I have re-read this thread, and Donald, you're right, most of us do find ways to cope, with varying degrees of success. I am always amazed at how so many people seem to appear carefree and feeling great all the time. I usually suspect it's a combination of good acting, a high flow of serotonin and dopamine, and general good luck in life.

It's hard to see your parent in such a needy condition as mine is right now. I know that this is a big part of the stress for me, because I have looked to my my mother for strength most of my life, and now I am the one in charge. Here's a little more background~

I had such a normal childhood with two happily married parents and a stay at home mom, who liked to cook, and was a watercolor artist, and we took family vacations, and then my dad suddenly died in 1982. I remember very well, being in the ER waiting room, and the doctor coming around the corner and kneeling down in front of us, pausing and saying they'd lost him, and they'd tried everything they could do. After the doctor left, my mother grabbed my hand and said, "It's going to be very hard without your daddy." I don't remember how we got home from the hospital, or the next several days after that, but it was very difficult emotionally for me to see the sadness of my mother for the next couple of years. My mother was left with 13 year old me, and of course she eventually got past the pain of losing my father, but she never was interested in dating a new man. She took up walking every day, at our local reservoir, which has a public pathway around it. She did that religiously until a few years ago; it's hard for me to recollect exactly when, but she started slowing down, and in the past couple of years has had posture issues, and some mental fogginess. All of this just came to a head three weeks ago, when she called me to tell me she couldn't get out of bed, and when I went to her house, I found her on the floor next to the bed. Her story is she had been cleaning up her bathroom floor the day before, and that somehow pulled something in her back, but this is a sacral fracture, so that to me indicates she fell when getting out of bed. I'm just trying to clarify it in my mind what happened to cause her injury. She even asks me now how she got into this predicament, and I can't say exactly! We just have to accept it is what it is, and move forward day by day, and I have hope she's going to get better. TimeLord04 mentioned change being hard for him, and I agree, I'm the same way, but I'm adjusting to what's going on, and feeling better. And James, routine has always been very important to me, too. The bottom line is, I am going to do everything in my power to make sure my mother stays happy in her home, which is also the house she and my dad raised me in.


p.s. I work with a very nosy person who thrives on other people's hardships, and loves to gossip, so I've tried to keep my personal life private around her, but she has heard bits of what might be wrong with me, and is acting like a petulant child trying to get the scoop. It's very annoying, and adds to my stress.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I think my worst trauma was being born.
After that, it gets easier, so they say.

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"Time is simply the mechanism that keeps everything from happening all at once."

p.s. I work with a very nosy person who thrives on other people's hardships, and loves to gossip, so I've tried to keep my personal life private around her, but she has heard bits of what might be wrong with me, and is acting like a petulant child trying to get the scoop. It's very annoying, and adds to my stress.

Hi Gordon.

I have absolutely no idea whether the following would work, but gossips thrive on the belief that they know more than others. Short of wedging her tongue in her ear you may not be able to stop her.

It may help if you were able to gather your work colleagues together and give them all a brief outline of what you're dealing with at the moment, and that whilst it is very hard, you're managing okay, but if that were to change, you would appreciate it if you could seek some support from them. But that you don't need it now. Make the point that work is the one place providing you with enough of a distraction to take your mind off your problems, and that's what you really need at the moment. It may mean others will deal with the gossip on your behalf, I don't know. Only you can judge the nature of the people you work with. If you have doubts about them, totally ignore all the above! But maybe enlisting the help of one or two of your most tactful colleagues to act as your wingmen would be worth a try.

You are an absolute angel with how you want the best for your mum! Too often in our western culture, the role reversal you've described is a step too far for many. You're lovely! :)

I think my worst trauma was being born.
After that, it gets easier, so they say.

It's being stuck with it that isn't always easy :) - no matter what "they" say. :)

p.s. I work with a very nosy person who thrives on other people's hardships, and loves to gossip, so I've tried to keep my personal life private around her, but she has heard bits of what might be wrong with me, and is acting like a petulant child trying to get the scoop. It's very annoying, and adds to my stress.

You could tell this person its none of there business, But That most likely wont work. It seems that only gets them to harp at you more and ask more questions. The other option is to got o your H.R. department and tell them sos and so is to damn nosey about whats going on in your private life, And ask them to intercede on your behalf. Even that option sucks.

The one thing that I maintain where I work now is they dont know jack squat about me. yes they know im married and have 5 daughters and 13 grandkids. But they have never heard what there names are or seen pictures of them. I dont tell them my troubles or joys for that matter. I dont socialize with them. To me they are just work buddies, Yes I like them and we do chat about stuff , And even have a good laugh at the stupid stuff that goes on at work. But tend to keep my personal things private no matter where I worked. The one exception was when I was in the Air Force. We did 24 hour shifts. We trained together, ate together and fought fires together. I thought of them as my brothers, I had there backs and they had mine. So in that case we got to know each other like family,So we shared like a family would.
Once I got out of the service, That camradiere was gone, It was a dog eat dog world for me. I keep my cards close to my vest.

