Posts by Sidney J. Snodgrass

1) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Well I never (Message 1863191)
Posted 1 day ago by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Officers Mess
Pall Mall
London
UR1 IR2

23rd Inst

My dearest Muriel,

I am indeed most pleased to hear that your flue has been suitably attended to, and that you will be intending to resume your normal activities as we speak. It is also gladdening to learn that you now feel somewhat invigorated as well, a good blow through often does have an invigorating effect upon one.

I am somewhat distraught that I won't be getting a kiss upon the cobbles, but you were not so shy in the past if my memory serves me correctly. Many times at your previous Emporium you handed me a pair of your warm bloomers without so much as a blush, and got your baps out on the counter.

I have always been a complete gentleman my dearest love, as you may care to recall. I always asked your permission before I deposited my visiting card in your letter box.

My fondest felicitations,

Sidney J. Snodgrass

Late of her Majesty's 3rd Foot & Mouth
(Previously 2nd Gunga Din Packhorse)
2) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Well I never (Message 1861850)
Posted 7 days ago by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Suite 17
Grand Hotel
King Edwards Parade
Eastbourne
East Sussex
BN21 4EQ

16th Inst.

My dear fellow compatriots,

I trust that I may have leave to present my most humble greetings to you all upon this Spring Bank holiday weekend. After some forethought and due deliberation, I decided to repare for a few days slightly further along England's southern coastline, along from my recent sojourn to Brighton.

The sea air is somewhat bracing as are a few pink gins in the hotel bar before luncheon, and a few tinctures before dinner. As a retired military man the Redoubt on Royal Parade is of particular interest of course, and quite rightly so.

I had hoped to entice Mrs Miggins with the suggestion of accompanying me, for a nibble on my eggs, and a stroke of her bunny. But sadly she had a visit from the HSE regarding certain waste materials that were not properly disposed of, and was therefore detained whilst her flue was carefully inspected.

I remain your most humble correspondent,

Sidney J. Snodgrass

Late of her Majesty's 3rd Foot & Mouth
(Previously 5th Kaipur Light Horse)
3) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Well I never (Message 1860903)
Posted 13 days ago by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Gentlemans Club
Mayfair
London
WC2
11th Inst.

FAO David S Esq

My Dear Sir,

I trust you will excuse my forwardness, but I have occasion to remark that your observations upon the closeness of the relationship between my dear Muriel and I, tend to border upon the slightly impudent. I will have you know Sir that we are indeed discussing my future intended here, so I would be obliged if you would exercise a modicum of propriety in these matters.

I have shown Muriel my muzzle loader before and she was suitably impressed. But once primed to fire, bringing a muzzleloader out of a warm environment into the cold can dampen your powder. There are designated spots where all unfired front stuffers can be safely unloaded.

As to the Lady's flue, I am sure that you will appreciate that social nicety and mores, necessarily preclude me from going into details. But suffice it to say, that upon previous occasions, a quick de-thatch and brushing away the cobwebs, has had beneficial results in bringing said item back into a working condition.

Yours Faithfully,

Sidney J. Snodgrass

Late of her Majesty's 3rd Foot & Mouth
(Previously 4th Kuala Lumpur Light Artillery)
4) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Well I never (Message 1860689)
Posted 14 days ago by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Suite 21
Grand Hotel
Brighton
BR1 IR2

10th inst.

My dear colleagues, may I proffer many felicitations to your good selves, at the conclusion of a very pleasant weekend away upon the south coast of Blake's green and pleasant land. As the weather seemed so particularly clement it seemed fortuitous to take advantage of it. And going for a stroll in the nearby country lanes, you could see many couples on the verge.

But sadly I learn to my dismay that Mrs Miggins is having a modicum of trouble in affixing a storage item in place. I can take pleasure in informing her from personal experience, that the correct way, as in many things, is to screw it firmly against the wall.

I shall repair to London in good haste forthwith and show Mrs Miggins first hand how to do it properly. I will of course have my trusty toolkit with me containing a stripper, spanner, Pozidrive, and a brace.

