Posts by Michael Belanger


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1) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4. (Message 1721129)
Posted 2 days ago by Profile Michael Belanger


A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, "First offender?"

She replied, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"
2) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Word Link # 84 (Message 1718824)
Posted 8 days ago by Profile Michael Belanger
Kenobi
3) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4. (Message 1718812)
Posted 8 days ago by Profile Michael Belanger
The Blonde Cowboy



One day, the local Deputy Sheriff in a Texas town picked up this cowboy - he was butt nekkid except for his boots.

The sheriff cuffs him, covers him with a blanket & puts him in the car and transports him to the local jail.

Once there, he goes through the booking procedure and then asks, "Why were you wandering around town in nothin' but yer boots, boy?"

The cowboy (a blonde) tells the deputy, "Well, it's lahk this. Ah was out at the local waterin' hole havin' a few and in comes the most gorgeous lady ah've ever seen."

"She sits right next to me and we commenced ta havin a few together and talkin' and such, and after a while, she says, 'Why don't y'all come back to mah place?', so ah did."

"We get ta her place, have a few more and talk a bit more and then she up and removes her blouse and invites me ta do the same. So ah did."

"A few more later, she stands up and takes off her jeans & invites me to do the same, so ah did."

"Then she commences ta take off her bra & panties & invites me ta do the same, so ah did."

"Then she lays down on the bed, spreads her legs apart really wide and says, 'Now you go ta town, cowboy'."






So here ah am!"
4) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Word Link # 84 (Message 1718665)
Posted 8 days ago by Profile Michael Belanger
Jed
5) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Word Link #83 (Message 1706267)
Posted 29 Jul 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
candy
6) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4. (Message 1706266)
Posted 29 Jul 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
1. Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.

2. My wife accused me of being immature.
I told her to get out of my fort.

3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

4. How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, they're efficient and not very funny.

5. What do you call a dog with no legs.
It doesn't matter; it's not going to come.

6. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay.

You have my Word.

7. What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table.

8. Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.

9. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.

10. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.
Even the cake was in tiers.

11. We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.
Runs in our jeans.

12. A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

13. A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar.
The bartender gave it to her.

14. Want to hear a word I just made up?
Plagiarism.

15. Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.

16. What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey.

17. To the handicapped guy who stole my bag -
You can hide but you can't run.

18. I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.

19. And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

20. Q: How do you think the unthinkable?
A: With an itheberg.

21. Someone stole my mood ring,
I don't know how I feel about that.

22. I tried to catch fog yesterday,
Mist.

23. The first rule of Alzheimer's club,
Is don't talk about chess club.

24. Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan.

25. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
7) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Word Link #83 (Message 1704085)
Posted 22 Jul 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
only
8) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Word Link #83 (Message 1704061)
Posted 22 Jul 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
bright
9) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The story game, Part VII (Message 1704009)
Posted 22 Jul 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
of town, where
10) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Pluto will always be a Planet to me (Message 1704001)
Posted 22 Jul 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger

Uh-oh. Recent close-up photos of Pluto show a possible cause for concern.
11) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The story game, Part VII (Message 1703997)
Posted 22 Jul 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
in the most
12) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Word Link #83 (Message 1703996)
Posted 22 Jul 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
elite
13) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Word Link #83 (Message 1703597)
Posted 21 Jul 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
Hook
14) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Word Link #82 (Message 1684761)
Posted 27 May 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
large
15) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4. (Message 1684760)
Posted 27 May 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the way!!
16) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4. (Message 1684758)
Posted 27 May 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.

( But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
17) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Word Link #80 (Message 1660500)
Posted 1 Apr 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
Eggs
18) Message boards : Cafe SETI : April 1st Pranks (Message 1660497)
Posted 1 Apr 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
New Amateur radio that Baofeng just introduced:
19) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Word Link #80 (Message 1660488)
Posted 1 Apr 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
Togetherness
20) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4. (Message 1660462)
Posted 1 Apr 2015 by Profile Michael Belanger
The Best Pubs Are Irish

"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home.

In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Patty Sheehan, the Irishman.

"Back home in me favorite pub in Galway, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.

"Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."


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