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Profile Carlos Project Donor
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Message 1971047 - Posted: 19 Dec 2018, 14:43:34 UTC

There was a young man
From Cork who got Limericks
And Hikus confused.
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Profile Michael Belanger, W1DGL
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Message 1971631 - Posted: 23 Dec 2018, 4:32:14 UTC

I stood on the top diving board of my local pool with a big fish under my arm.
The lifeguard shouts up, "what are you doing up there?"
I said, "A triple somersault with a pike'"
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Message 1971632 - Posted: 23 Dec 2018, 4:32:52 UTC

A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cows ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
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Message 1971633 - Posted: 23 Dec 2018, 4:36:16 UTC

I had a map of Italy tattooed on my chest. Iโ€™ve got really sore Naples now.
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Message 1971681 - Posted: 23 Dec 2018, 15:55:24 UTC

The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with very limited memory.

Just 1 byte - and everything crashed!

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Message 1971714 - Posted: 23 Dec 2018, 20:49:54 UTC

We've just had a King Wenceslas special Christmas pizza delivered. It's deep pan crisp and even.
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Message 1971956 - Posted: 25 Dec 2018, 18:33:40 UTC - in response to Message 1971681.  

The oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with very limited memory.

Just 1 byte - and everything crashed!


'ORRIBLE!
A proud member of the OFA (Old Farts Association)
"Over the hill? WHAT Hill? I don't REMEMBER any hill...." (from a bumper sticker I bought at a truck stop).
"If its Tourist Season why can't we shoot them?" (another bumper sticker)
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Message 1971957 - Posted: 25 Dec 2018, 18:35:59 UTC - in response to Message 1971633.  

I had a map of Italy tattooed on my chest. Iโ€™ve got really sore Naples now.


I think you are really on a kick as the most prolific "punter" here.



Tom
A proud member of the OFA (Old Farts Association)
"Over the hill? WHAT Hill? I don't REMEMBER any hill...." (from a bumper sticker I bought at a truck stop).
"If its Tourist Season why can't we shoot them?" (another bumper sticker)
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Message 1971958 - Posted: 25 Dec 2018, 18:37:16 UTC - in response to Message 1971047.  

There was a young man
From Cork who got Limericks
And Hikus confused.


Nice ;)
A proud member of the OFA (Old Farts Association)
"Over the hill? WHAT Hill? I don't REMEMBER any hill...." (from a bumper sticker I bought at a truck stop).
"If its Tourist Season why can't we shoot them?" (another bumper sticker)
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Message 1973631 - Posted: 5 Jan 2019, 16:07:06 UTC - in response to Message 1971957.  

I had a map of Italy tattooed on my chest. Iโ€™ve got really sore Naples now.


I think you are really on a kick as the most prolific "punter" here.



Tom

I gotta give credit where it's due - got 99.999% of those from an Amateur Radio friend of mine in Cornwall, UK.
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Message 1973661 - Posted: 5 Jan 2019, 18:46:17 UTC

There was a young lady so bright
Who could travel much faster than light
She went out one day
In a relative way
And returned on the previous night.
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Message 1985226 - Posted: 15 Mar 2019, 4:32:37 UTC

Do you know how you can tell if a Frog is angry?

















Thats when they are "hopping mad" :)
A proud member of the OFA (Old Farts Association)
"Over the hill? WHAT Hill? I don't REMEMBER any hill...." (from a bumper sticker I bought at a truck stop).
"If its Tourist Season why can't we shoot them?" (another bumper sticker)
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Message 1990224 - Posted: 16 Apr 2019, 7:04:56 UTC

Due to some heavy handedness I need to tie some loose ends up.

"await with bated breath"

Something is fishy here. Shouldn't that be "baited breath"?

No, he missed off the first letter a :-))

got moved to the limerick and pun thread

Isn't Limerick a county next to TipsyMary?
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Message 1990299 - Posted: 16 Apr 2019, 20:32:20 UTC - in response to Message 1990224.  

Due to some heavy handedness I need to tie some loose ends up.

"await with bated breath"

Something is fishy here. Shouldn't that be "baited breath"?

No, he missed off the first letter a :-))

got moved to the limerick and pun thread

Isn't Limerick a county next to TipsyMary?


Or Tyler too?
A proud member of the OFA (Old Farts Association)
"Over the hill? WHAT Hill? I don't REMEMBER any hill...." (from a bumper sticker I bought at a truck stop).
"If its Tourist Season why can't we shoot them?" (another bumper sticker)
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Message 1990306 - Posted: 16 Apr 2019, 21:43:55 UTC - in response to Message 1990299.  

