Anyone know who these people are?

http://www.setileague.org/articles/meat.htm

I've never happened across them before, but it is really funny. :)

"They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."
"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"
"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."
"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."
"No brain?"
"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat!"
"So... what does the thinking?"
"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat."
"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"
"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"
"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."
"Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."
"So what does the meat have in mind?"
"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual."
"We're supposed to talk to meat?"
"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."
"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
"I thought you just told me they used radio."
"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."
"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
"Both."
"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multi-beings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"
"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"
"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."
"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."
"That's it."
"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?"
"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."
"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."
"And we can mark this sector unoccupied."
"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"
"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotations ago, wants to be friendly again."
"They always come around."
"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone."

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River Song (aka Linda Latte on planet Earth)
"Happy I-Phone girl on the GO GO GO"

That dialogue is so funny!!! Thank you for sharing it.

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That dialogue is so funny!!! Thank you for sharing it.

You're VERY welcome! I have searched the net daily, hour on hour, using 'Stumbleupon' and never came across anything before from the URL I pasted. I guess I'm going to have to look at them and see if there is more like this? <giggle>

http://www.setileague.org/articles/

Here is one other from the same source.. It is HILARIOUS 1!

SETI Fiction: Alien Email

MESSAGE FROM OUTER SPACE
ALIENS CONTACT NASA:
"QUIT SENDING US YOUR STUPID JUNK"

WASHINGTON, DC (DPI) - History was changed forever yesterday when NASA received a transmission from an alien species. The brief message, addressed to "abuse@NASA.gov," read simply:

Humans --

Please discontinue sending stupid unsolicited transmissions and debris to us. We have received several metallic craft bearing objects, crude drawings, and disks which play noises when scratched with crystal-tipped needles. We don't know who "Bach" is, but tell him for us that he should consider another profession. Honestly, we receive thousands of unsolicited transmissions and craft from societies such as yourself to the point where they become a great nuisance, so discontinue this practice immediately or we will be forced to report you to your information provider or, more simply, blow up your stupid planet and all your stupid life-forms. Send your junk to the Gezor -- they have all the class and intelligence of stewed clazin. Regards,

Elinzoa Glppaducc
Information Processing Coordinator
The Shati-Makal

NASA immediately cancelled plans to send up a time capsule containing a CD of the Ricky Martin hit, "Livin' La Vida Loca", and a VHS copy of "Friends."

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River Song (aka Linda Latte on planet Earth)
"Happy I-Phone girl on the GO GO GO"

Meat people?
It kind of opens the mind eh?
Thanks for that.


edit:
Looks like you are new here abouts, or I have just missed your posts before. Welcome!
re-edit:
Do you think she likes Raccoons?

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Oddly enough, I came across this a couple weeks ago while researching First Contact (or lack thereof) in Science Fiction. One story led to another, somehow I ended up reading about SETI and here I am!

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Oddly enough, I came across this a couple weeks ago while researching First Contact (or lack thereof) in Science Fiction. One story led to another, somehow I ended up reading about SETI and here I am!

Welcome!!! You will find many friends here.

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Meat people?
It kind of opens the mind eh?
Thanks for that.


edit:
Looks like you are new here abouts, or I have just missed your posts before. Welcome!
re-edit:
Do you think she likes Raccoons?

Of course there are "Meat" people. But don't forget the "Computer" people.

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I guess there are lots of different
kinds of people, but I am always looking
for Good People!

:):)



edit:
Lots of good people to be found in here....

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Oddly enough, I came across this a couple weeks ago while researching First Contact (or lack thereof) in Science Fiction. One story led to another, somehow I ended up reading about SETI and here I am!

Wow, me too... I scan 'Stumbleupon.com' daily and it's the first time I came across this groups funny postings. I thought, by the name, they were a part of this SETI, but I guess not?

Fun stuff! A smile a day keeps unhappiness away. :)

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River Song (aka Linda Latte on planet Earth)
"Happy I-Phone girl on the GO GO GO"

Reminds me of the Twilight Zone episode about the "cookbook".

---

The mind is a weird and mysterious place

A smile a day keeps unhappiness away

We are happy that you have found this place. I
should like to warn you that in spite of our
well deserved reputation for humor, and terribly
exciting well respected diversions of extreme
intellectuality, there are some dour humorless
persons in here, we call them Englishmen.
Do not be of ill will, they are generally harmless,
and they will work for beer. Other than that I hope
you find many hours of entertainment.


edit:
Just try to remember that Irishmen are not Englishmen....

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They're made out of meat.

I loved and truly miss Omni Magazine.

---

~Sue~

I guess there are lots of different
kinds of people, but I am always looking
for Good People!

+1 and Amen

---

~Sue~

A smile a day keeps unhappiness away

We are happy that you have found this place. I
should like to warn you that in spite of our
well deserved reputation for humor, and terribly
exciting well respected diversions of extreme
intellectuality, there are some dour humorless
persons in here, we call them Englishmen.
Do not be of ill will, they are generally harmless,
and they will work for beer. Other than that I hope
you find many hours of entertainment.


edit:
Just try to remember that Irishmen are not Englishmen....

Thank you celltooth! Bloody hell, mucker, I know about englishmen. I'm safely tucked away, far from them, in California. :) <giggles>

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River Song (aka Linda Latte on planet Earth)
"Happy I-Phone girl on the GO GO GO"

I'm safely tucked away, far from them, in California. :)

Dear child, they are every where, every where.....

edit:
To all them dear British persons who have sent love notes: I'm sorry ok I've been sick....?

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I thought there was a link to the meat story somewhere on the home page, but I don't see it anymore.

---

David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.

I thought there was a link to the meat story somewhere on the home page, but I don't see it anymore.

This should be it, I think:

http://www.setileague.org/articles/meat.htm

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River Song (aka Linda Latte on planet Earth)
"Happy I-Phone girl on the GO GO GO"

I thought there was a link to the meat story somewhere on the home page, but I don't see it anymore.

This should be it, I think:

http://www.setileague.org/articles/meat.htm

I should have Remembered that...I have "Bears Discover Fire" in an old copy of SC short stories!

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I Desire Peace and Justice, Jim Scott (Mod-Ret.)