My second wife and I loved bicycling and also walking at a county park called Beaver lake. They have 4 trails taht take you thru various terrain. MY favorite was the bog trail. After she died I went bicycling a lot. Just being alone and crusing on the suburban streets cleared my mind. But When I really wanted to relax I hit the bog trail. Its only a little over a mile long, But its for me heaven. I dont think of anything I just look at the wonders of nature.
I have taken my grandchildren there. And they allways ask when can we go to the bog trail? They love it as much as I do.

I can truly say that walking in nature has soothed my soul on more than one occassion.

So Gordan, I think the theme so far is that you cant do it alone. You will need some time for yourself to get recharged. And dont let your own guilt trip of not being there for your mom when she needs you. You are there. You will be there.

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[/quote]

Old James

All reputable Home Health Care services do background checks on their caregivers, and spot-visit to make sure everybody is satisfied with the care being given. Yes, it is hard letting a stranger into your home, but if you are able to spend time with the caregiver, they don't stay strangers.

Very good point. I really liked the initial person in-Home Health sent over, and once I get my mother back home, I will be calling the same agency, and I actually think I'm going to call and follow-up with them tomorrow, so I can talk to that same person, and let him know what is going on right now, because I'd like to see him back on the case.

Sounds like a plan is taking shape. Hope this guy has room on his schedule for your Mom, or can recommend someone else you'll be comfortable with.

And keep making time for you. Walks, outings with friends or by yourself, just sitting with music and a book, whatever helps you relax and recharge. It is necessary, for both your mental and physical health, and your Mother's.

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

So Gordan, I think the theme so far is that you cant do it alone. You will need some time for yourself to get recharged. And dont let your own guilt trip of not being there for your mom when she needs you. You are there. You will be there.

Well, she is safe and being taken care of in a good rehab place right now, and I'm encouraged by some small, but very significant progress in my eyes, and that is she is not complaining of pain during movement today. She still can't walk or sit up unassisted but things are moving in the right direction.

Yesterday afternoon was the 1st time she really got some serious PT attention, and assessed. The PT people talked to us and the prognosis is close to a full recovery, but 4 - 6 weeks in-patient before going home... who knows? Occupational Therapy is also involved because she's having coordination issues associated with brushing her hair and eating and is just not dexterous at all. They said she is cognitively sharp, but "distracted" by her body's injury, which causes her to, superficially at least, appear slightly demented.

At some point soon, I should be able to get her in my car for the day so we can go somewhere(like back home for a few hours). ~This is very important to me, and definitely to her too, and the PT people agree wholeheartedly. The spirit is willing but the body is weak...

I'm not against some in-Home Healthcare once we get back here, but I'd rather do it myself. ~I know... I know.... I'm stubborn.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Sounds like a plan is taking shape. Hope this guy has room on his schedule for your Mom, or can recommend someone else you'll be comfortable with.

And keep making time for you. Walks, outings with friends or by yourself, just sitting with music and a book, whatever helps you relax and recharge. It is necessary, for both your mental and physical health, and your Mother's.

Something interesting about music... My mother has lots of records and CD's, and always loved radio and tv, too, but in the last several months she showed a decline in interest for those things. I still think something weird is going on in her brain because a change in interest like that indicates to me maybe those activities had started causing interference in her head. Even before this back injury incident that has thrown her for a loop, I think some neural cobwebs were forming up there, and music, reading, watching tv, any extraneous activity, was becoming too much. Her brain was beginning to have a hard time mulri-tasking.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Sounds like a plan is taking shape. Hope this guy has room on his schedule for your Mom, or can recommend someone else you'll be comfortable with.

And keep making time for you. Walks, outings with friends or by yourself, just sitting with music and a book, whatever helps you relax and recharge. It is necessary, for both your mental and physical health, and your Mother's.

Something interesting about music... My mother has lots of records and CD's, and always loved radio and tv, too, but in the last several months she showed a decline in interest for those things. I still think something weird is going on in her brain because a change in interest like that indicates to me maybe those activities had started causing interference in her head. Even before this back injury incident that has thrown her for a loop, I think some neural cobwebs were forming up there, and music, reading, watching tv, any extraneous activity, was becoming too much. Her brain was beginning to have a hard time mulri-tasking.

