Profile: Leon Maurer

Personal background
I'd like to introduce now the featured intellectual of this page. I'm sure that you'll all agree without any hesitation that Leon Maurer is the most brilliant philosophical genius that America has produced in almost 200 years, so perhaps a few words of biographical background might not be amiss. Leon was born on the day of the Chernobyl nuclear disaster and was thus endowed with perhaps the most glorious goatee since the 1973 death of East German leader Walter Ulbricht. Recently, he has dedicated himself to various intellectual pursuits such as eating, laughing at people, collecting facts, and idly musing about the great questions of life. Of these activities, Leon is best at eating. In fact, it has been said that he has an insatiable appetite for food. A large portion of his time is also consumed by his failed attempts at musing: "Why are we here? Why not? Do I care? If Jimmy cracks corn, and nobody cares, why does he keep doing it? There are ~72,800 kernels in a bushel of corn. Me crack corn!" Without further ado: Leon Maurer!
Leon (to reader): "HA HA"
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