Man dresses up as a clown to entertain kids in the local hospital.

What a lovely jester I thought.
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Message 1990330 - Posted: 17 Apr 2019, 3:08:16 UTC - in response to Message 1990306.  

Man dresses up as a clown to entertain kids in the local hospital.

What a lovely jester I thought.



OH!
A proud member of the OFA (Old Farts Association)
"Over the hill? WHAT Hill? I don't REMEMBER any hill...." (from a bumper sticker I bought at a truck stop).
"If its Tourist Season why can't we shoot them?" (another bumper sticker)
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Message 1990337 - Posted: 17 Apr 2019, 4:08:29 UTC

If you find Limericks painful to listen to.



You should take your PUNishment like a man/woman/hshesh
A proud member of the OFA (Old Farts Association)
"Over the hill? WHAT Hill? I don't REMEMBER any hill...." (from a bumper sticker I bought at a truck stop).
"If its Tourist Season why can't we shoot them?" (another bumper sticker)
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Message 1990352 - Posted: 17 Apr 2019, 6:59:08 UTC

Man 1 - I'm tired of distributed computing.

Man 2 - Go and relax on the settee at home.
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Message 1990410 - Posted: 17 Apr 2019, 17:40:07 UTC
Last modified: 17 Apr 2019, 17:57:03 UTC

Some recycled SETI@Home puns and similar I've posted here over the years, now that there's finally a place for them... all original as far as I know. :^)

Since I'm Canadian, I apologize in advance for any pain caused.
๐Ÿ˜€

--------------

I accidentally bought AMD instead of NVidia video cards for my new SETI@Home computer, and now it won't be a top performer.
I CUDA been a contender.

BOINC is like modeling... it takes a lot of expensive silicon to have a nice RAC.

I asked some of the top contributors what would be the best way to find intelligent extraterrestrials and they said I needed a good video card, so I got one. I ended up renting E.T., Contact and Close Encounters with it, so I guess they were right.

A noted astronomer said that they are looking for extraterrestrial civilizations by searching for hot Dyson spheres. After giving the house a good clean with my Ball Vac, I found that it was rather warm. Should I advise NASA or the SETI Institute first?

At first I thought BOINC was only for Apple Macintosh computers, as it requires at least one core.

It must be true that aliens want to eat us if we can communicate with them in microwaves through dishes and a giant bowl.

We finally discovered intelligent extraterrestrial beings. Coincidentally, they strongly resemble the platypus, an animal with both bird and mammal features. This made their communications complex and hard to analyze, but we soon figured out all we had to do was find the beak amplitude and dechirp with a fast Furrier transform. Results to be published on the web.

//"Ducks" out of thread... ๐Ÿ˜€
โ€œNever doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.โ€
---Margaret Mead
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Message 1990414 - Posted: 17 Apr 2019, 19:16:27 UTC - in response to Message 1990410.  

Some recycled SETI@Home puns and similar I've posted here over the years, now that there's finally a place for them... all original as far as I know. :^)

Since I'm Canadian, I apologize in advance for any pain caused.
๐Ÿ˜€

--------------

I accidentally bought AMD instead of NVidia video cards for my new SETI@Home computer, and now it won't be a top performer.
I CUDA been a contender.

BOINC is like modeling... it takes a lot of expensive silicon to have a nice RAC.

I asked some of the top contributors what would be the best way to find intelligent extraterrestrials and they said I needed a good video card, so I got one. I ended up renting E.T., Contact and Close Encounters with it, so I guess they were right.

A noted astronomer said that they are looking for extraterrestrial civilizations by searching for hot Dyson spheres. After giving the house a good clean with my Ball Vac, I found that it was rather warm. Should I advise NASA or the SETI Institute first?

At first I thought BOINC was only for Apple Macintosh computers, as it requires at least one core.

It must be true that aliens want to eat us if we can communicate with them in microwaves through dishes and a giant bowl.

We finally discovered intelligent extraterrestrial beings. Coincidentally, they strongly resemble the platypus, an animal with both bird and mammal features. This made their communications complex and hard to analyze, but we soon figured out all we had to do was find the beak amplitude and dechirp with a fast Furrier transform. Results to be published on the web.

//"Ducks" out of thread... ๐Ÿ˜€



Those were "awful"! Thank YOU for sharing.

Tom
A proud member of the OFA (Old Farts Association)
"Over the hill? WHAT Hill? I don't REMEMBER any hill...." (from a bumper sticker I bought at a truck stop).
"If its Tourist Season why can't we shoot them?" (another bumper sticker)
ID: 1990414 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
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