Lynn, wishing you, your husband and your children peace as you wrestle with end-of-life challenges. Wishing you joyful times as well.

You would think that joyful times are not possible, but they are.

My brother John was diagnosed in his early 40's with a rare cancer and he lived about a year with that diagnosis before passing away. In watching John deal with his own mortality, I discovered that dying had taught him how to live. For example, one day John and his children were over at our house. It was college football season and John was watching football with Eric. My niece Kathryn, who was quite young at the time, came into the house from the backyard where she had been playing with some puppets. She walked up to her father and said, "Daddy, play puppets with me." My brother walked away from the television, went straight into the backyard, put on a puppet and played with his little girl.

Had John been healthy, he would have put Kathryn off ("Daddy is watching football right now. I'll play with you later.") or he would have passed the buck ("Auntie Angela wants to play puppets with you.") Instead he seized the moment and enjoyed joyful play with his child.

Dying had taught John how to live.

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Thanks for words of encouragement, everyone. :)
I just had to offload. I know things will get worse in the future. Maybe some day their will be a meaning to this. I just did not think life would through me this curve ball, at my age. They say we get there when we get there! I'm not there yet. One day maybe.

Thoughts and prayers for everyone before me. You all are amazing people. Thanks again.

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My husband has stage 4 cancer. Not an easy thing to go thru. :-(
I have my children to help, but it's me coming to terms with the situation. Life is precious and hard. One of the reasons for not posting as much as I did.

I was also in the hospital with the flu, even though I had the flu shot.
Think all the stress gets to me.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone here.

Back when my father died in 1982, my mother started walking around the city reservoir every day, and it was a simple, free, stress reliever, and I've adopted that tradition as much as I can. It helps me, too. Simple daily exercise like that stimulates the good brain neurotransmitters. It's a twist of sad irony that my mother can no longer walk, but I'm doing her daily reservoir walks for her myself nowadays, and finding out how it helped her. I think Bernie can identify with this, given his nature walks.

Being the sole care provider of a person who can't even sit up without help means I don't like to leave the house for more than two hours at a time, but that's enough for me. I've never been a Type A extrovert, so staying at home, especially with my best friend in the world, suits me just fine. When life throws you a curve of this magnitude, I think we all instinctively find ways to manage it. Lynn, you will find a way.


That's a scratchy 1800's picture of the reservoir my mother and I love to walk around, but it gives you an idea of the open surroundings, up high. Hasn't changed a bit.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Lynn's situation makes me think about how I would cope with a spouse or child in a health situation which was not good. I've never been married, and don't have any kids, and I'm an only child with no extended relatives alive, so it's hard for me to compare my mother and I to other families, and how they cope with severe illness.

In my case, my mother raised me alone after my father died when I was 13, and then I moved out of her house when I graduated from U of L in 1990, eventually bought a house of my own in 2001, and then moved back into her house when she got sick in 2014, and quit my job to take care of her full time.

I always expected in the back of my mind that my mother was going to get sick and need my care someday, but I wasn't totally prepared psychologically for it. I think we're all in denial about our limited time alive, but dealing with a sick loved one shocks you into reality.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I think Bernie can identify with this, given his nature walks.

Very much so. My dad is having worse and worse memory problems, which can be frustrating for us both, and I find during my walks I am able to "step away" and think things through. I think if I wasn't already a daily walker, I would have started now.

I also worry about leaving dad for too long, more for the fact that he is not very mobile and could fall while I am not there.

I believe I am quite lucky in that my dad is not totally dependant on me, he can do simple things for himself. His vision and hearing are problematic but with assistance he can get by day to day.

How I would cope if he became seriously ill I do not know.

Those "motor memories" (the ones we learn when we're babies beginning to first sit then crawl etc ) she's apparently unable to access.

My mother has occasional episodes where she "forgets" how to chew and swallow, and drink from a straw. She also has out of body experiences about going to the bathroom: It doesn't seem to compute to her that she needs to go or how to do it. It's an abstract concept to her. On the other hand, she can be a very astute commentator on what is going on around her. She's a keen observer. She just seems detached from her own reality.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

My stepmom has this tendency not to notice you doing things right next to her. If her focus is on her iPad or tv. She might not notice you doing the dusting on her side table next to her recliner. You pick up everything and later she will swear you didn't touch a thing. I have even run the vaccum cleaner past her only for her not to notice it.

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I frequently have to repeat myself three times before I cut through my mother's fog and she "hears" me. She's not going deaf. Far from it. It's just her mind is off on some other astral plane of existence, and her tuner dial just doesn't respond as quickly as it used to.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

The secret to long life is hard work, says Violet Brown.
At 117 years of age, Violet Brown is believed to have become the world's oldest living person following the death of Emma Morano of Italy on Saturday.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-04-18/at-117-jamaican-woman-becomes-worlds-oldest-person/8449110
Ms Brown has two caregivers and spends most of the day resting in the home she shares with her 97-year-old son.

