You will get burnt out.
try and find some help so you can get some slack time also.
Just my 2 cents from an old guy.

I hear what you're saying. I just have a hard time trusting other people. Right now, she is in-patient rehab, and will probably be doing that for 4 - 6 weeks. As soon as she's in good enough shape for me to bring her back home, I may use the Medicare in-home health option a little bit, but I don't like the idea of strangers in her house. Did you ever see the movie, Multiplicity? Michael Keaton makes copies of himself, but it doesn't work out very well... ;~}

Yeah, you wish you could clone yourself, so you can take care of your loved one and still live your life. My sisters were my respite care. After Dad died, we had a home health-care aide during the mornings, and my sisters took turns staying with Mom on Tuesday nights and Sundays so I could go run Bingo.

All reputable Home Health Care services do background checks on their caregivers, and spot-visit to make sure everybody is satisfied with the care being given. Yes, it is hard letting a stranger into your home, but if you are able to spend time with the caregiver, they don't stay strangers.

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

"Take time to look at the sky,
watch the birds and
smell the roses"

This is very true and pertinent. I was in the rehab center with my mother this morning, and in her private room while we were eating breakfast, I saw a red Cardinal bird in the tree outside her window. The trees are still bare twigs here, so the Cardinal stood out. I told my mother to look and she asked me how our local basketball team did over the weekend because their mascot is the Cardinal. Then, later, another bird sat down on the window ledge and I told my mother to look and she said, "yeah, they all want a matinee before the big performance". ~Kind of silly, and you'd have to know my mother to get it, but she's still sharp and these little things are huge to me.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

All reputable Home Health Care services do background checks on their caregivers, and spot-visit to make sure everybody is satisfied with the care being given. Yes, it is hard letting a stranger into your home, but if you are able to spend time with the caregiver, they don't stay strangers.

Very good point. I really liked the initial person in-Home Health sent over, and once I get my mother back home, I will be calling the same agency, and I actually think I'm going to call and follow-up with them tomorrow, so I can talk to that same person, and let him know what is going on right now, because I'd like to see him back on the case.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Even better is one fine spring/summer evening. Just stand there looking up at the night sky & let your mind wander...

...you will be surprised at how you feel when you return indoors.

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Even better is one fine spring/summer evening. Just stand there looking up at the night sky & let your mind wander...

...you will be surprised at how you feel when you return indoors.

+1000 Immediate strength assured:)

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

Even better is one fine spring/summer evening. Just stand there looking up at the night sky & let your mind wander...

...you will be surprised at how you feel when you return indoors.

When the weather is decent, I often go sit on the patio my Dad built under the mulberry trees, with a beer or a pitcher of iced tea and some relaxing music. If I'm not watching the neighborhood cats playing in the grass, or the bats practicing aerial combat over the empty swimming pool, I close my eyes and conjure the scene from the original FANTASIA, where the notes to a Bach fugue go dancing through the clouds....... Or depending on what I'm listening to, I'm zooming through space like the Silver Surfer, or sitting under a palm tree watching the surf roll in and out...

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

My second wife and I loved bicycling and also walking at a county park called Beaver lake. They have 4 trails taht take you thru various terrain. MY favorite was the bog trail. After she died I went bicycling a lot. Just being alone and crusing on the suburban streets cleared my mind. But When I really wanted to relax I hit the bog trail. Its only a little over a mile long, But its for me heaven. I dont think of anything I just look at the wonders of nature.
I have taken my grandchildren there. And they allways ask when can we go to the bog trail? They love it as much as I do.

I can truly say that walking in nature has soothed my soul on more than one occassion.

So Gordan, I think the theme so far is that you cant do it alone. You will need some time for yourself to get recharged. And dont let your own guilt trip of not being there for your mom when she needs you. You are there. You will be there.

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[/quote]

Old James

All reputable Home Health Care services do background checks on their caregivers, and spot-visit to make sure everybody is satisfied with the care being given. Yes, it is hard letting a stranger into your home, but if you are able to spend time with the caregiver, they don't stay strangers.

Very good point. I really liked the initial person in-Home Health sent over, and once I get my mother back home, I will be calling the same agency, and I actually think I'm going to call and follow-up with them tomorrow, so I can talk to that same person, and let him know what is going on right now, because I'd like to see him back on the case.

Sounds like a plan is taking shape. Hope this guy has room on his schedule for your Mom, or can recommend someone else you'll be comfortable with.

And keep making time for you. Walks, outings with friends or by yourself, just sitting with music and a book, whatever helps you relax and recharge. It is necessary, for both your mental and physical health, and your Mother's.

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

So Gordan, I think the theme so far is that you cant do it alone. You will need some time for yourself to get recharged. And dont let your own guilt trip of not being there for your mom when she needs you. You are there. You will be there.

Well, she is safe and being taken care of in a good rehab place right now, and I'm encouraged by some small, but very significant progress in my eyes, and that is she is not complaining of pain during movement today. She still can't walk or sit up unassisted but things are moving in the right direction.

Yesterday afternoon was the 1st time she really got some serious PT attention, and assessed. The PT people talked to us and the prognosis is close to a full recovery, but 4 - 6 weeks in-patient before going home... who knows? Occupational Therapy is also involved because she's having coordination issues associated with brushing her hair and eating and is just not dexterous at all. They said she is cognitively sharp, but "distracted" by her body's injury, which causes her to, superficially at least, appear slightly demented.

