Ok, here we go:

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Life on earth is the global equivalent of not storing things in the fridge.

That's better than clicking the yes button for ok.

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IAS - Where Space Is Golden!

Star Trek - Lost Episode Transcript



(Picard) "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"

(Geordi)"Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."

(Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.)

(Riker looks puzzled.) "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?"

(Data turns to answer.) "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."

(Picard) "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"

(Data) "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal operational functions."

(Picard) "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."

(Data) "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'."

(Geordi) "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."

(Picard) "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is something we have missed."

(Data) "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'. Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.

(Riker) "Captain we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F . . ."

(Geordi, excited) "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0% !"

(Picard) "Data, what does your scanners show?"

(Data) "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity."

(Picard) "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their functionality."

(Riker) "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"

(Geordi) "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft fun-pack'.

(Picard) "How much time will that buy us ?"

(Data) "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time span of 6 more hours."

(Geordi) "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."

(Picard) "Identify."

(Data) "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo"

(Over the speakers) "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS"

(Data) "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."

(Picard) "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft"

(Riker) "Good God captain! Those are humans floating straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits ! How can they survive the tortures of deep space ?!"

(Data) "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits"

(Riker and Picard together horrified) "Lawyers !!"

(Geordi) "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."

(Data) "True, but apparently some must have survived."

(Riker) "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all types of papers."

(Data) "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape' - it often proves fatal."

(Riker) "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !"

(Picard) "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg deserve that."

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Your killin' me!!!!
BwaHaaHaa haa

*clunk

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Your killin' me!!!!
BwaHaaHaa haa

*clunk

Oh dear, we've murdered someone with a thread.

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Life on earth is the global equivalent of not storing things in the fridge.

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All thats needed for microsoft software:

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Life on earth is the global equivalent of not storing things in the fridge.

That one reminds me of my old DOS days.....Ctrl-Alt-Del was known as the 3 fingered salute............it was used to re-boot your system!

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Life on earth is the global equivalent of not storing things in the fridge.

One of Microsoft Network's finest support techs was drafted into the Army and sent to boot camp.

At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, handed a rifle, and a couple rounds of ammo. He loaded the rifle and fired several shots at the target which was fifty yards away.

The report came from the target area that all of his attempts had completely missed the target.

The tech looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then once more at the target. He placed his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand.

The end of his finger was blown off -- whereupon he yelled toward the target area...

"It's leaving here just fine; the trouble must be at your end!"

=====================================================

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to Seattle airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

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You guys realize AlecStaar is going to implode over this and go SUPER NOVA don't you?

Then he will cut-n-paste literally in SECONDS after each of your posts...

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This thread is too easy...

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http://en.uptime-project.net/page.php?page=toplist&content=profile&uid=69763 SunOS

http://en.uptime-project.net/page.php?page=toplist&content=profile&uid=28126 Windows

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Life on earth is the global equivalent of not storing things in the fridge.

Between this and the Unwise threads, I've never laughed so hard in my life!
---wipes spittake off monitor---
There sure is a lot of "Intelligent Life" here.
...Gets on phone to VLA in NM..."Ummm, yeah mebbe you should be pointin' that there thingy at New Yawk or San Fran-cis-co, ya know?"

Whispers to Alien bobble-head doll next to monitor..."they're HERE"

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I realized the dead-end roads I ended up taking weren't always my fault. Many thanks to all that have helped in this - and you know who you are.
TheBeatenPath

Between this and the Unwise threads, I've never laughed so hard in my life!
---wipes spittake off monitor---
There sure is a lot of "Intelligent Life" here.
...Gets on phone to VLA in NM..."Ummm, yeah mebbe you should be pointin' that there thingy at New Yawk or San Fran-cis-co, ya know?"

Whispers to Alien bobble-head doll next to monitor..."they're HERE"

Glad you like it!

What the opening window should say:

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Life on earth is the global equivalent of not storing things in the fridge.

That one reminds me of my old DOS days.....Ctrl-Alt-Del was known as the 3 fingered salute....

It still is, isn't it??

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Oh this is RICH!

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