21) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Laughter Is the Best Medicine (Message 142510) Posted 25 Jul 2005 by Christo Post: A girl once was confessing to a priest...... Girl: "Forgive me father for I Have sinned." Priest: "What have you done my child?" Girl: "I called a man a son of the b**ch." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of the b**ch?" Girl: "Because he touched my hand." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of the b**ch." Girl: "Then he touched my breast." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of the b**ch." Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of the b**ch." Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where." Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no Reason to call him a son of a b**ch." Girl: "But father he had AIDS!" Priest: "THAT SON OF A B**CH!!!"

22) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Laughter Is the Best Medicine (Message 142485) Posted 25 Jul 2005 by Christo Post: From South Africa wif Love... Dearest KOOS I'm writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your pa read in the newspaper that almost all accidents happen within 20km of home. So we moved. I can't send you the address, because the last family who lived here took the house numbers when they moved, so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I don't know that it works so well though. Last week I put in a load of clothes and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since. The weather isn't bad here. It rained only twice last week. The first time for four days, and the second time for three days. About the coat you wanted me to send you. Your oom Frikkie said it would be too heavy to send them in the post with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Piet locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning but I don't know what it is yet, so I don't know if you are an aunt or an uncle. I was told that it is almost black. I think she spent too much time in the sun when she was pregnant, always helping Jonas the farmhand with the mealies. Oom Wessels fell into a whisky vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated. It took five days to put the fire out. Three of your friends went off a bridge in their oupa's bakkie. I always new this thing was dangerous. Janneman was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were on the back.. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened. Your favorite aunt Hanna P.S. I was going to enclose R25 but I already sealed the envelope!

23) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Laughter Is the Best Medicine (Message 142481) Posted 25 Jul 2005 by Christo Post: I thought this was good for a chuckle! Four All Who Reed and Right... We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; yet the plural of house is houses, not hice. If the plural of man is always called men, why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen? If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet? If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth? Then one may be that, and three would be those, yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose. We speak of a brother and also of brethren, but though we say mother, we never say methren. Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim. Let's face it, English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down; in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

24) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Funny Or Weird News [Closed] (Message 139561) Posted 20 Jul 2005 by Christo Post: Wait till they meet the In laws...

25) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Laughter Is the Best Medicine (Message 139555) Posted 20 Jul 2005 by Christo Post: Great one.... Loved it ~Live Well~ ~Laugh often~ ~Love Much~

26) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Funny Or Weird News [Closed] (Message 139546) Posted 20 Jul 2005 by Christo Post: Any Comments on this...!!! http://www.profindpages.com/news/2005/04/21/MN889.htm http://users.gloryroad.net/%7Ebigjim/nostradamus.htm

27) Message boards : Cafe SETI : CLOSED (Message 139468) Posted 20 Jul 2005 by Christo Post: Some days I wake up Ugly, other days I let him sleep!!!

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