Tootle Pip

Sidney J. Snodgrass

Late of her Majesty's 3rd Foot & Mouth
(Previously 2nd Rangoon Rifles)
5) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Well I never (Message 1860004)
Posted 17 days ago by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Gentlemans Club
Mayfair
London
WC2

7th Inst.

FAO Crunchy Esq

My Dear Sir,

I don't recall being formally introduced to you, but I have noted your apparent offer of Nuptials in the direction of one Mrs Miggins. I have to say Sir, that I find your temerity somewhat disturbing, so perhaps you might allow me the leave to acquaint your good self of the current circumstances.

Muriel Miggins is none other than my intended, we plighted our troth down Gasworks Lane many years ago and she promised to be mine one day. In fact my troth was in such a plight that I walked with a limp for two days afterwards.

And yes my Dear Mrs K, our Muriel is a dab hand at hardening things off behind the potting shed, indeed she is a veritable past master at "pinching back" to promote a sturdier growth. To see her handle a root ball is poetry in motion. Although occasionally her top dressing slips a bit when she bends down to dead head.

Yours in Fraternity,

Sidney J. Snodgrass

Late of her Majesty's 3rd Foot & Mouth
(Previously 1st Kyber Pass Light Infantry )
6) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Well I never (Message 1859810)
Posted 17 days ago by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Officers Mess
Pall Mall
London
UR1 IR2

6th Inst

FAO Ozzfan Esq.

My Dear Sir,

Thank you for your esteemed communication which was delivered to me by the Hall Porter, and for which I am most grateful.

There are times when one simply does ones duty and puts King & Country first, and just lie back and think of England. Mrs Miggins was not one to miss an opportunity such as that to perfect her technique.

The Olde Pie Shoppe if I recall was Muriel's first venture into merchandising, and when she displayed her warm baps upon the counter, the queues of customers were quite overcome and there was nearly a breach of the peace. Later on there was nearly a breach of the piece in the back room, but I shall necessarily draw a veil over that.

It was later that she opened up her world famous Emporium, put her bloomers upon display, and travelled abroad to wild acclaim in Italy. One could say that she was more chased than chaste, and many did.

I beg to remain Sir
Your most Obedient Servant

Sidney J. Snodgrass

Late of her Majesty's 3rd Foot & Mouth
(Previously 2nd Rangoon Rifles )
7) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Well I never (Message 1859769)
Posted 18 days ago by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Officers Club
St. James
London
OOO ER

6th Inst.

My Dear Mrs K.

How delightful and exquisite to rewnew our previous acqaintence, and to see that your wit and perspicacity have not been diminished by the passing of time, is most efficacious.

I believe a gentleman was enquiring as to where Muriel learned her spiral hand techniques before she became a Master Baker? I believe that it well have been no less than my goodself that willingly participated in her early experiments. Although on occasions resulting in a slight unsteady gait for the rest of the day.

Ah I remember those early days well in the back room of the Olde Pie Shoppe, to see her merrigues standing to attention after a good whipping was not for the the faint hearted I can assure you.

Tootle pip.

Sidney J. Snodgrass

Late of her Majesty's 3rd Foot & Mouth
8) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Well I never (Message 1859571)
Posted 18 days ago by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Officers Mess
Pall Mall
London
UR1 IR2

My dearest Muriel,

Oh be still my beating heart, is it really you my dear Lady??

I have been entirely bereft of late wondering if the preponderences upon your ample verandah were getting the attention that they deserved. It is good to hear that you have a man who is handy to help you remember.

Ah, the days of moonlit walks along Gasworks Lane, leaves me all of a tremble, as indeed my knees were on more than one occasion. Are your dumplings still available to get hold of at your Emporium, I earnestly do hope so.

As for my goodself, I have also been acquainting myself with foreign climes, the Home Counties are particularly pleasant at this time of year. Yes there was a spot of trouble with the spectacles but a very kind Lady doctor showed me how to have a bath without getting soap in my eye.

