God was talking to one of the angels, and said, "I've just created this spinning earth, which creates, in a 24 hour period, alternating light and darkness!" The angel said, "What are you going to do now?" God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

All the toilets were stolen out of the police station. The police have nothing to go on.

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

A man got a blood transfusion, but the hospital ran out of blood - so substituted borscht. Now his heart never skips a beet

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

A blonde wanted to apply for job as a detective. She went into the station to apply, and the sergeant said, "I will need to ask you a few questions." "What is 2+2?" The blonde said, "4." "What color is the sky?" The blonde answered, "Blue." "Who shot Lincoln?" The blonde said, "I don't know." The officer said, "When you find out come back and tell me." So the blonde went home. Her roommate asked her if she got the job. She said, "As a matter of fact I did, and they put me on a case already!"

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

The first restaurant on the moon isn't doing very well. It's got great food, but no atmosphere.

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Patient: "Doctor, something is wrong! I'm shrinking!" Doctor: "Now, now - you'll have to be a little patient!"

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

You Gotta Love the south


Tennessee


The owner of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'
Alabama

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. 'Where's Henry?' the others asked.
'Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,' the successful hunter replied.
'You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?' they inquired.
'A tough call,' nodded the hunter. 'But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!'

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, 'Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head'. 'Yep', he replied. 'That's why I dumpin it here, cause it says 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'.

Louisiana

A senior at LSU was overheard saying... 'When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .' When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, 'Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup

truck from the parking lot!'
Bubba replied, 'Did you see who it was?'
The young man answered, 'I couldn't tell, but I got his license number.'

Georgia

A Georgia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I- 75. The trooper asked, 'Got any I.D.?'
The driver replied, 'Bout whut?'

North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it.
Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was..
The man replied, 'I have a flat tire.'
The passerby asked, 'But what's with the flowers?'
The man responded, 'When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. Hey, it don't make no sense to me neither.'

And this from South Carolina
'You can say what you want about the South, but I ain't never heard of anyone wanting to retire to the North

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Some Wisconsin jokes...


If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you’re proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Park Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it’s “too spendy,” you might live in Wisconsin.

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Wisconsin.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don’t work there, you might live in Wisconsin.

If your dad’s suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Head Cheese, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have either a pet or a child named “Brett,” you might live in Wisconsin.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed wrong number, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha, Menomonie & Manitowoc, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Wisconsin.

If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, “From the land of sky-blue waters,….you might live in Wisconsin.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WISCONSINITE WHEN:


Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

“Vacation” means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend.

You measure distance in hours.

You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day and back again.

Your whole family wears Packer Green to church on Sunday.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings and funerals).

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill’s Fleet Farm at any given time.

You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You refer to the Packers as “we.”

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

You have no problem pronouncing Lac Du Flambeau.

You consider Minneapolis exotic.

You know how to polka.

Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

Down South to you means Illinois.

A brat is something you eat.

Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.

You go out to fish fry every Friday.

Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

You find minus twenty degrees “a little chilly.”

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Wisconsin friends.

---

Clk2HlpSetiCty:::PayIt4ward

Some Wisconsin jokes...

You know how to polka.

Polka was a mandatory component of Physical Education in High School...

Some Wisconsin jokes...

You know how to polka.

Polka was a mandatory component of Physical Education in High School...

Same here and I never lived in Wisconsin.

---

What you do today you will have to live with tonight

Two cows were talking to one another in Washington. One says to the other, "What do you think about this mad cow disease?" The other cow says, "What do I care, I'm a helicopter!"

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Some Wisconsin jokes...

You know how to polka.

Polka was a mandatory component of Physical Education in High School...

Same here and I never lived in Wisconsin.

Yes, but I have completely forgotten how.

---

BOINC WIKI

757 Stall speed

Approach: Continental xxx, slow to one hundred and ninety.

Continental (in a slow Texas drawl): Roger, slowing one-nine-zero.

After a few minutes of handling other arrivals, Approach asked Continental to slow further to 160.

Again the drawling pilot acknowledged the speed reduction.

Sereral more minutes passed and the controller still needed more spacing.

Approach: Continental xxx, slow to one hundred and fifty.

Continental: (in an even slower, more exasperated voice): Do you guys know what the stall speed of a seven-five-seven is ?

Approach (without missing a beat): No sir, but if you ask the guy in the left seat, I'm sure he could tell you.

Delta xxx descend and maintain six-thousand........ Nothing further was heard from the Continental crew.

---

757 Stall speed

Approach: Continental xxx, slow to one hundred and ninety.

Continental (in a slow Texas drawl): Roger, slowing one-nine-zero.

After a few minutes of handling other arrivals, Approach asked Continental to slow further to 160.

Again the drawling pilot acknowledged the speed reduction.

Sereral more minutes passed and the controller still needed more spacing.

Approach: Continental xxx, slow to one hundred and fifty.

Continental: (in an even slower, more exasperated voice): Do you guys know what the stall speed of a seven-five-seven is ?

Approach (without missing a beat): No sir, but if you ask the guy in the left seat, I'm sure he could tell you.

Delta xxx descend and maintain six-thousand........ Nothing further was heard from the Continental crew.

I believe that the landing speed could be higher than 150Knots if the plane is fully loaded and it is gusty...

---

BOINC WIKI

---

BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .

A VERY handicapped man, no arms, in a wheelchair, sits on a golf course, trying to play with the golfclub in his mouth.
He rests the club at his leg and asks another golfer..
So whats Your handicap ?

---

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" The pharmacist asks, "You mean aspirin?" "That's it, I can never remember the word."

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

In Living Color-Family Feud

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

In Living Color The Dirty Dozens 2 with Al Bundy

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010