... but I think about my mother and my dad(who died 35 years ago), and I wonder what I'm supposed to do now. What's my purpose in life, now?

Gordon, even though I never knew your parents, I think that I can say with about 99.99% certainty that when you were born, your parents didn't look down at you in your crib and say, "Gosh, I hope Gordon's sole purpose in life is to take care of us someday. Then he will have fulfilled his destiny."

Rather, I'm betting that your parents looked down at you in your crib, smiled and imagined all the wonderful life experiences you would have, from cradle to grave.

It is still so close to your mother's passing that you may not be able to explore options easily right now.

I just hope that, with the passage of time, you will find it in your heart to give yourself permission to continue to have a life full of experiences, rather than a life full of memories.

Wishing you peace, friend.

I'm not going to tell you nothing that you already don't know. Go find something to take your time up with. Maybe a part time something until you finally decide yourself what you want.

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I took care of my mother in her house for three years after she got sick, and now that she's gone, I feel lost. I could have posted my feelings in the Depression thread, too, but this really isn't generalized depression. What I'm feeling is sadness about my mother's death. I knew it was coming, but I think if we all are honest, we have this unreal notion in our heads that our parents are superheroes and will never die. It's been two months since my mother died, and I'm ok in the grand scheme of things, but I think about my mother and my dad(who died 35 years ago), and I wonder what I'm supposed to do now. What's my purpose in life, now?

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Getting back to anxiety though, it can undermine physical health significantly. A lot of people try things like meditation and report good effects. It might be worth a try?

I'm already a pretty good meditator, but there is a place near me that offers some free classes I'm looking into... http://earthandspiritcenter.org/school-of-meditation/

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

So sorry to hear the road to recovery has lengthened, Janne :(

@sleep - y-e-e-e-e-e-s
I can't actually remember what it feels like to sleep to be honest. Not beyond snatches anyway.

Like you, Gordon - being or becoming a light sleeper is what happens when you know you might be needed by someone during the night. That in itself is going to cause anxiety. If you were ever someone who enjoyed deeper sleep - just adjusting back to that would take time and cause anxiety as well I imagine. I remember the first time my daughter slept through the night ... oddly - that has never been the case with my son - but that's beside the point... I woke up in a complete panic convinced she was dead. It took me ages to get to properly appreciate a decent sleep.

But like Mark - I'm getting to grips with anti-depressants and have been since last November - coupled with counselling - I'm getting to where I need to be, but it is really slow going. I've hit a set back with one particular side-effect that gets listed in that section where they don't have a statistic so much as a "some people report". So I am one of them apparently, grinding my teeth in my sleep... *watch everyone start backing away* ;) there really is no safe distance people... no ... because I'm a light sleeper, means I wake up almost as soon as I fall asleep just from the noise, Unfortunately - it has now also triggered neuralgia. I'm also being given a wide berth at night by my cats - which makes me feel quite sad in itself :/

Getting back to anxiety though, it can undermine physical health significantly. A lot of people try things like meditation and report good effects. It might be worth a try?

edit: there have been a lot of edits. Brain spasm involving the preview button. I think this is the last one...

As far as depression goes, I know a lot about that, too. If it's a lifetime illness, it's hard to self-diagnosis it because that state of mind is "normal", even though the symptoms may be "abnormal" for others. It's hard for a person who has been depressed all his life to understand how some people are so "up" all the time. I know people who really are happy all the time, and they are blessed with an abundance of serotonin and dopamine firing constantly across their synapses, but I'm not one of 'em.

Neither am I, Gordon.
And I am truly just starting to understand that after many years of just living with it.
Yes, it IS hard to self diagnose. Because from within, of COURSE one generally thinks that they are just fine, and it has to be everybody else that has a 'problem'.
I am working on it.

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"Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow." Albert Einstein
"With cats." kittyman

My GF is about to do her 6'th surgery now:(

Janne, I hope and pray that she will be ok.

Just up and looking around. I've been struggling with poor sleeping for a long time. ~Really for the last several years before my mother became sick, I was having trouble with sleeping, but that was because I was working a 3rd shift job. After I quit working and was taking care of her full time, I woke up a lot due to her needs, and now I have anxiety about the present and future which causes insomnia and unrestful sleep.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

My GF is about to do her 6'th surgery now:(
She's in good spirits though, remember she's a Finn with Sisu.
But I know she remember her father that also had the same problem.
The very last thing he said to my GF before he passed away after nurses dropped him in a staircase and broke his neck was:
Sorry. Have to go now:(

Very good news, Bernie.

I was just about to say the same thing :) Along with a yay!

Very good news, Bernie.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Well this is not quite what I expected.

Over the last 2 days dad has been managing more and more. Yesterday he went to the toilet on his own and wasn't incontinent at all. Today so far the same.

He seems much more aware of things and I would say he is back to the level he was prior to going into hospital.

With this in mind, I will see how the rest of today goes but at his present level I am doing no more for him than before he went in.

So I will probably be cancelling the home care as it would be a wast of time and money.

Female handbags :)
A problem always rise when a male caretaker have to examine whats in it.
Hearing from the bed who wonders "Are you stupid or what?"

