Ya know..........
Well..........
Whatever.......
It's kinda like this..........
You have to understand.......
But it comes down to this.....

I am an alcoholic, manic depressive.

Most of you know this. Some accept it, some chastise me for it.,

I make few excuses for it......I have admitted it many times.

Some have come to know and understand this, some still berate me for it. Those that know what I am going through whack me on the shoulder now and then to remind me that life is not so bad.

Those who do not are a constant boil on my butt.

But........that is MY problem. Because I have not learned to deal with them correctly.

SO...........

All is well.......and you must know this...........

NO MATTER what I post on the boards.......EVER,,,,,

I will not harm myself. Ever.

My brother took that way out........and it's largely because of that that I never can.

I have many devils to deal with.............
And, Mr Chicken, pardon me if you don't understand. You are really the least of them.

Mr. Waite and I came to terms....HE...at least could finally understand where I was coming from.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Since you've posted this, I see it as an opportunity to respond:

Some accept it, some chastise me for it.,

I make few excuses for it......I have admitted it many times.

Some have come to know and understand this, some still berate me for it. Those that know what I am going through whack me on the shoulder now and then to remind me that life is not so bad.

Wrong...from my perspective we don't "berate" you or "chastize" you for your "illness" (which you have not gone for an official diagnosis on), but your refusal to get yourself help (AA or otherwise) and your decision to sporadically drink yourself into periods of explosive anger where you get excessively aggressive or profane for things that should not provoke such a result.

---

Since you've posted this, I see it as an opportunity to respond:

Some accept it, some chastise me for it.,

I make few excuses for it......I have admitted it many times.

Some have come to know and understand this, some still berate me for it. Those that know what I am going through whack me on the shoulder now and then to remind me that life is not so bad.

Wrong...from my perspective we don't "berate" you or "chastize" you for your "illness" (which you have not gone for an official diagnosis on), but your refusal to get yourself help (AA or otherwise) and your decision to sporadically drink yourself into periods of explosive anger where you get excessively aggressive or profane for things that should not provoke such a result.

The profanity thingy is just my upbringing........
I worked in a truck stop for several formative years......about 14-18.
You shoulda heard them long roaders talk, eh? F this and F that......it just became a way of talking that I became accustomed to. So, when I say.....What the F's up, Doc........
I simply do not find it offensive. Just everyday speak for me. And I am sorry if others do not see it that way.

You do not have a clue how much I have to hold back to post on these boards.

So when I lose it,,,,,,,,,it's just me coming out of the closet.

I would give a gold tooth to post here for one day what I really wanna say....and how I wanna say it...ROFLMAO.......

F.......give me 5 minutes, and I'll set you straighter than an arrow......

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

You wanna talk to me about verbage??????

Watch this movie......Pride and Glory.......... Every other word is an expletive....must be the norm in the Bronx.

The trailer doesn't bring this out, of course.

BTW......it is an excellent movie. You don't really know who is the bad man until the end.

Just watch the f'n movie if you rally wanna know where I am f'n coming from,
F'ers. Then you might f'n under f'n stand. Can you f'n hear me f'n now??????

LOL folks....watch the f'n movie....then you will understand where I come from.
And from where I speaketh.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

If you are truly manic depressive, there are now some very good time tested drugs for treating the condition. Getting that under control may even make it possible to control alcohol and smoking as you would not need them as much to control your feelings. But you do need to see a doctor and talk about it. If the doctor gave you drugs and they aren't working, you may need another drug that works better for you.
On dirty language, my dad told me a story when I was young. He ran a construction crew while I was growing up and one day noticed his use of dirty language. He decided that he had a better command of the english language and had the intellect to be able to get the message across with out using dirty language. The next time he had to chew someone out, he didn't use dirty language and the guy was in total shock and though he was going to be fired. Just proves there are ways of getting the message across without the use of dirty language. Think about that story when you might use dirty language as I suspect you can select better words to get your message across.

---

If you are truly manic depressive, there are now some very good time tested drugs for treating the condition. Getting that under control may even make it possible to control alcohol and smoking as you would not need them as much to control your feelings. But you do need to see a doctor and talk about it. If the doctor gave you drugs and they aren't working, you may need another drug that works better for you.
On dirty language, my dad told me a story when I was young. He ran a construction crew while I was growing up and one day noticed his use of dirty language. He decided that he had a better command of the english language and had the intellect to be able to get the message across with out using dirty language. The next time he had to chew someone out, he didn't use dirty language and the guy was in total shock and though he was going to be fired. Just proves there are ways of getting the message across without the use of dirty language. Think about that story when you might use dirty language as I suspect you can select better words to get your message across.

