The joke thread Part 4.

Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4.
Message board moderation

To post messages, you must log in.

Previous · 1 . . . 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 . . . 34 · Next

AuthorMessage
David S
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 4 Oct 99
Posts: 18352
Credit: 27,761,924
RAC: 12
United States
Message 1587940 - Posted: 16 Oct 2014, 19:33:57 UTC - in response to Message 1587593.  

http://xkcd.com/1409/


Hmmmm. I don't get it. (Other than the fact that he's looking for someone with
whom he can watch porn, I think. It's the spreadsheet stuff that confuses me, I
guess.)

The last line was the funny bit "drop table" is a command to the database to remove a table. "drop table people" had the effect of removing the people...

But not their possessions.

I guess you have to be a database wonk to think it's funny.
David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.

ID: 1587940 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
John McLeod VII
Volunteer developer
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 15 Jul 99
Posts: 24806
Credit: 790,712
RAC: 0
United States
Message 1588104 - Posted: 17 Oct 2014, 3:20:17 UTC - in response to Message 1587940.  

http://xkcd.com/1409/


Hmmmm. I don't get it. (Other than the fact that he's looking for someone with
whom he can watch porn, I think. It's the spreadsheet stuff that confuses me, I
guess.)

The last line was the funny bit "drop table" is a command to the database to remove a table. "drop table people" had the effect of removing the people...

But not their possessions.

I guess you have to be a database wonk to think it's funny.

Or just have spent enough time writing code for them, I suppose. I am not a database wonk (that would be Kenny over on the other side of the building), but I have written some SQL...


BOINC WIKI
ID: 1588104 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
David S
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 4 Oct 99
Posts: 18352
Credit: 27,761,924
RAC: 12
United States
Message 1588418 - Posted: 17 Oct 2014, 19:12:52 UTC

An Emergency Call Center worker in London, England, has been sacked, much to the dismay of her colleagues who are reportedly unhappy with her dismissal.

It seems a male caller dialed 999 from a mobile phone, stating, "I am depressed and lying here on a railway line. I am waiting for the train to come so that I can finally meet Allah."

"Remain calm and stay on the line," was not considered to be an appropriate response...
David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.

ID: 1588418 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Sirius B Project Donor
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Dec 00
Posts: 24884
Credit: 3,081,182
RAC: 7
Ireland
Message 1588505 - Posted: 17 Oct 2014, 21:57:04 UTC - in response to Message 1588418.  

ROFLMAO
ID: 1588505 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Profile Suzie-Q Project Donor
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 9 Mar 07
Posts: 3335
Credit: 4,746,812
RAC: 1
United States
Message 1588588 - Posted: 18 Oct 2014, 5:10:46 UTC - in response to Message 1587593.  

http://xkcd.com/1409/


Hmmmm. I don't get it. (Other than the fact that he's looking for someone with
whom he can watch porn, I think. It's the spreadsheet stuff that confuses me, I
guess.)

The last line was the funny bit "drop table" is a command to the database to remove a table. "drop table people" had the effect of removing the people...


Thanks for the explanation. Now that I understand it, I still don't think it's funny.
~Sue~

ID: 1588588 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
John McLeod VII
Volunteer developer
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 15 Jul 99
Posts: 24806
Credit: 790,712
RAC: 0
United States
Message 1588748 - Posted: 18 Oct 2014, 17:07:03 UTC - in response to Message 1588588.  

http://xkcd.com/1409/


Hmmmm. I don't get it. (Other than the fact that he's looking for someone with
whom he can watch porn, I think. It's the spreadsheet stuff that confuses me, I
guess.)

The last line was the funny bit "drop table" is a command to the database to remove a table. "drop table people" had the effect of removing the people...


Thanks for the explanation. Now that I understand it, I still don't think it's funny.

A joke that has to be explained rarely is funny.

Another one that SQL geeks think is funny is Little Bobby tables, whose full name is Robert'); DROP TABLE students; This full name is known to cause trouble with the computers at some school systems where, when entered, it drops the students table for the school...


BOINC WIKI
ID: 1588748 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
David S
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 4 Oct 99
Posts: 18352
Credit: 27,761,924
RAC: 12
United States
Message 1589050 - Posted: 20 Oct 2014, 1:17:02 UTC - in response to Message 1588748.  

http://xkcd.com/1409/


Hmmmm. I don't get it. (Other than the fact that he's looking for someone with
whom he can watch porn, I think. It's the spreadsheet stuff that confuses me, I
guess.)

The last line was the funny bit "drop table" is a command to the database to remove a table. "drop table people" had the effect of removing the people...


Thanks for the explanation. Now that I understand it, I still don't think it's funny.

A joke that has to be explained rarely is funny.

It was what I figured it was and I didn't think it was funny either.

Another one that SQL geeks think is funny is Little Bobby tables, whose full name is Robert'); DROP TABLE students; This full name is known to cause trouble with the computers at some school systems where, when entered, it drops the students table for the school...

A few years ago, I got in trouble at work for emailing a cartoon with essentially that joke to one of our Technology Integration Specialists.
David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.

ID: 1589050 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
John McLeod VII
Volunteer developer
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 15 Jul 99
Posts: 24806
Credit: 790,712
RAC: 0
United States
Message 1589059 - Posted: 20 Oct 2014, 1:30:27 UTC - in response to Message 1589050.  

http://xkcd.com/1409/


Hmmmm. I don't get it. (Other than the fact that he's looking for someone with
whom he can watch porn, I think. It's the spreadsheet stuff that confuses me, I
guess.)

The last line was the funny bit "drop table" is a command to the database to remove a table. "drop table people" had the effect of removing the people...


Thanks for the explanation. Now that I understand it, I still don't think it's funny.

A joke that has to be explained rarely is funny.

It was what I figured it was and I didn't think it was funny either.

Another one that SQL geeks think is funny is Little Bobby tables, whose full name is Robert'); DROP TABLE students; This full name is known to cause trouble with the computers at some school systems where, when entered, it drops the students table for the school...

A few years ago, I got in trouble at work for emailing a cartoon with essentially that joke to one of our Technology Integration Specialists.

That sounds like a really uptight organization. Some places read the posted Dilberts to see how they messed up...


BOINC WIKI
ID: 1589059 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Profile Michael Belanger, W1DGL
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 30 Jul 00
Posts: 1887
Credit: 7,441,278
RAC: 49
United States
Message 1592323 - Posted: 26 Oct 2014, 5:33:06 UTC

Growing up in the South.......


A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.


There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South.


There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before.


If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.


Onced and Twiced are words.


It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy!


Jawl-P? means, Did you all go to the bathroom?


People actually grow, eat and like okra.


Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that.


There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper.


Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South.


Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you.


The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?'


You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see.


You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em.


Ya'll is singular. All ya'll is plural.


All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal.


You carry jumper cables in your car - for your OWN car.


You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco and ketchup.


The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, the motor sports, and gossip.


Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name) or Mr.(first name)


You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.


You know what a hissyfit is..


Fried catfish is the other white meat.


We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!!


You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH
ID: 1592323 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Profile celttooth
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 21 Nov 99
Posts: 26503
Credit: 28,583,098
RAC: 0
Canada
Message 1592327 - Posted: 26 Oct 2014, 5:38:05 UTC - in response to Message 1592323.  

You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH


Awwww, bless your heart!


ID: 1592327 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
John McLeod VII
Volunteer developer
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 15 Jul 99
Posts: 24806
Credit: 790,712
RAC: 0
United States
Message 1593253 - Posted: 28 Oct 2014, 3:16:54 UTC

The fortune of all possums is to end up in the middle of a road. Therefore, if you are lost in the South, find a possum, and follow it. Eventually, you will find a road.


BOINC WIKI
ID: 1593253 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Luigi Naruszewicz
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 19 Nov 99
Posts: 620
Credit: 23,910,372
RAC: 14
United Kingdom
Message 1594239 - Posted: 30 Oct 2014, 7:37:53 UTC

Ocean – ALL you Need to Know!!
Children Writing About the Ocean….

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle o make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better
off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6) (Mine too!!)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't
go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. what he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
.


A person who makes no mistakes, creates nothing.
ID: 1594239 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Profile Dimly Lit Lightbulb 😀
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 30 Aug 08
Posts: 15399
Credit: 7,423,413
RAC: 1
United Kingdom
Message 1594287 - Posted: 30 Oct 2014, 10:19:18 UTC - in response to Message 1594239.  
Last modified: 30 Oct 2014, 10:19:31 UTC

5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)


Oh LOL :)

Member of the People Encouraging Niceness In Society club.

ID: 1594287 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Sirius B Project Donor
Volunteer tester
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 26 Dec 00
Posts: 24884
Credit: 3,081,182
RAC: 7
Ireland
Message 1594375 - Posted: 30 Oct 2014, 13:57:06 UTC - in response to Message 1594239.  

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. what he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)


ROFLMAO

Priceless
ID: 1594375 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Profile Suzie-Q Project Donor
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 9 Mar 07
Posts: 3335
Credit: 4,746,812
RAC: 1
United States
Message 1595663 - Posted: 1 Nov 2014, 19:29:55 UTC

A joke from the TV show, Bones:

Shroedinger is driving along and gets pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks him, "What's in the trunk?"
Shroedinger says, "A cat."
The cop opens the trunk and says, "This cat's dead."
Shroedinger says, "Well, it is now!"
~Sue~

ID: 1595663 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Profile janneseti
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 14 Oct 09
Posts: 14106
Credit: 655,366
RAC: 0
Sweden
Message 1595677 - Posted: 1 Nov 2014, 20:01:51 UTC - in response to Message 1595663.  

A joke from the TV show, Bones:
Shroedinger is driving along and gets pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks him, "What's in the trunk?"
Shroedinger says, "A cat."
The cop opens the trunk and says, "This cat's dead."
Shroedinger says, "Well, it is now!"

Schrödinger was a special character:)
So was Richard Feynman.
Here is an anecdote of his.
While in Kyoko I tried to learn Japanese with a vengeance. I worked much harder at it, and got to a point where I could go around in taxis and do things. I took lessons from a Japanese man every day for an hour.
One day he was teaching me the word for "see." "All right," he said. "You want to say, 'May I see your garden?' What do you say?"
I made up a sentence with the word that I had just learned.
"No, no!" he said. "When you say to someone, 'Would you like to see my garden?' you use the first 'see.' But when you want to see someone else's garden, you must use another 'see,' which is more polite."
"Would you like to glance at my lousy garden?" is essentially what you're saying in the first case, but when you want to look at the other fella's garden, you have to say something like, "May I observe your gorgeous garden?" So there's two different words you have to use.
Then he gave me another one: "You go to a temple, and you want to look at the gardens..."
I made up a sentence, this time with the polite "see."
"No, no!" he said. "In the temple, the gardens are much more elegant. So you have to say something that would be equivalent to 'May I hang my eyes on your most exquisite gardens?"
Three or four different words for one idea, because when I'm doing it, it's miserable; when you're doing it, it's elegant.
I was learning Japanese mainly for technical things, so I decided to check if this same problem existed among the scientists.
At the institute the next day, I said to the guys in the office, "How would I say in Japanese, 'I solve the Dirac Equation'?"
They said such-and-so.
"OK. Now I want to say, 'Would you solve the Dirac Equation?' — how do I say that?"
"Well, you have to use a different word for 'solve,' " they say.
"Why?" I protested. "When I solve it, I do the same damn thing as when you solve it!"
"Well, yes, but it's a different word — it's more polite."
I gave up. I decided that wasn't the language for me, and stopped learning Japanese.
ID: 1595677 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Profile Suzie-Q Project Donor
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 9 Mar 07
Posts: 3335
Credit: 4,746,812
RAC: 1
United States
Message 1596259 - Posted: 3 Nov 2014, 2:06:25 UTC - in response to Message 1595677.  

A joke from the TV show, Bones:
Shroedinger is driving along and gets pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks him, "What's in the trunk?"
Shroedinger says, "A cat."
The cop opens the trunk and says, "This cat's dead."
Shroedinger says, "Well, it is now!"

Schrödinger was a special character:)
So was Richard Feynman.
Here is an anecdote of his.
While in Kyoko I tried to learn Japanese with a vengeance. I worked much harder at it, and got to a point where I could go around in taxis and do things. I took lessons from a Japanese man every day for an hour.
One day he was teaching me the word for "see." "All right," he said. "You want to say, 'May I see your garden?' What do you say?"
I made up a sentence with the word that I had just learned.
"No, no!" he said. "When you say to someone, 'Would you like to see my garden?' you use the first 'see.' But when you want to see someone else's garden, you must use another 'see,' which is more polite."
"Would you like to glance at my lousy garden?" is essentially what you're saying in the first case, but when you want to look at the other fella's garden, you have to say something like, "May I observe your gorgeous garden?" So there's two different words you have to use.
Then he gave me another one: "You go to a temple, and you want to look at the gardens..."
I made up a sentence, this time with the polite "see."
"No, no!" he said. "In the temple, the gardens are much more elegant. So you have to say something that would be equivalent to 'May I hang my eyes on your most exquisite gardens?"
Three or four different words for one idea, because when I'm doing it, it's miserable; when you're doing it, it's elegant.
I was learning Japanese mainly for technical things, so I decided to check if this same problem existed among the scientists.
At the institute the next day, I said to the guys in the office, "How would I say in Japanese, 'I solve the Dirac Equation'?"
They said such-and-so.
"OK. Now I want to say, 'Would you solve the Dirac Equation?' — how do I say that?"
"Well, you have to use a different word for 'solve,' " they say.
"Why?" I protested. "When I solve it, I do the same damn thing as when you solve it!"
"Well, yes, but it's a different word — it's more polite."
I gave up. I decided that wasn't the language for me, and stopped learning Japanese.


I'd probably quit, too, under those circumstances!
~Sue~

ID: 1596259 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Jim Martin Project Donor
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 21 Jun 03
Posts: 2476
Credit: 646,848
RAC: 0
United States
Message 1597492 - Posted: 6 Nov 2014, 2:50:25 UTC

Three passengers on a smallish, twin-engine plane -- The Pope, Hillary
Clinton, and a Boy Scout. The plane develops severe engine problems,
and the pilot leaves the cabin and announces -- sorry, that he is --
that he'll be bailing out. Opening a side door, he does just that.

He's shortly followed by the copilot, who says much the same thing, and
bails out.

Hillary grabs a parachute, and announces that, because she's the smartest
woman in the world, she should save herself -- and bails out.

The Pope turns to the Boy Scout, and says: "My son, you are young, and
have your entire life ahead of you. Take the remaining parachute.

The scout replies: "No need to worry, Holy Father. There are, actually,
two parachutes remaining. That smartest woman in the world just bailed out
with my back-pack."
ID: 1597492 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Luigi Naruszewicz
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 19 Nov 99
Posts: 620
Credit: 23,910,372
RAC: 14
United Kingdom
Message 1597619 - Posted: 6 Nov 2014, 10:36:56 UTC






.


A person who makes no mistakes, creates nothing.
ID: 1597619 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Luigi Naruszewicz
Avatar

Send message
Joined: 19 Nov 99
Posts: 620
Credit: 23,910,372
RAC: 14
United Kingdom
Message 1598004 - Posted: 7 Nov 2014, 7:45:02 UTC

I found the neatest way to make my wife a more careful driver.

I pointed out that if she's ever in an accident,

The paper is going to print HER REAL AGE !
.


A person who makes no mistakes, creates nothing.
ID: 1598004 · Report as offensive     Reply Quote
Previous · 1 . . . 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 . . . 34 · Next

Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4.


 
©2024 University of California
 
SETI@home and Astropulse are funded by grants from the National Science Foundation, NASA, and donations from SETI@home volunteers. AstroPulse is funded in part by the NSF through grant AST-0307956.