It is deliciously delightful to make your acquaintence again, and perhaps if I might take the liberty, and by your leave, tempt you to a French Fancy during the emporium's lunch hour?

I remain faithfully yours,


Sidney J. Snodgrass

Late of her Majesty's 3rd Foot & Mouth
9) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Happy Birthday Julie (Message 1381804)
Posted 16 Jun 2013 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Officers Mess
37C Silk Road
Khyber Pass
UR1 IR2

Madam,

I know that we have not been formally introduced, but may I be permitted to take the liberty of proffering my most sincere and heartfelt felicitations, upon the occurrence of your annual birth celebration.

Yours Most Sincerely,


Sidney J. Snodgrass

Late of her Majesty's 3rd Foot & Mouth

10) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Discussion of Cafe games #5 (Message 1381802)
Posted 16 Jun 2013 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Quite an imagination you have, Angela:))

Why thank you!

Officers Mess
Pall Mall
London
UR1 IR2

FAO Mrs. A. Korpela

My dearest Lady,

I never ever doubted for one moment, that your perspicacious bearing and deportment, belied anything less than a fine appreciation of the art of vision and creativity.

I remain faithfully yours,


Sidney J. Snodgrass

Late of her Majesty's 3rd Foot & Mouth

11) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Posters and members gone past..... (Message 1026095)
Posted 18 Aug 2010 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
I haven't seen my Sidney in ages, now would anyone like to see my trinkets?


Gentlemans Club
Pall Mall
London
WC1

My Dearest Muriel,

How delightful to hear your dulcet tones once more, and to learn to my delectation that you continue to be in robust health. As for my goodself, I fear to report that I have had a slight case of indigestion upon imbibing rather too much Patum Peperiumupon my morning toast. Never fear, I shall be able to stand up very shortly.

The last time you showed me your trinkets, I had to lean against the portmanteau to regain my breath, next time I shall bring some Sal Volatile with me.

Yours in continued anticipation,

Sidney J. Snodgrass (Retd}
Late of her Majesties 3rd Khyber Pass Lancers

12) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Crumpet Corner (Message 1011053)
Posted 2 Jul 2010 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Pickle slicers, bacon slicers, they can be fatal for an unwary digit. I learned that to my cost when I pickled my gherkins.


47C Hong Kong Alley
Asia
Y1ng T0ng

My dear lady,

Pray, might I take this opportunity to remind you that on one memorable occasion, in your exuberant haste, you attempted to pickle one more gherkin than was specifically necessary. I still walk with a slight limp to this very day.

Yours Affectionately,

Sidney J. Snodgrass (Retd.)

Late of her Majesties 2nd Raccoon Packhorse
13) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Raccoon Update III - The Critter Cafe is Still Open (Message 1011048)
Posted 2 Jul 2010 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
I do hope, Colonel Snodgrass, you will excuse my interrupting our welcome for dear Mrs Miggins with mere raccoonery, but I am sure our loyal readers will be interested to know that Wikipedia's Featured Article a couple of days ago was Raccoon.

By the way, old boy, didn't you also serve in the Queen's Raccoon Guards at some stage?


Officers Club
St. James
London
OOO ER

I wish to acknowlege your kind communication of recent days. But I fear that I was only a mere Lieutenant Colonel in her Brittanic Majesties overseas forces. But yes, now you come to mention it, if my memory serves me correctly, there was a time when I was temporarily attached, to the 4th Light Raccoon Packhorse.

Yours Most Sincerely,

Sidney J.Snodgrass (Retd.)

Late of her Majesties 3rd Foot and Mouth


14) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Crumpet Corner (Message 1008897)
Posted 27 Jun 2010 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:


47A High Street
Kuala Lumpa
Malaysia
UR1 IAM2

Re Yours of the 26th inst.

