I think this may come under "offloading" .

It has been stressful sorting through all my dad's things.

But at least I had the will sorted as I said earlier. Well no, not actually.

Amongst my fathers papers, in a place I did not look earlier I found a will, so I opened it and read it.

It was not the will I had a copy of, it was different, I was cut out. He left everything to my sister and made her sole executor.

My sister had a copy but didn't know how to tell me what dad had done.

There was a period between 2010 and 2013 when I admit I was avoiding my father because after the death of my stepmother his phone calls and messages were depressing beyond belief.

This will was dated 2011, so he must have decided as I wasn't talking to him and visiting I was a bad son.

However he had got the will witnesses by the next door neighbours on either side, then left them £500 each. Oh dear, a witness to a will cannot be a beneficiary

Add to that my sister has a health problem that prevents her from flying currently, so will not be able to be the executor .

So I have had to take the whole mess to a solicitor (attorney/lawyer depending on where you live) and it will cost around £400 to sort out.

So learning point for today, if you use a "home will" at least get it checked by a law professional as any saving you think you might make could well be cancelled out but your executors having to sort out the mistakes.

The solicitor said that she would have advised dad not to have just one executor who resides overseas, and of course they would have got the will witnesses and the neighbours would get their £500.

Also because my fathers death was "unexpected" that is he wasn't in hospital, or under the direct care of a doctor, there has to be a post mortem. (This is all to do with the Harold Shipman case some years ago)

To do all the official things concerning my fathers I need a death certificate. So today I ring the coroner and find that my dads post mortem is scheduled for Wednesday!

So I don't have the documents I need to report my fathers death to all the organisations that need to know and even if I did as I am not an executor I can't do it anyway!

I think I need another drink.

Oh, crikey - that's a turnup.

Take legal advice, but I think you'll be able to register the death as soon as you get the paperwork from the Coroner. I simply took the doctor's certificate to the registrar: being the son of the deceased gave me every authority to take that step, with no mention of wills or executors.

Then, once you have the certificates, you have every right to pass on the information to everyone who needs to know - utilities, pension, council tax, bank and so on. That simply freezes things to be sorted out later, and makes sure that nothing is over-paid or over-charged. It will be up to whoever is eventually granted probate to go back to those places and extract any funds that might remain.

But it's surely a kick in the teeth you could have done without. I think I'll join you in that drink.

Yes Richard, I have taken legal advice and as you say as the son of the deceased I can put stops onto bank accounts etc, and have done so.

However until the solicitor can sort out the executor problem things will grind to a halt and an already long process gets longer and more expensive.

I'm sorry to hear about these complications, Bernie. That added stress is not good, but you seem to have some very healthy coping mechanisms, and that will help you. :~)

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Bernie,

I'm sorry to read about this latest hitch in plans. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers; God bless my friend. Things will work out in the end.


TL

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TimeLord04
Have TARDIS, will travel...
Come along K-9!
Join Calm Chaos

Well things are progressing slowly.

This morning I finally get the call that the death has been ruled natural and I can register it.

It was his heart. Not really a surprise

I have an appointment at the registrar at 3:40 this afternoon.

I have called the Equity Release company and I have six weeks from today to clear and vacate the property.

Of course I am still not an executor, and wont be until my sister has signed and returned the power of attorney form.

However I can now progress with the funeral which will be next Thursday.

The house still feels strange and I really want to return home asap.

I'm glad to see things are moving forward for you.
Take care, and we will all be praying for your health and strength during the next few days and weeks.

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Bob Smith
Member of Seti PIPPS (Pluto is a Planet Protest Society)
Somewhere in the (un)known Universe?

Best wishes for you, Bernie.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

I heard about a call my Dads sister made to him yesterday. His Mom, my Grandmother, health is slipping away again. Not sleeping, taking nutrition properly and a few other problems. And her mind is wandering badly.
Going to see her again this weekend. I hope she will still be around past then and longer. Each day is one more and a blessing.

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It was my dad's funeral today.

Just a few family and friends, dad had outlived so many.

The will has now gone to Probate, so things are progressing

I am going back to south London for a couple of days early tomorrow. Taking as much stuff as the little Micra can handle.

Then for the next two weeks I will concentrate on clearing everything but the furniture. Another trip home on the 16/17th with everything else of mine and then in the final week get the British Heart Foundation in to clear the furniture.

I will be staying in a hotel that week as the house will be empty. I hope to return home for the final time on the 22nd September.

A strange and stressful year. I really feel I need to find my place again.

Time will tell.

