What's big, green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree?

A 50Kg gooseberry!!!

No, not a gooseberry .... a pool table ... ha ha ha ... this forum is called terrible jokes isn't it?

I like your answer much better Stacey Jane. I have an inkling that if I played pool in a tree my game might improve :)

Thanks Ice, that's the best response I've ever gotten for that joke. LOL. People usually just question when would one ever be in a tree.

What's big, green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree?

A 50Kg gooseberry!!!

No, not a gooseberry .... a pool table ... ha ha ha ... this forum is called terrible jokes isn't it?

I like your answer much better Stacey Jane. I have an inkling that if I played pool in a tree my game might improve :)

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flaming balloons

What's big, green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree?

A 50Kg gooseberry!!!

No, not a gooseberry .... a pool table ... ha ha ha ... this forum is called terrible jokes isn't it?

What do you do with a dead chemist?
- Barium



Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
- They're cheaper than day rates.



Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
- Because it's in the ground state.

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

Always Wear Underwear

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car breakdown in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

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flaming balloons

A proton, neutron, and electron went out to dinner one night. After a luxurious meal, the waiter brought the check to the proton and the electron. The neutron was perplexed as to why the waiter didn't bring him his check. So, he summoned the waiter to the table and asked him about it.

The waiter explained to the neutron, "For you, there's no charge!"

:^D

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Account frozen...

A proton, neutron, and electron went out to dinner one night. After a luxurious meal, the waiter brought the check to the proton and the electron. The neutron was perplexed as to why the waiter didn't bring him his check. So, he summoned the waiter to the table and asked him about it.

The waiter explained to the neutron, "For you, there's no charge!"

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

My favourite electrician joke ...

Two atoms were walking along and one of them trips and bumps himself.
"Oh, no. I've lost an electron", he says.
"Are you sure" the other replies.
"Yes, I'm positive!"

From an ex electrician... that was good!

Oh yes, & welcome to the boards!!

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Account frozen...

What's big, green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree?

A 50Kg gooseberry!!!

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"none so blind as those who will not see" (John Heywood 1546)

Don't drink water, that stuff rusts pipes!


You are making Proof out of Logic, by just being dubious! {Bluestar to me)

My favourite electrician joke ...

Two atoms were walking along and one of them trips and bumps himself.
"Oh, no. I've lost an electron", he says.
"Are you sure" the other replies.
"Yes, I'm positive!"

What's big, green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell on you out of a tree?

What do you call a dog with no legs?






A cigarette, you take him for a drag.

how many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?


One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

Seven more to point out spelling/grammatical errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

Five to flame the spell checkers.

Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.

Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another six to condemn those six as stupid.

Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.

Nineteen to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.

Eleven to defend the posting to the group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.

Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.

Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

Four to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

Thirteen to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

Three to tell a funny story about their show dog and a light bulb.
One to reply almost immediately saying "First Post !!!!!!"

One to post an ASCII image of the lightbulb.

Three to ask "Wtf is that" because their clients didn't display it as fixed-width.

Seventeen to reply saying that their e-mail client is inadequate and suggest they get Mutt.

One to reply with a perfectly labelled scale diagram of how to change a light bulb correctly.

Thirty-three to reply telling them not to send HTML e-mails or attachments, and why don't they just use Mutt and ASCII art anyway.

Two to ask "but does it run Linux ?".

One to make a comment about the upcoming Microsoft Digital Lightbulb Management 2007 SP2 RGE.

Two to suggest that Apple lightbulbs are superior.

Seventy-five to start a massive off-topic Apple vs Microsoft flamewar.

Forty-two to continue it into a Python vs Perl flamewar.

One lonely poster to unsuccessfully try to start a HP-UX vs IRIX flamewar

One hundred and seventy-eight to respond at various times saying
"Troll!!"
"OMG WTF TROLL !!!!!!one
LOL" "Don't Feed Da Troll!!1", etc...

AND

One group lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

That is absolutely brilliant, and OMG so true to life!!!!!

I too can only agree. Reading that was like watching two years of the forum
flash before my eyes...fantastic distillation of real life at Seti.

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Account frozen...

how many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?


One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

Seven more to point out spelling/grammatical errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

Five to flame the spell checkers.

Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.

Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another six to condemn those six as stupid.

Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.

