In the last days before dad had to bow to the inevitable and put mum in the nursing home for professional care, it was timescales that she got confused about. Dad would go out of her room and make a cup of tea, and she would complain where had he been, and he hadn't been there all day. When he was away for 5-10 minutes max. Her mind in some way equated minutes with hours.

Even in the home when dad visited her every day, she would tell nurses he hadn't been for weeks, but of course they knew different. Then every time she saw him she was convinced he was there to take her home. Then when she was told he wasn't, she got upset, then dad got upset, and the staff had to calm both down. In the end the Matron said for the benefit of both, Dad should visit every 2-3 days and they would cover the interim.

Those were not good times for our family. But in mum's case it was the stroke that was the main cause of it all, not so much the onset of dementia, of which there was some. Looking back on it afterwards when she had passed on, Dad said, perhaps I should have asked for help sooner than I did, but I felt that she was better off with me than with strangers. Have to respect that.

He is convinced he has done something, then slowly he seems to "come out of it"

Yes, there's some sort of murky fog that my mother was in like that. It was almost like multiple personalities. She definitely seemed to be aware of a reality I didn't know about. I only live in one reality. She seemed tenuously connected to the one I know about and some other ones.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

It is a sad fact that there is no dignity in old age.

Well, you are the one giving your father dignity, Bernie.

I suppose I am, so far I am the only one who really sees his bad times.

I do find it hard, I have just found him again in the kitchen convinced he has made himself something to eat, yet there is nothing.

He is convinced he has done something, then slowly he seems to "come out of it", I am desperately trying to help and playing down his mistakes, but he then seems to realise what he is saying and doing don't make sense.

At this point what I am saying must sound to him like platitudes and he gets annoyed, with himself I think,

There is still a part of him that realises when he has done something odd or strange and that must be difficult for him.

My GF has now been at a hospital for about one month.
After three surgeries she got a phone call from a cousin of hers.
She wanted to pay her a visit.
But they haven't met each other for over 40 years!
So strange.
My GF turned her down.
Who wouldn't?

It is a sad fact that there is no dignity in old age.

Well, you are the one giving your father dignity, Bernie.

As I have no children, I hope I never need full time care.

And ditto, nobody's putting me anywhere; I'm going to be a stubborn old man. This was my parents' house, and where I learned to walk and talk, and it's neat as a pin, and in perfect condition. It's the Lowe museum, and nobody's moving my old stone bust out. :~)

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I was talking to my sister on the phone today when I realised that I can no longer relay on dad remembering anything.

What he will forget and what he will remember so far seems totally random, gets up doesn't put socks on, when I ask why, it's because he doesn't have any.

Takes his shoes off and has no idea where they go. Seems to have totally forgotten how to shave. However any of those things he may well remember tomorrow and forget something else.

Today we had to go to the doctors as they had requested a blood pressure test before they would issue any more prescription medication.

It was a struggle, he cannot walk more than about 20-30 yards without becoming completely out of breath, however he has a perfect BP 120/60, so at least the Bisoprolol is doing it's job.

Then in the car, as I am driving out of the car park, he suddenly tries to push his house keys into the air vent, first on his side then in the centre, I pushed his hand back and asked him what he was doing and he replied:

"I have no idea".

The camera has been a real boon as I can see when he is getting confused and casually stroll in and ask him if all is OK. I have ordered another one for the kitchen as that is a room that has the potential for disaster.

I want him to do as much as he wants and he can get drinks and snacks himself. However I don't want to "hover " round him while he is in there, so hopefully another camera will help.

It is a sad fact that there is no dignity in old age. As I have no children, I hope I never need full time care.

But our dog Tosca doesn't even bark chasing the two hares outside our house.

Good dog, then. :~)

Unfortunately, there are dogs on this street who are left outside in people's carports and backyards more often than not, and they bark incessantly. That does not endear me to them.

You would've loved the parrot I had, he picked up barking from the previous owners neighbours dog, which I found absolutely hilarious. That said he never learned to meow off the owners pet cat. Wierd.