Sorry for the basically non reply rant. Nosey people just irratate the hell out of me.

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Old James

It may help if you were able to gather your work colleagues together and give them all a brief outline of what you're dealing with at the moment, and that whilst it is very hard, you're managing okay, but if that were to change, you would appreciate it if you could seek some support from them. But that you don't need it now. Make the point that work is the one place providing you with enough of a distraction to take your mind off your problems, and that's what you really need at the moment. It may mean others will deal with the gossip on your behalf, I don't know. Only you can judge the nature of the people you work with. If you have doubts about them, totally ignore all the above! But maybe enlisting the help of one or two of your most tactful colleagues to act as your wingmen would be worth a try.

Annie, you make a very good point about work being my distraction/escape. It's so funny really because oftentimes it's the other way around - people look for an escape from a stressful job. The irony in this is the busybody I've had trouble with over the years is the Overnight Security Guard!

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

It was a dog eat dog world for me. I keep my cards close to my vest.

Sorry for the basically non reply rant. Nosey people just irratate the hell out of me.

I think you have great advice, and I like my privacy at work, too, but my trusted bosses know I'm under some stress right now, and are very supportive.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

It was a dog eat dog world for me. I keep my cards close to my vest.

Sorry for the basically non reply rant. Nosey people just irratate the hell out of me.

I think you have great advice, and I like my privacy at work, too, but my trusted bosses know I'm under some stress right now, and are very supportive.

Then they have your back, Cant ask more than that.

Where I work security is a contracted. The next time said nosey person trys to pry in your life. Maybe you should call said contarctor and complain.

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[/quote]

Old James

I think my worst trauma was being born.
After that, it gets easier, so they say.

So they say... I wonder who said that? ;)

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Music
Pictures

It may help if you were able to gather your work colleagues together and give them all a brief outline of what you're dealing with at the moment, and that whilst it is very hard, you're managing okay, but if that were to change, you would appreciate it if you could seek some support from them. But that you don't need it now. Make the point that work is the one place providing you with enough of a distraction to take your mind off your problems, and that's what you really need at the moment. It may mean others will deal with the gossip on your behalf, I don't know. Only you can judge the nature of the people you work with. If you have doubts about them, totally ignore all the above! But maybe enlisting the help of one or two of your most tactful colleagues to act as your wingmen would be worth a try.

Annie, you make a very good point about work being my distraction/escape. It's so funny really because oftentimes it's the other way around - people look for an escape from a stressful job. The irony in this is the busybody I've had trouble with over the years is the Overnight Security Guard!

Good grief! So not only is she nosy, but it's part of her job description and she gets paid for it! Run Gordon! Run! :)

Report them to the police for harassment. Problem is that it would stop them in their tracks, but you would lose your job. Sounds like you need to change employment anyway.

She's really not that bad, but if it's not rumor and gossip spinning, she's predicting the sky is falling. I really want to get her a scythe and a sign to carry that says, "The end is near".

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Report them to the police for harassment. Problem is that it would stop them in their tracks, but you would lose your job. Sounds like you need to change employment anyway.

She's really not that bad, but if it's not rumor and gossip spinning, she's predicting the sky is falling. I really want to get her a scythe and a sign to carry that says, "The end is near".

People like that I just love to feed a bit of wild BS to, then sit back and wait for it blow up in their face. :-D

Yes I know, I can be a bad boy at times.

Cheers.

People like that I just love to feed a bit of wild BS to, then sit back and wait for it blow up in their face. :-D

Yes I know, I can be a bad boy at times.

Cheers.

Oh, I've wound her up just recently with something fake but minor. She's rather naïve and gullible, and bites on stuff pretty easily.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Report them to the police for harassment. Problem is that it would stop them in their tracks, but you would lose your job. Sounds like you need to change employment anyway.

She's really not that bad, but if it's not rumor and gossip spinning, she's predicting the sky is falling. I really want to get her a scythe and a sign to carry that says, "The end is near".

People like that I just love to feed a bit of wild BS to, then sit back and wait for it blow up in their face. :-D

Yes I know, I can be a bad boy at times.

Cheers.

Would that be called a transfer of PTSD?:)
Gossips have sure done their fair share of hurt and missery. And some of them are down right mean and viscious. Im Sure the wagging tongues have caused more than one suicde also.
And while I do take joy in seeing them get the kharma they deserve, Other than telling them its none of your freaking business in the most nasty tone I can convey, I cant feed them a lie, Then my concious would eat at me.

