My condolences to you and yours, Steve.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

I'm sorry, Steve.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Sorry to hear that news Steve, condolences to you and all your family.

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I appreciate all your support.
We are all connected by the science we are here for.
I have always appreciated that.

Steve

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Warning, addicted to SETI crunching!
Crunching as a member of GPU Users Group.
GPUUG Website

Sorry to hear that news Steve, condolences to you and all your family.

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A new year is about 30 minutes away as I start to type this.

2016 has seen my whole life change. From living alone with a cat of 17 years, to living with my 92 year old father as his sole carer

I have never really thought about that phrase before I just typed it "sole carer" it is kind of scary and makes you stop for a moment.

I have been here now for 4 months and I know from what my father has said I have made a positive difference to his life.

It has not been easy, as I have had to adjust to living with someone else after all those years alone, and adjust and adapt to my fathers way of life as it is obviously for him I am here.

It does have it's rewards when he says how much he enjoys some of the things I have done, and there are few places better for scenery and escape than the Isle of Wight.

I am not sure whether I look forward to 2017 or not, I suspect it will not be any easier.

I would just like to wish all in the same position as myself a peaceful and hopefully happy new year.

Bernie.

I am not sure whether I look forward to 2017 or not, I suspect it will not be any easier.
I would just like to wish all in the same position as myself a peaceful and hopefully happy new year.
Bernie.

I'm looking forward to the new year of 2017.
It hasn't been long, only a few hours since.
Looking great so far:)

Well, to start the new year off, I need a huge burp.
It has been a difficiult year.

Steve

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Warning, addicted to SETI crunching!
Crunching as a member of GPU Users Group.
GPUUG Website

Steve - a big spoonful of Bicarbonate of Soda heading your way, that should ensure a big burp....

Last year had a few bumps for many, so I really hope this year provides a smoother road for all.

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Bob Smith
Member of Seti PIPPS (Pluto is a Planet Protest Society)
Somewhere in the (un)known Universe?

I haven’t posted here for a while, but as my 5th month here on the island, caring for my dad slipped slowly past this weekend, I have been thinking back over that time.

In many ways it has been easier than I had feared, my dad does not need 24/7 care but he does need me here each day. He is able to do all the basics himself; he can make his own breakfast for instance but needs me if he wants to cook something as he cannot read the instructions on packets, the dials on the cooker or the display on the microwave.

I also now read all his mail for him and answer the door and phone as he has trouble hearing and sometimes understanding new situations. One of the problems has been the fact that for someone who I always saw as “in control” to find that he had let his finances slip badly so that I have had to help him out, has been a shock to me. His memory is probably the biggest problem as it is not as predictable as his poor eyesight or hearing. Last week he said to me the “milkman” (a delivery service called “Milk and More”) hadn’t left a bill for a few weeks and he needed to find out how much he owed. I got back from my walk to find he had phoned and asked, so I said how much and he said “276” so I said £2.76 he said no £276 for the last three weeks. Now bearing in mind dad has only had two cartons of orange juice a week, I was a little surprised, but dad insisted he had brought lots of things and started to list all the things we buy at the local shop. When I pointed this out he got confused and finally said “well you phone him then”. Which I did. The guy on the phone immediately said “I knew he had got it all wrong but he didn’t seem to understand”. The bill was in fact £2.66 per week for four weeks coming to a total of £10.64. It was this that made me totally understand how easy it is for unscrupulous carers to take large amounts of money from old confused people. Strangely things like this upset me. To realise how vulnerable he is both physically and mentally.

One of the easiest things to sort out has been his hearing aids. Dad has two "behind the ear aids" and they get "blocked" very easily and because there was no way he can see to to anything, it just used to make him grumpy and upset and in fact was what caused him to shout at the next door neighbour who was helping him out. Hence the reason I am now here. I have taken him to the local hearing clinic and they replace all the tubes and supply batteries for free and have shown me the ways to look after them. Also I was unaware that the tubes get hard after a few months and start to distort the sound.

Possibly my biggest success has been providing dad with entertainment. Whilst his eyes are bad he can see his large TV and can hear the dialogue with his hearing aids. However he cannot operate the remote controls. I brought him a “large button remote” that only had on/off, channel up/down and volume up/down. That was too many buttons and he kept getting to channels he didn’t like or switching the TV off and not being able to turn it on. His DVR was a stop gap, however that just played one recorded program, then stopped and went back to the menu, meaning I had to go and assist every hour or so. I had to remember because he wouldn’t tell me as “he didn’t like to disturb me". Finally I discovered that his TV being quite new has a USB socket that will play MP4 videos from a USB stick one after another, also a discovery of a book he used to use before his heart attack, to make a daily note of all the TV programs he wanted to watch and what times, this has lead me to currently buying over £500 worth of DVD boxed sets of these programs and converting them to MP4 and then arranging a daily “playlist” on a USB stick for my dad’s own TV channel :-)

He likes Heartbeat (the old UK one), Midsomer Murders, Foyles War, Law and Order UK , Morse, Lewis and A Touch of Frost. I don't really watch TV so if anyone has any ideas for other programs of that type I would be grateful.