You should keep her interested in music by playing what she likes, it will give her strength. Play her CD's! Songs she likes and has good memories of. Just a thought.

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Music
Pictures

You should keep her interested in music by playing what she likes, it will give her strength. Play her CD's! Songs she likes and has good memories of. Just a thought.

You're right, and I will. There's something else that is weird about all of this: In the last several months, she has been getting out old photo albums, looking at the pictures, scanning certain ones into her computer, plus she began a scapbooking hobby. She even told me I should do the same. ;~} It's almost as if she kind of knew something was going to happen. Someone else I talked to about this suggested it was like the way a pregnant woman gets... a form of "nesting" behavior.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Sounds like she's trying to lay down physical pathways for memories which she's sensing might be slipping away from her at times. The way she's doing it is good because it gives you a visual map you can chat with her about and keep those pathways open for her.

Doing your own with shared memories she's not recording could prove really useful to her and yourself. My mum did something similar - except she wrote everything down in shorthand :/ and none of us can read shorthand. I tried to learn it but it proved really difficult because she was doing her writing on blank paper when it should have been lined. She can't seem to remember how to read it back once it's written down - and I've had to conclude that she may be writing it down wrong because I can't and couldn't make head nor tail of it. :/

Sounds like she's trying to lay down physical pathways for memories which she's sensing might be slipping away from her at times. The way she's doing it is good because it gives you a visual map you can chat with her about and keep those pathways open for her.

I wear a tie to work, and I'm very persnickety and particular about my ties. I buy nice ties that say something about my personality, and I get a lot of compliments about them because they are unique and interesting designs. My mom told me I should start scrapbooking my older ties that are worn out, so I don't forget about them. It was a serious suggestion on her part, and very sweet. One of the reasons I love her.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Since I've been so honest throughout this thread, I feel like I should continue that by telling you all that my mother is not doing well. The rehab facility she was staying at discovered her having a hard time swallowing and breathing so they transferred her back into the hospital. Her doctor thinks she might need to be put on a ventilator, and asked me if I wanted that, and I said yes, absolutely. She recognizes me very well, but she is very weak, and she told me she doesn't think she can ever be as strong as she used to be.

I'm staying in the room at the hospital with her tonight. Thank you all for your support through this.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Since I've been so honest throughout this thread, I feel like I should continue that by telling you all that my mother is not doing well. The rehab facility she was staying at discovered her having a hard time swallowing and breathing so they transferred her back into the hospital. Her doctor thinks she might need to be put on a ventilator, and asked me if I wanted that, and I said yes, absolutely. She recognizes me very well, but she is very weak, and she told me she doesn't think she can ever be as strong as she used to be.

I'm staying in the room at the hospital with her tonight. Thank you all for your support through this.

Wish there was more that we could do to help, Gordon :( I'm glad that you're able to stay with her tonight, but also know that will be hard on you. :( Try not to worry. It sounds like the doctors are doing everything they can for her, as are you.

I'm very sorry to hear that Gordon and I send my best wishes to you and your mother.

That is indeed bad to hear Gordan. My best wishes in that she gets better. And for you to stay strong.

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[/quote]

Old James

God bless, Gordon. I pray for the best for you and your mother.

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TimeLord04
Have TARDIS, will travel...
Come along K-9!
Join Calm Chaos

God bless, Gordon. I pray for the best for you and your mother.

+1

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Music
Pictures

It was a hard night. I've never experienced being in the ICU section of a hospital, and hospitals in general are not places I've ever been inside of much, so it was scary, anxiety inducing, stressful and depressing.

She is on a respirator, and is so weak she's barely responsive, but when she does open her eyes, I can tell she recognizes me. They are to do a "lumbar puncture" today to check for meningitis.

Even before all this started, she told me on many occasions how glad she was that she married my daddy and had me, but she's gotten it mixed up a couple times lately and told me she's glad she married me. That's ok.

Thanks for all the well wishes. It does help me to have some idle time here and escape for a bit.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

It was a hard night. I've never experienced being in the ICU section of a hospital, and hospitals in general are not places I've ever been inside of much, so it was scary, anxiety inducing, stressful and depressing.

She is on a respirator, and is so weak she's barely responsive, but when she does open her eyes, I can tell she recognizes me. They are to do a "lumbar puncture" today to check for meningitis.