The secret to long life is hard work, says Violet Brown.
At 117 years of age, Violet Brown is believed to have become the world's oldest living person following the death of Emma Morano of Italy on Saturday.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-04-18/at-117-jamaican-woman-becomes-worlds-oldest-person/8449110
Ms Brown has two caregivers and spends most of the day resting in the home she shares with her 97-year-old son.

Isn't it a parent's right to live long enough to become a burden to their kids for all the years spent bringing them up? :-D

Cheers.

The secret to long life is hard work, says Violet Brown.
At 117 years of age, Violet Brown is believed to have become the world's oldest living person following the death of Emma Morano of Italy on Saturday.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-04-18/at-117-jamaican-woman-becomes-worlds-oldest-person/8449110
Ms Brown has two caregivers and spends most of the day resting in the home she shares with her 97-year-old son.

Isn't it a parent's right to live long enough to become a burden to their kids for all the years spent bringing them up? :-D
Cheers.

Maybe Ms Brown is still a caregiver to her son:)

The secret to long life is hard work, says Violet Brown.
At 117 years of age, Violet Brown is believed to have become the world's oldest living person following the death of Emma Morano of Italy on Saturday.
http://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-04-18/at-117-jamaican-woman-becomes-worlds-oldest-person/8449110
Ms Brown has two caregivers and spends most of the day resting in the home she shares with her 97-year-old son.

Isn't it a parent's right to live long enough to become a burden to their kids for all the years spent bringing them up? :-D
Cheers.

Maybe Ms Brown is still a caregiver to her son:)

Don't know. That might depend on how cranky and sour they get in their later years.

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My GF has to amputate her left foot today!
It started with a small lesion in the heel and that grow bigger...
The thing is that her father had the same thing.
Started with a toe.
Then the lower leg.
Then the other leg(:
He cried when my GF and he talked to each other the last time:( :( :(

I'm very sorry to hear that, Janne. What caused this?

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I'm very sorry to hear that, Janne. What caused this?

Diabetes 2.
She used to go a regulary feet examanation before that but Swedish healthcare canceled that a couple years ago:(
Heck. Today you really to be VERY sick to get a treatment.
Even if the patient has suffered for years!

Oh. Here it's now called "users" when you are patient!
It's true!

The strange thing is that our dog Tosca noticed that my GF was ill before she went to the hospital.
Usually she sleeps close to her but now she sleeps with me....

Sorry to hear that.
My own fate may be somewhat similar, although I am not a classic diabetic yet.
I lost all feeling in a couple of my toes years ago.
They did some circulatory tests and all seems to be well there.
Just some diabetic nerve loss, I was told.
But I am not treatable for the disease yet, so they do nothing.

I am considering going on to buproprion.
My doc brought it up for two reasons.

First, I am a manic/depressive.
The drug has two facets. The first, for which is was originally tested and dispensed, was for depression disorder.
And then, when people started to respond to the depression thingy, it was sideways discovered that many of them also found the need for smoking to go away.
Might be part and parcel, but if the depressive syndromes caused the smoking fix in the first place, not surprising at all.
Manic/depressives almost always have to fixate on something. And often as not, it is dragging on a ciggy butt.
So, when the original origin of the fixation is cured, no wonder that they find it no longer necessary to keep the crutch.

Buproprion also comes with a very long list of downsides, after effects, and side effects.
While it can elevate mood, it can also lead to suicidal thoughts.
Since I have a brother that committed suicide, I must be very aware and conscious of this fact if in fact they occur.
I am going forward with this treatment, wherever it takes me.
I cannot at my age just keep trudging forward pretending nothing is wrong.

This will either cure me or kill me. May science and God be on my side.
But, this is real scary shit....................
Not as easily dispensed as some may think.

And some would not prescribe it to a confessed alcoholic. I have NOT lied to my doctor. She knows full well the extent of my excesses. One of the things I read is NOT to stop alcohol dependency whilst taking it.
It seems that they do not wish any other dependency to be stopped codependent with it.

One day at a time, my friends.
One day at a time.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Anybody else have any life experience with buproprion(Zyban)?
Or anything you can offer about it?
I think I should know now rather than later.
If ever I was in need of my Seti friends, it is now.
And I do realize that I have shucked your advice many times in the past.
I am asking for some consultation here.
This appears to be more wacky shit than I intended to get myself into.
The smoking thingy I can understand.
The 'adjusting' of mind and mood is what concerns me.
It is said to take a month or more to 'adjust'.
I live alone with my kitties..........what is going to happen to us during the 'adjustment' period?
I have to work for a living. I cannot just hang out here with the kitties for a month waiting for the check in the mail, so to speak.
If I go to work and smash a coworker in the face because he pissed me off...............OMG.\


Please.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Bupropion is believed to act by inhibiting the reuptake of dopamine and norepinephrine also called noradrenaline in the central nervous system.
That it could lead to suicidal thoughts is doubtful.
But have you read this?
https://www.drugs.com/bupropion.html
Talk to your doctor.

Oh. One other way is always to exercise.
It's true:)
Yes it's a pain for the first 15 minutes.
But later your brain will be full with positive hormones.
A quick walk for about an hour perhaps will make you feel better without medication.