Trying to regain my sense of humour........

I got cats....

You got Dogs?

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

I bet there are a couple more that enjoyed it.
Cheers!

me as well

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It is crazy to see how you can kill a bad guy with just pushing the mic button and making the right question to ground control at the right time.....LOL
As soon as I found it by surfing the net, I thought I had to share it here on the wall with you all.
A fact: the Blackbird SR71 has no weapons at all.....well, sorry, just two: hell speed and crew teamwork!!!
Have a nice day, folks!

Actually, it had a third (sort of) -- that camera.

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BOINC WIKI

Keeping our passengers safe in the air--->Low cost flights

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Hilarious Dirk, thank you.

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Pluto will always be a planet to me.

Seti Ambassador
Not to late to order an Anni Shirt

Silly California (Laws)

One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock. ( Riverside)
- All persons wishing to keep a rhinoceros as a pet must obtain a $100 license first. (Norco)
- It is illegal to molest butterflies. (Pacific Grove)
- It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM. (Palm Springs)
- It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar. (San Diego)
- Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash. (San Francisco)
- It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. (San Francisco)
- It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner. (San Francisco)
- Giving or receiving oral sex is prohibited. (San Francisco)
- It is illegal to have more than 2 cats or dogs. (San Jose)
- Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times. (Temecula)
- It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss. (Pasadena)
- Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Carmel)
- Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits. (Carmel)
- It is illegal to own a green or smelly animal hide. (Chico)
- It is illegal to plant a garden in any public street. (Chico)
- Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine. (Chico)
- One may not use one's own restroom if the window is open. (Dana Point)
- It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time. (Hollywood)
- It is illegal for a trumpet player to play his instrument with the intention of luring someone to a store. (Indian Wells)
- Cars are the only item allowed in a garage. (Long Beach)
- It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course. (Long Beach)
- It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent. (Los Angeles)
- You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time. (Los Angeles)
- You may not hunt moths under a street light. (Los Angeles)
- It is illegal to cry on the witness stand. (Los Angeles)
- Toads may not be licked. (Los Angeles)
- It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church. Breaking this law is punishable by a fine of $500 and/or six months in prison. (Los Angeles)
- Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a lantern is walking ahead of it. (Redlands)
- Kites may not be flown above 10 feet over the ground. (Walnut)
- Children may not wear a Halloween mask unless they get a special permit from the sheriff. (Walnut)
- Males may not dress as a female unless a special permit is obtained from the sheriff. (Walnut)

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New Study

A local scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with very low intelligence read their emails with their hand on the mouse.







Don't bother taking it off now. It's too late.

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My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist says, "Well, then stay off your bicycle for about a week."

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

A spy had stolen some secret documents from an Iraqi military base. He fled into the desert, and the commanding general of the base took a small army out to find him. Realizing that he would be in worse trouble if caught with the classified papers, he found a nearby step pyramid. He built a small fire inside with the intention of burning the documents. Unfortunately for him, the General saw the smoke rising from the pyramid from several miles off and quickly apprehended the spy. The moral of the story?

The searching general says that smoking ziggurats are hazardous to your stealth.

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"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - Orwell

Larry Lobster and Sam Clam where best friends. They did everything together. The only difference between them is that Larry was the nicest Lobster ever, and Sam, well, let's just say he was not so good. Larry and Sam did so much together that they even died together.

Larry went to heaven and Sam went to hell. Larry was doing well in heaven, and one day St. Peter came up to him and said, "Larry, you know, you are the nicest lobster we ever had up here. Everyone likes you, but you seem to be a bit depressed. Tell me what is bothering you, maybe I can help." Larry said, "Well, don't get me wrong Pete, I like it up here and everything, but I really miss my good friend Sam Clam. We used to do everything together and I really miss him a lot." St. Peter looked at Larry with pity and said to him, "I tell you what, I can arrange it so that you can go down to hell tomorrow and visit Sam all day. How would that sound?" This made Larry very happy.

He got up bright and early the next morning and grabbed his wings, his harp, and his halo and got in the elevator to hell. When the doors opened he was met by Sam. The hugged each other, and they were off. You see in Hell, Sam owned a disco. The spent the day there together and had a great time.

At the end of the day, Larry and Sam went back to the elevator together, said their goodbyes, and Larry got back in the elevator and went up to heaven. He stepped off the elevator and was greeted by St. Peter, who blocked the doorway to heaven. He looked at Larry and said, "Larry Lobster, didn't you forget something?" Larry looked around and said, "No, I don't think so. I have my halo and my wings." St. Peter looked at him and said, "Yes, but what about your harp?" Larry gasped and said...
*
*
...wait for it... :-)
*
*
*
*
*
"Oh no! I left my harp in Sam Clam's Disco!"

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"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - Orwell

Now THAT was funny....

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist says, "Well, then stay off your bicycle for about a week."

ROFLMAO, I heard some interesting nicknames for that anatomical region, but that one is just wrong!

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"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." - Orwell

Might make a good slogan for the next Seti t-shirt......

"I went to the internet and all I got was this Seti workunit."

OR

"My computer went to the internet and all I got was this Seti t-shirt."

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

If you've not seen this yet...
This guy is just hilarious.

John Pinette....Around the World in 80 Buffets.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Best blonde joke ever:

A blonde walks into a bank in New York Ciy and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe for two weeks an needs to borrow $5000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later the blonde returns and repays the $5000 loan and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. We checked you out and found out that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is – why would you bother to borrow $5000?”

The blonde replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

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Pure mathematics is, in its way, the poetry of logical ideas.

Albert Einstein

Some of you 'older' folks might get a chuckle out of this one....I did.


"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"
The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.


"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, ..


..."Well, that explains why no one was at church either.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

Cowboy goes to heaven.....


A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of only one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.'

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

WHEN I SAY I'M BROKE - I'M BROKE!

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day; to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time. I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners...

'Go away!' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open...
''Don't be too hasty!'' he said. ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration..''

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.

''Now; if this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder .''

The old lady stepped back and said, ''Well let me get you a fork , 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."

The Talking Centipede


A single guy decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store
and told the owner that
he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he
finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug),
which came in a little white box to
use as his house.

He took the box back home, found
a good spot for the box, and
decided he would start off by
taking his new pet to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box,
"Would you like to go to church with me today?
We will have a good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit, but
he waited a few minutes and then asked again,
"How about going to church with me and
receive blessings?"

But again, there was no answer from
his new friend and pet. So he waited
a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede
one last time.

This time he put his face up against the
centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there!
Would you like to go to church with me and
learn about God?"
...
YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS ....

This time, a little voice came out of the box,
"ALRIGHT!!..I heard you the first time"!
I'm still putting my bleeding shoes on!"

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door.
He opens it to find two sheriff's deputies there.
He asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is married.
He says, "Yes, I am."
The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man's wife.
The guy says, "Sure," and gets a photo to show them.
The deputy says, "I'm sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy replies, " I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook."

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster