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Alive Inside: A Story of Music and Memory
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Author | Message |
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Gordon Lowe Send message Joined: 5 Nov 00 Posts: 12094 Credit: 6,317,865 RAC: 0 |
My 78 year old mother has been having some dementia issues for a few years. Post-it notes everywhere were my first clue, and her attention span has shortened for reading her huge library of books. She used to listen to her classical music all the time, and gradually got out of the habit, and now doesn't really like me to play anything much. She has always loved her computer(had one before me), and we enjoy tv together, but quiet time just with me and my arm around her is what she enjoys most. She likes me rubbing her head, too, which I think may be related to helping the good stuff fire across the synapses. The mind is a weird and mysterious place |
Gordon Lowe Send message Joined: 5 Nov 00 Posts: 12094 Credit: 6,317,865 RAC: 0 |
That''s wonderful, Gordon. I'm glad she has you! You're a good man! Well, it's crucially important to me to take care of her in her own house, too. She's been there for nearly 50 years, and it is our collective memory box. :~) The mind is a weird and mysterious place |
Lynn Send message Joined: 20 Nov 00 Posts: 14162 Credit: 79,603,650 RAC: 123 |
Music makes the world go round. Love the story. Thanks CC. :-) |
Julie Send message Joined: 28 Oct 09 Posts: 34053 Credit: 18,883,157 RAC: 18 |
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anniet Send message Joined: 2 Feb 14 Posts: 7105 Credit: 1,577,368 RAC: 75 |
Music makes the world go round. Love the story. +1 from me too :) Listening to music doesn't always seem to work for my mum - but she does enjoy live performances so that may be part of what made that such a magical experience. Fortunately my daughter is extremely talented on multiple instruments so it's just a matter of when she can find the time to play for us. Good results have been found with animals too I think :) Lovely post CC! :) |
Gordon Lowe Send message Joined: 5 Nov 00 Posts: 12094 Credit: 6,317,865 RAC: 0 |
Thanks, Lynn, Julie and Anniet! :-) Headphones are a good suggestion. I also think Annie may be right about the live-ness of the performance. :~) The mind is a weird and mysterious place |
Gordon Lowe Send message Joined: 5 Nov 00 Posts: 12094 Credit: 6,317,865 RAC: 0 |
Here's a funny dementia moment: So I took my mother back to the eye doctor today for her final cataract post-op right eye visit. One of the assistants asked my mother what she saw on the wall(I was sitting below the eye chart), and she said, "I see my husband". The assistant smiled, and asked me how old I was, and then asked my mom if she had ever been called a cougar. I thought the girl was kidding, but later while we were talking, it became clear that she thought my mom was serious. :~O The mind is a weird and mysterious place |
Julie Send message Joined: 28 Oct 09 Posts: 34053 Credit: 18,883,157 RAC: 18 |
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Julie Send message Joined: 28 Oct 09 Posts: 34053 Credit: 18,883,157 RAC: 18 |
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anniet Send message Joined: 2 Feb 14 Posts: 7105 Credit: 1,577,368 RAC: 75 |
@Julie's guitar <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 :) @Gordon and his "cougar" :))))))) |
Julie Send message Joined: 28 Oct 09 Posts: 34053 Credit: 18,883,157 RAC: 18 |
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Julie Send message Joined: 28 Oct 09 Posts: 34053 Credit: 18,883,157 RAC: 18 |
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Julie Send message Joined: 28 Oct 09 Posts: 34053 Credit: 18,883,157 RAC: 18 |
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Julie Send message Joined: 28 Oct 09 Posts: 34053 Credit: 18,883,157 RAC: 18 |
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Julie Send message Joined: 28 Oct 09 Posts: 34053 Credit: 18,883,157 RAC: 18 |
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anniet Send message Joined: 2 Feb 14 Posts: 7105 Credit: 1,577,368 RAC: 75 |
