I do hope that my pic of her in my sig did not make any of you too uncomfortable.
She was my guiding light for so many years, I thought it was quite appropriate to acknowledge that fact here, as this project has meant so much to me over the years as well.

Time moves on, and I shall try. But I look out at the frozen, snow covered ground and know that she is there.

Goodbye, dearest one. I shall always love you..

She, of course, shall live on in my heart forever.

As the saying goes, when a beloved pet has to leave you.........
They leave pawprints on your heart.

Meow.

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"Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow." Albert Einstein
"With cats." kittyman

Oh Mark...

I am not a kid, so don't 'Oh, Mark' me, my friend....LOL.

Anyway, the main reason I wanted to post is an old piccy of both Squirrel and Tigger II. Lemme see, Squirrel was about 6 yo then, and Tigger II was not more than 1.

Both perched on the prized place on the kitty tower.

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"Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow." Albert Einstein
"With cats." kittyman

Oh Mark...

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David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.

It's my battle left to fight now..........


Best I do it alone with my demons.
\\


I might win./ Or not.

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"Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow." Albert Einstein
"With cats." kittyman

I am just a man, made of spit and steel and stone, just like the rest of you.
I have at times tried to believe that perhaps I was something other.
Not so. My recent kitty experience has made me more aware that life is so fleeting, and like most other things God has awarded, can be taken away at His will. I am humbled.

I have come to realize that although notable, my achievements are not above others to achieve. Mine were bought and paid for not just by myself, but byt the kind gifts I received from many friends.
Those that saw the gift I do have for making things run. And who wished to further that gift by gifting me the hardware to make that dream a reality.

YOU are my gift, YOU are my achievement.
YOu are my glory.

I stand here before you, my friends, and weep.
So sure of myself was I, that the simple loss of a cat has made me rethink all that I am not.. I may return to what I was a long time from now, perhaps not.
And perhaps that is a good thing. Perhaps what I had become was not a good thing.

I am, at this time, a very sad man.

I have, through the loss of a simple, true cat, come to know some realities that I had not thought about before. God's simple gift of life and all things kitty.

Some of you may forgive me some day, and some perhaps shall not.
And I shall have to forever live with that.

What remains is the true soul of the kittyman.
A man gifted by God and friends with all that he pretends to possess. He does not really possess much.......
They are all just given to me for a while to do the best I can with.
And I have done well with those gifts.

It's just now that I must admit that any and all could be taken from me at a moment's notice from God above.

I am so sorry for any and all that I have caused pain by my illusions of past grandure. I was just trying to bask in my self created glory. I should have learned from the Romans. They too, thought themselves above God, and they fell.......hard and forever.

A simple cat has taught me some lessons by her leaving me behind.
Which only reinforces the fact that cats are better people than men.

As Mark Twain once said.

"Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat." - Mark Twain

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"Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow." Albert Einstein
"With cats." kittyman

Well, the clouds over me lifted just a LITTLE bit today.

I went out to the back yard before I left to work to visit Squirrel. I told her how much I missed her and that I would never ever forget her, and not to worry if I did not come to see her during the long winter because she would always be with me in my heart. Another tear or two were shed.

In the spring, God willing that I should still be here, I hope the willow sapling I laid her to rest under buds out and starts to grow with abandon. That shall raise my spirits some.

I shall probably get some kind of little marker stone to place on her grave. Nothing too fancy. I looked just a bit this morning and you can get just a little river rock engraved with a name fairly reasonably. Just enough to maybe give me a remembering smile when I mow the lawn back there.
And I may bury her sister Tigger's ashes next to her so they can be together.

A fellow worker at the fire truck factory asks me once in a while how my Seti thingy is going, and since he is a kitty person too, how the kitties are doing. I happened to run into him today and he asked.

I told him how well my Seti work was going, and then had to answer the second part about the kitties. I was actually able to talk to him about the sad news without turning into a blubbering bowl of mush. He gave me his condolences about losing Squirrel, and remembered from our past conversations that she was my favorite kitty. And then he remarked...."OMG, she was almost 19 years old?? I didn't know cats could live that long. That's pretty amazing!"
And I stopped in my tracks for a few seconds and then softly replied...Yes, I guess it really is, isn't it?

And then, just for a moment, I actually smiled a very soft smile at the thought of the wonderful, long life that my dear Squirrel had, and that she had shared with me from beginning to end.

I cry now a bit recounting this, but I am almost getting to the point that I can smile a little through the tears. Each tear releases a little pain, and makes it a tiny bit easier to carry on without her by my side. Happier remembrances are trying their best to work their way in.