I hope that your father's funeral was supportive and helpful, rather than stressful.

A strange and stressful year. I really feel I need to find my place again.

Bernie, you are skilled at joining communities. You are part of your gardening community in your previous home. You are part of the squirrel-watch community in your current home. You are part of the seti community here.

Wishing you comfort and peace in your many communities of friends.

You are part of the seti community here.

Wishing you comfort and peace in your many communities of friends.

I lost my talent for sleeping normally when I took a 3rd shift job several years ago, and giving my 24/7 care to my mother over the last three years just made my sleeping pattern even more weird, and consequently I am up at 2 am, my time, reading threads on SETI forums, but my point is you have a lot of support online, here, Bernie. You're a good guy.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Well I had a stress free journey home. Only to discover a couple of surprising thing.

I have brought 2 of my computers back with me and after unloading the car started to set one up so I had access to the internet. I was working away when suddenly I realised just how much I felt "at home" here . I was in my own flat messing around with computers and not thinking about how my dad was doing, would the neighbours cope OK, did I forget to tell them something. Suddenly there was no pressure, I hadn't realised it was there when I came home before, but its absence is now noticeable.

The other thing is not so good. To park almost everywhere in Croydon you have to pay. There are residents permits which for £80 a year allow you to park in the bays where you live. I have had one of these permits for several years. However I did not renew it last year when it expired as I was on the Isle of Wight and I had no idea how long I would be away. So today I attempted to apply for a permit went online entered my address, got the reply "There are no permits available for this address". The long and short of it is that the council in their wisdom have decided that all blocks of over 9 flats can not apply for parking permits. My block has 12. Contacting the parking department I am told "sorry that is the rule now". Of course this only applies to "new" permits, if I had renewed mine last year then it would have been OK. So I either have to find private parking, which can be really expensive, around £100 a month or there is the local station at £79 a month or more probably I will have to get rid of the car.

They say no good deed goes unpunished!!

Glad I don't have to pay for a parking space. Four cars in the driveway would be bloody expensive.

(Edit) I live in a area that has no public transportation easily available.

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Bernie I am so sorry to hear of your loss , please take care and be strong.

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OIH Bernie, just when you think, things are going well, Murphy comes along. Sigh.

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Pluto will always be a Planet to me.

My dad died 35 years ago, and his wedding ring has been sitting in my mother's jewelry box ever since, so I decided to start wearing it. I should have suggested this to my mother before she died. I think she would be happy I'm wearing it, now.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

So sorting out my fathers affairs has been easier than I thought.

Banks, utilities, pensions, most have dedicated departments who are really helpful and really do everything they can.

Except a couple of places. BT (phone and broadband) cannot provide a service to redirect my fathers phone calls to me for 6 months, if I cease his line on the Isle of Wight

I talked to 3 "advisers" and none could grasp the concept of me wanting to take my fathers calls but not keeps his line working in a bungalow that will probably be sold soon.

As I suspected BT is still in the dark ages when it comes to this sort of thing.

Then the Post Office, I want to get my fathers mail redirected to my address in Croydon for 6 months. Now they can provide this service however to do so they require

"1 valid proof of to address from this list dated in the last 6 months:

• 2 different utility bills (NOT a mobile phone or a store/charge
card statement or bills printed from the internet)
• Original credit card statement
• Original mortgage statement
• Bank or building society statement or passbook."

I have none of the above!!

I went "paperless" on all my bank and utility bills as soon as I could, I paid my mortgage off 6 years ago, and I don't have a credit card(if I did it would be done online).

Looks like I will have to spend time on the phone with them now!

Some organisations just don't understand the concept of "going paperless" which is totally frustrating and annoying to put it mildly. I'm currently having a debate with one of my pension providers, HMRC/DWP can tell me my expected pension from them, but they cannot send me a pension statement as I don't have my confirmation of change of address from them, which dates back thirty years, and was sent to my old address about a year after I'd moved (and naturally after the forwarding had stopped). Grrrrrr.

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Bob Smith
Member of Seti PIPPS (Pluto is a Planet Protest Society)
Somewhere in the (un)known Universe?

Yes, the twin concepts of 'going paperless' and 'stamp out money laundering' haven't really been grasped by the Government yet. Some departments have got half of it (DWP wouldn't sent a cheque for the arrears of my mother's pension), others haven't (DWP sent me a handwritten form to fill in with the bank account number for the arrears of my mother's pension).

The one that really got me was PayPal needing to see photo ID when they had no chance on earth of ever meeting me in person to check that the photo matched the person.