Posts by Chris S

1) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1874424)
Posted 6 hours ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
Post:
Thanks Annie, could do with one today.
2) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The destruction of a garden - questions - handy tips and how they worked out. (Message 1874423)
Posted 6 hours ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
Post:
People have three choices with their avatar. Their country of birth, their ancestry, or their chosen country of residence. That simply has to be a personal choice of course. I would comment that just a few years earlier and your birth country would have been quite different.
3) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1874235)
Posted 1 day ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
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Chris I can relate to how you felt. I still feel the same way after 27 years. In my case, I take comfort in knowing I abided by her wishes also.

Thanks James. The bit for me was that I didn't have to make the decision, just agree to go along with it. It didn't make much difference to mum in the condition that she was in, but it did relieve the pressures on dad, in his 80's. Another 2 months of that and he may not have bounced back as well as he did afterwards. We didn't have to sign anything just agree verbally to what the hospital advised was the kindest way forward for all concerned.

There is no right or wrong way, every situation is uniquely and personally different.
4) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1874159)
Posted 2 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
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I can only say to Bernie that from what he is telling us, there has been a significant turn in events. With mum we never had the DNR situation facing us, and I am glad that we didn't. How can you ask a child to agree to that for a parent?? But what we did have was in some ways worse.

When she had the second stroke, she was transferred to the hospital from the Home. Dad use to go in every day, spend 3 hours with her beside the bed holding her hand. Most days she didn't know he was there or who he was. Then came the day when my brother and I went to see the Matron and asked to be told what the prognosis was. She sat us down and said there is nothing medically we can do any more for your mum, she has had two strokes which have pretty much paralysed her down both sides. We can keep her alive for maybe a couple more months at most on drips and tube feeding etc, but we will lose her at some point.

She went on, we can't do anything more for your mum, but we can do something for your dad. The poor man comes in each day, spends hours, and leaves in tears, neither has any quality of life. The considered medical decision is that we are going to put her on a saline drip only and gently let her go. She died peacefully in her sleep some days later. Dad accepted it as the effect of the strokes.

The day I walked out of that hospital I felt I had almost signed her death warrant, and I've never entirely forgiven myself for that 17 years later, it's a personal burden I still carry. So I can understand what a request for a DNR or to turn off life support would mean to someone. Until you have been in that position you can never know what it is like.

I wish Bernie and Annie all the best.
5) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1874154)
Posted 2 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
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Oh Annie, I am so very sorry to hear that your other half is still so poorly I really am. And with so many members of your family in far flung parts of the world. I can only send you my heartfelt thoughts and feelings.
6) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Raccoon Update XXIV - All Are Welcome In The Critter Cafe (Message 1874150)
Posted 2 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
Post:
Oi, Zappy :-))
7) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1873964)
Posted 3 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
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Annie has outlined very succinctly the differences between the various situations in caring for an elderly parent. Yes there is a common theme as in abilities we all take for granted, will dissipate as age progresses and at a different rate according to the environment. The time that the watershed occurs will necessarily be different in each case, but it WILL happen at some point.

We prepared Dad for ours, we could see that the situation was totally draining him. As much as we loved our mum we had to think of him as well. I used to turn up on the Friday night for the weekends visit and find him almost physically on his hands and knees, as well as mentally. He'd say "She's been a right little bugger all day!". But whisking him away for a quick beer and a bit of a break, usually got him on his feet again. Looking back he was in his 80's at the time, and we should have insisted on extra day help, but in Devon that might have proved difficult to arrange.
8) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1873953)
Posted 3 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
Post:
This is so very very difficult isn't it. As Annie rightly says any decision has to be based upon the abilities of the career to cope, given they also may have other responsibilities, and what is best for the patient. Most home carers won't have access to oxygen bottles or sedation or other necessary medical supplies. Growing old with dignity in familiar surroundings has to be balanced against sensible medical needs, there is no one rule that can apply to each and every personal situation. Nothing is simply right or wrong.

I can also attest how difficult it is to finally accept that home care isn't a viable option any more and that a corner has been turned. Dad had to accept that with mum. He fought tooth and nail to keep her at home right up until the last minute, and my brother and I supported him all the way, but in the end we all had to accept that it was overall for the best for everyone that she went into care.

I don't think dad ever forgave himself for letting it happen (as he saw it) but looking back with hindsight, the family doctor and the health care professionals were right to make the decision that they did. However if in some cases sufficient medical support in the form of District nurses visiting daily, plus support workers can be arranged, then home care may be able to be viable in some cases.
9) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Raccoon Update XXIV - All Are Welcome In The Critter Cafe (Message 1873945)
Posted 3 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
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With "new age man" and same gender relationships these days why do we presume that was a woman? Could be a husbandly request??
10) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1873851)
Posted 4 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
Post:
Whatever Bernie decides, he'll have my full support (as much as is possible - being that we're all so distant from one another)
He will also have my full support, that goes without saying.
11) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The destruction of a garden - questions - handy tips and how they worked out. (Message 1873838)
Posted 4 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
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It would seem that you had an external foam injection treatment for rising damp. They are not always 100% effective, as compared against a physical barrier. If you are still experiencing internal damp then I can only suggest that you have the house looked at.
12) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1873835)
Posted 4 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
Post:
Finally he became aggressive and they had to sedate him.