And the trio that I have left, Squirrel's half sister littermates, are doing their best to console me as well. Kitties KNOW and understand more than you might realize. When I go to bed at night, Bandit and Purrball are all over me with kitty kiss nose nudges and such. And Tigger II is sometimes coming out just to sit next to me and be my 'couch kitty'. (Of course, the mushy food treat I give her after I put her steroid eye drop in might have something to do with that, LOL.)

Well, that's all for now.
I again wish to thank each and every one of you who has posted their kind thoughts here.

It really has helped me very much being able to express my thoughts and feelings here, and hear from a few kindred souls that understand.

Best wishes and kitty kisses to all for now,

Mark

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"Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow." Albert Einstein
"With cats." kittyman

Requiescat in pace Squirrel (1995-2013).
Sorry for your loss Mark. Take care of you.

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I'm sorry too for your loss, Mark. I still remember my parents' cat Sapphire twenty five years later.

My eyes are getting misty reading this, Mark.

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David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.

Thank you for all of the kind words and thoughts, my friends. Her loss is still hitting me hard. Now, when I get home from work, is the worst.

For 3-1/2 years, I had been treating Squirrel for her thyroid condition. Every morning and night, dice up a pill and crush it into her mushy food. And for the last month, we were trying sub-q fluids to try to shore her up, but her kidneys had just worn out. The old gal had just finally used herself up loving me.

I am still walking around on the verge of tears once or twice a day, when the wrong thought or mental image of her makes it's way into my mind. And it was a rather tough moment when, 3 days later, I had to go back to the clinic to get a refill of the steroid drops for Tigger II's eye condition. Standing 30 feet away from where I said my last goodbyes to Squirrel was more than I could handle, and I just stood there with tears streaming down my face. The girl helping me did not quite know what to do until somebody else happened to come to the counter from the back, quietly pulled her aside and whispered a bit into her ear. She must have explained what I had gone through just days before. I pulled myself together enough to get Tigger's meds and also donate the remainder of Squirrel's thyroid meds to them. I asked if they could give them to somebody else who might need to start treating their dear kitty, and they said yes, they could do that.

Squirrel lived a very long, happy, and most of all, a very much loved kitty life. She was bright and sharp until the very end. I should be so lucky.
It was just so heartbreaking to see her struggling to move around on her disabled paw that last day. But, God gave me that last special time to spend with her. I lifted her up onto the bed on her last night, and she stayed by my side all night. And she purred.

There is a TV show that Lori and I like called Once Upon a Time....
One of it's catch phrases is 'All magic has a price.' I am paying that price with my tears now for all of the magic that my dear Squirrel gave to me for over 18 years. And I do not regret it. The many tears that I shed now shall someday pass, and they are nothing compared to the joy that this wonderful kitty brought into my life for so so long.

It's all part and parcel of the task we take on when we choose to become the guardian of so special an animal. You cannot just take the joy and deny the pain.

They come to trust you with their very existence, and one must honor that trust......from cradle to grave. I think that you all know how much I love and cherish my kitties. I would starve myself rather than have any one of them go without having their needs met. Whether that's simple things like their daily kibble, or any medical care they might require.

I never had any children, so please understand the depth of my heartache, because my kitties ARE my children. I shall be stronger one day, it just may not come easily or soon.

Best wishes and kitty kisses to all of you for your understanding in my time of deepest sorrow.

Mark

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"Learn from yesterday. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow." Albert Einstein
"With cats." kittyman

Mark, we are so sorry to hear of Squirrel's passing. I know Squirrel was a good friend of yours. Wishing you peace during this difficult time.

Angela & Eric

Mark, see my toast to John Clark.

Similar thoughts apply to our four-footed family members. As you well know, the pain of loss is great, nearly unbearable, at first, but diminishes over time. The memories, however, do not wane, and can help sustain us as we go forward. Remember, and draw strength from the memories, and from those around you who love and care about you.

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Donald
Infernal Optimist / Submariner, retired

Sorry for your loss.

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RIP Squirrel

Sorry for your loss, Mark.

May she find my Sheba waiting for me, and become friends; together waiting for us.

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TimeLord04
Have TARDIS, will travel...
Come along K-9!
Join Calm Chaos

So sorry for your loss Mark.

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Bob Smith
Member of Seti PIPPS (Pluto is a Planet Protest Society)
Somewhere in the (un)known Universe?

Sorry for the loss.

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Sorry to hear that, Mark.

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David
Sitting on my butt while others boldly go,
Waiting for a message from a small furry creature from Alpha Centauri.

So sorry for your loss.

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So sorry to hear Mark:(

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