A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They were advertising that they served the testicles of the bull who lost the bullfight. Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that where was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser's testicles. So he signed up and came back six weeks later. When he got his meal, there were two teeny, teeny balls on his plate. He called the waiter over to complain.

"I've waited six weeks for bull testicles. What are these?"

"Sir," the waiter said, "the bull doesn't always lose."

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Account frozen...

"Bartender, gimme 'nother drink, says a very drunk man.

"Sorry sir," replies the bartender. "I have to cut you off."

"Just gimme another drink."

"O.K. I'll make a deal with you. I'll give you another drink and call you a cab. When the cab comes, regardless of whether you're done or not you have to go."

"Thass a good deal," the drunk says. He gets his drink and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. "Oh no, what am I gonna do now? My wife's gonna kill me."

"Relax," the bartender says, "give me a five-dollar bill." The bartender folds up the bill and puts it in the guy's shirt pocket. "When you get home, tell your wife you were in the bar and some drunk puked on you and gave you five bucks to have your shirt cleaned."

"Thass a great idea!"

When the drunk gets home his wife answers the door. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? LOOK AT YOUR SHIRT! WHAT HAPPENED?"

He tried to put on his most sober voice and said, "Relaaaax honey, some drunk guy puked on me and gave me five bucks to have my shirt cleaned."

The drunk's wife reaches in his pocket, grabs the money, and says, "THERE'S TEN BUCKS HERE!"

"Oh yeah, he s**t my pants, too."

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Account frozen...

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!"

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Best Worst Country-Western Songs

Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears

Just Bought a Car From a Guy That Stole my Girl, but the Car Don't Run, So I Figure We Got an Even Deal

I Sent Her Artificial Flowers For Her Artificial Love

Mama, Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

Heaven's Just A Sin Away

She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

How Can I Miss You When You Won't Go Away?

You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

My brother then bought 1000 Japanese cameras. They all go "Crick

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

A man was visiting Spain and passed by a restaurant in Madrid after a bullfight. They were advertising that they served the testicles of the bull who lost the bullfight. Intrigued, the man went inside, only to find that where was a six-week waiting list to get to eat the loser's testicles. So he signed up and came back six weeks later. When he got his meal, there were two teeny, teeny balls on his plate. He called the waiter over to complain.

"I've waited six weeks for bull testicles. What are these?"

"Sir," the waiter said, "the bull doesn't always lose."

Excellent Dune, Excellent.

"Get your own damned blanket!"

"Good choice - the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you."

What's wrong with Canadian guys Stacey?????

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Account frozen...

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.

The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof pad and pencil, and wrote, "Amazing! How are you able to stay this deep down without equipment?"

The guy took the pencil and pad, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

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Account frozen...

How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)
How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)

Yeah, I'm blonde......

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Account frozen...

What did the bra say to the hat?

"You go on ahead, while I give these two a lift."

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Account frozen...

was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King!"


I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said, "Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

"Get your own damned blanket!"

"Good choice - the clothes probably wouldn't have fitted you."

What's wrong with Canadian guys Stacey?????

An enigma for me as well ... I'm still trying to figure them out Dune.

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On their anniversary night, the blonde husband sat his wife down in the bedroom with her favorite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself.

"How romantic!" she thought.

Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to be served. She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess.

Her harried blond husband, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway.

"Almost ready!" he vowed. "Sorry it took me so long but I had to refill the pepper shaker."

"Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?"

"More than an hour, I reckon. Wasn't easy stuffing' it through those dumb little holes."

---

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class
section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently
wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed
again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once
more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still
curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman
sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her
body shaking ever more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said,
I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your
nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?" "I am sorry if I
disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze
I have an orgasm." The man,more than a bit embarrassed, was still
curious. " I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are
you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper."

---

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing
their carts around Home Depot when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that.
I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying
attention to where I was going.
"The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too.
I can't find her and I'm getting alittle desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each
other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old,
tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs,
big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts,
a halter top and no bra.
What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, ...........
"Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."

---

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he
settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful
woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was
heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have
it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to
strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business
trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to
the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in
Chicago."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he
had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going
to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain
his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business
role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I
have learned from my personal experiences to debunk
some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that
African-American men are the most well-endowed of all
men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who
is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular
myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when
actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely
the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and
blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be
discussing all of this with you. I don't even know
your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my
friends call me Bubba."

---

On their anniversary night, the blonde husband sat his wife down in the bedroom with her favorite magazine, turned on the soft reading lamp, slipped off her shoes, patted and propped her feet and announced that he was preparing dinner all by himself.

"How romantic!" she thought.

Two-and-a-half hours later, she was still waiting for dinner to be served. She tiptoed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess.

Her harried blond husband, removing something indescribable from the smoking oven, saw her in the doorway.

"Almost ready!" he vowed. "Sorry it took me so long but I had to refill the pepper shaker."

"Why, honey, how long could that have taken you?"

"More than an hour, I reckon. Wasn't easy stuffing' it through those dumb little holes."

From one blond husband to another... Try putting the pepper in the salt shaker, the holes are bigger.

"Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper."

My wife says it works equally well here too.

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Account frozen...

Male Blond Joke

A BLOND GUY GETS HOME EARLY FROM WORK AND HEARS STRANGE NOISES COMING FROM THE BEDROOM. HE RUSHES UPSTAIRS TO FIND HIS WIFE NAKED ON THE BED, SWEATING AND PANTING.

"WHAT'S UP?" HE SAYS.

"I'M HAVING A HEART ATTACK," CRIES THE WOMAN.

HE RUSHES DOWNSTAIRS TO GRAB THE PHONE, BUT JUST AS HE'S DIALING, HIS 4-YEAR-OLD SON COMES UP AND SAYS "DADDY! DADDY! UNCLE TED'S HIDING IN YOUR CLOSET AND HE'S GOT NO CLOTHES ON!"

THE GUY SLAMS THE PHONE DOWN AND STORMS UPSTAIRS INTO THE BEDROOM, PAST HIS SCREAMING WIFE, AND RIPS OPEN THE WARDROBE DOOR. SURE ENOUGH, THERE IS HIS BROTHER, TOTALLY NAKED, COWERING ON THE CLOSET FLOOR.

"YOU ROTTEN S.O.B.," SAYS THE HUSBAND, "MY WIFE'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK AND YOU'RE RUNNING AROUND NAKED SCARING THE KIDS!"

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Account frozen...

"Tonto Goldstein, but my
friends call me Bubba."

Now that's funny!!

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