CC - I hope you don't mind me posting this here? It's loosely relevant to your opening post - or may become so. I know dementia and alzheimers are different, but in many ways, the effects are not that dissimilar. On Monday I saw my mum for the first time since Christmas, and she's forgotten who I am :((( From living with me full time, she's since been passed around like a hot potato to a variety of my sister's friends (many of whom I've never met) who've been looking after her whilst I've been unable to. My sister is moving to India at the end of this month - so I can't let it continue. I did get her memory going sufficiently to eventually remember me :) but it was really hard work, took most of the time I was with her, and ended with her in tears because I wasn't taking her back home with me :( Unless I get to sustaining that recall soon and on a daily basis, who I am to her may well be gone forever :( I've never considered putting her in a home, but I think today I'm going to be told I should. It's just she lives in such a sad and bitter world in her head without someone who can remind her how to smile - and I am very good at that :) I'm just rubbish at all the other stuff she needs from me and that I used to be able to be relied on for :/ The opening post with it's video link did give me a glimpse that it might not be all bad if I have to go down that route with my mum... but it feels so wrong to me. Can't believe I've messed everything up so badly but I have :((( so here I am, about to provide a home for my sister's disabled cat, whilst at the same time having to consider turning my mum out of hers :/ I'm wishing hard for another way :) but time is running out and I suppose I'm just hoping someone here knows of some positive outcomes to opting for a care home for someone they love if circumstances mean they have to? |
Gordon Lowe Send message Joined: 5 Nov 00 Posts: 12094 Credit: 6,317,865 RAC: 0 |
Annie, I am so sorry to read what you just posted about your mother. That is what terrifies me more than anything - my mother forgetting who I am, and one of the big reasons I don't want other people involved. I am keeping things as simple and familiar as possible, and that means me taking care of her in her own house. She sometimes gets mixed up on finding the right word for me, calling me her husband(died in '82), or even her mother(died in '64), but she does know I'm Gordon, her only child. She reverts to her childhood memories a lot. The mind is a weird and mysterious place |
anniet Send message Joined: 2 Feb 14 Posts: 7105 Credit: 1,577,368 RAC: 75 |
CC :) Thank you :) You've given me a really important stepping off point to work from. I still don't know what to do but your advice about seeing her every day as much as possible and making sure to visit at different times is absolutely right. From the health services' point of view however - putting her into a home in the area she is living at the moment, will be quicker to facilitate than finding her a place in one in London. I can't see how I'm going to manage a four hour round trip every day, not at the moment anyway, no matter how much I would like to. So that's where things stand at the moment. Where things go from here, I will just have to wait and see. @Gordon :) You're amazing, and you're doing the absolutely right thing for your mum :) |
celttooth Send message Joined: 21 Nov 99 Posts: 26503 Credit: 28,583,098 RAC: 0 |
All of your collective concerns are of great interest to us. We are watching closely to what sort of pressers you are under, and what are the things you do to succeed. At our house one never knows when these very important skills could be needed on a moment's notice. So you see we both here have been worrying about these kinds of problems. Please be willing to talk, and be kind if I or LSM ask you a question at some point. |
Donald L. Johnson Send message Joined: 5 Aug 02 Posts: 8240 Credit: 14,654,533 RAC: 20 |
Here's a funny dementia moment: So I took my mother back to the eye doctor today for her final cataract post-op right eye visit. One of the assistants asked my mother what she saw on the wall(I was sitting below the eye chart), and she said, "I see my husband". The assistant smiled, and asked me how old I was, and then asked my mom if she had ever been called a cougar. I thought the girl was kidding, but later while we were talking, it became clear that she thought my mom was serious. :~O That happened to me a couple times after my Dad died. Mom had a couple bouts of dementia, where she thought I was my Dad. And then there was the time, at 0200 on a Sunday morning, she woke up all upset because she was going to be late for school, Don't know how I kept from getting angry at her, but eventually she calmed down and I got her back to sleep. Regarding music therapy, I have seen several folks at 210 Cup of Jazz on Saturdays, who I knew were in the early stages of Alzheimer's. Their family members bring them down to help keep them engaged and socialized. They don't always remember who's who, but between the people and the live music, they seem to have a good time. There are several assisted-living facilities here that bring in local music groups on Friday evenings, for their residents who don't go out much. Donald Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired |
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