OK time for a bit of "plain offloading"

As you will probably realise I came here to the Isle of Wight at quite short notice last September to care for my 92 year old father.

It was all done fairly quickly and I have basically just left my flat empty, a friend checks on it for me.

Now I did not really give much thought to my regular bills, so my electricity provider works out my usage over a 12 moth period ( starting in September) and sets my monthly payments based on my last 12 months usage.

Well of course I haven't been at home much in the last 7 months but have been paying for electricity I am not using. I have submitted meter readings when I have been home, but the payments are set till August!

I have e-mailed to let them know the situation, but as it took them several months to correct and error when I wasn't paying enough, I don't expect they will react at all.

Then there is water, at home I pay a standing amount however much I use, so the fact I am not there does not alter the bill. Here however my father has a water meter, they charge for all water used and make a guess as to how much of that water they then have to process as waste. So as you can imagine my dad's water bill for the last 6 months has doubled, so I am paying for water at home I do not use and then here for what I do use,

Finally the phone bill. Last August when it became clear that I was going to have to move here long term I took over dad's phone line as it was the quickest way I could get ADSL installed, as my dad would not have been able to cope with that, luckily as I knew my dad's mothers maiden name it wasn't a problem. There was no way I was coning to live here without the internet!!

Now I don't really want to cease my ADSL line at home because it will no doubt cause problems if/when I need it again.

So I am paying twice, for electricity, water and phone.

As they say, no good deed goes unpunished!

Being punished myself Bernie Vine I am totally on your side.

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Hubby. Is that your dog?

Janne, Don't worry about it. Honest mistake. :)

Hubby sounds like a dog name to me:)
Bring me the slippers. Arf, Arf:)
Anyway I hope your Husband doesn't have any problem with his feet.
Here diabetics used to get them examined perhaps once per year.
Not any longer:(

I don't know what your future living arrangement plans are, Bernie, but in my case, I will be staying in my mother's house after she dies. I made the decision back when I got her out of the hospital in 2014 to move back in with her as it has been her home for 50 years, and where I grew up, so it was a no-brainer to me to keep us in a stable familiar environment together. We both had lived alone since I graduated from college in 1990, and found my own place. I bought a house in 2001, and have just kept it in suspended animation ever since my decision to move back home. Property taxes, insurance, power, water, phone, alarm system, and weekly visits for upkeep definitely take their toll on me, and I will eventually either become a landlord, or sell my house since I'm keeping hers.

Something else you bring up that is crucially important is to make sure you have all your ducks in a row regarding your parents' personal information. Ever since my dad died in 1982, my mother has always kept me informed of "need to know stuff", and kept meticulous records of things, so there's no surprises.

Some people get squeamish about estate planning, but it's absolutely the best thing to do for peace of mind, and when the time comes, you will be happy you don't have to deal with that aspect of death.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

...with some energy suppliers, in the UK, over-paying is actually a good little investment - I over pay by a small amount each month and get about 3% interest tax free on the balance, which is far better than I would get on the same amount in the bank!

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Bob Smith
Member of Seti PIPPS (Pluto is a Planet Protest Society)
Somewhere in the (un)known Universe?

Well now miracles do happen.

I sent an email to EDF, my not so efficient energy provider, and within 4 hours I had a reply, saying they had looked at my meter readings and had decided to reduce my monthly payments.

I currently pay £158 a month (this has to do with the previous underpayment), however they are reducing it to £55 a month, now that is a result!!

Yes the house has a "lifetime loan" on it so will not come to my sister and I, so I will move back. Looking at my fathers current physical health I am guessing several years yet.

However it is totally impossible to get any idea of my fathers situation as he has no memory of any of the recent transactions he entered into.
When I was first here I had to sort out a loan he had with another bank in 2014 that he had no memory of ever having taken out and I still have not been able to find all the paperwork.

My sister has all the details of his will and will be the executor.

However what worries me more is the fact that he is getting mentally worse. He has at least one "memory incident" everyday now. Yesterday he went into a complete meltdown when he lost his keys, didn't finishing dressing, when in fact he hadn't lost his keys at all they were exactly where he always puts them. Last night he started to go to bed, I was working on my PC in the back room when I hear the TV again, so I thought he decided to watch a bit more I had headphones on so when I finally went into ask him if he was going to stay up all night I could see he didn't understand the question at all, when I told him it was midnight he couldn't grasp it. I think he went to go to bed, got confused as to which action he was performing, and "got up" instead. Quite bizarre really, he normally goes to bed between 9 and 10 and he really could not grasp what he was doing watching TV at midnight.

I can see that in the months to come he may well need 24 hour care and that will probably mean more outlay, which will be a problem.

P.S. One good thing that has come from all my extra spending is I joined Give as You Live and have currently raise £22.04 for the Red Squirrel Trust. Mostly Amazon, Argos and Ebay but several smaller places as well.

It is a nice place to visit but not somewhere I would wish to spend my retirement.

Much too quiet and feels like the 70/80's here. I am and always have been a city person, I feel much more at home in a big city.

I definitely have adjusted to living here because I have had to. Truth is I would much rather be back home.

Here is the link for Red Squirrel Trust the link to Give as You Live is in the middle bottom.

Once linked I use the add on for Chrome and then click on it and it will display all your linked online stores.

As it is money I would have spent anyway it seemed a no brainer.

Dad never really came to terms with it all, even though he knew that it was the only way. He always felt he let her down in some way, but the truth was that he did more than most would have.

I can understand your dad's feelings. In my case, I'm definitely doing what I'm doing because I want to, but there's also lingering guilt driving me in there because I feel like I wasn't a good enough son over the years.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Thanks, Chris.

Things have been worrying me more. Iva has been sleeping more and it's getting harder to wake her up. The fog that her brain is in, is getting deeper and more far away. She's never regained any strength since the traumatic episode from 2014, and while she still has her own identity and mine intact, she's harder to reach. It's like she's a star moving further and further away, and I know there's going to come a time when I can't get to her.

That said, yes, I am taking care of her at home until the last day.

This is a link to the thread that got me started talking about what happened with my mother, in 2014...

http://setiathome.berkeley.edu/forum_thread.php?id=73835&sort_style=6&start=0

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

My mother passed quietly away in her sleep at home here with me, this evening.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

My mother passed quietly away in her sleep at home here with me, this evening.

Our thoughts are with you.
R.I.P. Gordon's Mother

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I'm so very sorry for the loss of you Mother.
My Condolences to you Gordon, and immediate family.

Sincerely,
Lynn

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God bless, Gordon. May she now have the peace she deserves.

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TimeLord04
Have TARDIS, will travel...
Come along K-9!
Join Calm Chaos

My Dear friend Gordon,



Sincerely your friend,
Byron

Very sorry Gordon.
My condolences to you and your family.

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With each crime and every kindness we birth our future.

Death is still the most unavoidable thing in life. That said, it's never easy to deal with it.

I looked up to my mother, and always thought she was stronger than me even when her body wasn't.

Thanks to you all.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Gordon, I've seen a lot of people over the years in your spot, for some it has meant a spiraling downer, don't let that be your end buddy. ;-)

Myself, I lost my parents many decades ago and that left me making my own way in life on my own for decades longer without their input, but I think that they would be proud with what I've done in my life so far (though I still do wish that they could've seen their grand and great grand kids).

May peace and joy be with you mate in the future.

Cheers.

Nice thread Annie! Big hug to you :) xxx

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

My sincere condolences to you Gordon.

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Member of the People Encouraging Niceness In Society club.