Luckily the TV uses play/pause as one button, so setting ALL the buttons on the remote to play/pause means he can stop and start the playlist as and when he wants. I currently have around 463 hours of TV programs with more arriving each week. I suppose the one positive thing is dad quite enjoys watching “repeats” and often ask for a specific episode he would like to see again.

As for me it has been an up and down 5 months but I am lucky that dad lives in such a beautiful place and my walks have taken on a new importance as a release for me. I also now try and have a morning to myself each week, when I drive somewhere walk/shop or just admire the scenery and have lunch out. I know dad will be OK for a few hours.

I know there are some out there who believe I have “lost it” and the strain has affected my decisions. Personally I believe this whole experience has made me a better stronger person and I am truly glad to be here.

someone who I always saw as “in control”

Yes, this is something that has also been hard for me to deal with. I've always seen my mother as a superhero really. Part of this is because she has been my sole guardian to look up to, ever since my dad died when I was 13, so I've subconsciously imbued her with superhuman strength.

I believe this whole experience has made me a better stronger person and I am truly glad to be here.

I agree. I've had to face and manage a reality with my mother's illness that has been extremely difficult, but I do feel that I've been able to get my head straight and understand and accept the situation, which in turn has made me appreciate and love my mother more than ever.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

Steve, I am so sorry to hear about your dad, and deeply regret that it's taken me this long to say so :( I knew it was looming for you, and don't know how keeping up with events as they unfolded came to slip my mind. Please accept my condolences, and my sincere apologies.

Gordon and Bernie, you're both such an inspiration :) I hope everything is going well for you both, and for your respective parents.

Things have gone and got a bit pear-shaped in my little speck on the planet. In short, my ability to care for my mum has been compromised by me needing to spend some time in hospital recently (which left me no alternative but to place her in respite care for some weeks) and by her increasingly violent outbursts (that were already proving challenging before that).

After getting her back home, it is evident the latter has got a lot worse though. In addition, she has picked up some behaviours from other residents I think, that are further compromising not just my wellbeing, but those of my other half and my son too :/ I had hopes these would fade away quickly (I mean, she can't remember that she's just eaten breakfast, two seconds after she's just eaten breakfast for goodness sake) or maybe even stop completely now there is no one for her to copy them from, but they haven't :[ It's like her memory has shifted into her motor responses and gets triggered by laying eyes on another human being :///

Now during my hospital stay, the care home sort of demand-requested I sign a restraint of movement order I think it was called, which I very reluctantly did. It probably has made things a lot worse, but it was sold to me as being only used as a last resort and when it was in the best interests of my mum, staff, and other residents, and in some ways I don't doubt it was. It's taken a lifetime for me to learn the best way to allay her temper and I am the only one who ever got close to scraping a pass in all the required elements. I don't think she was mistreated in any way, but it has crossed my mind, and I don't know what they could/would have done if I hadn't signed it, but sign it I did :( Now I'm in the situation of either absorbing an assault from her, in order to stop her falling over if she misses, or letting her fall over in order to deflect/duck one, whereupon she's impossible to pick up and utterly incapable of working at getting anywhere close to altering the position she's landed herself in. Those "motor memories" (the ones we learn when we're babies beginning to first sit then crawl etc ) she's apparently unable to access.

Yes, it is a mess. I haven't given up yet though :) I owe her not to, so I am going to persevere until the end of April (maybe May) to see if I can turn things around.

That it won't leave me any time for seti is a downside though. But if I can't salvage continuing to care for her at home, that opens up a whole different set of problems which would then need to be worked through which will take months and months and months to resolve :/ so giving it my all now, will hopefully make it worth that small, temporary sacrifice.

I will be thinking of you all and missing you loads in the meantime though. I think I still have some work units to complete, so I will get those done, and set NNT, because the temptation to hide away from what might be looming ahead if I fail to fix this, will be easier to resist if I have an unpostable-with RAC at that point.

I will be back though :) in the not overly distant future with a bit of luck :)


xxx and big hug to all

Best of luck Annie.

I do not often acknowledge this, but at times I simply have to break down and do so.

When reading about the trials and tribulations that some others go through here, I have to occasionally sit back and admit how simply wonderful my life is.

I have had my troubles too, within my personal life, and from without as well. But, I somehow have always been able to adjust and cope with them. Sometimes not always in the best fashion. But, survive I have.

My mother and my father are both still on this planet to speak with. And that I would consider to be pretty lucky, seeing as how I myself just turned 60yo. So are two of my brothers, although I lost one to suicide so many years ago.
Lori still, I believe, loves me and will speak to me any time when I am not bouncing off of the walls too hard.
And I also have lost a couple of feline companions, which I took very hard, as they are such innocent loving animals.
I know that if the two I still have were human, they would go to the ends of the earth to do anything they could to show how much they love me. In their kitty form, they still do an awful good job to project that love.

