My boss had to do a service announcement about getting help before it was to late. He had a friend who was hiding his mental problems from everyone. He was a successful person. No financial problems. Even his wife thought he was okay. Then the weekend before last he died from a case of self inflicted lead poisoning while sitting next to his wife.
He reminded us about the help number our health insurance provider has. If it doesn't help and then please talk to them about it and they will try to get professional help for you. He said he didn't want to have to call to find out why you are missing work and get the unfortunate news.
So get help before it is to late.

---

He was a successful person. No financial problems. Even his wife thought he was okay.

That's exactly the thing. We assume a friend is ok, when he or she really is far from it. People are good actors. I think we like to put on a good face.

---

The mind is a weird and mysterious place

He was a successful person. No financial problems. Even his wife thought he was okay.

That's exactly the thing. We assume a friend is ok, when he or she really is far from it. People are good actors. I think we like to put on a good face.

+ 1
Charles - - aka Byron

Mom is miserable. She's told me she's miserable. But she's healthy, basically. She's 90 years old and could live many more years. I don't think she wants to and, frankly, I don't want to see her live a miserable life for much longer.

Here's my question:

If your mom was in this situation and asked you to help her to die, would you?

I'm not talking about what the law says. Assisted suicide is illegal nearly everywhere. If it helps, assume that it's legal wherever you live. I don't want legal answers/opinions. I wan't moral answers/opinions.

Oh, Suzie - I'm so sorry you're facing this. And I'm so sad for your mom :(


As to your question:
I can find so many words to accompany an answer of why I don't think I could, and justify my "no" until the cows came home - but if I broke each one of them down to a core truth, I'd have to accept that they were ultimately for me, not her. Finding the ones I'd need to reach a point where I might think I could, are so much harder. You've made it a bit easier for us by allowing us to assume it's legal where we are, but to move remotely close to the point where I might hear myself say "yes, I will help you" still doesn't mean I would know with any real certainty that at the last moment, I could. Letting her down by not being able to go through with it would remain a distinct possibility, and in itself might feel like a wrong. I would need to be so sure.

The easiest answer is "no". A better answer, though a more painful one because in asking it we are leaving open a door, might be "can we talk about this?" because if my mum, or anyone I loved wanted my help to end their life, they'd need to help me balance the equation of what it is they have asked of me, against how I could live with what I'd done afterwards .

They would need to say the words.

Before we had my mum come to live with us, she'd mentioned suicide, and wanting to die. But throughout my life, she's never been someone who could actively seek out a happier thought or memory when there were so many sad and bitter ones that she could choose from. It wasn't that she was never happy, or anything, just that she needed a guide to steer her into sunlit landscapes, and different paths. I became that full-time guide when she moved in with us.

But if she had been different; had had an internal ability of her own to find refuge in "happy", and then couldn't... maybe the code and subtext would have been harder to brush aside..?

You will know your mom. Where she might fit into what I've said up there.

I've found this post so hard to write. It's been written and scrapped so many times. There's more I wanted to say but, I'll leave it here for the moment and hope that it's been helpful. I know you weren't seeking more from us than a personal view, so the last paragraph is a bit surplus to that but it will let you know you are not alone.

Many British citizens travel to Switzerland to seek the help of Dignitas, so that loved ones can be spared the anguish of physically doing "this thing" themselves to/for someone they love. The majority I think, are people who are terminally ill, but not all of them are. A filmmaker relatively recently shot a virtual reality simulation of what the Dignitas "experience" feels like. It's not available online, and Dignitas were not okay with it being done - until after they saw the finished product. If I can find the link to the article again, I'll post it here for you. It's filmed from the perspective of the person being assisted to die, but it also gives a sense of the pain of the loved one that accompanied them there.

big hug in the meantime, Suzie. Again, I am so so sorry.

sorry to have missed the edit window. Here's the aforementioned link

Someone jumped off the platform I was on and in front of a train :(

It was so strange. They made no sound. They were just there, and then they were gone.

