@ Sirius B, Now that is something that I could do. I like it.
@ anniet, He also could have said something else was growing:)

He could walk around with a big smile, Like that guy in the enzyte commercial we have in the states.

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Old James

Glad you liked it James. Unfortunately, it really is a true story. That cow caused me serious issues with my strict catholic mother.

It's why my fiancé & I kept it going for several months. During the hot year of 1976 I came home from an early shift on the trains when mum castigated me for kissing several girls one week.

We found out that the gossip travels on the same train every day and that week it was driven by me. The girls I hugged and kissed were cousins I had not seen in several years.

Gossip told my fiancé, who told mum. It was fun seeing mum's face when she found out. :-)

Unfortunately, unless pulled up short, gossips really can cause an immense amount of trouble, so either nip it in the bud or tell them what they want to hear and watch them hang themselves!

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It's really hard to be in a situation where you have to make decisions for your parent. I still look to my mother for what to do, even though she's unable to tell me the best answer.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I promised my mother I would take care of her, as she did. Decisions are hard, I know, but you will always have a kind of communication with your mother that doesn't need words or 'clarification', whatever it means...

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So sorry to hear Vic, sure she's in your heart forever:(

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I promised my mother I would take care of her, as she did. Decisions are hard, I know, but you will always have a kind of communication with your mother that doesn't need words or 'clarification', whatever it means...

Very true, and thank you for saying that. As I said earlier in this thread, my dad died when I was 13, and my mother did a wonderful and perfect job picking up the pieces and raising me from there on, so it's weird and unsettling in a lot of ways to see my mother look to me for guidance, now, because I just feel so inadequate... I've never been married or had kids, so transitioning into this caregiver role is not natural for me, but I'm going to do it.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I promised my mother I would take care of her, as she did. Decisions are hard, I know, but you will always have a kind of communication with your mother that doesn't need words or 'clarification', whatever it means...

Very true, and thank you for saying that. As I said earlier in this thread, my dad died when I was 13, and my mother did a wonderful and perfect job picking up the pieces and raising me from there on, so it's weird and unsettling in a lot of ways to see my mother look to me for guidance, now, because I just feel so inadequate... I've never been married or had kids, so transitioning into this caregiver role is not natural for me, but I'm going to do it.

Same story here. My dad left my mom when I was 6 months, after the accident he was the first person they called, he said 'I won't stand at the bed of a stranger' that's literally what he said! My mom was always there for me, even when she was away on one of her travels. The care giving role comes naturally, with 'good souls' that is.

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I have no kids and I've been single all My life, though I did date once, but that's it. Mom said I was Her right hand Man.

I've asked my mother a few times in the past if she's ok with not having grandchildren, and I believe her when she says she doesn't really mind about that, but she does wish I would have someone to be with me for when I get old.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

The care giving role comes naturally, with 'good souls' that is.

I am a good soul, but there is a lot of overwhelming shock and anxiety coming to grips with what is unfolding here with my mother.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

The care giving role comes naturally, with 'good souls' that is.

I am a good soul, but there is a lot of overwhelming shock and anxiety coming to grips with what is unfolding here with my mother.

It must be so hard for you Gordon :( Have they managed to sort out some pain relief for your mum?

The care giving role comes naturally, with 'good souls' that is.

I am a good soul, but there is a lot of overwhelming shock and anxiety coming to grips with what is unfolding here with my mother.

Yes, Gordon, you are dealing with issues that you have not had to deal with before. You are outside your comfort zone, dealing with unknowns and uncertainties. That produces fear and anxiety in almost everyone. But there are resources available to you, people who have been there and done that, and can help you.

I don't recall where you are, (edit - just checked your profile - Louisville, Kentucky) but here in California, the county Health and Human Services Department has counselors and information on dealing with just about any sort of healthcare issue you might encounter. They may also be able to refer you to non-profit and for-profit agencies that provide assistance and care.

And if you or your mother are members of a church, there may be a group there that visits ill and injured members, people that she may know well enough to trust in her home, to help her with daily tasks, or just companionship.

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

@zoom, I had my 2nd wifes ashes in my closet for about 5 years. She wanted hes ashes to be spread on a lake that we had been to a lot. trouble was I didnt know anyone with a boat. When my now wife was living with me she came across a box in said closet and said whats this. I said its my late wifes ashes. The look on her face and the shock was priceless. She dropped the box and swore at me:) It wasnt long after, That my stepson bought a boat and we gave her ashes to the lake.

My mom will be 81 soon, My dad died in 08 at 81. There is an old saying that parents should be buried by their children. I wont pretend to even know the horrors of having to bury a child. I found having a spouse die was the hardest thing Ive had to do in my life.

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Old James

@zoom, I had my 2nd wifes ashes in my closet for about 5 years. She wanted hes ashes to be spread on a lake that we had been to a lot. trouble was I didnt know anyone with a boat. When my now wife was living with me she came across a box in said closet and said whats this. I said its my late wifes ashes. The look on her face and the shock was priceless. She dropped the box and swore at me:) It wasnt long after, That my stepson bought a boat and we gave her ashes to the lake.

My mom will be 81 soon, My dad died in 08 at 81. There is an old saying that parents should be buried by their children. I wont pretend to even know the horrors of having to bury a child. I found having a spouse die was the hardest thing Ive had to do in my life.

I've been trying to help a friend get through the trauma of losing her husband 6 months ago. He was just 49, had never been ill in his life and died from DVT. She is utterly heartbroken and I don't think she ever won't be. Some people are fortunate to find their soulmate in their partner. I don't know how you get over losing them. :(

I don't recall where you are, (edit - just checked your profile - Louisville, Kentucky) but here in California, the county Health and Human Services Department has counselors and information on dealing with just about any sort of healthcare issue you might encounter. They may also be able to refer you to non-profit and for-profit agencies that provide assistance and care.