My brother and I talked to the nursing home staff about my mum, and they said that when dad had gone they did on occasions sedate her. It was the only way to deal with the situation. We never told dad.

I need a long talk with the doctors tomorrow.

I would completely agree Bernie. I think that things have moved on to a further stage now, where you may have to agree and accept that he needs to go intp professional care, which you simply cannot provide at home, as much as you would really like to.

Knowing he is in good hands I will take the rest of the day off as a carer, something I have not really done for many months now.

Good man. Even professional care home staff work in shifts, not 24/7 as you have been trying to do.

I wish you both well.
13) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The perhaps last kittyman thread.......................... (Message 1873816)
Posted 4 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
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Do stumps with good root systems re-sprout in time - just a thought?
14) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1873755)
Posted 4 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
Post:
I am quite sure that Bernie was upset at his dad "turning" upon him like that, as anyne would be, but he knows that it was as a result of the dementia, which appears to be quite advanced. His dad is in the right place to be professionally cared for, there is no doubt about that. Also Bernie has nothing to reproach himself about at all, he has done everything possible that a son could do for an elderly father, and at no little cost financially either.

My dad had similar things happen when mum was in the home just before the final stroke. Quite a few times mum would get apparently upset or cross about something or other which upset him as well, and the staff had to say, look best you go and we'll deal with this. Even when you know that someone cannot help what they are saying it still hurts like hell.

I wouldn't presume to offer any advice to Bernie other than to try as hard as he can to realise that it is the dementia talking and not his dad as was, difficult as it must be. That last time he clearly thought he was at home and that Bernie was leaving for London. He simply wasn't aware that he was being visited in hospital. He would have been a short time later with nurses about.

Sad times for Bernie :-(
15) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1873534)
Posted 5 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
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And it has been confirmed as far as possible that he has dementia (I was sure but it is nice to know) everyone who treated him that I spoke to recognised it straight away and one of the doctors asked him several simple questions, like what date is your birthday, what year is it, who is the Queen, etc, they only one he got right was when the doctor pointed to me an asked who I was.

From the descriptions you have been giving it was fairly clear that was the case, But it would have been very wrong to have suggested that to you increasing your already heavy burden. But now it has been officially diagnosed, that should mean that when he does come home you will be getting extra help with him. In the meantime try to make the most of the "break" and let the hospital take over for a while.
16) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1873385)
Posted 6 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
Post:
999 was chosen as the emergency number in the UK because it could be dialled 'blind' (in dark or smoky conditions) in the days of rotary-dial telephones. Having a single number for all emergency services also made it easy to remember in the days when few people had even a landline at home. It's free to use on all phones and all lines.
Thank you for the confirmation.
17) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1873376)
Posted 6 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
Post:
In the UK if you call 112 you will access the emergency services in the same way as calling 999. 112 will work across Europe but not in every country world-wide.

You can call 111 when you need medical help fast but it’s not a 999 emergency. When you phone 111 your call is handled by a health adviser who can advise on what treatment you need and how to access it.

101 is for non-emergency calls to your local police force. You can use this number to report incidents to your local police force that don’t require an emergency response.

Bernie was perfectly correct in calling 999 in that specific incidence.

The 999 number was designed to cater for the original rotary dial 10PPS telephones to allow people to easily dial for emergency help in a smoke filled room or in the dark when they could not see the phone, and had to do it by feel. People of an older generation, who are most likely to need emergency help, will still use 999 by instinct or necessity, which is universally recommended.
18) Message boards : Cafe SETI : Caring for others - tips and hints, support and strategies, or just plain offloading (Message 1873348)
Posted 6 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
Post:
Something I found out, they have "first responders" here, a paramedic fireman from the local station turned up and checked dad over, giving him oxygen, which was a big help as dads breathing got better straight away.

We have that here in South London. A 999 call will send out the first responder from the same ambulance station, usually in an estate car with the same equipment that an ambulance has. The main ambulance will follow a few minutes later with further equipment. Those few minutes have been shown to save lives.

You had no option but to call the ambulance and you did entirely the right thing. Perhaps a full hospital assessment at this time might be a useful thing.
19) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The perhaps last kittyman thread.......................... (Message 1873326)
Posted 6 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
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As we have said, it could easily have been a lot worse. We are all glad that you and the kitties are safe and well And we also hope that others we know in Wisconsin are safe as well.
20) Message boards : Cafe SETI : The perhaps last kittyman thread.......................... (Message 1873308)
Posted 6 days ago by Profile Chris SCrowdfunding Project Donor
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Wisconsin tornadoes


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