I don't know if a thread like this has ben done before,
but if it has I apologise to the creator.

However here's todays (BTW I don't claim any credit for
any of these that I post here. Just trawling the net for
the ones that make me laugh too).

A tour bus driver drives with a bus full of seniors
down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his
shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he
gratefully munches up.
After approx.15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder
again and she hands him another handful of almonds. She
repeats this gesture about eight times.
At the ninth time he asks the little old lady why they
don't eat the almonds themselves, whereupon she replies
that it is not possible because of their old teeth,
they are not able to chew them. "Why do you buy them
then?" he asks puzzled. Whereupon the old lady Answers,
"We just love the chocolate around them."

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<a href="http://www.makepovertyhistory.org"><b>MAKE</b>POVERTY<b>HISTORY</b></a>

Here's something wrt the Simpsons

http://www.manzonderkop.be/Post/?P_ID=7165

It's an interview with some of the voice actors. BTW, it's funny yes, but not necessarily dial up user friendly as it's a vid. As the site is in a language I don't recognize (vid is in English), don't have more details on that.

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> Here's something wrt the Simpsons
>
> http://www.manzonderkop.be/Post/?P_ID=7165
>
> It's an interview with some of the voice actors. BTW, it's funny yes, but not
> necessarily dial up user friendly as it's a vid. As the site is in a language
> I don't recognize (vid is in English), don't have more details on that.
>
Hi there,

thanks for that. I'll check it out later.

Time at Cas's Place: Tue 04 January 2005, 19:56:53 (GMT Standard Time)

Cas.

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> Here's something wrt the Simpsons
>
> http://www.manzonderkop.be/Post/?P_ID=7165
>
> It's an interview with some of the voice actors. BTW, it's funny yes, but not
> necessarily dial up user friendly as it's a vid. As the site is in a language
> I don't recognize (vid is in English), don't have more details on that.

It is an Belgian site. The language is Dutch: both spoken in Belgium and The Netherlands.

> > Here's something wrt the Simpsons
> >
> > http://www.manzonderkop.be/Post/?P_ID=7165
> >
> > It's an interview with some of the voice actors. BTW, it's funny yes,
> but not
> > necessarily dial up user friendly as it's a vid. As the site is in a
> language
> > I don't recognize (vid is in English), don't have more details on that.
>
> It is an Belgian site. The language is Dutch: both spoken in Belgium and The
> Netherlands.

Unfortunately I can't speak either, but thanks for the update.

Cheers, Cas.

Time at Cas's Place: Tue 04 January 2005, 20:07:34 (GMT Standard Time)

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BTW, the actual vid is in English though... It used a Windows Media Player plugin... Just the host page the vid loads off of is a foreign language...

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>> > It is an Belgian site. The language is Dutch: both spoken in Belgium and
> The
> > Netherlands.
>
>

Don't the Northern folks of Belgium speak Flemish.. :)

Spreken zie German? Parle' vous French?

Ever wonder why the Pennsylvania Dutch speak German? Ohh wait that should go in my points to ponder thread

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I'd rather speak my mind because it hurts too much to bite my tongue.

American Spirit BBQ Proudly Serving those that courageously defend freedom.

Two mentally retarded guys, are jumping from the roof of one building to another, and another and another.
Suddenly one guy says: oh no thats too far, i can´t jump that.
The other: I´ll just turn on my flashlight, then you can walk on the lightbeam !
First guy: Do you think i´m stupid ? When i´m half way over you just turn the light off, wont you...

Bukken

Keep crunching

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The priest visits the convict, who has just been sat down in the electric chair.
Well my son, is there anything i can do for you ?
Convict: Yes father please hold my hand..

Bukken

Keep crunching

---

> Two mentally retarded guys, are jumping from the roof of one building to
> another, and another and another.
> Suddenly one guy says: oh no thats too far, i can´t jump that.
> The other: I´ll just turn on my flashlight, then you can walk on the lightbeam
> !
> First guy: Do you think i´m stupid ? When i´m half way over you just turn the
> light off, wont you...
>
> Bukken
>
> Keep crunching
>
>
ROFLMAO

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> >> > It is an Belgian site. The language is Dutch: both spoken in
> Belgium and
> > The
> > > Netherlands.
> >
> >
>
> Don't the Northern folks of Belgium speak Flemish.. :)
>
> Spreken zie German? Parle' vous French?
>
> Ever wonder why the Pennsylvania Dutch speak German? Ohh wait that should go
> in my points to ponder thread
>

Actually three languages are spoken in Belgium: German, French and Dutch. Flemish is a Dutch dialect. Sadly enough I think Belgian people know Dutch language better then we do. In my humble opinion we don't pronounce the words that well. The horror! :)

Your second question isn't difficult to explain too. Pennsylvania Dutch speak German because their ancestors were original German settlers.


A burglar sneaks through a dark living room looking for a dvd player. Suddenly a voice says: "Jesus is watching you." The man gets scared and hides behind a curtain. Then it remaines quiet and after five minutes he carefully continues to the kitchen. Again the voice is saying: "Jesus is watching you." The burglar switches his flash light on and shines cautiously around. Then he sees a parrot in a cage which is saying again: "Jesus is watching you." "Funny, a talking parrot", says the man. "What's your name?" The parrot replies: "Moses." The burglar has a good laugh and asks: "What kind of people call their parrot Moses?" And the bird says: "The same people that call their Rottweiler Jesus!"

last one fo me tonight.

