. . . Holy Crap Pete-Is that You

---

BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .

> sent by a 'Blonde' Cousin of mine ;)

WINTER BLONDE



As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps
out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.



The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is
Heather and you are losing some of your load."


The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.


When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up
again.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.


Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken,
the blonde says brightly,

"Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"





Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down
the street.





At the third red light, the same thing happens again.





All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks
on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window Again she
says

"Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"





When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the
next light.





When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and
runs back to the blonde.




He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...





"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the





SALT TRUCK!"

---

BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .

> sent by a 'Blonde' Cousin of mine ;)

WINTER BLONDE



As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps
out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.



The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is
Heather and you are losing some of your load."


The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.


When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up
again.

She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.


Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken,
the blonde says brightly,

"Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"





Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down
the street.





At the third red light, the same thing happens again.





All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks
on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window Again she
says

"Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"





When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the
next light.





When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and
runs back to the blonde.




He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...





"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Minnesota and I'm driving the





SALT TRUCK!"

I can see this actually happening in real life :o)

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Two zebras pondering
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did
and God replied, "You are what you are." The next day he said to the other
zebra, "I still don't understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are." The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is."

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

One Jedi says to another, "What's up? The other Jedi replies, "oh, just my Midichlorian Count."

Actual Signs

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

In a veterinarian's office: "Back in 15 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

On the door to a proctologist's office: "To expedite your visit, please back in."

At a tailor shop: We give our customers the lowest prices and workmanship

At a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Please do not hunt during daylight

In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

At a teriyaki restaurant: "$3.99 Chicken Bowel!"

In a Vermont men's store: "25 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament - Ears pierced"

In a Mall: "Ears pierced, while you wait"

In a New Jersey store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

Seen on a Taco Bell sign in Coralville, Iowa: "Everyday low value"

In a Maine restaurant: "At your service: Open 7 days a week and weekends."

On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak."

In the vestry of a Westminster church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Now those are good Matthew.

---

What you do today you will have to live with tonight

Rye Bread


Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this stuff but me."

---

"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Rye Bread


Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this stuff but me."

Mark that is an excellent Joke !! Kudo's

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Rye Bread


Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.

The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.

The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.
He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this stuff but me."

Mark that is an excellent Joke !! Kudo's

I agree Mark excellent.

---

What you do today you will have to live with tonight

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.

Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants, which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness, actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out of your butt, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bs. And that's a promise I will keep, always.

Best regards butt face,

Wendi Aarons

Austin, TX

---

Signature space for rent. Spacious lot available immediately. Includes utilities. Inquire within.

PROOF TECHNIQUE #1 - 'Proof By Induction'

1. Obtain a large power transformer.
2. Find someone who does not believe your theorem.
3. Get this person to hold the terminals on the HV side of the transformer.
4. Apply 25000 volts AC to the LV side of the transformer.

5. Repeat step (4) until they agree with the theorem . . .

---

BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .

What is the joke here Richard?

---

Pluto will always be a planet to me.

Seti Ambassador
Not to late to order an Anni Shirt

. . . The FBI has a New Way of Tracking Terrorists 'Tracking EYES' <--- click me

---

BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .

Don't Eat Me

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Tupac Shakur on In Living Color with Jamie Foxx

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Oh No I have been Caught!!

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Oh No I have been Caught!!

I don't even know what a "Chalupa" is!