Help has already been offered and I have declined at this time.

Until dad is home again I have no idea if or what sort of help I might require.

I am quite aware that help is available but will keep my options open.

Because he has been having problems answering questions from the medical staff I have taken the opportunity to remind him on several occasions that his brain no longer works properly and that as I am his carer he needs to listen to me a bit more.

I would never force outside help on my father.

Yes I am trying to relax, I have just finished breakfast at the cafe in Yarmouth, looking out across the Solent on a beautiful sunny Saturday. I will go fo a longer walk now to make up for not going yesterday.

My other half was also admitted to hospital last night, just in time for father's day tomorrow too :/ I've managed to speak to him briefly today and he said not to worry about visiting him tomorrow. He knows how difficult it is with my mum in tow, but I'm hoping to find someone who can pop in and keep an eye on her so my son and I can. They've still not managed to dialyse him, which means Wednesday's only partial dialysis is the last time he was, and his blood potassium levels are now heading for 8.8 after reaching 8.5 yesterday. It can mean one of two things people - I'll either be spamming the boards in an effort to distract myself :) for which please accept my advance apologies, or withdrawing into a self-absorbed funk.

That breakfast sounds so nice, Bernie, I might go sip a coffee and hallucinate on our pond - there is a yucca beside it, and it COULD be a tropical beach... ;)

edit for something I forgot yesterday: @
https://setiathome.berkeley.edu/forum_thread.php?id=80282&postid=1873409 That is so so sad :( My heartfelt condolences to the family. To find the strength to keep going when faced with tragedy after tragedy must be so hard.

I prefer you`d spam the boards.
Usually i`m a rather quiet person but i had to learn that sometimes its better to express your feelings.
Makes things a little bit easier.

---

With each crime and every kindness we birth our future.

Usually i`m a rather quiet person but i had to learn that sometimes its better to express your feelings.
Makes things a little bit easier.

Yes.
That's why we have this thread thanks to Annie.

I prefer you`d spam the boards.

Oh, okay :) I do have to go and separate some food from a shop and then fling it about my kitchen or we won't be eating this evening. I'd planned to do it yesterday but never got round to it in the end. A request for sausages and mash has been tabled which WILL please the cats because they'll be able to drive me crazy whilst they attempt to worship the grill god.

Usually i`m a rather quiet person but i had to learn that sometimes its better to express your feelings.
Makes things a little bit easier.

Aww... :) One of the strategies that helped my son cope with the anxieties being at school plagued him with, was having what we called his "worry box". It was where he could write down what was troubling him and post it to me if he felt unable to speak about it in person. Sometimes it would just be a picture. I had a "this might help box" to respond in. Sometimes all it had in it was an invitation to come and get a hug from me, and that would provide him with an opportunity to find the words for us to talk things through properly.

It's a bit like this thread really :)

For many reasons (some I won't be able to mention till I get advice) this is a weird day.

I had a little accident with something I found in one of my dads bedside drawers (whilst looking for things that needed washing).

This has left me partially deaf and with a ringing noise in my head.

Then when I went to see my dad, things started out OK, when I told him the next door neighbours were coming to visit him about 4pm, he said that he had better get changed.

I asked him what he was going to change into he said a shirt and trousers of course, when I then reminded him he didn't have any clothes here he got a bit upset and said "of course I have clothes here". When I pointed out he was in hospital he got a bit more upset and pointed out quite loudly that he was at home and was going to the bedroom to change. At this point he pulled out the nasal oxygen tubes and pushed my hand away when I tried to put them back, and was attempting to stand.

Things went rapidly downhill from there and it took one of the nurses about 10 minutes to calm him down enough to get him back to his chair.

Extremely worrying development, he has never exhibited behaviour like that before. The nurse said she sees this a lot in dementia patients as they don't seem to be able to cope with the change of location.

I am hoping that if he is at home he will settle down. Time will tell.

He is still too weak to walk unaided so he will be in a while longer.

This has left me partially deaf and with a ringing noise in my head.

:/

As developments go - that is an unfortunate one, Bernie, and probably quite unexpected. Sorry to hear learn of it. Getting stuck in a lift with some Morris dancers for hours almost sounds preferable.

Things went rapidly downhill from there and it took one of the nurses about 10 minutes to calm him down enough to get him back to his chair.

Extremely worrying development, he has never exhibited behaviour like that before. The nurse said she sees this a lot in dementia patients as they don't seem to be able to cope with the change of location.

I am hoping that if he is at home he will settle down. Time will tell.

He is still too weak to walk unaided so he will be in a while longer.

Contradicting my mum is often extremely perilous to her mood, especially with anything fact-based. Sometimes there is no choice though. I was shocked at how quickly she adopted "institutionalised" behaviour during her last stay in a care home. Hospital stays do give off a different vibe though. Hopefully, once he is discharged, everything at home will fall back into its proper place in his head, and sudden mood swings won't occur too often. It's bound to worry you though :(

Bad news for me.
Annelie will have her 4'th surgery tomorrow:(
That's on a Sunday and that means it's very acute:(

Bad news for me.
Annelie will have her 4'th surgery tomorrow:(
That's on a Sunday and that means it's very acute:(

Oh Janne :( I am so sorry to hear that. She was doing so well for awhile too :( Let us know how things go. I know it's pointless telling you to try not to worry. I will keep you both in my thoughts. Give Tosca a hug from me won't you. She'll know you're upset and will worry about you.

