One Jedi says to another, "What's up? The other Jedi replies, "oh, just my Midichlorian Count."

Actual Signs

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

In a veterinarian's office: "Back in 15 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

On the door to a proctologist's office: "To expedite your visit, please back in."

At a tailor shop: We give our customers the lowest prices and workmanship

At a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Please do not hunt during daylight

In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

At a teriyaki restaurant: "$3.99 Chicken Bowel!"

In a Vermont men's store: "25 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament - Ears pierced"

In a Mall: "Ears pierced, while you wait"

In a New Jersey store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

Seen on a Taco Bell sign in Coralville, Iowa: "Everyday low value"

In a Maine restaurant: "At your service: Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak."

In the vestry of a Westminster church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Now those are good Matthew.

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What you do today you will have to live with tonight

Rye Bread


Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this stuff but me."

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

Rye Bread


Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this stuff but me."

Mark that is an excellent Joke !! Kudo's

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Rye Bread


Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this stuff but me."

Mark that is an excellent Joke !! Kudo's

I agree Mark excellent.

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What you do today you will have to live with tonight

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.

Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants, which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness, actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out of your butt, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bs. And that's a promise I will keep, always.

Best regards butt face,

Wendi Aarons

Austin, TX

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Signature space for rent. Spacious lot available immediately. Includes utilities. Inquire within.

PROOF TECHNIQUE #1 - 'Proof By Induction'

1. Obtain a large power transformer.
2. Find someone who does not believe your theorem.
3. Get this person to hold the terminals on the HV side of the transformer.
4. Apply 25000 volts AC to the LV side of the transformer.

5. Repeat step (4) until they agree with the theorem . . .

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BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .

What is the joke here Richard?

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Pluto will always be a planet to me.

Seti Ambassador
Not to late to order an Anni Shirt

. . . The FBI has a New Way of Tracking Terrorists 'Tracking EYES' <--- click me

---

BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .

Don't Eat Me

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Tupac Shakur on In Living Color with Jamie Foxx

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Oh No I have been Caught!!

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Oh No I have been Caught!!

I don't even know what a "Chalupa" is!

Cat Owls

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

On a Plumber's truck:

'We repair what your husband fixed.'

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

'Invite us to your next blowout

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

At an Optometrist's Office:

'If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.'

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

On a Taxidermist's window:

'We really know our stuff.'

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

'Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010