There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replies, "Hell, I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
The bartender says, "Excuse me, but is that a steering wheel in your pants?"
The pirate says, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!!"

Can I post that here?

Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
The bartender says, "Excuse me, but is that a steering wheel in your pants?"
The pirate says, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!!"

Can I post that here?

Ya just did and I quoted it! HeeHee Good one!

---

DONATE TO SETI

?

I'm still waiting for the punch line here.

---

DONATE TO SETI

Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
The bartender says, "Excuse me, but is that a steering wheel in your pants?"
The pirate says, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!!"

Can I post that here?

Ya just did and I quoted it! HeeHee Good one!

Thanks

Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
The bartender says, "Excuse me, but is that a steering wheel in your pants?"
The pirate says, "Arrrr, it's driving me nuts!!"

Arrrrrr! ahahaha
SURRENDER YOUR BOOTY!

---

me@rescam.org

Bear on the roof

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.

"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

---

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have
a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful
garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake,
but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
you."

"What's a 'man,' Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie,
cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But,
he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will
look silly aroused, but since you've being complaining, I'll create him in
such a way that he will satisfy your... Ah, physical needs. He'll be
witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball
about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advise to think
properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's
the catch, Lord?"

"Yeah, well. You can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...So you'll
have to let him believe that I made him first...So, just remember... it's
our secret... Woman-to-woman!"

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have
a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful
garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake,
but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
you."

"What's a 'man,' Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie,
cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But,
he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will
look silly aroused, but since you've being complaining, I'll create him in
such a way that he will satisfy your... Ah, physical needs. He'll be
witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball
about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advise to think
properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's
the catch, Lord?"

"Yeah, well. You can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...So you'll
have to let him believe that I made him first...So, just remember... it's
our secret... Woman-to-woman!"

So that's where this came from

"When god made man she was only joking!"

When I was a kid, I had a t-shirt with that written on it. My grandmother gave it to me ... she thought it was very funny. And it is.

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God... "Lord, I have
a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful
garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake,
but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
you."

"What's a 'man,' Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie,
cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But,
he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will
look silly aroused, but since you've being complaining, I'll create him in
such a way that he will satisfy your... Ah, physical needs. He'll be
witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball
about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advise to think
properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's
the catch, Lord?"

"Yeah, well. You can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...So you'll
have to let him believe that I made him first...So, just remember... it's
our secret... Woman-to-woman!"

So that's where this came from

"When god made man she was only joking!"

When I was a kid, I had a t-shirt with that written on it. My grandmother gave it to me ... she thought it was very funny. And it is.

"Lord, why have you foresaken me?"
Makes sense now.

---

DONATE TO SETI

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the
bar tender here?"

---

Two men are walking thru the woods and come across this big deep
hole.

"Wow...that looks deep."

"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.

"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big
rocks down there. Those should make a noise."

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and
wait... and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face
and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen...

Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over.
"Hey... you two guys seen my goat out here?"

"You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen. It came running like crazy and
just jumped into this hole!"

"Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained
to a railway sleeper."

Thanks Stacy...That bear joke had me ROTFLMAO for atleast 10 minuits..very good.

---

Thanks Stacey...That bear joke had me ROTFLMAO for atleast 10 minuits..very good.

Oh, you're welcome Monday ... gotta keep this thread alive.

Thanks Stacey...That bear joke had me ROTFLMAO for atleast 10 minuits..very good.

Oh, you're welcome Monday ... gotta keep this thread alive.

Stacey,
Unfortunately, I think you posted that joke in the wrong thread. It was a very good joke.

Andy

Thanks Stacey...That bear joke had me ROTFLMAO for atleast 10 minuits..very good.

Oh, you're welcome Monday ... gotta keep this thread alive.

Stacey,
Unfortunately, I think you posted that joke in the wrong thread. It was a very good joke.

Andy

???

---

DONATE TO SETI

Thanks Stacey...That bear joke had me ROTFLMAO for atleast 10 minuits..very good.

Oh, you're welcome Monday ... gotta keep this thread alive.

Stacey,
Unfortunately, I think you posted that joke in the wrong thread. It was a very good joke.

Andy

Which thread do you think it should be posted in Andy?

A doctor says to a man "You want to improve your love life? You need to get some exercise. Run ten miles a day." Two weeks later, the man called the doctor. The doctor says "How is your love life since you have been running?" "I don't know, I'm 140 miles away!"

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Thanks Stacey...That bear joke had me ROTFLMAO for atleast 10 minuits..very good.

Oh, you're welcome Monday ... gotta keep this thread alive.

Stacey,
Unfortunately, I think you posted that joke in the wrong thread. It was a very good joke.

Andy

Which thread do you think it should be posted in Andy?

Not sure, but title says this is for terrible jokes. Maybe we need new thread.

Keep them coming though, I enjoy them all.