Bad news for me.
Annelie will have her 4'th surgery tomorrow:(
That's on a Sunday and that means it's very acute:(

Oh Janne :( I am so sorry to hear that. She was doing so well for awhile too :( Let us know how things go. I know it's pointless telling you to try not to worry. I will keep you both in my thoughts. Give Tosca a hug from me won't you. She'll know you're upset and will worry about you.

Thanks Annie.
And Tosca miss her.
I think it's 2 months now since she met Annelie...

And Tosca miss her.
I think it's 2 months now since she met Annelie...

Awww :( there's nothing quite like the wriggly wagging delight of a dog reunited with someone they've been missing. It's like all their engines go into some form of hyperdrive and bits of them are at risk of dropping off. That will be such a wonderful moment when it happens :)

he pulled out the nasal oxygen tubes and pushed my hand away when I tried to put them back, and was attempting to stand.

During my mother's 4 months intubated and incarcerated in the hospital, she several times yanked out all the paraphernalia like that and was constantly setting off alarms and falling out of bed. I'm sure I'd be the same way under the circumstances. I'd be like, "what in the world are all these wires and tubes and things stuck to me? I'm not a Borg!

She was definitely safer and saner when I got her back home.

---

The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Tonight my dad was really somewhere else, nothing he said made any sense.

However it was when I got up to leave and said I would be back tomorrow. He just suddenly got really nasty and said that was typical of me leaving him there, and what would happen if he was taken ill. I said he was in the best place then, no he was at home and I was walking out on him. His parting words were "You said you would look after me" Then he turned away.

I did not want to argue with hims as that would not help. Earlier I had asked him who I was, he said he knew but wasn't going to tell me.

When one of the nurses asked him who I was, he said "my brother". When I spoke to the next door neighbours who saw him before me, they said he was talking a lot about his brother Harold.

There is a bit of history between them and my dad thought he might get something when when he died but he didn't. and felt "let down".

So perhaps I have become his brother to "let him down" again.

What ever he thinks it is still had to hear that after trying my best he feels I have let him down. I know it is the dementia, but leaving him that way was heartbreaking.

I did not want to argue with hims as that would not help. Earlier I had asked him who I was, he said he knew but wasn't going to tell me.

Have you said your or his name out loud? I suspect he would give you a reflexive action of some sort. When my mother was having a really cloudy day, I would do that, and her eyes would perk up.

What ever he thinks it is still had to hear that after trying my best he feels I have let him down. I know it is the dementia, but leaving him that way was heartbreaking.

Bernie, I'm sorry, and I understand.

---

The mind is a weird and mysterious place

What ever he thinks it is still had to hear that after trying my best he feels I have let him down. I know it is the dementia, but leaving him that way was heartbreaking.

Bernie, I'm sorry, and I understand.

So do I. He's understandably confused and that will be stressful for him. Struggling to remember things when stressed makes memory retrieval even more difficult. Whatever he locates as he searches for what he needs will get patched into the gap and clutched at like a straw in the wind and appear to be so to him, at least for awhile. There is a very good chance it will have disappeared into a mist within minutes after you left. Don't worry overly. He needs to be where he is at the moment, however much he doesn't want to be. Until he's home with you, heartbreaking incidences like today will crop up. *BIG HUG*

I couldn`t have said any better Annie.
I feel with you Bernie but i think you are doing what has to be done.

---

With each crime and every kindness we birth our future.

I don't want to upset you Bernie. But time may be getting close. I had a friend that was up in her eighties. I knew her for a few short years. My stepmom and father was her caregivers. I had many good memories with her. When her health started to slowly go. She went to hospital. I visited her several times a week. I think it was the third or forth week when her mind started to go. My stepmom was with her for hours a day until her daughter could be with her. They shared her remaining time until the last. At the end she was in her own small corner of her world in her mind.
Don't let your Dad upset you too much. Just try to have a thicker skin when you feel the barbs and arrows your Dad may throw at you.

---

Well I went to see dad this afternoon, to find him asleep.

Talking to the staff nurse, he refused to go to bed last night, when they finally did get him to bed, he kept trying to get up

Finally he became aggressive and they had to sedate him.

When I was working at my last job I saw a lot of aggressive patients and know the staff cannot take changes with them, sedation is best.

Also he is a bit dehydrated and his potassium levels are low. So they have him on a drip.

I decided that I would not stay as if he woke up and the first thing he saw was me it just might upset him again, whether he knew it was me of thought I was his brother.

I need a long talk with the doctors tomorrow.

Knowing he is in good hands I will take the rest of the day off as a carer, something I have not really done for many months now.

I think I mentioned having to give permission for my mum to have her movements restrained the last time she had to go into respite care :( I felt terrible doing so, but due to the length of time she had to be there, sedation probably wasn't a viable option. Your dad won't have a firm grip on the passing of time, so thoroughly enjoy your afternoon, Bernie. :) maybe even try to convince yourself you don't have a care in the world - at least for a few hours anyway :)

I would completely agree Bernie. I think that things have moved on to a further stage now, where you may have to agree and accept that he needs to go intp professional care, which you simply cannot provide at home, as much as you would really like to.

In many cases, that's a rapid slope downhill though :( Doctors don't always support carer's in their desire to give an elderly relative the dignity of being cared for at home. They know what that will entail for the carer and have to weigh the interests of both in their recommendations - it doesn't make them right or wrong, though.

Whatever Bernie decides, he'll have my full support (as much as is possible - being that we're all so distant from one another)