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Member of the People Encouraging Niceness In Society club.

But our dog Tosca doesn't even bark chasing the two hares outside our house.

Good dog, then. :~)
Unfortunately, there are dogs on this street who are left outside in people's carports and backyards more often than not, and they bark incessantly. That does not endear me to them.

There was a dog in our neighborhood that once barked a lot.
After two hours the barking became quite annoying.
After four hours the dog had a soar throat.
The dog stopped barking after six hours!
Poor dog that probably had been left alone...

But our dog Tosca doesn't even bark chasing the two hares outside our house.

Good dog, then. :~)

Unfortunately, there are dogs on this street who are left outside in people's carports and backyards more often than not, and they bark incessantly. That does not endear me to them.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Maybe getting a dog would help.
You will meet many people when walking it.
I did and have never met so many people in the neighborhood.
I now even know their name:)

Dogs are fine for some people, but I don't like their barking in the neighborhood. I have two house rabbits that are quiet loners, kind of like me. ;~)

I see.
But our dog Tosca, a midget poodle, doesn't even bark chasing the two hares outside our house.

She get's very exited when she sees them yes, but never bark.

Maybe getting a dog would help.
You will meet many people when walking it.
I did and have never met so many people in the neighborhood.
I now even know their name:)

Dogs are fine for some people, but I don't like their barking in the neighborhood. I have two house rabbits that are quiet loners, kind of like me. ;~)

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

My friends, who are part of this website, give me sincere help, and that's what I need.

Maybe getting a dog would help.
You will meet many people when walking it.
I did and have never met so many people in the neighborhood.
I now even know their name:)

Tosca says Arf, Arf.

I think I should clarify something I said about relatives. Now that my mother is not on this earthly plane anymore, I don't have any close relatives. There may be some far-flung cousin out there who I haven't seen since I was a toddler, but I don't want to hear from them just because Iva has died. Re-telling my mother's story of the past three years to people I've lost touch with is too exhausting a task. My friends, who are part of this website, give me sincere help, and that's what I need.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

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Mothers Day here today.
My mum is now 88 years old:)
I just spoke to hear.
She had a stroke I think for almost four years ago.
She has problem to speak though.
And problem to remember our names...

What is it about our elders and those darn pendant alarms?

It's a reluctance to walk around with effectively a label hanging around their neck stating "I am an officially old person that has been judged not to be capable of living on my own without being monitored". Simple old age pride. Sensibility doesn't come into it. My old dad was a bugger not wearing his one!!

Just to let people know that OP AnnieT has temporarily surfaced and things could be better for her. But I am in touch, and she may pop in here over the holiday w/e.

Death is something private. I'm glad I don't have any relatives coming out of the woodwork to tell me how sorry they are, but it's nice to have this website to express my feelings.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

There are some days I wonder how many jellybeans I have left in my jar.

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What is it about our elders and those darn pendant alarms? My mother had one too and she never wore it. One day she fell in her backyard and got stuck in a very large climbing rose. Her gardener, who was only scheduled to come over every two weeks, happened to be there that day and he got her out of the rose. Clearly mom had picked a "lucky" day to fall. She was scratched, but not badly injured. The tangled old climbing rose had broken her fall quite effectively.

My aunt in her early 90's also has a pendant alarm. She never wears her pendant either. Last week my aunt fell in her kitchen and split her elbow open. She is healing well. It could have been much worse.

I truly hope that in my "golden years" I still have enough jellybeans left in my jar to listen to my nieces and nephews and to realize that they have my best interests in mind. I probably won't have the jellybeans, but here's hoping...

Janne, wishing your GF a speedy recovery.

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Janne, I hope your GF is better.

I haven't felt much like saying anything about my situation because I've been very sad, and feel like I've said it all already, but the good thing is I may be getting a volunteer job soon at the local art museum. I passed their background check, and they are interested in me, so I think it would be good to get out of the house and help at a place I've always loved.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place