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[/quote]

Old James

Would that be called a transfer of PTSD?:)
Gossips have sure done their fair share of hurt and missery. And some of them are down right mean and viscious. Im Sure the wagging tongues have caused more than one suicde also.
And while I do take joy in seeing them get the kharma they deserve, Other than telling them its none of your freaking business in the most nasty tone I can convey, I cant feed them a lie, Then my concious would eat at me.

Yes, this person knows I've pressed the ignore button. ~That makes her all the more curious and crotchety. She likes to get people's trust and play mother hen, and then talk about them behind their back. No real gain other than it somehow makes her feel important.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Report them to the police for harassment. Problem is that it would stop them in their tracks, but you would lose your job. Sounds like you need to change employment anyway.

She's really not that bad, but if it's not rumor and gossip spinning, she's predicting the sky is falling. I really want to get her a scythe and a sign to carry that says, "The end is near".

People like that I just love to feed a bit of wild BS to, then sit back and wait for it blow up in their face. :-D

Yes I know, I can be a bad boy at times.

Cheers.

Would that be called a transfer of PTSD?:)
Gossips have sure done their fair share of hurt and missery. And some of them are down right mean and viscious. Im Sure the wagging tongues have caused more than one suicde also.
And while I do take joy in seeing them get the kharma they deserve, Other than telling them its none of your freaking business in the most nasty tone I can convey, I cant feed them a lie, Then my concious would eat at me.

I'm sorry James, but with people like that I can ignore my conscience very easily and I won't lose a wink of sleep over it (unless of course the blow up is about to happen as I wouldn't want to miss it). ;-)

Cheers.

Report them to the police for harassment. Problem is that it would stop them in their tracks, but you would lose your job. Sounds like you need to change employment anyway.

She's really not that bad, but if it's not rumor and gossip spinning, she's predicting the sky is falling. I really want to get her a scythe and a sign to carry that says, "The end is near".

People like that I just love to feed a bit of wild BS to, then sit back and wait for it blow up in their face. :-D

Yes I know, I can be a bad boy at times.

Cheers.

Would that be called a transfer of PTSD?:)
Gossips have sure done their fair share of hurt and missery. And some of them are down right mean and viscious. Im Sure the wagging tongues have caused more than one suicde also.
And while I do take joy in seeing them get the kharma they deserve, Other than telling them its none of your freaking business in the most nasty tone I can convey, I cant feed them a lie, Then my concious would eat at me.

I'm sorry James, but with people like that I can ignore my conscience very easily and I won't lose a wink of sleep over it (unless of course the blow up is about to happen as I wouldn't want to miss it). ;-)

Cheers.

Im not saying its wrong, They derserve what they get. I just cant do it.

@ Gordan- Except for the 8 years I did in the service allmost all my working life has been in factorys. I know what the gossip mill is like. And the bigger the factory the bigger the gossips are, And the most nasty. Both men and women are guilty of doing it too.

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Old James

The fastest and easiest way to dispel gossips is to tell them what they want to hear but not what you want them to know.

Edit: Of course it has to be plausible. A true story....

Years ago, I had a lovely fiancé that worked in an office with the worst gossip I have ever come across. One particular Friday I took several of my sisters out clubbing as thanks for some help they gave.

At the Lyceum, the gossip was there and on the following Monday evening, my fiancé called in a bad mood which was understandable. After explaining, we kept it going for months.

That is until the office Xmas party. After the meal, all the staff attended the Lyceum and I was primed by my fiancé.

That evening, I took 4 of my sisters to the club. Rosemary introduced me to the gossip where I then introduced my sisters as Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday with Rosemary being Friday.

The cheeky cow asked about Saturday and Sunday. My reply had the girls in stitches.....Saturdays is Footie & Booze day with Sunday being a day for sleeping and eating to recover lost energy.

The following month got a lovely signed card from all the girls in that office, the gossip resigned after being told that the girls I danced with all those months were in fact my sisters.

No lies, no worries about conscience. Oh to be a fly on the wall the day she got told :-)

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Suffering

This song is so connected to this thread imo

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Music
Pictures

That is so true, Julie!

I think many of my favourite songs are sad ones. I don't know what that says about me... best not go there really :) I think they just help me feel that I'm not that alone even when I feel I am, because there are so many others that you can imagine would empathise with you if they could.

Re Gordon's problems and Wiggo's, Sirius and James's contributions - I have one for you! A friend of mine had got so fed up with a group of nosy colleagues gossiping about someone else who was going through a bad time, he told them that he was really upset over a problem he had which was much worse (after informing those he liked and trusted of his plan, and their victim of course).

He told them he'd been put on a growth hormone to see if it would correct the fact that he had one leg a bit shorter than the other, but instead of it helping his shorter leg to grow, he was growing breasts instead.

He was the constant focus of some very sly attention after that, and it gave everyone else in the office a huge lift every time the subject was brought up by the horrible coven. :)

Know anyone at work willing to "grow breasts" for you Gordon? :)