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| Personal background |
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Lee:
The details of my past are quite inconsequential.
Andrea:
That's not true, Lee. Please, tell us about your childhood.
Lee:
Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving
boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant
for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe
with webbed feet. My father would womanise, he would drink, he would make
outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would
accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the
genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers
in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was
insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard,
really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen,
a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really
is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking. I suggest you try it.
Andrea:
Er, that's quite enough, Lee. Thank you.
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| Thoughts about SETI and SETI@home |
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1.
Yes. I am Voronan from the planet Verlax and am living proof
that extraterrestrial life exists. In the year 2153, when humans have invented
the spyrographic hallucinogenic sticklebrick goggles, they will be able to
see the alien lifeforms that already roam the earth. Once you have discovered
us we will unfortunately have to kill you all. Sorry.
2.
Well, speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that my fellow
Verlaxians would greatly appreciate a fresh supply of Tom Jones tunes. And
perhaps some Vanilla Ice.
3.
What, you mean I'm running this thing? How do I get it off my machine??
Is it spyware?
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