Even before all this started, she told me on many occasions how glad she was that she married my daddy and had me, but she's gotten it mixed up a couple times lately and told me she's glad she married me. That's ok.

Thanks for all the well wishes. It does help me to have some idle time here and escape for a bit.

ICU is a place of quiet and utter torment :( You have my heartfelt sympathies Gordon. I wish you both all the strength you need to get through this very tough time.

Gordon I sympathize with you, I lost My Mother to heart failure in 1998 after She had beaten cancer, My Brother and I were told that Her heart could quit, despite our instructions to the contrary on no resuscitations(Her liver was also showing signs of failure), the Hospital did so anyway and there was nothing there anymore, since the Hospital had put Her in a room with no monitoring equipment at all. My Brother paid for Mom to be cremated and I have Her ashes to this day since I can't buy a burial plot for Her, cause I get SSI since I'm severely disabled(See quote and link).

Social Security Disability Benefits(PDF file)

Who can get Social Security disability benefits?

Social Security pays benefits to people who cannot work
because they have a medical condition that is expected
to last at least one year or result in death. Federal law
requires this very strict definition of disability. While some
programs give money to people with partial disability or
short-term disability, Social Security does not.

SSI is "Supplemental Security Income", SSDI is "Social Security Disability Income". There is a difference.

I'm on SSDI, and qualified for Medicare upon receiving my SSDI benefits; I also qualify for Food Stamps.

Those on SSI do NOT qualify for Food Stamps. I'm unsure if they do or do not qualify for Medicare.

I may work a certain number of months at an unlimited salary range, and still qualify for SSDI, and Medicare.

Those on SSI are strictly limited as to what they may earn and still qualify for SSI.

The biggest difference is that to qualify for SSDI; one must have worked a certain number of years, paying into Social Security to be able to obtain benefits.

SSI does NOT require anyone to have worked to obtain benefits.

So, Vic, are you on SSI or SSDI?

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TimeLord04
Have TARDIS, will travel...
Come along K-9!
Join Calm Chaos

It was a hard night. I've never experienced being in the ICU section of a hospital, and hospitals in general are not places I've ever been inside of much, so it was scary, anxiety inducing, stressful and depressing.

She is on a respirator, and is so weak she's barely responsive, but when she does open her eyes, I can tell she recognizes me. They are to do a "lumbar puncture" today to check for meningitis.

Even before all this started, she told me on many occasions how glad she was that she married my daddy and had me, but she's gotten it mixed up a couple times lately and told me she's glad she married me. That's ok.

Thanks for all the well wishes. It does help me to have some idle time here and escape for a bit.

I, too, have known that feeling. Glad we could help.

My Mother was alert and lucid up until the day the cancer won, but there were a couple of episodes where she thought I was Dad. Even with my grey beard...

Praying for your Mother to have either a full recovery or a quick, painless departure, and for you, God's Grace and the strength to deal with whatever comes.

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

Gordon I sympathize with you, I lost My Mother to heart failure in 1998 after She had beaten cancer, My Brother and I were told that Her heart could quit, despite our instructions to the contrary on no resuscitations(Her liver was also showing signs of failure), the Hospital did so anyway and there was nothing there anymore, since the Hospital had put Her in a room with no monitoring equipment at all. My Brother paid for Mom to be cremated and I have Her ashes to this day since I can't buy a burial plot for Her, cause I get SSI since I'm severely disabled.

I'm very sorry about what happened with your mother. It seems like the hospital would be legally liable in a case like that where she wasn't monitored properly.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I'm very sorry about what happened with your mother. It seems like the hospital would be legally liable in a case like that where she wasn't monitored properly.

This happened in 1998, so it's I think long past the statute of limitations and at the time I had no income to sue with.

I understand. It's scary really how much we depend on healthcare providers to help us when we're at our most vulnerable. I know my mother is in great care right now, but I also get this "detached" sort of attitude from the staff. They are doing their job and they've seen this or a variation of this over and over. Not that they're mean - they're actually very nice people, but I get a sense that they're a little tired of my greenhorn questions.

The In-Home Health Care people called me this afternoon wondering when my mother was going to get back on their program. They weren't aware of the whole series of events that led to her being in the ICU, but it was a little frustrating because their agency is inside the hospital where she's at.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place