The joke thread Part 4.

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Profile Mr. Kevvy Crowdfunding Project Donor*Special Project $250 donor
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Message 1481241 - Posted: 24 Feb 2014, 15:35:54 UTC
Last modified: 24 Feb 2014, 15:36:06 UTC

@Sirius B: Well that made my day... thanks. :^)
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Message 1481249 - Posted: 24 Feb 2014, 16:15:14 UTC

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Message 1481328 - Posted: 24 Feb 2014, 19:20:31 UTC - in response to Message 1481318.  

Er, this is the Jokes thread........

A slave call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece.
In those days, the athletes performed naked.

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.

At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of magnificent naked males marching towards her and she exclaimed:
"Oh!! Limp pricks!"

Over the next two-and-a-half millennia, those words morphed into "Olympics".
Notta lotta people know that!
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Message 1481354 - Posted: 24 Feb 2014, 19:53:29 UTC

Er, this is the Jokes thread........



Well, I'll be... indeed it is!;)
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Message 1481356 - Posted: 24 Feb 2014, 20:03:30 UTC - in response to Message 1481350.  

Over the next two-and-a-half millennia, those words morphed into "Olympics".

I don´t think this is to be believed either.

http://www.olympia-greece.org/

If this is a joke, then it's a very bad 1. :-(
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Message 1481357 - Posted: 24 Feb 2014, 20:05:21 UTC - in response to Message 1481318.  

Now you know Horses' Asses control almost everything....... Explains a whole lot of stuff, doesn't it?

This Sirius´s story is an old one, and I don´t think it is to be believed: http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/r/railwidth.htm, http://www.snopes.com/history/american/gauge.asp.

If Sirius had posted that in the train thread, I would have vehemently disagreed with him. But he knows better, and I know that in this thread, it's just a joke.
David
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Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.

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Message 1481360 - Posted: 24 Feb 2014, 20:08:38 UTC - in response to Message 1481357.  

LOL. As an ex-train driver myself, saw the funny side of it (wouldn't have dreamt of putting it in the train thread :-) )
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Message 1481570 - Posted: 25 Feb 2014, 7:26:51 UTC

If you EVER, EVER,

find a woman who is beautiful & intelligent,


has a great figure,


gets things done on her own,

drives a car well,

has very little expectations,

is not materialistic,

and loves you with crazy devotion,

please understand

that the whiskey you have consumed

is of the highest quality...
.


A person who makes no mistakes, creates nothing.
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Message 1482152 - Posted: 27 Feb 2014, 1:11:27 UTC
Last modified: 27 Feb 2014, 1:11:57 UTC

People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones,
but the people in Abu Dhabi Doo.

--

Guy asks his Irish grandmother," Granny,have you seen my pills — they're
marked LSD".
Granny replies," Feck the pills,- have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!"

--

I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home, and she said yes with a big smile.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
~Sue~

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Message 1482638 - Posted: 28 Feb 2014, 2:06:19 UTC

Two women were talking. "Do you look at your husband's face when you have
sex?"

"I did once & he looked really angry."

"Why angry?"

Because he was watching through the window!
~Sue~

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Message 1482711 - Posted: 28 Feb 2014, 7:38:50 UTC

The Queen & Dolly Go To Heaven !!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says,'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down.
Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'

Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?'

'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, ‘but even in Heaven, a Royal Flush beats a Pair - no matter how big they are.
.


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Message 1483039 - Posted: 1 Mar 2014, 2:26:00 UTC


~Sue~

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Message 1483042 - Posted: 1 Mar 2014, 2:28:23 UTC


~Sue~

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Message 1483046 - Posted: 1 Mar 2014, 2:37:58 UTC - in response to Message 1483042.  

Suzie-Q and Luigi Naruszewicz, Thanks for a good laugh :)
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Message 1483055 - Posted: 1 Mar 2014, 3:12:56 UTC

I saw the car, but didn't notice the dog.
David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.

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Message 1483078 - Posted: 1 Mar 2014, 5:21:48 UTC - in response to Message 1483055.  

I saw the car, but didn't notice the dog.


There was a car?
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Message 1483115 - Posted: 1 Mar 2014, 7:13:26 UTC

VENISON...



A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner.

Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, "It's what mummy calls me sometimes".

The little girl screams to her brother,

"Don't eat it, it's an arsehole.."
.


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Message 1483954 - Posted: 3 Mar 2014, 7:14:12 UTC

The real art of living :



A INDIAN HUSBAND COMES HOME FROM 'SATSANG'. ( SATSANG is a religious gathering)


HE GREETS HIS WIFE AND LIFTS HER UP, HE THEN CARRIES HER AROUND THE HOUSE WITH A RADIANT SMILE.



THE WIFE IS SO SURPRISED AND SHE ASKS...
'DID THE SWAMI PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC TODAY?

THE HUSBAND SAYS :



'NO, HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS WITH A SMILE !'
.


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Message 1484104 - Posted: 3 Mar 2014, 18:42:17 UTC

A pirate walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender looks down and says "You know that you have a steering wheel in your pants"
The pirate replies "Ay, it's drivin' me nuts"
rOZZ
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Message 1485221 - Posted: 6 Mar 2014, 7:16:54 UTC

Bill Clintons version of what really happened!....

Some years ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook fell ill, and they had to get a replacement on short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby-looking man named Jon.

The President voiced his concerns to his Chief of Staff but was told that this was the best they could do on such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his finger in the soup to taste it and again complained to the Chief Of Staff, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef.

The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a bit funny.
By the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea.
It was getting worse and worse until finally the President had to excuse himself from the dinner to look for the bathroom.

Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his bum, which made him feel even worse.

By now, the President was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom.
He tried every door in the hallway and was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened.

As he unzipped his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees.

The President fell to the floor in pain and as he was just about to pass out, Monica bent over him to listen for a heartbeat and heard the President whisper in a barely audible voice,

"Sack my cook."

And, that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.
.


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Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4.


 
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