What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

---

I know a man who is a diamond cutter. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
>
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
2. Nope, no more booze for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Macas? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I wont make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
9. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
10. I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

---

Join Calm Chaos

8. Thank you, but I wont make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.

I have actually said that on quite a few occasions when I was drunk....lmao

Usually because I couldn't even stand, much less dance.

---

Air Cold, the blade stops;
from silent stone,
Death is preordained

Calm Chaos Forums : Everyone Welcome

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
>
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
2. Nope, no more booze for me.
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Macas? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I wont make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
9. Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
10. I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

What??? I can't say them sober!

Me neither. I speak broken english fluently.

A duck walks into bar,
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: no
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: no...
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: NO
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: NOOOOO!!!!!
Duck: got any bread?
Bartender: If you ask that one more time I'm going to nail your bill to the counter.
Duck: got any nails?
Bartender: NO
Duck: got any bread?

:^D

---

Account frozen...

There's three dogs, a Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog all sat in a bar having a quiet drink when a great-looking female Collie strolls in.
She comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a single sentence can have their way with me."

Quickly, the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese."
The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese."
She laughs and says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."

What??? I can't say them sober!

Me neither. I speak broken english fluently.

I am also multi-lingual, with Double Dutch and fluent Rubbish....

Don't forget that you are pretty good at speaking Gibberish as well...lmao

---

Air Cold, the blade stops;
from silent stone,
Death is preordained

Calm Chaos Forums : Everyone Welcome

Whats wrong if a girl look in the living room.

The chain is just too long.

---

With each crime and every kindness we birth our future.

Three blondes (natural) died and found themselves standing
before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the
Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a
big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus'
birth and exchange gifts."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.

The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter
said, "So, tell me."

She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the
Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast
with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the
Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and
eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a
very large boulder ...

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll
away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow,
we have six more weeks of basketball."

---

me@rescam.org

If a tree falls in the forest,
and a bear poops in the woods
where does the squirrel hide his nuts?

If a tree falls in the forest,
and a bear poops in the woods
where does the squirrel hide his nuts?

---

Account frozen...

If a tree falls in the forest,
and a bear poops in the woods
where does the squirrel hide his nuts?

lol, hilariously. Thanks, now I gotta go tinkle!

Relative Jokes

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport

My brother then opened a tall man's shop in Tokyo

---

LETS BEGIN IN 2010

If a tree falls in the forest,
and a bear poops in the woods
where does the squirrel hide his nuts?

ha ha ha, that's awesome

---

lol, hilariously. Thanks, now I gotta go tinkle!

ha ha ha, that's awesome

You girls laugh, but imagine how Trevor felt!

---

Account frozen...

They put pictures of missing people on milk cartons.

Does that mean they would put a picture of a missing transvestite on a carton of Half & Half?

Not sure what it's called over there, but that sounds about right. Lol

I see that Dune has made his return call, so we will hold off on the manhunt. If he doesn't show up again later today, we'll sick my pack of hellhounds on him. :-)