Well I guess I can say that I was lucky. I did know him personally. His home here in the Santa Ynez Valley (Neverland) is across the street from my kid's school. From time to time he opened it up to the kids. I also had some business dealing with him in the early 90's. However, the last time I saw him was before the criminal trial in Santa Maria.
Was he strange, yes, like a frighten child. He really never grew up. Well, at least he had not when I knew him. Like a young boy he had no concept of the value of money. When I was negotiating some things with him he would say that his accountant told him he needed to earn $9 million a month to make ends meet. So that’s what he wanted. His negotiation stand was always I need to make $9 million a month. He could not understand the value of things, only his needs. His judgment was not very good. He really over paid some of his people who promised big things but never did anything. He trusted some people who were not looking out for him and ignored advise that was in his best interest.
His whole thing about sleeping with young boys was the result of his not growing up. To him it was just a slumber party with his friends. In his mind he was just a troubled teenager. Fame was always a mixed blessing for him. Not something he really understood. His obsession to perform was driven in by his family when he was growing up. You got love from daddy when you performed well.
I can understand why he would give someone the “creeps.” But I will always remember him as an inspired and talented child artist.
RIP kid.

What i was thinking of him.
Thank you for letting us know Carlos.

"I'm trying to maintain a shred of dignity in this world." - Me

Well I guess I can say that I was lucky. I did know him personally. His home here in the Santa Ynez Valley (Neverland) is across the street from my kid's school. From time to time he opened it up to the kids. I also had some business dealing with him in the early 90's. However, the last time I saw him was before the criminal trial in Santa Maria.
Was he strange, yes, like a frighten child. He really never grew up. Well, at least he had not when I knew him. Like a young boy he had no concept of the value of money. When I was negotiating some things with him he would say that his accountant told him he needed to earn $9 million a month to make ends meet. So that’s what he wanted. His negotiation stand was always I need to make $9 million a month. He could not understand the value of things, only his needs. His judgment was not very good. He really over paid some of his people who promised big things but never did anything. He trusted some people who were not looking out for him and ignored advise that was in his best interest.
His whole thing about sleeping with young boys was the result of his not growing up. To him it was just a slumber party with his friends. In his mind he was just a troubled teenager. Fame was always a mixed blessing for him. Not something he really understood. His obsession to perform was driven in by his family when he was growing up. You got love from daddy when you performed well.
I can understand why he would give someone the “creeps.” But I will always remember him as an inspired and talented child artist.
RIP kid.

He Knew.

Years ago Michael and I were having a deep conversation about life in general.

I can't recall the exact subject matter but he may have been questioning me about the circumstances of my Fathers Death.

At some point he paused, he stared at me very intensely and he stated with an almost calm certainty, "I am afraid that I am going to end up like him, the way he did."

I promptly tried to deter him from the idea, at which point he just shrugged his shoulders and nodded almost matter of fact as if to let me know, he knew what he knew and that was kind of that.

14 years later I am sitting here watching on the news an ambulance leaves the driveway of his home, the big gates, the crowds outside the gates, the coverage, the crowds outside the hospital, the Cause of death and what may have led up to it and the memory of this conversation hit me, as did the unstoppable tears.

A predicted ending by him, by loved ones and by me, but what I didn't predict was how much it was going to hurt when it finally happened.

The person I failed to help is being transferred right now to the LA County Coroners office for his Autopsy.

All of my indifference and detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted.

I am going to say now what I have never said before because I want the truth out there for once.

Our relationship was not "a sham" as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a "Normal life" found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much.

I wanted to "save him" I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened.

His family and his loved ones also wanted to save him from this as well but didn't know how and this was 14 years ago. We all worried that this would be the outcome then.

At that time, In trying to save him, I almost lost myself.

He was an incredibly dynamic force and power that was not to be underestimated.

When he used it for something good, It was the best and when he used it for something bad, It was really, REALLY bad.

Mediocrity was not a concept that would even for a second enter Michael Jackson's being or actions.

I became very ill and emotionally/ spiritually exhausted in my quest to save him from certain self-destructive behavior and from the awful vampires and leeches he would always manage to magnetize around him.

I was in over my head while trying.

I had my children to care for, I had to make a decision.

The hardest decision I have ever had to make, which was to walk away and let his fate have him, even though I desperately loved him and tried to stop or reverse it somehow.

After the Divorce, I spent a few years obsessing about him and what I could have done different, in regret.

Then I spent some angry years at the whole situation.

At some point, I truly became Indifferent, until now.

As I sit here overwhelmed with sadness, reflection and confusion at what was my biggest failure to date, watching on the news almost play by play The exact Scenario I saw happen on August 16th, 1977 happening again right now with Michael (A sight I never wanted to see again) just as he predicted, I am truly, truly gutted.

Any ill experience or words I have felt towards him in the past has just died inside of me along with him.

He was an amazing person and I am lucky to have gotten as close to him as I did and to have had the many experiences and years that we had together.

I desperately hope that he can be relieved from his pain, pressure and turmoil now.

He deserves to be free from all of that and I hope he is in a better place or will be.

I also hope that anyone else who feels they have failed to help him can be set free because he hopefully finally is.

The World is in shock but somehow he knew exactly how his fate would be played out some day more than anyone else knew, and he was right.

I really needed to say this right now, thanks for listening.


~LMP

Watched the memorial tribute show yesterday evening (live from LA, so daytime your time!). Very enjoyable.

It is clear a lot of people will miss Michael and was very touching to see his own children saying how he was a great father to them :(

I get the feeling that had he lived, the concerts at the O2 arena would have made him ill anyway, considering the debts and the strain to perform 50 shows, I think the task would have been too much in the end. I'm not a fan, but didn't believe the **** in the press. One can't help feeling that if Michael Jackson, a fellow human being gives people the creeps just for being "different", what hope would visiting aliens have?? Never judge a book by it's cover...

Balveda

I get the feeling that had he lived, the concerts at the O2 arena would have made him ill anyway, considering the debts and the strain to perform 50 shows, I think the task would have been too much in the end. I'm not a fan, but didn't believe the **** in the press. One can't help feeling that if Michael Jackson, a fellow human being gives people the creeps just for being "different", what hope would visiting aliens have?? Never judge a book by it's cover...

Balveda

I would hope that visiting aliens wouldn't go on national television and talk about sleeping in the same bed with children.

I have no problem with different. You've heard of marching to the tune of a different drummer?
Well, many people in northern BC march to the tune of an entirely different orchestra.

That doesn't make them creepy, just different. They don't give me the creeps.
He did.

Robert, my post wasn't a direct slur to yourself, you are entitled to your own opinion and considering a lot of the evidence it's not one that would be considered unusual in any way. My apols if you thought of it that way. :)

Balveda
Balveda[/color]