What is a Cat?

Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere.

Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats.

***************

What is a Dog?

Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the next room. They can look dumb and lovable at the same time. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.

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Blessed St. Leibowitz, keep 'em dreamin' down there.

Environmentalists welcome the new range of Natural Gas Barbecues

How many beans do you have to eat before you can have your steak well done?

Acording to the manual 1 small tin for rare and 9 large for well done, if you need it in between they sugest you experiment to find the right taste.

Edit: - they also suggest the use of Rump Steaks ;-)

Environmentalists welcome the new range of Natural Gas Barbecues

How many beans do you have to eat before you can have your steak well done?

Environmentalists welcome the new range of Natural Gas Barbecues

Warning: double posting from the other jokes thread:

As a woman I've always wondered why the guys love to spend so much time at the soccer games on Sunday afternoons!

Ahem!!!!

Quite disturbing! :-O

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"I'm trying to maintain a shred of dignity in this world." - Me

The Born Loser

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BOINC SYNERGY is an International Team and We Welcome All BOINC Participants!
BOINC Synergy Click to Join BOINC Synergy

I guess Climate Prediction (CPDN) is no longer needed:

proof of global warming

Summoning Santa

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No matter where you go, there you are...

click thumbnail

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BOINC SYNERGY is an International Team and We Welcome All BOINC Participants!
BOINC Synergy Click to Join BOINC Synergy

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No matter where you go, there you are...

Only SMEE.

A Cork radio station was running a competition – words that were not in the dictionary yet could still be used to make a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

After taking unsuccessful calls the DJ answers a call and it went like this:

DJ: “96FM here what's your name?”

Caller: “Hi, me name's Dave.”

DJ: “Dave, what's your word?”

Caller: “Goan… spelt G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an'.”

DJ: “… You are correct, Dave, 'goan' is not in the dictionary. Now for the trip to Bali: what sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”

Caller: “Goan f**k yourself!”

The DJ cut the caller short and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:

DJ: “96FM, what's your name?”

Caller: “Hi, me name's Jeff.”

DJ: “Jeff, what's your word?”

Caller: “Smee… spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced 'smee'.”

DJ: “… You are correct, Jeff, 'smee' is not in the dictionary. Now for the trip to Bali: what sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”

Caller: “Smee again! Goan f**k yourself!”

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Save a tree, eat a Beaver.

Having spotted the approaching IRS agent,
Rodney hurries the family into the tax shelter.

Not quite sure what'll happen with this link:

Does this skirt make my bum look big
(MPG, 500k}

Should open in your default media player
(Well it did in Winamp.)

It opened up in the default player.

Nope that skirt does not make your bum look big, it was all of those Big Macs you ate every day that makes your bum look big. I guess she outgrew that skirt and was too cheap to buy a new one? Someone call Sir Mix-A-Lot I hear he is into those sort of things.

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I am from District 268 in the Deneb Sector of Vilani Space.

Not quite sure what'll happen with this link:

Does this skirt make my bum look big
(MPG, 500k}

Should open in your default media player
(Well it did in Winamp.)

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Life on earth is the global equivalent of not storing things in the fridge.

She's so fine!

There's no telling where the money went!

Not for tummy tucks or lipposuction anyway. Must have gone for that outfit she was barely wearing? ;)

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I am from District 268 in the Deneb Sector of Vilani Space.

She's so fine!

There's no telling where the money went!

She's so fine!

oh my gwad...

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Life is all about asses



you're either covering it,
laughing it off,
kicking it,
kissing it,
busting it,
trying to get a piece of it,
or behaving like one .





That's right, you've been " elfed "

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ROFLMAO

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