I knew there was someone behind me (standing where I would usually stand at that station if that space was deserted) because I'd settled on a little further along and had turned to look up to see the *STAND BACK NEXT TRAIN APPROACHING* warning - except suddenly all there was, was a train only barely emerged from a tunnel beside an empty platform, with a driver gripping onto an alarm like he'd never let it go and people swarming from seemingly nowhere to move us all out of the station.

It took me so stupidly long to work it out though - like doing one of those "spot the difference between two pictures competitions" and being really bad at it :(

Anyway, it was a few weeks ago so I'm kind of over the shock - just not the unease.


WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES
........................PLEASE BEAR WITH US....................

A ... LONG ... WHILE ... LONGER

Suicide ...
a mood in four stages

I AM

I have this sadness within me
It won't go away
It's there every night
And it's there every day

It's there when I smile with you
and too when I play
This sadness inside me
that just won't go away

I've been on the outside
All ways looking in
with a sadness inside me
Hid with a grin

So I walk in the rain now
It's easier then
to cry when I'm broken
and blame it on them.

Those drops that caressed me, that pummeled and stung
That fell from the heavens
and sounded like drums

They gave me those moments - and then a few more
to recompose with a smile - as I reach the front door
Then with a laugh I can greet you - and a towel and damp kiss
and a hug to remind me it's for love I do this

So... while there is sadness within me
and it won't go away
I'll carry it willingly
as long as you stay.



I WISH

(I wish that I could tell you,
what it is that I wished here
but it's personal and private
so perhaps... next year)



I WILL

Were I to die ... by my own hand
Pristine it would need be
No mess or nightmare imagery
to leave as legacy.


A ponder on the perfect way
and risk assessments done,
I fell upon the answer
where harm would come to none

for Why would I do a wrong
to you and you and you
to those who loved me almost-so
and those who loved me true?
and those who knew not of me
why burden you that way?
is where I found solution
for my last act - some day


I'd need a ball that heavy. I'd also need a chain.
And ankle iron, and float too for all it must contain.

A letter too, stamped-and-dropped deep-hugs-and-so-much-love

And then I'd set my eyes ahead to where sun-red-spilled deep blood

A night so dark so no one saw
a steal down to the shore
a one last look at stars above
that we none can reach from floors
and that final light from land - Burning Out to pitch-black night
breeeeeeathe-inflate inhale - inflate-inhale - the countdown is now right.

And now I wade
my burdens splayed
there, upon-that-darkdeed-raft

Until it came
to sink it in
and swallow me up just aft.

They came the lidded lanterns then. and again in visual greens. a million exploding needles through every silent scream.
what if it was this one, I thought - parading what had been - when so many lovely others had also come and been

and as anger broke inside me - in dark reverie so dimmed - a sick thought came to slay me, sly-irony was it him...?

"By god that tasted foul" it cried - spitting out a limb
"and what the hell was that that I just broke six teeth within"
and there it went un-bodied as I ... was disenchained
that shackled shin bit clean off -
I watched it spin away.
Of all the times to do this
I'd chosen to begin
when a shark-infested water
had come to Brittin


So it seems the perfect ending to a far from perfect life can have alternate outcomes
and no clemency from strife
Soft deep despair then set in... developments I'd ignored
that said: Best get back to it - at step one the drawing board.

And by sod's law I'd survived it
With that shackled shin clean doffed
And another for good measure
that it also said was off

And by sod's law what that did to me
Right there - upon the shore
was I washed up on a beach far more legless than before.
to each I'd placed a burden
that was not how it begun

and I cursed the black cloud over me and said: ffs just be done


I KNOW

i'd need to be not needed.
for not a soul to care. for-no-one-wishing-help-was-there e'en-in-a stranger's stare.
i'd need to pass beside you
and see no sign of pain
or loneliness behind your smile like mine is prone again

So while I'll listen to my mood swings
melancholying me

I AM, I WISH I WILL, I KNOW
I will not do these things.

