Carlin said it best......... RIP..............

And you all really need to get a reality check..........a few words may not be 'kid friendly', but I doubt that they will lead any kiddies astray........

And this bit is a valid last statement on his life...............please.........

OK...it got worse.......delete.............

But those of you in modland might see the humor in it....LOL.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

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BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .

Choking
One day at a local buffet, a man suddenly called out, "My son is choking! He swallowed a quarter! Help! Please, anyone! Help!"
A man from a nearby table stood up and announced that he was quite experienced at this sort of thing. He stepped over with almost no look of concern at all, wrapped his hands around the boy's balls and squeezed. Out popped the quarter. The man then went back to his table as though nothing had happened.

"Thank you! Thank you!" the father cried. "Are you a paramedic?"

"No," replied the man, "I work for the IRS."

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Old enough to know better(but)still young enough not to care

Don't arrest the judge
A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.

He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?"

"That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball."

"You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat.

"How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike.

"Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere."

"That there is," replied Irish Mike...." 'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Top Ten Signs Your Airline is Cutting Costs




10. During flight they hit you with additional $200 "landing charge"

9. It's day 4 of your honeymoon and you're still on the tarmac

8. Plane has a "Hyundai" hood ornament

7. When you arrive, Hawaii looks suspiciously like Detroit

6. Inflatable vest replaced with smaller inflatable bow ties

5. Plane can't take off until you lose 20 pounds

4. In-flight entertainment: watching two fat guys fight for an armrest

3. Flight attendants wearing clothes you packed

2.The pilot -- Andy Dick. Seriously, Andy, we love you and want you to get help!

1. During the captain's preflight checklist, you hear him say, "close enough"

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Top Ten Signs Your Airline is Cutting Costs




10. During flight they hit you with additional $200 "landing charge"

9. It's day 4 of your honeymoon and you're still on the tarmac

8. Plane has a "Hyundai" hood ornament

7. When you arrive, Hawaii looks suspiciously like Detroit

6. Inflatable vest replaced with smaller inflatable bow ties

5. Plane can't take off until you lose 20 pounds

4. In-flight entertainment: watching two fat guys fight for an armrest

3. Flight attendants wearing clothes you packed

2.The pilot -- Andy Dick. Seriously, Andy, we love you and want you to get help!

1. During the captain's preflight checklist, you hear him say, "close enough"

#4, not after they lost the weight in #5.

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BOINC WIKI

Top Ten Signs Your Airline is Cutting Costs




10. During flight they hit you with additional $200 "landing charge"

9. It's day 4 of your honeymoon and you're still on the tarmac

8. Plane has a "Hyundai" hood ornament

7. When you arrive, Hawaii looks suspiciously like Detroit

6. Inflatable vest replaced with smaller inflatable bow ties

5. Plane can't take off until you lose 20 pounds

4. In-flight entertainment: watching two fat guys fight for an armrest

3. Flight attendants wearing clothes you packed

2.The pilot -- Andy Dick. Seriously, Andy, we love you and want you to get help!

1. During the captain's preflight checklist, you hear him say, "close enough"

#4, not after they lost the weight in #5.

:o)

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Top Ten Signs Your Airline is Cutting Costs




10. During flight they hit you with additional $200 "landing charge"

9. It's day 4 of your honeymoon and you're still on the tarmac

8. Plane has a "Hyundai" hood ornament

7. When you arrive, Hawaii looks suspiciously like Detroit

6. Inflatable vest replaced with smaller inflatable bow ties

5. Plane can't take off until you lose 20 pounds

4. In-flight entertainment: watching two fat guys fight for an armrest

3. Flight attendants wearing clothes you packed

2.The pilot -- Andy Dick. Seriously, Andy, we love you and want you to get help!

1. During the captain's preflight checklist, you hear him say, "close enough"

#4, not after they lost the weight in #5.

:o)

But just think. After forcibly loosing 20 pounds, they'd be so ornery, that fight would be even better entertainment. :-)

Top Ten Signs Your Airline is Cutting Costs




10. During flight they hit you with additional $200 "landing charge"

9. It's day 4 of your honeymoon and you're still on the tarmac

8. Plane has a "Hyundai" hood ornament

7. When you arrive, Hawaii looks suspiciously like Detroit

6. Inflatable vest replaced with smaller inflatable bow ties

5. Plane can't take off until you lose 20 pounds

4. In-flight entertainment: watching two fat guys fight for an armrest

3. Flight attendants wearing clothes you packed

2.The pilot -- Andy Dick. Seriously, Andy, we love you and want you to get help!

1. During the captain's preflight checklist, you hear him say, "close enough"

#4, not after they lost the weight in #5.

:o)

But just think. After forcibly loosing 20 pounds, they'd be so ornery, that fight would be even better entertainment. :-)

Possibly, but they would not be (quite as) overweight.

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BOINC WIKI

Old Ladies' Noggins
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, "You know, I'm getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn't remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down."
The second lady says, "You think that's bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn't remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!

The third lady smiles smugly, "Well, my memory is just as good as it's always been, knock on wood," she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, "Who's there"?

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Old enough to know better(but)still young enough not to care

Texas Sphincters
On the seventh day, God said, "Let there be football."
And it was good.

Later that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence."

With that, he plucked a star from the heavens and placed it on the helmet of silver and blue.

God said, "Let it be called, ''The Dallas Cowboys'' - America''s team."

Later that day, God said, "Even Cowboys need a**holes."

So he made their fans.

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Old enough to know better(but)still young enough not to care

The reason for running
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.

The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."

The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Breaking into a house
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Internet Help Desk-Humor

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Religious Nuts
There were four country churches in a small Texas town: The Presbyterian Church, the Baptist Church, the Methodist Church and the Catholic Church. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels.


One day, the Presbyterian Church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.


In the Baptist Church the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.


The Methodist Church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the Squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.


But -- The Catholic Church came up with the best and most effective solution. They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.

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Old enough to know better(but)still young enough not to care

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, 'Excuse me,
can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The woman below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees
north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.'

'You must be an Engineer,' said the balloonist.

'I am,' replied the woman, 'How did you know?'

'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically correct but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip.'

The woman below responded, 'You must be in Management.'

'I am,' replied the balloonist, 'but how did you know?'

'Well,' said the woman, 'you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot
air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly
the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.













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Pluto will always be a planet to me.

Seti Ambassador
Not to late to order an Anni Shirt

Driving in India


A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry, but my karma ran over your dogma."

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

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BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .

Q: What is the name of the best Zen teacher?
A: M.T. Ness

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

. . . from a little genius

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BOINC Wiki . . .

Science Status Page . . .