Theorum: Girls are evil

Proof: Girls = time x money
(They cost both tine and money)

But time = money

so girls = money x money
or girls = (money) squared

money is the root of all evil

so girls = (root evil) squared

therefore girls = evil.

(Wonder what Sarah will think of that?)

Hmmm, I have a question on that deduction;

If you can't have evil, and therefore can't have girls, in a convent,
then who are those men in convents pretending to be girls?

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Theorum: Girls are evil

Proof: Girls = time x money
(They cost both tine and money)

But time = money

so girls = money x money
or girls = (money) squared

money is the root of all evil

so girls = (root evil) squared

therefore girls = evil.

(Wonder what Sarah will think of that?)

Hmmm, I have a question on that deduction;

If you can't have evil, and therefore can't have girls, in a convent,
then who are those men in convents pretending to be girls?

The ones having all the fun of course!

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What would you give a ghost for a dessert at Christmas?

Answer; An n-ice-scream.

What would you give a ghost for a dessert at Christmas?

Answer; An n-ice-scream.

Thats a terrible for sure!

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"Scary" Riddle Jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

Have you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he's back!

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every night.

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

BLONDE LOGIC
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........ and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida...?????"

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

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"Scary" Riddle Jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.

Have you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he's back!

How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every night.

Yes, but what did the policeman say when he found the guy's left arm and leg in the road?

Answer; It's all that's left.


And did you hear about the cannibal who had a row with his boss?

Answer: He gave him a good grilling.

Scary" Riddle Jokes part 2


What did the cannibal do when he saw an "All you can eat" restaurant?
He had two waiters and a busboy.

What did the french fries dress up as for Halloween?
Masked potatoes.

What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid.

What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.

What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.

What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.

What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A sour-puss.

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Star Trek Proverb

"Live long and prosper." - Vulcan proverb.
"and eat well." - Jewish addendum to Vulcan proverb.
"Feast on your enemies!" - Klingon interpretation of Jewish addendum to Vulcan proverb.

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.

He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there's a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed.

At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing as it's Texas he's sent to the electric chair. On the day of his execution he's sat in the chair and the executioner grants him a final wish.

"Well" says the man, "is that your packed lunch over there?" "Yes" answers the executioner. "Can I have that green banana?"

The executioner gives the man his green banana and waits till he's eaten it.

When the man's finished, the executioner flips the switch sending hundreds of thousands of volts through the man. When the smoke clears the man is still alive. The executioner can't believe it.

"Can I go?" the man asks. "I suppose so" says the executioner, "that's never happened before."

The man leaves and eventually gets a job back on the buses selling tickets. Again he rings the bell for the driver to go when people are still getting on. A man falls under the wheels and is killed.

The man is sent down for murder again and sent to the electric chair. The executioner is determined to do it right this time so rigs the chair up to the electric supply for the whole of Texas.

The man is again sat in the chair. "What is your final wish?" asks the executioner. "Can I have that green banana in your packed lunch ?" says the condemned man.

The executioner sighs and reluctantly gives up his banana. The man eats the banana all up and the executioner flips the switch. Millions of volts course through the chair blacking out Texas. When the smoke clears the man is still sat there smiling in the chair. The executioner can't believe it and lets the man go.

Well, would you believe, the man gets his job back on the buses. Once again he rings the bell whilst passengers are still getting on, this time killing three of them.

He is sent to the electric chair again. The executioner rigs up all United States electricity supply to The chair, determined to get his man this time. The man sits down in the chair smiling.

"What's your final wish ?" asks the executioner. "Well" says the man, "Can I have that green banana out of your packed lunch.?" The executioner hands over his banana and the man eats it all, skin included.

The executioner pulls the handle and a brazillion volts go through the chair. When the smoke rises the man is still sat there alive without even a burn mark.
"I give up" says the executioner, "I don't understand how you can still be alive after all that?". He stroked his chin. "It's something to do with that green banana isn't it" he asked.






"Nahh" said the man,

"I'm just a really bad conductor"

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"Edit out, don't want to ruin the joke. if that's possible." :^D

Uhhh!

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Account frozen...

Q: What has more lives than a cat?
A: A Frog, because it croaks every night (*)

Q: What's green and sings?
A: Elvis Parsley ()

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

A pony walks into a bar and says "Bartender, may I have a drink?"

Bartender says "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"

"May I please have a drink?"

"What? You have to speak up!"

"Could I please have a drink?"

"Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse."

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

I was musing on similarities between Santa Claus and system administrators. Consider:
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• Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.
  
  
• When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal.
  
  
• Santa seldom answers your mail.
  
  
• When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he says, "Elves make it for me."
  
  
• Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.
  
  
• Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves.
  
  
• Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.
  
  
• Santa laughs entirely too much.
  
  
• Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your $HOME.
  
  
• Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.
  
  
• Santa is forced to do all his work when his users are in down time.
  
  
• He's forced to work even on observed holidays.
  
  
• He claims he's unique, but you see people just like him at the mall.
  
  
• Users make an incredible number of unreasonable demands, but in the end, the only thing that really interests them are new toys.
  
  
• Somehow, somewhere, by some unknown process, he found a wife just like him.
  
  
• Where people don't believe in him, inevitably there are other people who do the same job, just with a different title.
  
  
• Users aren't happy enough to see the results of his work. They keep asking pestering questions about how he manages to do it. They can't accept that it's just some sort of "magic".
  
  
• Even the non-religious pray for him to arrive.
  
  
• He's the only one who laughs at his message of the day.
  
  
• He'll never get another job; his resume is too specific to the job he currently has.
  
  
• He's forced to crawl into unreasonably small, dirty spaces to do his job... even when he's wearing a nice suit.
  
  
• And lastly, even if his work is really mostly spiritual, the world is a better place because of his existence!!!
  

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Why did the dentist make a poor date with the manicurist?
Because they fought both tooth and nail!

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

You Might be a Redneck Jedi If.....

* You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with ya'll."

* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

* You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

* The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

* Wookies are offended by your B.O.

* You have ever used the Force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial.

* You have ever used the Force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

* Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark side... it'll be a hoot."

* You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

* You have a Confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

* You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

* Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

* You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

* You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.

* You were the only one drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

* Your business cards read "Billy Bob, Jedi Master".

* Your Y-wing fighter has a bumper sticker that reads "My other fighter is an X-wing".

* You know Ewoks squeal like pigs.

* You use your R-2 unit as a beer coaster.

* When your sister wears her metallic bikini, you insist she travels by clinging to you while swinging on a rope.

* Your land-speeder had a light saber rack.

* Your land-speeder has a bumper sticker that reads "Protected by Smith & Wesson Light Sabers"

* If you hear ... "Billy Bob, I am your father ... AND your uncle!"

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My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions.

Now how can we let a perfectly " terrible " joke thread fall by the wayside????

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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags.
I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my! What should I pack? Beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"It doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."

"Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"

"You're damned right is! said the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

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