So there's this man with a parrot. And his parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
The trouble is that the guy who owns the parrot is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "That's it. I'll get you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer.
For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly goes very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.
Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

Night peeps.

Time at Cas's Place: Tue 04 January 2005, 23:10:38 (GMT Standard Time)

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>
> Your second question isn't difficult to explain too. Pennsylvania Dutch speak
> German because their ancestors were original German settlers.
>

This is true, but it does not explain why they are called them "Pennsylvania DUTCH".

It has to largely due with the wonderful folks at Ellis Island confusing the spoken word Deutsch with spoken word Dutch. When asked where they were from they rightly said Deutschland and the Ellis Island people wrote Dutch Land. These folks later settled in Pennsylvania.

A confusion that persists even today. When I was stationed in Germany I heard an American General state that "We must embrace the German Culture. We as American should learn to speak 'Dutch'". Somebody forgot to help him pronouce DeUTsCHe correctly.

I wonder if he drove a porch!!

---

I'd rather speak my mind because it hurts too much to bite my tongue.

American Spirit BBQ Proudly Serving those that courageously defend freedom.

> I wonder if he drove a porch!!
>

*ROTFLMAO*

I love Porsche's ;)

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Aloha, Uli

>
> I wonder if he drove a porch!!
>

And the unforgetable "Ich bin ein Berliner"

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> >
> > I wonder if he drove a porch!!
> >
>
> And the unforgetable "Ich bin ein Berliner"
>
[b][i]Ich bin eine grosse schwanze stucker! (G.W. Bush)

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Account frozen...

There's a thread called Laughter cures all that we've used. But after recent events we could use some good jokes.

Hi all,

Ads Gone Wrong

2 female Boston Terrier puppies, 7 wks old, Perfect markings, 555-1234. Leave mess.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Sheppard and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Man, honest. Will take anything.

Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

Time at Cas's Place: Wed 05 January 2005, 11:48:23 (GMT Standard Time)

Cheers, Cas.

---

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And some for the Big Dog

The sound of running water makes you jump up and yell, "OUTSIDE!"

You tell your dog to sit, and he backs up until he finds a chair.

It takes 3 people to get your dog on the scale at the vets.

You walk your dog and everyone knows him by name, but you have no idea who these people are.

You can carry on a conversation with a dog's muzzle firmly in your crotch.

You own a dog capable of pulling someone from a port-a-potty.

You carry a tape measure with you when shopping for a new vehicle.

You keep at least one color-coded "drool towel" in every room of your house.

After banishing your husband, the snoring in your bedroom still keeps you awake.

You are hiking with a friend who later suggests that you ought to have an environmental impact statement done on your dog.

Visitors enter the house holding their privates protectively.

You toss your dog a ball and cringe when he almost hits his head on the top of the doorway.

You take your dog for a ride and he rests his head on your arm, causing you to make random right turns.

You have given up on water dishes and you just use the bathtub.

Your two dogs decide to play in the house, and they end up pulling the ceiling fan down, for the second time.

You have to move over when brushing your teeth because your dog wants a drink.

You show a picture of your dogs and kids together, and the first person you point out is your dog.

While stopped at a stop light, everyone stares as your car rocks back and forth because the dog is panting out the window.

You go to vacuum your car and most of the fur is up there on the ceiling.

You've learned to force a smile when asked "do you have a saddle for that thing?"

The monthly dog budget exceeds your home mortgage payment.

Your veterinarian has been able to put in a swimming pool, build a large home, buy jet skis and a vacation home in Florida.

You have had to train your dog not to lick dishes, and the dishes are in the sink.

The donuts you put on top of the refrigerator are gone when you get home and your dog has powdered sugar on his nose.

Your dog can see what you're cooking and he tries to assist you in the preparation.

You're holding him straddled between your legs when the doorbell rings and you find yourself quickly transported straight to the front door.

The pizza delivery people tell you to meet them at the end of the sidewalk.

Your dog stands in your lap and reaches over you to stick his head in the drive-through window at McDonalds and nearly gives the cashier a heart attack when she turns around to give you your change.

You purchase a large screen TV and you still can't see the program when he stands in front of the television.

After surgery, your bored pup decides to get up and cruise around the vet's office, pulling the rolling IV stand behind him.

Time at Cas's Place: Wed 05 January 2005, 11:54:19 (GMT Standard Time)

For DB.

Cas.

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An old one:

Two patients in a mentally asylum sat in the corridor banging on pots and pot lid both singing "Yes, we have no bananas!"

Then the consultant psychiatrist came by, stopped up and asked them: "What are you singing?"

The patients said: "We are singing Johan Sebastian Bach!"

The psychiatrist said: "Oh no, that can not be! There were no bananas in Europe when Johan Sebastian Bach were alive!"

Then the patients answered: "That's why we are singing "Yes, we have no bananas"!!!!!"

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