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| Personal background |
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Q: What happened to your TV series?
A: We got tired of the grind of doing weekly television. The offers continue pouring in, though. We have been pondering some specials, and/or a miniseries.
Q: What films do you currently have in the works?
A: We're on a well-deserved break, but have been reading some of the scripts that our agency has passed along. Perhaps if we saw a script for a remake of Daktari, Rat Patrol, or The Green Hornet, we might consider it.
Q: What about albums? It's been awhile since you've recorded or toured.
A: We've finished writing songs for our new album, and are in the process of selecting a producer and engineer. It's a concept album about wine-drinking pirates, with the working title The Grape Smugglers. We'll consider doing a tour later.
Q: Can I get an autographed picture?
A: No.
Q: How can I write to you? I love you guys SO MUCH!
A: You shouldn't. We never see our fan mail. We have a full-time staff of twelve that does nothing but send our fan mail directly to the recycler without opening it. However, if you insist, you can write to us in care of our production company. We really wish you wouldn't, though.
Q: What should I do if I see you in public? I get so nervous around celebrities!
A: We dislike the term "celebrity." We far prefer the term "Superior Person," because we really are superior to you. As such, we would never travel in the same circles as a person such as yourself. In the rare instance that you manage to infiltrate our world, do the following:
If you see us near where you are, stop and announce your presence by saying "hi".
Lay all camera and video equipment down.
Avert your eyes, and stay silent and motionless.
Do not move again until we are safely past.
Only then may you continue on your way.
Do NOT turn around and look at us from behind. No. |
| Thoughts about SETI and SETI@home |
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Contact is inevitable.
It's obvious that aliens from 20 billion light years away can't resist our star power.
We're pretty sure that they first thing they'll want when they get here is an autographed 8x10 of us.
If they travel that far, we'll probably comply, but we'll need proof that they at least came from outside our solar system. No Martians or Venusians need bother, because we'll just refer them to our publicist, just like we do to people from Wichita and Milwaukee.
However, if they come from another galaxy, that's a lot further than Keokuk, Iowa, so if they make the effort, we just might, too. |
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