I'm not coming out from behind the sofa, and you can't make me. No. You can't.

p.s. Humour whilst offloading or blowing off steam is also good therapy. I'm sure people find other ways to manage when things get a bit tough. Long walk, time in the garden, music etc.

*frost blink at Chris* My handbags are never voluminous. Those ... *all-knowing sniff* catch on railings and doorhandles and sweep things off shelves which is why I give them a wider berth than I'd even need with one hanging off me.

And my other half has never found anything I've misplaced, whether in my handbag or not. How can he when his method involves staring helplessly with unfocused eyes at the search site in the hope the missing item will approach him in a bright luminous glow... which it never does?
;)

edit: apologies for derailing my thread...

;)

Ah, voluminous Ladies handbags are a modern scientific mystery you see. Positively Tardis like they are. They creep up upon the unwary like predators. You deposit something in there, and it goes AWOL immediately.

Right, now hands up chaps, how many times have we all sat there watching 'er indoors go through this voluminous portable portmanteau, searching for some thing deposited in there the day before. Ye gods at £1 a go, we could afford a new Jag on the proceeds! But there is a trick you see to defeat them.

'im indoors nearly on the brink of a total mental breakdown says oh fer gods sake woman give it here!!! Right, usual scenario is that we chuck out endless used tissues, used bus tickets, various mints, the odd kitchen sink, last years diary, expired voucher 3 months ago for Mc Donalds promotion, etc etc. And Bingo! the missing credit card is located within 45 seconds in the credit card wallet it was put in in the first place. Cue round of applause from the cat and the budgie.

Women should be banned from having handbags, without a formal training course on storage management. HM the Queen went on one in 1953 and all she has in it is a hanky and a packet of Polos.

(Psssst - I'll be behind the sofa if you want me)

I'm beginning to think mental deterioration slip-sliding us towards dementia or Alzheimer's might be related to how many pockets we've had to search through in our lives to find something we knew we thought we knew we had but now know we can't find and think we must have lost somehow or left behind there in the first place we looked for it after we've turned everything out and upside down to find we'd had it all the time - whether it be a handbag or jacket/trouser combination. Where I went wrong, was in accepting and using a handbag my mother bought me some years ago. It had I thought, eighteen separate "areas" to search through. Now there are a couple of holes in the lining, there are at least 23, if not more.

Everybody copes in their own way, but for me and my mother, the best thing for us was to be home together.

Well Annie feels it is the best for her, Bernie will know shortly I guess.

One thing I'm finding is that older people lose their short term memory before their long term one. Ask my other half what she did the day before yesterday, and she will have to think a bit. But sure as hell, she can remember in clarity that time 30 years ago when I did something wrong!!! Or is that just a female thing?

What I find is that as you get older, your brain seems to work on two levels, immediate and secondary. Take for instance you decide you need to get something from an upstairs bedroom. You start at the bottom and climb up, but that is the boring bit, so secondary brain takes over and gets you up their safely on remote without tripping. Meanwhile immediate brain is thinking, wonder what's for lunch? Result? you get up there and forget what you went up there for!

But no worries, I can guarantee that as soon as you get to the bottom again, you will remember!!! Maybe it's all a dastardly plot by mother nature to make sure that us oldies get enough cardiovascular exercise :-)) Then again people cheat by living in bungalows, not fair!

I think that dementia must rank among the most difficult of medical conditions both for the sufferer and the carer.

It's very hard.

Everybody copes in their own way, but for me and my mother, the best thing for us was to be home together.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

As I understand it Bernie, your dad was in a general hospital ward. Yes the nursing staff are aware of patients suffering dementia, but not especially trained to deal with it. Had he been in a Hospice or Residential Care Home, I think you would have seen a much better awareness of that condition than you did. The home care visits will be twofold. Firstly to check upon your dad, and secondly, to check how you are coping as the carer.

In this country at least there is not enough support for carers. My dad was lucky with mum. Being in Devon a predominately retirement area, they are geared up to dealing more with elderly patients and their expected problems. Maybe not the case in other parts of the country. Dad got a weeks respite leave once to go to a family wedding. It was like seeing him 30 years younger overnight.

As others will confirm, I have been saying for years, who cares for the carer? That is as true today as it was all that time ago.

I think that dementia must rank among the most difficult of medical conditions both for the sufferer and the carer.

I would say my dad is with it about 25% of the time now, but during that 25% he is aware that he can no longer think properly, and no longer communicate properly.

He gets annoyed and frustrated when he cannot ask me for something simple, at times the anger becomes directed at me.

I know he cannot help it but it is equally frustrating for me to see him struggling to get a few words out and usually failing.

Bringing him home form the hospital early, I had expected problems with his incontinence, what I wasn't prepared for is him forgetting where the bathroom was, where his bedroom was and how to get dressed.

I was woken at 6 am today by him opening my bedroom door to try and find the bathroom, but missing the actual one which I had left wide open.

He is still going to receive home care visits as soon as they can be arranged, but not sure how effective they will be.

Time will tell.