My dearest Muriel,

The news has just reached me of the grand opening of your new emporium, and I am imbibing a tincture to celebrate. I am sure that it will be as quintessentially delightful as your previous premises were. I know that you were a bit hesitant at first to show the bank manager your bloomers, but when you finally got your baps out, well the mortgage was yours for the asking.

I will pay you a visit at the first opportunity afforded to me, but in the meantime the local constabulary have asked my to acquaint you with the latest issue of the police Gazette, within which is a report of a suspicious character offering to show proprieters his black pudding, and then making an offer.

Yours in anticipation,

Sidney J. Snodgrass (Retd.)
Late of her Majesties 3rd Foot & Mouth

15) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Raccoon Update III - The Critter Cafe is Still Open (Message 1007847)
Posted 24 Jun 2010 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Hello my little gastronomes.


Officers Mess
37A Khyber Pass
South Asia

My dear lady,

It warms the cockles of my heart and other related places, to be afforded the opportunity to renew our past acquaintance. Indeed you have been sorely missed, although I am led to believe that was more of a disability for your good self.

Notwithstanding, I shall be departing upon the next packet steamer to Harwich, whereupon I shall endeavour to look up your particulars.

Yours in anticipation,

Sidney J. Snodgrass (Retd.)

Late of her Majesties 3rd Foot & Mouth
16) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Raccoon Update III - The Critter Cafe is Still Open (Message 1005412)
Posted 17 Jun 2010 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
I miss some of the girls who used to hang around. Anyone remember Stacey Jane?
klc53* and Mrs Miggins seem to have drifted away as well. :(


Officers Mess
Khyber Pass
IAM1 UR2

I pray that you will forgive my most unannounced intrusion, but I could not pass by without inquiring further.

I heard mention of one Mrs. Miggins of long acquaintence to me, and sorely missed I have to say. If anyone has knowlege of the said lady's particulars, or even where she might be residing, a small gratuity will be forthcoming.

Yours in anticipation,

Sidney J. Snodgrass (Retd)
Late of her Majesties 3rd Foot & Mouth

17) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Guilty Little Pleasures (Message 987230)
Posted 7 Apr 2010 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Muriel my Dear Lady,

How extremely nice to see you again, it has indeed been a long time since I had the pleasure of your company, but I can still remember tasting your dumplings round the back of your esteemed emporium, and a propensity for your rasperry tarts left me all of a quiver.

I always did aim to please, otherwise you wouldn't let me use the water closet, but I am indeed distressed to learn that you have fallen upon hard times, and would respectfully inquire whether I may be of assistance to you in your current dilemma, before you lose your fiducary breaches.

Yours in waiting,

Sidney J. Snodgrass (Retd)
Late of her Majesties 3rd Rangoon Lancers
18) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Guilty Little Pleasures (Message 986602)
Posted 4 Apr 2010 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
My Dear Mrs. K,

What an absolutely exquisite pleasure to have this opportunity renew our previous acquaintance. I am beside myself with pleasure, and both of us send our heartfelt felicitations and good wishes.

I have recently returned from an extended visit to the Colonies and other rather far flung outposts of Her Majesties Realm. But I have to say that a dry Martini in Kuala Lumpur doesn't quite match up to a pink gin in the Mayfair Officers club don't ya know old gel.

But alas my dear lady, I am finding myself bereft, and it is indeed fortuitous that you have contacted me at this particular time. Would you perchance have any knowledge of the whereabouts of one Muriel Miggins?

I beg to remain Ma'am,

Your most Faithful Servant,

Sidney J. Snodgrass (Retd.)

Late of her Majesties
3rd Kyber Pass Packhorse
19) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Puns O Fun (Message 986594)
Posted 4 Apr 2010 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Well, my dear sir, I have been coffin a bit recently, so I had a word with the local intern and he suggested that I go and see hymn. But I said I'd have to see him psalm other day, as I had a monumental headache.
20) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Puns O Fun (Message 986523)
Posted 4 Apr 2010 by Profile Sidney J. Snodgrass
Post:
Forgive my late appearance but I had a nasty attack of the shingles.


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