I usually do......
I just lose it sometimes and revert to my inner self.........

I don't use the devil's words ALL of the time.

And I don't do drugs......only whiskey. Works for me most of the time.....don't do it all week long, just so's ya know.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

And I don't do drugs......only whiskey. Works for me most of the time.....don't do it all week long, just so's ya know.

Whiskey does NOT work for you...you have admitted before that when you drink that is when you get into trouble in the forums.

I agree with Dena---there are good medications out there that have been well-tested and documented to help (but alcohol can reverse and give serious negative consequences).

---

And I don't do drugs......only whiskey. Works for me most of the time.....don't do it all week long, just so's ya know.

Whiskey does NOT work for you...you have admitted before that when you drink that is when you get into trouble in the forums.

I agree with Dena---there are good medications out there that have been well-tested and documented to help (but alcohol can reverse and give serious negative consequences).

You define what works for you, and I'll define what works for me.

You have not a clue what goes on in my day to day existence.

Some of you think it's fine when you simply don't have to question every single thing you do from one moment to the next every day, every moment, every minute of your lives.

Try it sometime.......why did I do that? Why did I question why I did that? Why did I question why I had to question why I did that.......

It piles up rather quickly, my friends, and then rapidly becomes a burden unbearable.


Why did I post this? Should I have posted this? Will anybody care that I posted this? Will anybody answer because I have posted this? Could it make a difference in life's equation that I have posted this?

Now......maybe you have a clue.

Oh, crap........What is rig #2 doing?.......only drawing 500 watts? and rig #3?

gotta reboot it......oh Jesus, the second GPU on card 3 fell back to CPU crunching....do I have enough cache to cover the next outage????

Gotta run the resced tool on all rigs, 'cuz they all have less than 10 days cache......
Gotta check the politics forums, cuz I had somebody dissing me there.
Gotta run Hydra, and Utopia and Autoclicks......cuz I can't let our Seti city wander..
Gotta check to see if anybody gives a rat's petoot about my last post in NC, and then click on the Oldsmobile forum to see if anybody got any help from my post about my key locking up in drive....
And then I gotta call my mom to thank her for the leftover dinners she sent with me, and then I gotta PM Uli to thank her for putting up with my ass, ans then I gotta PM Luke to tell him how great his new rig build is doing, and then I gotta check the weather channel to see how cold my butt is gonna get tonight, go I can adjust the heat accordingly and the pipes don't freeze.....and oh, crap, the email icon just lit up, so I gotta check who in the hell is emailing me at this time of night just to give me crap.And then I gotta check youtube to see if there is anything that I would like to share with the rest of you [ulr=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOyj4ciJk34]Like John Lee Hooker...[/url], which you folks should really know about, but nobody takes the time to say, hey...thanks kittyman for posting that, and the I gotta start all over againg to check all of the posts I made, and wonder if that guy in the oldsmobile forum ever got his car started and can I help him and what was that mod notice I just got that thought I was being obscene???? Obscene???? You never EVEN seen me obscene............Now I gotta go through my last posts and make sure that I didn't use a wrong freakin' word somewhere and then check the Hydra link again and then the Utopia link again.....it's been about an hour now and they might have reset.......the then maybe look for another Dirty Harry youtube link to share...or abuse others with, as they see it...LOL...maybe Unforgiven....yes.that would do it.my favorite Clint clip,..........


Now........

Does that give ANY of you a clue?

(Catches his breath.)

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Clue? Understand? Who cares? You have a life and everyone is supposed to think your life is different and more demanding than everyone elses. I suppose amongst all that you also had some bowel and kidney movements, ate, surely drank and remembered to breathe. What a guy! Do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?

Your Pity Party goes on Ad Nauseam and is the same same every time. BahWhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I don't think anyone comes to an understanding with you. They put up with you, just so you won't be more intrusive and pitiful than you are. They are a cap in your electrical pity circuit.

Stack 'em.

Chicken Stacker, I'd say that's pretty hypocritical by saying he has a "pity party", when you yourself cater and respond to his every post...

- Luke.

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- Luke.

Clue? Understand? Who cares? You have a life and everyone is supposed to think your life is different and more demanding than everyone elses. I suppose amongst all that you also had some bowel and kidney movements, ate, surely drank and remembered to breathe. What a guy! Do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?