At some point soon, I should be able to get her in my car for the day so we can go somewhere(like back home for a few hours). ~This is very important to me, and definitely to her too, and the PT people agree wholeheartedly. The spirit is willing but the body is weak...

I'm not against some in-Home Healthcare once we get back here, but I'd rather do it myself. ~I know... I know.... I'm stubborn.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Sounds like a plan is taking shape. Hope this guy has room on his schedule for your Mom, or can recommend someone else you'll be comfortable with.

And keep making time for you. Walks, outings with friends or by yourself, just sitting with music and a book, whatever helps you relax and recharge. It is necessary, for both your mental and physical health, and your Mother's.

Something interesting about music... My mother has lots of records and CD's, and always loved radio and tv, too, but in the last several months she showed a decline in interest for those things. I still think something weird is going on in her brain because a change in interest like that indicates to me maybe those activities had started causing interference in her head. Even before this back injury incident that has thrown her for a loop, I think some neural cobwebs were forming up there, and music, reading, watching tv, any extraneous activity, was becoming too much. Her brain was beginning to have a hard time mulri-tasking.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Sounds like a plan is taking shape. Hope this guy has room on his schedule for your Mom, or can recommend someone else you'll be comfortable with.

And keep making time for you. Walks, outings with friends or by yourself, just sitting with music and a book, whatever helps you relax and recharge. It is necessary, for both your mental and physical health, and your Mother's.

Something interesting about music... My mother has lots of records and CD's, and always loved radio and tv, too, but in the last several months she showed a decline in interest for those things. I still think something weird is going on in her brain because a change in interest like that indicates to me maybe those activities had started causing interference in her head. Even before this back injury incident that has thrown her for a loop, I think some neural cobwebs were forming up there, and music, reading, watching tv, any extraneous activity, was becoming too much. Her brain was beginning to have a hard time mulri-tasking.

You should keep her interested in music by playing what she likes, it will give her strength. Play her CD's! Songs she likes and has good memories of. Just a thought.

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures

You should keep her interested in music by playing what she likes, it will give her strength. Play her CD's! Songs she likes and has good memories of. Just a thought.

You're right, and I will. There's something else that is weird about all of this: In the last several months, she has been getting out old photo albums, looking at the pictures, scanning certain ones into her computer, plus she began a scapbooking hobby. She even told me I should do the same. ;~} It's almost as if she kind of knew something was going to happen. Someone else I talked to about this suggested it was like the way a pregnant woman gets... a form of "nesting" behavior.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Sounds like she's trying to lay down physical pathways for memories which she's sensing might be slipping away from her at times. The way she's doing it is good because it gives you a visual map you can chat with her about and keep those pathways open for her.

Doing your own with shared memories she's not recording could prove really useful to her and yourself. My mum did something similar - except she wrote everything down in shorthand :/ and none of us can read shorthand. I tried to learn it but it proved really difficult because she was doing her writing on blank paper when it should have been lined. She can't seem to remember how to read it back once it's written down - and I've had to conclude that she may be writing it down wrong because I can't and couldn't make head nor tail of it. :/

Sounds like she's trying to lay down physical pathways for memories which she's sensing might be slipping away from her at times. The way she's doing it is good because it gives you a visual map you can chat with her about and keep those pathways open for her.

I wear a tie to work, and I'm very persnickety and particular about my ties. I buy nice ties that say something about my personality, and I get a lot of compliments about them because they are unique and interesting designs. My mom told me I should start scrapbooking my older ties that are worn out, so I don't forget about them. It was a serious suggestion on her part, and very sweet. One of the reasons I love her.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Since I've been so honest throughout this thread, I feel like I should continue that by telling you all that my mother is not doing well. The rehab facility she was staying at discovered her having a hard time swallowing and breathing so they transferred her back into the hospital. Her doctor thinks she might need to be put on a ventilator, and asked me if I wanted that, and I said yes, absolutely. She recognizes me very well, but she is very weak, and she told me she doesn't think she can ever be as strong as she used to be.

I'm staying in the room at the hospital with her tonight. Thank you all for your support through this.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Since I've been so honest throughout this thread, I feel like I should continue that by telling you all that my mother is not doing well. The rehab facility she was staying at discovered her having a hard time swallowing and breathing so they transferred her back into the hospital. Her doctor thinks she might need to be put on a ventilator, and asked me if I wanted that, and I said yes, absolutely. She recognizes me very well, but she is very weak, and she told me she doesn't think she can ever be as strong as she used to be.

I'm staying in the room at the hospital with her tonight. Thank you all for your support through this.

Wish there was more that we could do to help, Gordon :( I'm glad that you're able to stay with her tonight, but also know that will be hard on you. :( Try not to worry. It sounds like the doctors are doing everything they can for her, as are you.

I'm very sorry to hear that Gordon and I send my best wishes to you and your mother.

That is indeed bad to hear Gordan. My best wishes in that she gets better. And for you to stay strong.

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[/quote]

Old James

God bless, Gordon. I pray for the best for you and your mother.

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TimeLord04
Have TARDIS, will travel...
Come along K-9!
Join Calm Chaos

God bless, Gordon. I pray for the best for you and your mother.

+1

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rOZZ
Music
Pictures