And if you or your mother are members of a church, there may be a group there that visits ill and injured members, people that she may know well enough to trust in her home, to help her with daily tasks, or just companionship.

We are Catholics, but not active, so we're really not in touch with other church members.

There is a Crisis and Information Center Hotline that I used to work for, ironically, and I haven't called them, but I might. You are right - I am way out of my comfort zone and it's scary. I had a nice talk with the head nurse this morning, but she seemed more inclined to tell me my mother might be better off in long-term care outside the home, and that really upset me. I told her I will not let my mother be in this precarious limbo for much longer. I will take care of her in her home somehow. I will do it.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I found having a spouse die was the hardest thing Ive had to do in my life.

My mother was deeply in pain after losing her husband(my father). I'm not going to add to that pain by dying, myself. I am certain it would be the end for my mother if she didn't have me.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I'm in my house, relaxing, and my mother just called me from her hospital bed asking me when I was coming back to see her. I was just there a few hours ago, and I do love my mother, but I can't do 24/7 in the hospital. She sleeps most of the time, and when she wakes up she wants me there, and I understand that(I would be the same way in that situation), but it's too draining for me to be in her hospital room all the time. Her slightly demented state is affecting how she perceives things. I wish I could get in her brain and add some hard drive space, along with more RAM. If any of you are old enough, and grew up in the U.S., you might remember the old show, Lost in Space, and there is an episode where Will Robinson and Dr. Smith go inside the robot to fix him. I feel like that now, with my mother. I want to fix the situation. I can't do that sort of magic, so I'm trying to figure out what to do next.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I'm in my house, relaxing, and my mother just called me from her hospital bed asking me when I was coming back to see her. I was just there a few hours ago, and I do love my mother, but I can't do 24/7 in the hospital. She sleeps most of the time, and when she wakes up she wants me there, and I understand that(I would be the same way in that situation), but it's too draining for me to be in her hospital room all the time. Her slightly demented state is affecting how she perceives things. I wish I could get in her brain and add some hard drive space, along with more RAM. If any of you are old enough, and grew up in the U.S., you might remember the old show, Lost in Space, and there is an episode where Will Robinson and Dr. Smith go inside the robot to fix him. I feel like that now, with my mother. I want to fix the situation. I can't do that sort of magic, so I'm trying to figure out what to do next.

:( It's a type of hell you're in at the moment, Gordon. I wish there was a solution out there that would provide you with the space YOU MUST HAVE and soothe all her anxieties whilst you're away from her side. My mum is physically able and trails behind me every one of her waking moments. There are times when I could scream with the frustration of having her on my heels and breathing over my shoulder. She forgets everything I do for her, then, as a result, "remembers everything I haven't"

Every medical professional who has dealt with her has said my sister and I should put her in a home. I know if we did, her mental grip will be lost forever and rapidly. As long as there is recognition in her eyes of who we are, and I can make her smile and laugh, we simply can't do it, and I don't think I ever could. But I can at least share the caring of her with my sister. You don't have that release valve. You need to find some support. Someone who could perhaps visit her in hospital? Or perhaps, in the meantime, a recording of your voice reading a poem or something that she can play in between visits? DON'T feel guilty!! You're a wonderful son doing your very very best for her!! Irrespective of what you owe yourself, you owe it to her to keep well rested and fresh.

Try taking a step at a time for awhile and ignore all horizons for the moment wherever you can :)

Every medical professional who has dealt with her has said my sister and I should put her in a home. I know if we did, her mental grip will be lost forever and rapidly. As long as there is recognition in her eyes of who we are, and I can make her smile and laugh, we simply can't do it, and I don't think I ever could. But I can at least share the caring of her with my sister. You don't have that release valve. You need to find some support. Someone who could perhaps visit her in hospital? Or perhaps, in the meantime, a recording of your voice reading a poem or something that she can play in between visits? DON'T feel guilty!! You're a wonderful son doing your very very best for her!! Irrespective of what you owe yourself, you owe it to her to keep well rested and fresh.

Try taking a step at a time for awhile and ignore all horizons for the moment wherever you can :)

I've had a couple nurses, and one or two other people who don't know me or the situation very well say the same thing... that my mother will probably need to be in an "assisted living" facility for the rest of her life. I just can't do that. I agree totally with what you said about your mother losing her mental grip completely if she was moved into a strange setting. I always feared a day like this might come when I have to make the decisions, and here it is. You can try to prepare mentally, but you're never "ready". My mother knows I am going to quit my job to take care of her in her home, and while she obviously doesn't want to put me in that position, she also knows I am doing what I want to do. It is not a hardship to me. It is about taking care of my best friend.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

My mother knows I am going to quit my job to take care of her in her home, and while she obviously doesn't want to put me in that position, she also knows I am doing what I want to do. It is not a hardship to me. It is about taking care of my best friend.

:) you're lovely you are!

I found having a spouse die was the hardest thing Ive had to do in my life.

My mother was deeply in pain after losing her husband(my father). I'm not going to add to that pain by dying, myself. I am certain it would be the end for my mother if she didn't have me.

I was telling the story of that singer Nena (from 99 luftballons) to my daughter yesterday. Her child fell out of the window and died. She killed herself because of that. My daughter asked me if I'd do the same for her. I told her I lost Oonah already and I would do no such thing as long as I have someone to live for and that's Lisa en Yoko (my two daughters)

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