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Message 783926 - Posted: 18 Jul 2008, 14:40:24 UTC

If swimming is good for the figure, what happened to the whale?
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Message 784038 - Posted: 18 Jul 2008, 18:43:51 UTC

To hear in the morning that the way prevails is to be able to
die without regret in the night
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions.
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Message 784041 - Posted: 18 Jul 2008, 18:51:00 UTC

To live among the benevolent is good. To choose not to be with
the benevolent...of this I know not!"
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions.
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Message 784239 - Posted: 19 Jul 2008, 7:26:32 UTC

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

~Jack Handey
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
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Message 784248 - Posted: 19 Jul 2008, 8:30:13 UTC

{edited slightly for mild profanity}

I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies in a fight. But my friends, my gosh-darned friends, they're the ones who keep me walking the floor at nights!

Warren G. Harding
Pure mathematics is, in its way, the poetry of logical ideas.

Albert Einstein
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Message 784341 - Posted: 19 Jul 2008, 14:55:27 UTC

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.

Confucius
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions.
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Message 784996 - Posted: 21 Jul 2008, 8:22:31 UTC

Extremism in the pursuit of serious fun is virtue incarnate.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
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Message 784999 - Posted: 21 Jul 2008, 8:32:15 UTC

If you every day can make one person smile, you will, by the time you reach
70, have given 25550 people a smile on their face. ;-)

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Message 785432 - Posted: 22 Jul 2008, 14:47:05 UTC

To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue... gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.

Confucius

My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions.
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Message 786204 - Posted: 24 Jul 2008, 7:11:34 UTC
Last modified: 24 Jul 2008, 7:11:55 UTC

"If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming."


~ Jack Handey
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
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Message 786287 - Posted: 24 Jul 2008, 8:18:57 UTC

Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths. ~Lois Wyse

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Message 786319 - Posted: 24 Jul 2008, 11:14:11 UTC

You say it best when you say nothing at all

Alison Krauss


flaming balloons
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Message 786351 - Posted: 24 Jul 2008, 12:50:52 UTC

"Bullies are always cowards at heart and may be credited with a pretty safe instinct in scenting their prey." ~ Anna Julia Cooper
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Message 786377 - Posted: 24 Jul 2008, 14:30:34 UTC

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions.
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Message 786855 - Posted: 25 Jul 2008, 8:56:02 UTC

"If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone."

~Jack Handey


.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
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Message 786862 - Posted: 25 Jul 2008, 9:49:08 UTC

A house divided against itself cannot stand.

Abraham Lincoln
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions.
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Message 787035 - Posted: 25 Jul 2008, 19:46:39 UTC

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

Groucho Marx
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions.
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Message 787041 - Posted: 25 Jul 2008, 19:54:27 UTC

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

Robin Williams
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions.
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Message 787104 - Posted: 25 Jul 2008, 23:01:28 UTC - in response to Message 787042.  

Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?

Duh! ;)
It may not be 1984 but George Orwell sure did see the future . . .
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Message 787424 - Posted: 26 Jul 2008, 8:32:33 UTC

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. "

~Jack Handey
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
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