But, I am 60 now, in still fairly good health, have a great job, and am upright and taking nourishment..............
I guess as things go, I have little to complain about, and realize that at times I doth protest a bit too much. And I must thank you all for somehow putting up as best you can with my expounding upon my tragedies........some real, some of which are mostly self inflicted.
Yes, when I can once in a while set aside my pride, I can display a moment or two of candor.
I am a very proud man, and it does not happen that often.

I wish the best to you, Anniet, and all other Seti friends that find themselves dealing with things that we wish would never have to be dealt with.

Please forgive me for at times being so blind to just how good I have it. These things can change in a heartbeat.

Meow.

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"Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting." Alan Dean Foster

she can't remember that she's just eaten breakfast, two seconds after she's just eaten breakfast

Yes, my mother does that, too, sometimes. She'll say she's hungry or ask when's lunch, as soon as she finishes breakfast, and when I ask her if she remembers just eating, she'll say, "I guess not". Sometimes I think she's joking, but her humor has always been so dry, it's hard to know for sure! ;~)

I'm so sorry to hear you've been having a rough time of it, Annie.

It's been 3 years now since my mother's sacral fracture and subsequent descent into severe pneumonia that kept her on a ventilator and feeding tube for 4 months in a hospital incarceration that nearly killed both of us.

I finally got her home in late July of 2014, and basically her overall physical and mental condition is very weak and will not improve, but she hasn't slipped further into dementia(or whatever it is that's causing her brain to act funny).

Her physical weakness and the inability to stand or walk is a constant, and that isn't going to get better, but it's ok. She doesn't complain(except at bath time!), and likes being carried around the house, and enjoys her wheelchair rides when we go out. Her middle of the night anxiety attacks, when she is confused about where she is(place-wise and time-wise), have for the most part diminished to the point she sleeps better and doesn't wake up as often thinking she's in her car or yelling out for help. I don't attribute her lessened anxiety to medicine. I only give her half a milligram of Lorazepam per day. That's in fact 75% less than what's she's prescribed. I have found that more of a dosage actually worsens her anxiety and confusion. I firmly believe that my 24/7 care in her own home where she's been for 50 years(and where she raised me), has strengthened her grasp on reality, and she is doing fine in the grand scheme of things. The lens of her mind's eye has trouble focusing, and she can be out there on some other astral plane of existence many times, but she has moments of clarity when she can say something so astute it makes me smile.

Good luck to us all.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

I firmly believe that my 24/7 care in her own home where she's been for 50 years(and where she raised me), has strengthened her grasp on reality, and she is doing fine in the grand scheme of things.

That is what Annie feels as well Gordon. But in her case her mum can have bad temper episodes which are now apparently compromising the the entire household. A similar but more involved situation. My heart goes out to both of you and Bernie, all doing the best you can in difficult circumstances.

And to quote what my mother literally just said as she patted me on the shoulder a minute ago - "You just want to do the best you can, don't you?"

I keep a journal list of things she says that are what I call moments of clarity, or just plain funny tidbits. She talks to herself a lot, but insists she's on the telephone, even holding her hand up to her face as if she is. She repeats things a lot, too, but yesterday said she doesn't know why she does that; so she's aware of it. I told her she's just trying to reinforce things in her mind. She even repeats her email address over and over again sometimes by saying, "I am ........@aol.com, as if that is her name. The mind is a trip.

I may have mentioned this already, but one of the cutest things she's done recently is when I found her talking into the cross at the end of her rosary beads. I asked her what in the world she was doing, and she held the cross up to her mouth, and said, "I'll call you back you later". It's stuff like that, that keeps me smiling.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

It's come to the time where one of us needs to be awake all night with Mom. She doesn't need to get out of bed but wants to have discussions mid-overnight. Last night my brother was on-duty and said Mom thought she was in Florida.

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It's come to the time where one of us needs to be awake all night with Mom. She doesn't need to get out of bed but wants to have discussions mid-overnight. Last night my brother was on-duty and said Mom thought she was in Florida.

I don't need to be up all night, but my mother awakens me when she needs me by simply calling out, "Gordon, where are you?", or calling out for her mother(who died before I was even born).

Sometimes, when she's really nervous, I'll lie down next to her like a parent would do with a child. It's role-reversal, now.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place

My husband has stage 4 cancer. Not an easy thing to go thru. :-(
I have my children to help, but it's me coming to terms with the situation. Life is precious and hard. One of the reasons for not posting as much as I did.

I was also in the hospital with the flu, even though I had the flu shot.
Think all the stress gets to me.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone here.

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My husband has stage 4 cancer. Not an easy thing to go thru. :-(
I have my children to help, but it's me coming to terms with the situation. Life is precious and hard. One of the reasons for not posting as much as I did.

I was also in the hospital with the flu, even though I had the flu shot.
Think all the stress gets to me.

My thoughts and prayers go out to everyone here.

Life is precious and hard.

Well said.

I think this thread helps us handle these situations. I am up every couple of hours to get my mother out of bed and into the bathroom. It's hard, but she's not sick with cancer. I'm sorry to hear that, Lynn.

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The mind is a weird and mysterious place