So the moral of the story when it creeps through your insides
is read this cautionary tale before contemplating suicide.

for jean (from and by anniet - july2018)

So, my usual habit of scrolling to the bottom, for only a quick glance, and here picking up the words of Mark, for that of depression.

Except for sometimes not giving any birth to a child, and next think it could be easy, like also that of a heart attack at times,
if not any Migraines either.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Migraine

It suddenly gets to me that Mark is hitting it on the spot here, for that of depression, when also making it that of suicide,
because probably the most common factor, for also the reason of such sometimes happening.

Next make it Statistics once again, for also the bit of trigger, if not only having a couple of drinks for such, and next driving through traffic only.

But is it perhaps not also a reason for that of sometimes simple, when it could be still rather difficult. for that of also hard,
when next trying to give a possible explanation, because a wording for this is that might not be the only reason, for that of a possible escape.

But also that you sometimes see suicide as a reason for that of regret as well, when a wrong act of deed has been done, and you next come to admit it.

Perhaps also that of why we could still make it that of suicide here, and not any Migraines either.

It suddenly gets to me that Mark is hitting it on the spot here, for that of depression, when also making it that of suicide,
because probably the most common factor, for also the reason of such sometimes happening.

Here? I agree. We don't always recognise that someone has been gradually walling themselves away from those around them. We just get it land in our conscience with so much pain and shock and so heavy with questions, it's unlikely it's something we could ever properly get over.

Isolating an inner self becomes easier and easier to do, it's almost trance-like, hypnotic even - and thereby all the harder to reach out from and ask for help because by then, that wall feels insurmountable, our self-belief has plummeted down a sinkhole and we stop believing we deserve any help at all or are even worthy of it, with devastating consequences for those left behind.

If necessary, also a Reply to, but perhaps not needed here, when only a bit of fury, except for not any compassion either,
when sometimes dealing with a tough situation, for also not any easy to handle.

It is like perhaps making it alter ego, of sorts, except for still not any Mind, when perhaps only such a thing as pain could be felt, except for not any Morality either.

Next, speaking about "Tears in the wind", and of course no such thing as jealousy either, when perhaps only a couple of leaves hanging from a tree.

Except for still not any weather either, for also that of Chaos Theory as well, or perhaps only earthquakes, or even so, we still could perhaps think that we are a product of nature,
except for not any Creation itself, which at least could make us able to think.

Or maybe rather drink a lot of beverage, for that of possibly alcohol, except for not any sober either, because it sometimes could happen, for next not any remedy either.

But rather perhaps feeling a loss, for either being kicked out in some way or another, except for not any loved one either, could also be a reason for this happening.

Except for perhaps jumping from a bridge, for only that of a game, and perhaps no such thing happening either.

But next perhaps not any road rage either, for only a bit of fury, except for not any rage of nature either, for that of a bit of turmoil sometimes around.

Perhaps only Chaos Theory, for that of a Lorentz factor, except for still not any butterfly wings either, because it also could be that of a bittersweet dream as well,
except for not any disillusion which sometimes could be part of your mentality, for also a way of thinking, including that of life itself, and events sometimes part of it.

But next twist around a little, and once again we could be ending up with at least a story being told.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-45308014
Why hurt others with your selfish act?

Mental health issues. Before or at the onset of the first signs (before we're too far gone), we should ask _trusted_ people to follow up on you and give them the legal rights (through a will, for example) to take decisions on your behalf, especially for those of us who'se country don't provide social safety nets.

And please follow up on family and friends - even *gasp* neighbours - whom you don't hear from for too long, to avoid unecessary tragedies such as this one. Now.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-45308014
Why hurt others with your selfish act?

---

Apr 3, 1999 - May 3, 2020

Saw this in situ in Berlin (2006) https://www.adweek.com/creativity/another-subway-ad-wants-you-jump-19274/.