Nineteen to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.

Eleven to defend the posting to the group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.

Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.

Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

Four to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

Thirteen to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

Three to tell a funny story about their show dog and a light bulb.
One to reply almost immediately saying "First Post !!!!!!"

One to post an ASCII image of the lightbulb.

Three to ask "Wtf is that" because their clients didn't display it as fixed-width.

Seventeen to reply saying that their e-mail client is inadequate and suggest they get Mutt.

One to reply with a perfectly labelled scale diagram of how to change a light bulb correctly.

Thirty-three to reply telling them not to send HTML e-mails or attachments, and why don't they just use Mutt and ASCII art anyway.

Two to ask "but does it run Linux ?".

One to make a comment about the upcoming Microsoft Digital Lightbulb Management 2007 SP2 RGE.

Two to suggest that Apple lightbulbs are superior.

Seventy-five to start a massive off-topic Apple vs Microsoft flamewar.

Forty-two to continue it into a Python vs Perl flamewar.

One lonely poster to unsuccessfully try to start a HP-UX vs IRIX flamewar

One hundred and seventy-eight to respond at various times saying
"Troll!!"
"OMG WTF TROLL !!!!!!one
LOL" "Don't Feed Da Troll!!1", etc...

AND

One group lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

That is absolutely brilliant, and OMG so true to life!!!!!

---

"none so blind as those who will not see" (John Heywood 1546)

Don't drink water, that stuff rusts pipes!


You are making Proof out of Logic, by just being dubious! {Bluestar to me)

how many forum members does it take to change a light bulb?


One to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

Fourteen to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

Seven to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

Seven more to point out spelling/grammatical errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

Five to flame the spell checkers.

Three to correct spelling/grammar flames.

Six to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another six to condemn those six as stupid.

Fifteen to claim experience in the lighting industry and give the correct spelling.

Nineteen to post that this group is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb (or light bulb) forum.

Eleven to defend the posting to the group saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this group.

Thirty six to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

Seven to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

Four to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.

Three to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group.

Thirteen to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

Five to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

Four to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

Thirteen to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

Three to tell a funny story about their show dog and a light bulb.
One to reply almost immediately saying "First Post !!!!!!"

One to post an ASCII image of the lightbulb.

Three to ask "Wtf is that" because their clients didn't display it as fixed-width.

Seventeen to reply saying that their e-mail client is inadequate and suggest they get Mutt.

One to reply with a perfectly labelled scale diagram of how to change a light bulb correctly.

Thirty-three to reply telling them not to send HTML e-mails or attachments, and why don't they just use Mutt and ASCII art anyway.

Two to ask "but does it run Linux ?".

One to make a comment about the upcoming Microsoft Digital Lightbulb Management 2007 SP2 RGE.

Two to suggest that Apple lightbulbs are superior.

Seventy-five to start a massive off-topic Apple vs Microsoft flamewar.

Forty-two to continue it into a Python vs Perl flamewar.

One lonely poster to unsuccessfully try to start a HP-UX vs IRIX flamewar

One hundred and seventy-eight to respond at various times saying
"Troll!!"
"OMG WTF TROLL !!!!!!one
LOL" "Don't Feed Da Troll!!1", etc...

AND

One group lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again

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John Goodman isn't fat. He's in a category beyond fat. What does one call it? Whalelike
-- Sam Kinison


Ugliness is better than beauty. It lasts longer and in the end, gravity will get us all.
-- Johnny Depp

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LETS BEGIN IN 2010

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

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Life on earth is the global equivalent of not storing things in the fridge.

There has been a robbery at the local pharmacy where a load of viagara was stolen. The cops say they are looking for some hardened criminals.

The problem is, if they catch them, can they make it stand up in court?

---

"none so blind as those who will not see" (John Heywood 1546)

Don't drink water, that stuff rusts pipes!


You are making Proof out of Logic, by just being dubious! {Bluestar to me)

A psychic dwarf has escaped from prison, police are looking for a small medium at large.

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Life on earth is the global equivalent of not storing things in the fridge.

A large hole has appeared in the Freeway. The cops are looking into it.

---

"none so blind as those who will not see" (John Heywood 1546)

Don't drink water, that stuff rusts pipes!


You are making Proof out of Logic, by just being dubious! {Bluestar to me)