Your Pity Party goes on Ad Nauseam and is the same same every time. BahWhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I don't think anyone comes to an understanding with you. They put up with you, just so you won't be more intrusive and pitiful than you are. They are a cap in your electrical pity circuit.

Stack 'em.

Mr. Chicken........

I am done dealing with you.

Take your personal vendetta against me elsewhere.

Others do not share your views.

Go 'way.

I am stating this politely.

Next time, shall not be so.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Again I disagree...

I have elderly parents I have to check in with daily. I, myself have Cardiac issues w/ daily major sinus headaches. I have a wheelchair with recurring battery problems. I have an aging van with hydraulic lift issues in the cold-I could get out of work tonight and not be able to get in my van. My wife (who has anxiety issues) has an elderly aunt who lives 45 mins away and we are her emergency crew (daily check-in needed). Suz has potential job issues where she may be unemployed shortly. I have a dog with severe allergies and a possible autoimmune disorder who has to be watched closely.

I'd RATHER have your list then mine...dear lord.

I'm not arguing--I'm merely responding to your post....which post suggests noone else has issues in their lives. We all have issues!!! Not you alone...I know someone who has a list that'd make mine look like nothing.

---

Again I disagree...

I have elderly parents I have to check in with daily. I, myself have Cardiac issues w/ daily major sinus headaches. I have a wheelchair with recurring battery problems. I have an aging van with hydraulic lift issues in the cold-I could get out of work tonight and not be able to get in my van. My wife (who has anxiety issues) has an elderly aunt who lives 45 mins away and we are her emergency crew (daily check-in needed). Suz has potential job issues where she may be unemployed shortly. I have a dog with severe allergies and a possible autoimmune disorder who has to be watched closely.

I'd RATHER have your list then mine...dear lord.

I'm not arguing--I'm merely responding to your post....which post suggests noone else has issues in their lives. We all have issues!!! Not you alone...I know someone who has a list that'd make mine look like nothing.

Oh......I completely understand that.......

I am not purporting that my issues supersede anybody else's.......

I just am not sure that any of you understands how large they loom in MY mind.

I am sure they are trivial in some people's lives.

Not mine.....and that's the problem.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

"Next time, shall not be so."

I'm sure I don't understand what you mean.

I agree to my ignorance.

Please explain.

And........Mr. Chicken whatever.......

You want some more fodder for your chicken coop?


You were probably not in these forums back then, but you wanna know who else I still carry a torch for, my friend?

Not a kitty. A man......and much more than thou. And I was at his last show at Alpine Valley. A gift from my God to me, I guess.

Stevie Ray Vaughan.

Yes, I care about things other than kitty-esque.

Appropriate song, too.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

My my my........

The last 24 hours have sure been enlightening.........

Got friends coming out of the woodwork I never knew I had.

Thanks, friends.

Your words of wisdom shall help a lot.

Digging into some of that Rum Raisin comfort food now.

Nummy.

You folks are simply the best kind there are.

Meow.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Ya see.........I live the blues.........

Just gotta get a reality check once in a while.

That's where I'm at......that's who I am.

Y'all can come with me.

Slow Blues in C.
Alvin Lee.

Come on friends. The kitty side of life ain't bad all the time.

LOL...I do luv you all. Well.......at least MOST of you. LOL.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Walkin' and Whistlin' Blues....

The Four Knights.........

Les Paul did a version too...
Walkin' and Whistlin....
Never knew where he got the tune before.

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Clue? Understand? Who cares? You have a life and everyone is supposed to think your life is different and more demanding than everyone elses. I suppose amongst all that you also had some bowel and kidney movements, ate, surely drank and remembered to breathe. What a guy! Do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?

Your Pity Party goes on Ad Nauseam and is the same same every time. BahWhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

I don't think anyone comes to an understanding with you. They put up with you, just so you won't be more intrusive and pitiful than you are. They are a cap in your electrical pity circuit.

Stack 'em.

Bull. I'd rather read Marks posts than this drivel.

I have emailed Mark on a number of occasions off board, I have helped his local kitty shelter. That alone shows the admiration I have of Mark, someone that I have never met, someone that lives over 5,000 miles away.

Mark, at least you understand your own difficulties, that is half the battle.

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Mark, at least you understand your own difficulties, that is half the battle.

I do, my friend, I do. That's half the bottle.

My Squirrel kitty sits here by my side with her paw on my arm. Such true love.

And another of my true loves.........
Ms. Baez. She is as beautiful in her age as she ever was.
Stand by Me.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster