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The joke thread Part 4.
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MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
A woman walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the bartender gave her one. |
MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
Two guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked. |
Joseph Stateson Send message Joined: 27 May 99 Posts: 309 Credit: 70,759,933 RAC: 3 |
Over on the Number Crunching forum there is a thread about "How many gpus can you run on an AMD AM4 socket motherboard" I spent a long time thinking about making a joke out of that but I gave up as I had only intel motherboards |
MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
Why are computers so smart? Because they always listen to their motherboards. |
rob smith Send message Joined: 7 Mar 03 Posts: 22491 Credit: 416,307,556 RAC: 380 |
How do you know when your halitosis is REALLY bad? Your dog wears a gas mask when it brings you your tooth brush Bob Smith Member of Seti PIPPS (Pluto is a Planet Protest Society) Somewhere in the (un)known Universe? |
IntenseGuy Send message Joined: 25 Sep 00 Posts: 190 Credit: 23,498,825 RAC: 9 |
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert one time. They’d just about given up hope of making it out alive when they found a lamp and rubbed it. Funnily enough, a genie popped out and said they could each have one wish which would come true. The redhead wished to be back home and poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, “Awwww, I wish my friends were here.†|
IntenseGuy Send message Joined: 25 Sep 00 Posts: 190 Credit: 23,498,825 RAC: 9 |
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. “I’d like to buy this TV,†she told the salesman. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,†he replied. The blonde was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, “I’d like to buy this TV.†“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,†he replied again. The blonde didn’t understand how the salesman had recognized her but she was still mad and wanted to get her bargain. This time, she went home and got a haircut and new color, a new outfit, big sunglasses and a big hat. She then waited a few days before she went back and went to the same salesman. “I’d like to buy this TV,†she said. “Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes,†he replied yet again. Frustrated, she shouted, “How do you know I’m a blonde?†“Because that’s a microwave,†he replied SETI@home classic workunits 103,576 SETI@home classic CPU time 655,753 hours |
MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
A history professor and a psychology professor were sitting outside a nudist colony when the history professor asked his friend, ‘Have you read Marx?’ ‘Yes,’ replied the psychology professor. ‘I think it’s from the wicker chairs.’ |
IntenseGuy Send message Joined: 25 Sep 00 Posts: 190 Credit: 23,498,825 RAC: 9 |
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get started.†Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?†The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a rooster.†Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.†He then takes her hand and says, “Secondly, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then let’s put all these Corn Flakes back in the box.†SETI@home classic workunits 103,576 SETI@home classic CPU time 655,753 hours |
MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
A bar was walked into by the passive voice. |
Suzie-Q Send message Joined: 9 Mar 07 Posts: 3351 Credit: 4,746,812 RAC: 1 |
I might have posted this six years ago. _____________________________ Back on January 9th, a group of bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?" She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!" While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?" So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me . Why the hell are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl." It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed. ~Sue~ |
MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed. |
MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
What did the Prince of Whales say to Donald Trump? Have it your way. |
Tom M Send message Joined: 28 Nov 02 Posts: 5126 Credit: 276,046,078 RAC: 462 |
Q. How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? Oh, MY! A proud member of the OFA (Old Farts Association). |
Tom M Send message Joined: 28 Nov 02 Posts: 5126 Credit: 276,046,078 RAC: 462 |
25 Jokes You're Probably Too Stupid To Understand Your right. Those are awful (I survived the first 3). A proud member of the OFA (Old Farts Association). |
MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
What does the buffalo tell his son in the morning? Bye son! |
MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t. |
MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
A TCP packet walks into a bar, and says to the barman: “Hello, I’d like a beer.†The barman replies: “Hello, you’d like a beer?†“Yes,†replies the TCP packet, “I’d like a beer.†|
MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool. |
MichaelEdits Send message Joined: 26 May 19 Posts: 30 Credit: 574,975 RAC: 0 |
A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage. The photon replies: “No, I’m traveling light.†|
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