Posts by Gnu


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1) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Robin Williams dead at 63. (Message 1555396)
Posted 11 days ago by Profile Gnu
It's a sad day...a true genius...
2) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Eyes to the sky as big moon rises. (Message 1555395)
Posted 11 days ago by Profile Gnu
Missed the supermoon last night..but managed to get a glimpse tonight, while I was waiting the ISS passed over...

The wind was blowing like crazy, hence the shakey video, even with a tripod.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wHJE3CaqY8&list=UUc1KRqc4vHeUNyuAnTx0Rag
3) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4. (Message 1550500)
Posted 22 days ago by Profile Gnu
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his expensive wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $9.80."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."




An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he was connected to the Lord's cricket ground.

"How's it going?" he asked.

"Fine," came the answer, "We've got three out and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck."




A lady about seven months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing. She complained to the driver and had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this, When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, "The Gold Dust Twins are coming" and I had to smile. "

"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to grin."

"Then she placed herself under a sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly control myself."

"BUT....when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident." I couldn't help not laughing out loud."

"Case Dismissed" said the Judge.




An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator. Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fart. Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.

Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell. A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face. "Holy cow! What's that smell?"

"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"

"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
4) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4. (Message 1550082)
Posted 23 days ago by Profile Gnu
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.

He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself "She'll never go for me carrying on like that," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up his beloved baked beans, and shortly after, that they got married.

It was his birthday a few months later and, on the way home from work, his car broke down. Since they lived in the country, the man called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he 'putt-putted'. He 'putted' down one hill and 'putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"

She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and she went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.

He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and 'rrriiiipppp!' It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms awhile, hoping the smell would dissipate.

Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue-ribbon winner; the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook and, a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next ten minutes, farting and fanning them each time with his napkin. When he heard his wife saying goodbye (indicating the end of his loneliness, and freedom) he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.

Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. After assuring her he had not, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "Surprise!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.
5) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The joke thread Part 4. (Message 1535655)
Posted 50 days ago by Profile Gnu
The other week the Police arrived on the scene to find me upside down in my car.


They told me not to be so silly, and to sit properly.....
6) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Beet's Give Us a Caption #57 (Message 1535149)
Posted 51 days ago by Profile Gnu
Maybe the rabbit wants a drink...
7) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Beet's Give Us a Caption #57 (Message 1535146)
Posted 51 days ago by Profile Gnu
Oh no you don't....You been trying to mess with my DNA again...?
8) Message boards : Politics : First Scientific Proof Of God Found (Message 1534034)
Posted 53 days ago by Profile Gnu
I'm still looking for Boris Johnson..he's lurking in here somewhere....hang on, nah, false alarm...wow, I didn't know he was in here as well.

Well, I'll go to the bottom of our stairs, my flab has never been so gasted...
9) Message boards : Politics : First Scientific Proof Of God Found (Message 1533641)
Posted 54 days ago by Profile Gnu
Gnu, YOU are in there, in your DNA!! There is a little YOU inside YOU!! W................ If that is the case, then there is a little YOU inside YOU, in YOUR DNA!!


I hope so..I don't want a bit of Boris Johnson lurking about in my pipes...even though I am partial to a bit of wiff waff every now and then...
10) Message boards : Politics : First Scientific Proof Of God Found (Message 1533526)
Posted 55 days ago by Profile Gnu
But I have found other stuff in there, historical stuff from other countries.


You mean who killed JFK....blimey O'Reilly..I need to sit down.

..and don't tell me you've found Lord Lucan...
11) Message boards : Politics : First Scientific Proof Of God Found (Message 1533518)
Posted 55 days ago by Profile Gnu
My claim is that no matter how bad the website itself looks, the actual science in the article is true! Even if they guessed it, they got it right! There is a copy of the Christian Bible in your DNA. And a copy of the Islamic Koran is also in your DNA, its right beside the DNA code for the Christian Bible!


What..you mean to tell me that the full works of Shakespeare has not been included..a travesty I tell you...tut, tut...
12) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The Doctor Will be Back ... (Message 1533499)
Posted 55 days ago by Profile Gnu
Yep..apparently he's had a bit of a bad cough..but he's alright now....
13) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Ugliest dog in the world competition. (Message 1532609)
Posted 57 days ago by Profile Gnu
My missus says if you lot don't behave, she's going to do something really nasty to me....ooh promises, promises...
14) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Beet's Give Us a Caption #57 (Message 1532607)
Posted 57 days ago by Profile Gnu
Wow!! Eight legs...I wonder how many nuts....
15) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Beet's Give Us a Caption #56 (Message 1531444)
Posted 60 days ago by Profile Gnu
Photosynthesis is in my daily rootine.
16) Message boards : Team Recruitment Center : The Final Front Ear (Message 1530753)
Posted 62 days ago by Profile Gnu
17) Message boards : Cafe SETI : World Cup Woes (Message 1530747)
Posted 62 days ago by Profile Gnu
A few days ago a player got smacked in the jaw so
he went down like he was shot. After the play you
could plainly see that the guy still had two teeth
left on that side of his mouth. It is hard to see
why these people are so wimpy at the game.......



This might explain it...


18) Message boards : Cafe SETI : World Cup Woes (Message 1530421)
Posted 63 days ago by Profile Gnu
Yep...I don't follow football, but you gotta laugh...


Roy Hodgson has set up a friendly match against Iceland to try and cheer fans up.

If we beat them then we go on to play Tesco's and then Sainsbury's.




Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?

Because they can't hold on to a lead.
19) Message boards : Cafe SETI : World Cup Woes (Message 1530280)
Posted 63 days ago by Profile Gnu
Everyone's been complaining that for the last eight years England has never played like Spain.....

Now they have, folk are still complaining.....
20) Message boards : Cafe SETI : World Cup Woes (Message 1530271)
Posted 63 days ago by Profile Gnu
What do you call an Englishman in the knock out stages of the World Cup....


A referee...


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