out Es' butt ;) )

The Emperor is indeed naked and I'm not sure if it's because they are taking this stand just because they see it as anti-Obama, or if they really are raving, fundamentalist lunatics...

T.A.

'Get your arse out, mate': we turn the tables on everyday sexism – video

Very well done video, she captures it really well. I thought the one she did where she just stares really creepily at the guy then winks occasionally was really well done. I have had that happen soooo many times. Ewwwww.

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Reality Internet Personality

This is horrific. I can't even...

Senegalese law bans raped 10-year-old from aborting twins

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Reality Internet Personality

Мишель, while I disagree with Es and yourself on many matters, with this one I'm right behind both of you. (and it's not just so I can check out Es' butt ;) )

The Emperor is indeed naked and I'm not sure if it's because they are taking this stand just because they see it as anti-Obama, or if they really are raving, fundamentalist lunatics...

T.A.

'Get your arse out, mate': we turn the tables on everyday sexism – video

Very well done video, she captures it really well. I thought the one she did where she just stares really creepily at the guy then winks occasionally was really well done. I have had that happen soooo many times. Ewwwww.

I knew you wouldn't be able to resist a comeback on that one <evil laugh>, even though I strongly agreed with you on the actual point in question.

In actual fact, I've probably believed in a woman's right to choose longer than you have.

T.A. :)

PS
And please, don't try and tell me that women don't check out men.

Мишель, while I disagree with Es and yourself on many matters, with this one I'm right behind both of you. (and it's not just so I can check out Es' butt ;) )

The Emperor is indeed naked and I'm not sure if it's because they are taking this stand just because they see it as anti-Obama, or if they really are raving, fundamentalist lunatics...

T.A.

'Get your arse out, mate': we turn the tables on everyday sexism – video

Very well done video, she captures it really well. I thought the one she did where she just stares really creepily at the guy then winks occasionally was really well done. I have had that happen soooo many times. Ewwwww.

I knew you wouldn't be able to resist a comeback on that one <evil laugh>, even though I strongly agreed with you on the actual point in question.

In actual fact, I've probably believed in a woman's right to choose longer than you have.

T.A. :)

PS
And please, don't try and tell me that women don't check out men.

There is a difference between checking someone out and harassment. I just came across that video this morning and was going to post it anyway. You just gave me the segue I needed. I knew someone would ;)

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Reality Internet Personality